Yesterday past midnight I came to know that Chester passed away and it hit me hard like a sucker punch to my gut considering the fact Linkin Park was the very first band I ever listened to and their songs had a huge impact on me and helped me a lot deal with my life. Since then it’s been more than 36 hours and the last 36 hours have been very depressing for me. I haven’t been so depressed in a very long time and I guess it will take some time to get over this sad moment in life.
Chester was a genius modern day songwriter and reached out to millions through his songs and I was one of them. I remember two years back I just joined college and my life was very fucked up at that moment and I remember one night I was alone in my room with lights off and I was totally lost on where in life I was and listening to The Messenger hoping I can change my life around.
This news has broken me down in shambles and it will take some time till I bounce back.
My childhood, my hero, my strength, my light in the darkness is gone but there will always be a part of him inside me.
It’s crazy how the people who claim to be your friends don’t do shit when you’re going through tough times but a person who you never met and he doesn’t know about your existence can lift your spirits and put a stupid smile on your face.
“And the shadow of the day will embrace the world in grey and the sun will set for you"💐
Can you make a Imagine (with A. Grizmann)? Thanks babie
i’m so sorry??? this is not what i had in mind when i started writing but apparently i am too dramatic to write simple fluff?? anyway i hope u like this nonetheless 😳💜
It’s been a year since you’d last seen him. You remember it being October; the autumn leaves had adorned more ground than they had treetops at the time, going out of the house without a warm enough jacket had become impossible, but the sun had still found its way through heavy grey clouds, embracing the world in a golden haze. It had been a nice October. Until that day Antoine had sat on the soft cushions of your couch, a dark blue sweater hugging his torso, speaking softly but clearly, telling you that he couldn’t do it anymore.
You hadn’t understood at first — hadn’t wanted to. Seeing him close the front door behind him had ripped your heart in two. The memory still does.
It’s October again, now. It’s raining (has been for a while) and you sit on your couch, watching the raindrops fall.
“Babe, I can’t find my car keys. Have you seen them?”
You look up to see Chase standing in the doorframe that leads to your living room. He looks a bit lost as he rifles through his brown leathern bag that’s filled with books. He’s a teacher and sometimes he forgets to stop teaching. For some reason, you used to find his know-it-all personality quite adorable at first; he had that way of making even the most annoying comments funny. Now it’s become nettlesome.
You shrug. “Have you checked the kitchen counter?”
A second after saying this, you want to smack yourself. Chase has never left anything lying on the kitchen counter — he’s tidy to the point where it’s bordering on OCD. Antoine, on the other hand, has. All the time.
“Shoes?” you asked, staring at the pair of Nikes on the kitchen counter. Then at Antoine who stood next to you, biting the inside of his cheek in a painfully obvious attempt to suppress a grin. “Seriously? Shoes in the kitchen?”
“Sorry. In my defense, I was in a hurry.” He picked the shoes up and tossed them in the hall, aiming at the coat rack situated there.
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” you said with a shake of your head.
Antoine seemed to get you wrong because as soon as the sentence had left your mouth, he smiled. A second later, he had his arms wrapped around you from behind and his lips pressed to your neck, then pressed to your ear as he whispered, “I’ve never met anyone like you neither.”
You laughed. “Not the way I meant it, but I’ll take it.”
“Oh, I know exactly what you were talking about. I know you.”
“Hmm,” you hummed, “You do.”
His hands moved to your stomach, his long fingers intertwining, trapping you against his firm body. Your heart hammered against your ribcage in response. He was warm and soft, his nearness clouding your brain and sharpening your senses. “I’m glad I do.”
“You’re getting corny again.”
“Well, I am French.” You felt him shrug behind you, and laughed.
“Oh, yeah? What happened to ‘I’m French, but more Spanish’?”
“I’m French when it comes to food and kissing.”
You made a face. “You’re not that good of a kisser, to be honest.”
Antoine grinned — you could feel his cheek move against yours when he did. “Really? Let me prove you wrong.”
Everything went pink, azure, red, white, when he did.
“Y/N?” Chase’s deep voice jolts you out of your thoughts. Guilt craws up your neck, making your cheeks burn. “Did you hear me?”
You shoot him a small, apologetic smile. “No, sorry. What did you say?”
“I said I’m off to work. Enjoy your free day.” With that, he presses a kiss to your forehead and walks out of the door. When you look out of the window again, it is still raining.
“Oh my God,” you whispered, feeling your heart sink, your chest squeeze and your eyes prickle. You walked out of the bathroom and into the living room slowly. Antoine was sitting on the couch, his torso propped up on pillows and his iPad in his hands. His teeth were digging into his bottom lip, his thick eyebrows furrowed, and one of his legs shaking. He looked up at you when he heard you coming, pressing the iPad’s lock button.
There was a lump in your throat, making you feel like you might suffocate. So all you could do was nod.
Antoine did, too, as he sat up straight and stared at the wall for a few moments. You kept standing a few meters away from him, your lips pressed together.
Somewhen (after what seemed like an eternity), he spoke up again, “Okay.”
“That’s it?” you asked, your voice small, “That’s all you have to say?”
Antoine shrugged. “You’re pregnant, not dying. We can do this.”
“I’m twenty-two!” you yelled, pressing your palms to your cheeks and blinking rapidly, desperately trying to stop the tears from falling. “I— I— god, no.”
He was quiet for a while after that again but his sky-blue eyes stayed focused on you, watching you cry. Usually he’d comfort you, you knew that, but he seemed paralyzed. Shocked. Afraid. Just like you.
“We can take care of this, if you want to,” he mumbled that night as he dropped his pillow and blanket onto the couch. You stood at the staircase with your arms folded and tears still streaming down your cheeks. “We don’t have to have this baby if you don’t want to.”
When you realized what he was talking about, you wanted to throw up.
“I’m not going to make this decision on my own just so you won’t be the asshole,” you hissed before you stomped up the stairs.
“That’s not what I meant!” Antoine shouted after you.
You lost the baby three months later.
He is everywhere. After the EURO, he is everywhere. In the papers, on the TV, even on Beats by Dr. Dre’s playlist on Apple Music. Well, his face is on the cover at least, but still.
You sigh as you watch the water boil in the pot, the pasta in it floating around and dancing between the rising bubbles.
Antoine was smiling more on all of those candid pictures you see of him on a daily basis than you had seen him smile at home. Which makes sense seeing as he seemed to be out and about more often than not these days. He said it’s because of football. Maybe it was, or maybe it wasn’t.
Exhaling audibly, you walked into your bedroom. Antoine was there, too, stuffing clothes into a suitcase which has the Atlético emblem stitched on to it. He didn’t bother folding any of them. No surprise there. It was a bit of a surprise, though, to see the lack of football kits.
“Where are you going?” you asked. He didn’t look up.
“Away game in Italy.”
“And you don’t need kits for that?”
Antoine paused. “Oh, almost forgot. Good thing I have you.”
“Yeah.” You watched him as he took sport clothing out of the closet and ignored the uneasy feeling spreading in the pit of your stomach.
You spend the next couple of hours crying.
When Chase comes home from work in the evening, you sit him down on the couch. He looks lost again in his beige pullover, his dark hair dry for once — it’s stopped raining in the afternoon, even if the clouds haven’t disappeared.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”
Chase doesn’t look like he understands, but your words fall surprisingly easily.
Lost Stars (trying to light up the dark) - A mix for all the pirate and the princess went through together recently, and some songs about what’s still coming their way. Listen HERE
1. I Believe - Christina Perri - I believe in the lost possibilities that you can see. And I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be. I know that your heart’s still beating, darling. I believe that you fell so you would land next to me. ‘Cause I have been where you are before, and I have felt the pain of losing who you are. I have died so many times, but I am still alive. 2.
Not About Angels - Birdy - How unfair, it’s just our love. Found something real that’s out of touch. But if you’d searched the whole wide world, would you dare to let it go? Cause what about, what about angels? They’ll come, they’ll go make us special. 3. Things We Lost In The Fire - Bastille - We sat and made a list of all the things that we had. Down the backs of table tops, ticket stubs and your diaries. I read them all one day, when loneliness came and you were away. Oh they told me nothing new, but I love to read the words you used. 4. Lost Stars - Keira Knightley - And god, tell us the reason, youth is wasted on the young. It’s hunting season and this lamb is on the run, searching for meaning. But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark? 5. Free Like You Make Me - Cary Brothers - What were the feelings there in the silence? And were you safe or was it defiance? It’ll be okay, and I’ll make you smile. 'Cause I know what’s coming, I saw the signs. Because your eyes in this moment can’t contain all the feelings that you told to me. I’ll take your place when the world ends, and you take mine. I’ll break us out of this jail and make you high. 'Cause when it all ends I want you to be free, free like you make me. 6. Stubborn Love - The Lumineers - It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all. The opposite of love’s indefference. So pay attention now, I’m standing on your porch screaming out. And I won’t leave until you come downstairs. So keep your head up, keep your love. Keep your head up, my love. 7.
Colour Me In - Damien Rice - I tried to repress it, then I carried its crown. I reached out to undress it, and love let me down. So I tried to erase it, but the ink bled right through. Almost drove myself crazy when these words led to you. And all these useless dreams of living alone, like a dogless bone. So come let me love you, come let me love you, and then colour me in. 8. Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray - I never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth / And suddenly I’m becoming a part of your past, I’m becoming the part that don’t last. I’m losing you and it’s effortless. Without sound we lose sight of the ground in the throw around, never thought that you wanted to bring it down. I won’t let it go down 'til we torch it ourselves. 9. Ships In The Night (acoustic) - Mat Kearney feat. Ingrid Michaelson - 'Cause we’ll be okay, I’m not going away, like you watched at fourteen as it went down the drain / We’re just fumbling through the grey, trying to find a heart that’s not walking away. Turn the lights out now, walk these roads alone, we can feel so far from so close / And if it all goes crashing into the sea, if it’s just you and me trying to find the light, like ships in the night. 10.Rescue - Seabird - The earth moves and you fine me, alive but unworthy. Broken and empty, but you don’t care. 'Cause you are my rapture, you are my savior. When all my hope is gone I reach for you - you are my rescue 11.
Never Gonna Leave This Bed - Maroon 5 - So fall down, I need you to trust me. Go easy, don’t rush me. Help me out, why won’t you help me out? Wake you up in the middle of the night to say I will never walk away again, I’m never gonna leave this bed. So you say go, it isn’t working. And I say no, it isn’t perfect so I’ll stay instead. I’m never gonna leave this bed. Take it, take it all, take all that I have. I’d give it all away just to get you back. 12. Cannonball - Damien Rice - Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. Still a little hard to say what’s going on. Still a little bit of your song in my ear, still a little bit of your words I long to hear. You step a little closer to me, so close that I can’t see what’s going on. Stones taught me to fly. Love - it taught me to lie. Life - taught me to die. So it’s not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball. 13. Human - Christina Perri - I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part if that’s what you ask, give you all I am / I can turn it on, be a good machine. I can hold the weight of worlds if that’s what you need, be your everything. I can do it, I’ll get through it. But I’m only human, and I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human, and I crash and I break down. 14. Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift feat. The Civil Wars - I remember tears streaming down your face when you said 'I’ll never let you go,’ when all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you said, 'don’t leave me here alone.’ But all that’s dead and gone and past tonight. Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. We’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound. 15. Carry You Home - James Blunt - Trouble is her only friend, and he’s back again. Makes her body older than it really is. She says it’s high time she went away, no one’s got much to say in this town. Trouble is the only way it’s down, down, down. As strong as you were, tender you go. I’m watching you breathing for the last time. A song for your heart, but when it is quiet I know what it means and I’ll carry you home. 16. Beside You - Marianas Trench - You’re overwhelmed and you’ve lost your breath, when the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless. When you try to speak but you make no sound. When the words you want are out of reach, but they’ve never been so loud. And when your heart wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much. I’ll be right beside you, I will stay, nobody will break you. 17. Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park - Your friends all plead for you to stay. Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple, sometimes goodbye is the only way. And the sun will set for you, and the shadow of the day will embrace the world in grey. And the sun will set for you. 18. Please Don’t Go - Barcelona - If you want me to break down and give you the keys, I can do that but I can’t let you leave. Oh, please don’t go. I want you so. 19. The Daylight - Andrew Belle - Darkness was my future, hopeless were the patterns, callous was my heart, so it seems / But blessed was the daylight, flooded my heart’s windows and cleared the smoke that billows out / Oh, I should sing a little bit faster, I’m to blame for this disaster, I am repairing my heart for you. 20. Shelter - Birdy - I find shelter in this way, under cover, hide away. Can you hear when I say, I have never felt this way. Maybe I have said something that was wrong. Can I make it better with the lights turned on? / Can I be, was I there, felt so crystal in the air. I still want to drown whenever you leave. Please teach me gently how to breathe. And I’d cross oceans like never before, so you can feel the way I feel it too. 21. Look After You - The Fray - There now, steady love, so few come and don’t go. Will you, won’t you be the one I’ll always know? When I’m losing my control, the city spins around, you’re the only one who knows, you slow it down. Oh, be my baby. Oh, be my baby, I’ll look after you. 22. You Are Enough - Sleeping At Last - When we woke up the world was figured out, beyond the beauty we’ve dreamed about. This brilliant light is brighter than we’ve known, without our darkness to prove it so / You are enough - somehow these words are changing us. You are enough - so we let our shadows fall away like dust.