embittering

all nighter

Your name sounds French

but your bohemian dissatisfaction

mouths the language of quite dead alleys

snaking through aisles of

pointillistic women

a fuming cigarette in one hand

a regretted tattoo in the other

standing

at the edge of an embittered balcony

desperately

trying to numb

an undefined pain.


You’re an emotional billiard

hanging on to the resin

of the plastic straws

gently swirling

in the café au laits

sipped at the window sill

in an overlarge t-shirt

of some punk band you used to like,

hanging on to the melody of

the southern accents

spilling out of the crowds underneath,

hanging on to the awaited surprise of the

honey I’m home,

crawling up to you from behind

to kiss your neck.


But then

you coughed up the seeds of pain

and let them bloom.


An abrupt

mascara-dripping

adieu

and now you’re here,

sipping a lemonade,

gripping a bouquet 

of nostalgia.


At least you don’t cry as you used to.

© Margaux Emmanuel

Unexpected Aspects of the Types

ENFP: They actually crave schedules and structure like nobodies business, if and only if it revolves around their passions. 

INFP: The “manic pixie dream girl” stigma is so wrong. 90% of them are more along the lines of “embittered memelords” with a splash of off-beat and sensible fashion. 

INTP: They’re actually excellent in social situations that they throw themselves into. Your odd aggressiveness and shouting is amusing and weirdly charismatic. 

ENTP: You’ll have to murder them a thousand times before they’ll admit that they actually DO crave harmony and peace more than chaos; Debate and verbal jousting (and memes) is just their way of getting there. 

ENFJ: The worst time management skills. Worse than all of the P’s put together, bar none. You got stars in your eyes and not a single “no” in your throats and it often leaves you ragged busybodies from over committing yourselves. 

INFJ: Despite their ‘mysterious and secretive nature’ stigma, if you engage them in a deep conversation about their passions, 9 times out of 10 they will splay their soul to you even though you met 5 minutes ago at a college party.

ISFJ: They’re known for being the kindly, grandmotherly type that just wants the best for their friends, but the flip side is they’re all basic bitches that secretly crave being a tool. They’re usually just too nice to go Full Douche™, praise the Lord. 

ESFJ: Despite being known as the social butterfly, the Fe and Si combination sometimes makes for an extremely judgmental, polarizing, and single-minded personality, and can seem like the most socially inept/oblivious person in the room. 

ESTJ: Weirdly enough, more often than not, they’re one of the most socially graceful and self-aware people in the room. That, or they’re utterly cringeworthy. Not really any in between. Just don’t get them started on politics (I’m begging you). 

ISTJ: Despite the ‘emotionless Traditionalist™ robot’ stigma, although they can’t offer consistent emotional output, all of the ones I’ve met are some of the most emotionally stable, mature, and available people I’ve ever met. 

ENTJ: Your responsible, efficient, and commanding CEO of a friend is actually the biggest procrastinator in the game, bar none. It’s hidden under a few hundred layers of self-confidence, but they need the stress of the last minute to feel anything in this world. 

INTJ: Massive internal war between fearless, emotionless sociopathy, and caring so deeply for a select few people that they’d give up every ambition to follow them to the ends of the earth without a single plan. TL;DR, their black and icy hearts are secretly hearts of gold and they absolutely abhor that about themselves. 

ESFP: Your favorite quick-talking, loud-mouthed, social explosion with all the friends is probably pretty lonely on the inside. Almost every ESFP I’ve met has huge commitment issues (big and pretty accurate stereotype), but few people realize it usually comes from self-knowledge of their sporadic nature, and they keep people at an emotional distance as a result, so they don’t end up getting hurt. Advice: letting people in and trying to make it work is infinitely better than loneliness in a crowd. 

ISFP: The EXTJ’s WISH they could be as soul-crushingly terrifying as your favorite superwholockian, equestrian painter friend when somebody’s crossed their family or friends. 

ESTP: The “sex, drugs, drinking, and more sex” cliche with ESTP’s is so dumb because literally every ESTP I know doesn’t care about alcohol or sex more than any other person I’ve met, but they ARE infinitely more obsessed with ultimate frisbee and bridge jumping. 

ISTP: The calm, rational, logical side of Ti is thrown completely out of the driver’s side window when they’re behind the wheel, because these hoes have the worst road rage I’ve ever seen, without exception.

Man Up

by reddit user Pippinacious

When the bookstore at the mall put up its help wanted posters, I jumped at the chance to put in my application. Between being an avid reader who had practically lived amongst the store’s shelves in high school and a broke community college student taking a semester off to save money, it seemed still customer service.

Keep reading

I just want to climb to the top of a very tall hill and scream sing into a megaphone ‘ELIZA HAMILTON DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS FANDOM GIVES HER’ until I run out of air

The reason so many people hate certain Overwatch characters like Symmetra, Torb, Junkrat, Mercy, etc, are because these characters have mechanics that are the furthest from your typical FPS, so more people don’t know how to play them well and are pressured out of trying by those enforcing the meta. 

It takes an entirely different skillset than “point and shoot” to maximize these characters. With Symmetra, Torb and Junkrat, you have to be unpredictable and creative with where you put your tools, yourself, and where you will do most damage or help your team the most. They’re “damage support” and defensive, utilitarian characters whose kit needs to be maximized in a way that supports the team. And people hate them more often than not because they usually end up picking up more damage than the DPS, which is where all the vitriol comes from.

They’ll give excuses like “oh you don’t need to aim with them” but you never hear these excuses when it comes to Winston and Zarya–because that’s not actually why people hate these characters; it’s just a convenient excuse to hide their lack of proficiency. 

With Mercy, her skill is specific to healing, so DPS are unwilling to play her but will turn around and say it takes no skill to play her–because they judge Mercy by their own standards, ie damage and elims, while Mercy’s skill lies almost entirely in healing and surviving. It’s like judging a strawberry cake for not having the most chocolate sprinkles. 

The only reason people, mostly DPS mains, say it “takes no skill” to play these characters is because they don’t have the skill. They don’t have the kind of skill that is required for these characters, and are embittered by this fact. 

Meta is not a balanced team composition. Meta is based on popular tactics and compositions, and people enforce the meta because they don’t want to adjust to “unusual” picks. A balanced team comp is that of people adjusting to each other’s strengths and picking up each other’s weaknesses, regardless of hero pick.

Meanwhile people hate Mei and Bastion because they are terrifying merchants of death, but pretty gr9 to have on your team

“We can’t all be neurotypical, Karen”

Of course not, but we also all can’t be embittered, rude, miserable people that like to loaf around and browse tumblr 10 hours a day, dumping on people of various conditions, backgrounds, and sexualities for talking about little things that help us get through days that can be pretty damn awful.

We can’t all be crusty people that for some twisted reason, seem to WANT TO remain in their miserable state rather than take little steps to help improve their lives.

We can’t all be the crabs trying to haul down a crab that’s crawling to the top of the pot, right?

I mean, it’s like, what the fuck is your damage, man?

100 Instant NPC Agendas

When running campaign encounters, especially in a town or city environment, count on players to surprise you by seeking out encounters with walk-on NPCs you haven’t detailed. 

Whether their characters want to speak to merchants, burghers, servants, or criminals, this list of instant personalities and agendas is perfect for surprise NPCs.

Don’t bother to create an interesting character for every single encounter. 

Many scenes are best left short and sweet, allowing you to move on to an entertaining scene that relates to the main adventure. 

Every so often, you should throw in a memorable character whose agenda has nothing to do with the main plot. 

This creates the illusion that your world is a living, complex place, not a mere backdrop for the adventurers’ activities. 

Often, players remember these improvised characters and come back to them, weaving them into the ongoing story of your campaign.

Keep reading

9

9 of the 15 “Black Paintings” that covered the walls of Goya’s home.


The Black Paintings (Spanish: Pinturas negras) is the name given to a group of fourteen paintings by Francisco Goya from the later years of his life, likely between 1819 and 1823. They portray intense, haunting themes, reflective of both his fear of insanity and his bleak outlook on humanity.

In 1819, at the age of 72, Goya moved into a two-story house outside Madrid that was called Quinta del Sordo (Deaf Man’s Villa). Although the house had been named after the previous owner, who was deaf, Goya too was nearly deaf at the time as a result of an illness he had suffered when he was 46. The paintings originally were painted as murals on the walls of the house, later being “hacked off the walls and attached to canvas.” Currently they are held in the Museo del Prado in Madrid.

After the Napoleonic Wars and the internal turmoil of the changing Spanish government, Goya developed an embittered attitude toward mankind. He had a first-hand and acute awareness of panic, terror, fear and hysteria. He had survived two near-fatal illnesses, and grew increasingly anxious and impatient in fear of relapse. The combination of these factors is thought to have led to his production of the fourteen works known collectively as the Black Paintings.

Using oil paints and working directly on the walls of his dining and sitting rooms, Goya created works with dark, disturbing themes. The paintings were not commissioned and were not meant to leave his home. It is likely that the artist never intended the works for public exhibition: “…these paintings are as close to being hermetically private as any that have ever been produced in the history of Western art.”

Goya did not give titles to the paintings, or if he did, he never revealed them. Most names used for them are designations employed by art historians.

You know, as much as there is a time and a place for snarky brooding anti-heroes who go around making angry faces and mouthing off to every authority figure in the world, I finally watched TFA and honestly…I really liked how all the heroes were just so nice and good and the sort of protagonists you’d totally take home to meet your family? It was extremely refreshing.

Rey had no reason to save BB8 and plenty of reasons to ditch it at the first opportunity, but she hung on to it and helped it out multiple times at the risk of her own life and livelihood because…she’s just an Actual Hero, and Actual Heroes help people (and bots) when they need help. That’s it. That’s the only reason.

Poe had no reason to trust or like Finn, an actual enemy combatant, beyond ‘this is a person I can use to accomplish my mission’ but he did so anyway literally just because…Poe is a good guy and likes to think the best of people. So instead of letting his tough job and tough life make him embittered and and angry and distrusting, he just goes out and makes friends with the first sad stormtrooper to cross his path. And gives him his awesome jacket. Because he can.

And Finn, oof. He was raised from a baby to be a soldier and a weapon in a war he didn’t choose or ask for, he spent all of his formative years learning how to hurt people and being told that this was his destiny and his one and only path in life, and then on his very first mission he hears the order ‘kill them all’ and he looks at these innocent villagers and remembers all of his training and the consequences of disobedience and he still just…lowers his gun. He’s not gonna do it. He’s not the guy who hurts people. A lifetime’s worth of brainwashing telling him he has to, and he just…won’t.

Yeah. Cynicism and darkness in a protagonist can serve a storytelling purpose, don’t get me wrong. But we’ve been getting served a lot of it lately and I genuinely enjoyed how much of an aversion this movie was. Sometimes people are heroes because they’re just good people. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

Jon & Dany - Love vs Duty 

Lets talk about the speculation that theme for Jonerys is love vs duty. This story already has two royal couples who parallel Jonerys in some capacity and lie on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Marriage of love - Started a war: The love bit is easy to guess, Rhaegar & Lyanna, whose reckless all consuming love and complete abandonment of duty is what started a war which ended the Targaryen dynasty, the most stable regime until the mad King. If these two didn’t abandon duty to the point of not informing anyone at all about what they were upto, the war could have been stopped. This parallel is a cautionary tale of how choosing love & completely abandoning duty ends in tragedy, a theme displayed throughout the show. 

Originally posted by cortexiphanolivia

Marriage of Duty - Destroyed Westeros : On the other hand there’s the less obvious couple which parallels them in the worst possible outcome kind of a way. A couple that completely lacked love and only married for duty. So many people say that the smarter choice for the plot would be to have Jon & Dany go the political marriage of convenience route, with Jon alone on the throne in the end. But the last time a warrior with no desire to be King, only driven by a singular goal of winning a war and defeating what he believed to be the greatest threat to the kingdom, married a woman who wanted to be queen, only for her resources that could help him win the war… This is what the Kingdom ended up with….

  • Long Blonde curls & raven haired manbun? Check!
  • A dead lover he barely had a relationship with, who he took his time moving on from? Check!
  • A blonde brother who has been a little too comfortable with her body? Check!
  • Three children who weren’t fathered by him? Check!
  • Woman with ambition & resources? Cersei always wanted to be Queen, Tywin &Jamie helped Robert win the war & her family’s gold helped him run his Kingdom. (Just like Dany’s armies & Dragons are Jon’s only hope to win)
  • All of Lannister gold mines are mined dry during Rober’t reign. Jon travels to Dragonstone to mine dragonglass, which he himself declares to be of more value than gold to the North.

The lack of that respect & love embittered Robert & Cersei as individuals, tore their marriage, weakened their regime, bankrupted Westeros with Robert’s lack of interest to lead and it lead to his demise at Cersei’s hands, who is sitting on the Iron Throne now.  When Tyrion learns of Dany’s engagement in Meereen, he references Cersei to tell Dany that it never works in the long run. 


Jon & Dany : Seeing as love & duty failed on their own, it’s smarter that these two were fully formed honourable & responsible leaders who completely understood their duties as King & Queen when they met each other and they fell in love on their own. Jon respects Dany as his Queen & as a woman enough to bend the knee when she offered him all the resources he needed to win the Great War in the North.  If  both of them survive till the end & get married, Jon is the kind of guy who would be respectful of her as a Queen and a leader, because he is not Robert Baratheon. They would definitely not run away to live in a house with a red door or lemon tree either because they aren’t Rhaegar & Lyanna either.  They will rule… Together!

Originally posted by balerion-legacy

I’m sure they will go back & forth with love & duty next season for drama, like the ‘bend the knee’ conflict this season.  Tyrion, who has been on a steady streak of bad advises this season, ranging from Castely Rock to suggesting the Wight Hunt, will surely tell them they need to choose duty over love, understandably since he’s had such a bad experience with love.  They might even consider it as they both take their duty very seriously but much like the ‘bend the knee’ drama which didn’t mean anything by the time it happened, in the end they would realise that their love only makes them stronger and it’s not even a choice they need to make. Stronger Together.

So I end my argument with ‘Together’. It has been stressed over and over again this season and in Season 5, when Jon & Dany were struggling as leaders, she was under siege in Meereen & he was planning to leave for to Hardhome (Jon was killed for that decision), Maester Aemon says, “A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing” after reading a scroll about Dany, just as Jon walks into the room. So the strongly foreshadowed theme for Jonerys has been, only together can they be successful monarchs & protectors of the realm. But I can totally see them becoming a stronger team next season and external forces trying to tear them apart with the ‘Love vs Duty’ argument.

anyway here are some headcanons for the niflheim best sibs (prompto&aranea)

  • prompto’s low key shy in front of aranea at first, but he’s used to traveling with a bunch of boys who revel in each other’s badassery so he does something cool and is like “DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!” and realizes only aranea is there, but she’s like “wow, look at you” before he can get shy and he’s STOKED because she’s THE MOST BADASS
  • prompto actively seeking out praise from aranea and aranea being that babysitter in charge of a kid that’s exhaustingly enthusiastic but u don’t wanna break their spirits, you know?
    • “check this out!” “-out of breath, stabbing an enemy- nice one”  
    • “aranea, look at this!” “can’t look yet shortcake or we’ll both die”
  • prompto is Pop Culture Boy and aranea grew up in a military state essentially, so she probably has 0 pop culture knowledge 
    • a recurring gag is that prompto will serve her a reference that she doesn’t get and he has to give her like a five minute summary so aranea has an approximate knowledge of all pop culture
    • aranea: star wars? that’s. the, “beam me up scotty” one right?
    • prompto: oooh, you’re ..so close! (she’s not close)
  • aranea’s also like 100% not used to people being openly emotive in front of her because of her upbringing in the empire, so she’s like, kinda happy to have someone who’s so relatively emotionally honest and can’t stop commenting on prompto’s moods. definitely softened by the whole thing.
    • “look who’s happy!” “what’s got you so cranky?” “don’t tell me you’re down in the dumps again, thought you’d crawled out of that”
  • aranea’s actually super into selfies! the only pictures she’s had taken were for military personnel logs so she loves the idea of being able to take them on her own terms and gets low key excited whenever prompto asks her to pose
  • prompto’s a city kid who’s never seen snow and aranea’s that embittered “I GOTTA GET THE MILK AND THE BREAD” east coaster
    • prompto: -jumping into snowbanks at full speed-
    • aranea: i really don’t see the appeal
  • prompto asks aranea to pull him behind the snowmobile on a piece of scrap metal they found
  • prompto starts a snowball fight. he regrets it.
2

I think that, for me, work begets work, you know? Especially as an actor, if I’m not feeling fulfilled by the work that I’m doing, it’s my responsibility to either write, create a role for myself, or go back to an acting class. I never want to put that responsibility on a current job or on somebody else. I feel like that’s how people get embittered. When you say, ‘I expect you to fulfill me creatively…’ it’s never going to happen.

reasons She Loves Me is the most #relatable show of our generation
  • “……are you looking for a job?” “HHHHHHHHWELL I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT THAT YES”
  • looking everywhere and then finding it in your bra
  • Amalia the Queen of Retail Bullshitting 
  • “:) :) :) mmmmm go to hell :) :) :)” 
  • “Do I look alright?” “Oh lovely! wonderful! *glares at everyone in the room* VERY NICE”
  • “tell me, what’s he like? tell me all about him! i love to suffer”
  • Amalia “His FAQ says he likes books” Balash
  • “i’m an idiot!…but at least im an idiot with a job”
  • a whole song thats just “who gives a shit about a shitty retail job we’re all insignificant in this vast and unknowable universe”
  • “thank you madam please call again doooo call again madam” *goes right back to fighting with coworker*
  • “I DO NOT resent you!! ………………….. buT iF I DiD”
  • Im way better on paper and also when I have 2 hours to think of a response !!!!
  • Georg “Id rather pretend to leave town than potentially disappoint my crush” Nowack
  • Ladislav = the messy wingman friend™
  • Georg “I chug white wine like a Real Housewife” Nowack
  • the #dramatique maitre’d
  • Amalia “Im wine-tipsy and love-bitter” Balash
  • “IF I WAS SICK COULD I DO THIS???” - Leslie Knope/Amalia Balash
  • Hugging ice cream to your face like your husband come back from the war
  • “Theres something wrong with this ice cream…so much salt” “Well are you surprised, all those tears falling into it?” “Oh……i better cry in the other direction”
  • Straight-up eating fallen ice cream off your pants #whoneedsaspoon  #5secondrule
  • Georg “Imma flirt by talking about a suicide in a old-ass, long-ass novel” Nowack
  • he brought me ice cream……………I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HIM
  • a whole song thats basically a passive-aggressive musical theatre version of that SNL Best Buy skit
  • the Embittered Seasonal Retail Hell Choir we all need 
  • “these are the people who shop in time :) :) :) AND THEY CAN GO TO HELL”
  • “you wanna untangle it? shoot yourself!” 
  • tfw you heavily hint at the christmas present you want and your parent SHOOTS YOU TF DOWN
  • SNOW MAKES EVERYTHING MORE ROMANTIC JANE VILLANUEVA SAID SO 
  • TL;DR IT’S TROPEY AND CHEESY AND AWKWARD AND WONDERFUL GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW
4

My Top 15 True Crime Movies

Since it’s almost Halloween, I thought I’d share my list of favorite movies based on or inspired by real-life events with you all! So if you’re still looking for movies to watch on Halloween or search for true crime movies in general, here are my recommendations:


1. Boys Don’t Cry (1999)
Female-born Teena Brandon adopts his male identity of Brandon Teena and attempts to find himself and love in Nebraska. (Source: IMDb)

Based on the life and murder of Brandon Teena.

2. An American Crime (2007)
The true story of suburban housewife Gertrude Baniszewski, who kept a teenage girl locked in the basement of her Indiana home during the 1960s. (Source: IMDb)

3. The Girl Next Door (2007)
Based on the Jack Ketchum’s novel of the same name, The Girl Next Door follows the unspeakable torture and abuses committed on a teenage girl in the care of her aunt… and the boys who witness and fail to report the crime. (Source: IMDb)

(Note: “The Girl Next Door” is only partially based on the torture and murder of Sylvia Likens.)

4. Summer of Sam (1999)
Spike Lee’s take on the “Son of Sam” murders in New York City during the summer of 1977 centering on the residents of an Italian-American Northeast Bronx neighborhood who live in fear and distrust of one another. (Source: IMDb)

5. Heavenly Creatures (1994)
Two girls have an intense fantasy life; their parents, concerned the fantasy is too intense, separate them, and the girls take revenge. (Source: IMDb)

Based on the Parker-Hulme case.

6. Badlands (1973)
An impressionable teenage girl from a dead-end town and her older greaser boyfriend embark on a killing spree in the South Dakota badlands. (Source: IMDb)

Inspired by spree killers Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate and their killing spree across America.

7. The Honeymoon Killers (1970)
An obese, embittered nurse doesn’t mind if her toupee-wearing boyfriend romances and fleeces other women, as long as he takes her along on his con jobs. (Source: IMDb)

Inspired by real-life serial killer couple Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck.

8. The Frozen Ground (2013)
An Alaska State Trooper partners with a young woman who escaped the clutches of serial killer Robert Hansen to bring the murderer to justice. Based on actual events. (Source: IMDb)

9. The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)
In 1946, a ranger hunts for a hooded serial killer terrorizing the residents of a small Texas town. (Source: IMDb)

Mainly based on the Texarkana Moonlight Murders.

10. The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)
65 years after a masked serial killer terrorized the small town of Texarkana, the so-called ‘moonlight murders’ begin again. Is it a copycat or something even more sinister? (Source: IMDb)

(Note: Although inspired by the Texarkana Moonlight Murders, “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” is mainly about a copycat killer.)

11. The Snowtown Murders (2011)
Based on true events, 16 year-old Jamie falls in with his mother’s new boyfriend and his crowd of self-appointed neighborhood watchmen, a relationship that leads to a spree of torture and murder. (Source: IMDb)

Based on Australian serial killer John Bunting and the Snowtown Murders.

12. The Deliberate Stranger (1986)
Based on a true story, this film depicts the life of Theodore Robert Bundy, the serial killer. (Source: IMDb)

13. Zodiac (2007)
In the late 1960s/early 1970s, a San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac Killer, an unidentified individual who terrorizes Northern California with a killing spree. (Source: IMDb)

14. Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
A man robs a bank to pay for his lover’s operation; it turns into a hostage situation and a media circus. (Source: IMDb)

Based on John Wojtowicz and his attempted bank robbery to fund the sex reassignment surgery of his partner.

15. Wolf Creek (2005)
Three backpackers stranded in the Australian outback are befriended by a local who turns out to be a sadistic psychopath and will plunge them into a hellish nightmare of insufferable torture. (Source: IMDb)

Inspired by the so-called Backpacker Murders and the Peter Falconio murder case.

Onsra | Part VII

(v.) – to love for the last time; a bittersweet feeling of knowing a love won’t last

Words: 9.9K

Genre: Demon au, angst

Read: Part 1 | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

A/N: Warning: Suggestive content and swearing

“Jungkook, isn’t it lonely?” You ask him quietly. The corner of his mouth twitches as his hands slowly wrap around your waist. “You lock up your feelings and you close off your heart to everyone.” Yet he had absolutely no fucking problem making his way right into yours. How unfair. You fist his sweater in your hands.

“Y/N…” His grip around your waist tightened, afraid that you’d somehow slip away from him.

He didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to be reminded of it because he first of all didn’t want to hurt anymore. He knew if he said it out loud, he was going to hurt you too. A shaky breath escapes his mouth as Jungkook turns and rests his forehead against your shoulder, completely loosening his arms around you.

He didn’t have the right to hold you.

“… I loved her.” He confesses. You feel your breath suddenly get taken away, like someone had knocked the wind right out of you. As if on cue, you feel your eyes well up with tears once more.

“You loved-”

“I loved Yoojung…” His voice breaks when he says her name out loud.

And fuck. So does your heart.


I loved Yoojung,” He repeated again as if you hadn’t heard it audibly the first time those three words left his mouth. In all honesty, it almost seemed as if he needed to hear himself say them once more.

Your heart was thudding loudly in your chest and with every beat, a painful reminder that he was in love with someone else or at least was able to feel something like love. He who said he didn’t believe in love, he who said something like love never lasted… Yet, now here he was, confessing to you he had actually fallen in love before. You didn’t understand. Your clutch on his sweater loosens as he lifts his head from your shoulder and backs away slowly.

Jungkook couldn’t look at you. How could he? He had hurt you once again. You wanted to know the truth and you had wanted him to open up. As much as he didn’t want to say it aloud, he knew one way or the other whether he told you or not, the outcome would be the same; He knew telling you about his past was going to hurt both you and him. Maybe hurt you more, he rethought. Then you’d leave. Your complete shut down only proved to him he was right, and he just couldn’t bring himself to see the desolate expression on your face. He shouldn’t have said anything; he didn’t know why he gave in.

Yet at the same time, memories of him and Yoojung together flooded his mind all at once. It was torturous as the old nostalgic feelings of love and yearning for her surfaced along with the pent up despair and anger for her coursing through his veins. Then he was left standing there before you completely lost, defeated and guilt ridden.

The room was quiet as both you and Jungkook stood still in your places, neither knowing what to say or do next. You bite down on your lower lip and slowly raise your head with uncertainty. How were you supposed to follow up from here? Jungkook’s head continued to hang low, a numbness clouding his eyes as he kept them focused on the floor. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“Do you still love her?” You muster the strength to ask in order to break the deafening silence. Jungkook’s shoulders fall, a dark hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach manifesting. You wait for his answer and your throat starts to tighten up at his drawn out hesitation; at this point you weren’t sure if you wanted to cry some more or yell at him.

I don’t know,” He finally admits. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know.”

It wasn’t like he was incapable of feeling anything for someone. It was just you he could never bring himself to love.

-


“Y-You don’t know if you love her? What do you mean?” You ask, not quite understanding how he could be unsure. His inability to immediately deny made you doubt he was ever close to being remotely over her. Jungkook slowly shakes his head, his eyes never once looking at you or in your direction.

“I don’t know.” Your heart sinks; You didn’t want to hear anything more about Yoojung already, but you did ask to know more about him. Was this his way of finally opening up to you? You tighten your fist to only loosen it several seconds later.

Jungkook continues to stand far away from you, lost in his own thoughts.
“I thought… But you told me you couldn’t love.” You mumble softly. You almost began to wonder what it was about Yoojung that captivated Jungkook’s affection. She must have had something worth loving. That alone caused you to feel unfairly envious and borderline resentful to know she had been loved by him. Meanwhile, when you had confessed to liking him, all you were told was that you didn’t actually feel that way, that he couldn’t return the feelings, that he couldn’t make you happy, and that he just couldn’t love you.

Yoojung must have had all of that.

“Not after her,” Jungkook finally answers and you’re pulled out of your covetous and embittered thoughts. “I couldn’t love after her.” You watch him as he backs away further from you, a wave of helplessness completely overwhelming him and it breaks your heart.

“Why?” You gather the strength to ask and Jungkook simply shakes his head.

“Because in this world there is no such thing as a lasting love. I say I loved her but… I just…” Jungkook finally looks up and fixes his eyes on you, unsure of what to say next. “I don’t really know-”

“Is that what you meant when you said you couldn’t return my feelings?” Your eyes watered. “Why?”

“Y/N… I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”

What did he mean he was sorry? Was he sorry because he didn’t know what love was? Or was he sorry he couldn’t love you?

“I’m sorry, I need to go.” A familiar darkness ghosts over his face as he looks past you at the door. He didn’t mean to blurt out the truth about once having loved Yoojung. Nobody wants to hear that. He must’ve hurt you; you definitely didn’t want him around right now. 

But instead, much to his surprise, you take a small step towards him. He flinches at once as his gaze falls to the ground once more, his feet once again taking small steps away from you.

I want you to stay,” You say softly to him and swallow nervously. Jungkook looks up at you in confusion.

Truth be told, you were scared for him to tell you his past. As of right now, it made you feel like there would never be any vacant room for you in his heart, like there would never be a place for you to be by his side. Regardless if he loved her still, your feelings for him weren’t going to change just because of that… even if you regretted ever having gotten involved with demons. You earnestly look into his eyes as he stares right back at you, looking for any small hint of ingenuity.

“Y/N… You’re not the first to have told me to stay.” Jungkook says quietly. “Sorry,” He couldn’t drop his guard.

“Stay here with me, Jungkook.” You say again and take a few steps forward, grabbing the bottom hem of his shirt. Jungkook keeps his arms pinned to his side and releases a heavy sigh. He so badly wanted to take your hand and pull you close, yet he didn’t have the right to. He couldn’t bring himself to let you get any closer to him physically, emotionally, mentally… “Jungkook…”

“You don’t want to know anymore, Y/N.” Jungkook simply says. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the expression on your face when I told you about Yoojung. Yet you still want to know more?”

“What about you? You don’t think I noticed your hurt expression when you told me you loved her?” Your eyebrows knitted in the center and you watched the corner of his lip twitch. Honestly, as much as it pained you to know he may or may not still have affections for someone else, it was no doubt hard on him to bring her up. In fact, it was easy to see that Jungkook didn’t want to disclose anything more regarding Yoojung.

Fuck. I…” Jungkook stumbles over his words. “I don’t know where to start and there’s just… so much you don’t know-” You take a step closer to him, your body only inches away from him. You sigh softly before raising your other hand to take hold of his shirt, pulling him towards you.

“It won’t change anything, Jungkook,” You reassure him. “Whatever happened in your past, whatever happened between you and Yoojung, and whatever happened after… it won’t change how I feel for you.”

“How can you even say something like that?! Y/N, you don’t know anything about me or the things that I’ve done-” Jungkook raises his voice, skeptical of your attempt to put him at ease.

“I don’t have to know if you don’t want me to. I know I was persistent earlier about wanting to know all about you, but if it hurts you to recollect, I don’t want to know then.” Jungkook’s eyes widened and his mouth falls open slightly. “To me, it doesn’t matter what you did or who you were before. I didn’t fall for the past Jeon Jungkook. So if it hurts being with me and you want to leave…” You slowly let go of his clothing and just as you did, he grabs both your wrists and yanks you into his chest.

Jungkook embraces you and you feel a tightness in your chest, your heart fluttering rapidly against your rib cage. And here you were, ready to let him walk out for the last time. It wasn’t long before you came to the realization that his heart beat was beating just as quickly if not just as loudly as yours.
“Fuck, Y/N, shouldn’t that be my line?” Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in your hair. Your hands are trapped against his chest and your brain becomes a confusing muddled mess. “What are you doing to me?”

“Don’t hurt anymore…”

“Y/N,” Jungkook mumbles your name softly. He drew a deep breath, unsure if he was going to regret what he was going to say next. “Kim Yoojung was someone I had met at a party here… I tempted her… I seduced her in order to acquire energy from her. I slept with her, Y/N. It happened once… twice…” Your eyebrows widen, realizing he was beginning to open up to you, starting with his past revolving around Yoojung. Jungkook almost immediately releases his arms around you and steps away. It didn’t feel right, holding you in his arms as he brought up Yoojung.

“Did she know?” You ask him quietly. “That you were a demon?” The idea of him having slept with her caused an irrationally growing fit of jealousy in you, even if it was of the past.

“Not initially… It was when she began getting more attached to me. It was when she felt having sex just wasn’t good enough anymore. She wanted me to stay the night, to spend time with her; She wanted me to be with her beyond just physical intimacy. So I told her what I was and why I approached her to begin with in hopes she would realize this was all just a friends with benefits situation. I expected her to leave in fear, or to feel used. But to my surprise, she just accepted me. She didn’t question it; all she said was, so what?” Jungkook’s voice trails off and he looked distant as if remembering a fond memory. “She didn’t care what I was. She didn’t even question it at all. She still wanted me.”

Guilt settles deep in your stomach as you quickly recollect how appalled and actively avoidant you were upon him confessing he was a demon. You couldn’t believe he was being serious and honestly wanted nothing but for him to stay the fuck away from you. That much you remembered. You pressed your lips in a thin line; your reaction was a total opposite from Yoojung.

“H-How kind of her.” Jungkook seemed to immediately disagree with your comment as he shook his head rather quickly. Your attention focuses back on him and you notice how his fists tighten firmly by his side. Had you said something wrong?

“That’s what I had thought too. Yoojung, she went and fucked someone else while we were together. Not just one time either…” Jungkook says as his eyes narrow. “I wanted to surprise her one night seeing as we had been together for some time…” He pauses and you watch intently as his eyes darkened.

“J-Jungkook…” She cheated on him?

“I stood outside her room and… I fucking heard her cries and moans. I heard a deep unrecognizable voice and the sound of the bed I had laid with her countless times before, creaking and thumping against the walls.” Jungkook broke with every word he spoke. A hand flew to your mouth as you tried to hide your shock. “She said she was drunk, that it wouldn’t happen again. She cried and she held onto me. She told me she fucking loved me and that she needed me…” Jungkook’s voice began to crack as tried to recall the messed up things she had told him.

“Oh Jungkook…”

“At that very moment, I thought I fucking felt the exact same… I loved her, and I needed her almost as she needed me.” He raises his hand and clutches at his chest. “Then she did it again. And again. Every time she’d come back crying to me, telling me I was better than them, that she didn’t know what came over her, that she loved me… Yoojung told me she fucking loved me and I was so desperate for her to stay with me that I forgave her for everything every single time…”

“I-I don’t understand…” It was difficult to believe Yoojung would do something like that. It wasn’t like you knew her at all to cause any doubt, it was just shocking to you that a person would do something like that. What rendered you speechless though was the thought of Jungkook constantly being manipulated. For someone who hated showing his emotions and showing any form of weakness… Yoojung seemed to have taken perfect advantage of that. “Jungkook…” 

He had taken her back every time.

“She had broken me.” His eyes fall to the floor and he swallows with great difficulty. “I had never felt that way towards anyone before. At that point in my life, the last thing I wanted to do was lose her. Yet in the process of staying with her and keeping her by my side, I lost myself completely.” He was leaving himself completely vulnerable right now and you reached forward to take his hand in yours.

He remembered it vividly. The memories of her smile and thoughts of her repulsively burning touch made his heart ache uncontrollably and his stomach twist with detest. The reason he could never easily bring up his past with Yoojung was because he could never forgive himself for letting her render him so weak. She made him so utterly vulnerable and he took her back every single time. He was disgusted with himself, he hated himself… Worst of all, he just couldn’t bring himself to trust anymore.


“Stay with me.”

“Yoojung, you’re fucking kidding-”

“Jungkook- I…” She stumbled over her words knowing fully well there was no good explanation for her behavior. Yoojung looked down at her own hands as she continued to listen to heavy feet pace the room.

“I can’t believe it. Again? Again?!” His voice roared before he stopped pacing to gesture accusingly. “You fucked him in that bed? Yoojung why?!” Why wasn’t he good enough? Why wasn’t he just enough for her? What did those men have that he didn’t have?

“I’m sorry, Jungkook, please-” Yoojung tried to reach for his arm. Before she could grab a hold of him, he yanked his arm out of her reach, refusing to let her taint him with her poisonous touch. “I-I…”

“Don’t touch me with those hands that were used to hold onto him-” He spat. 

“I-I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I didn’t mean to- I just… it just happened and I-” Tears started to fall and he felt his heart break some more. “I don’t know what I was doing! Please I would never want to hurt you, Jungkook-” Yoojung stood up and tried to approach him.

“No- no not again.” His jaw clenched as she sobbed. He hated seeing her cry. 

“Don’t say sorry. How many times do you think you can say that? You’re only sorry because I fucking caught you again.” He emphasized the words again before she continued to come towards him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that…” Yoojung cried. “You were better than him. You were better than all of them. I don’t know what I was doing, I-I don’t know why I did that to you… to us…” She finally reached forward and grabbed the bottom of his shirt between her trembling fingers.

“… Is it because I’m a demon?” Jungkook finally asks, his eyebrows furrowing as the words left his lips. She threw her head up and looked at him with wide eyes. His heart ached at the thought… “You told me you accepted me. Is it because you want a normal relationship? If that’s what you want, then just-”

“N-No! That’s what I love about you! I don’t care if you’re a demon- no don’t think that. I love being with you. I want to be with you, Jeon Jungkook.”

“Then… why was I not good enough?” He didn’t have the strength to push her away as she leans close to him, wrapping her arms around his torso. Yoojung tightened her hold on him and he felt instantly weak to her touch, anger almost subsiding.

“No. You’re better than them, Jungkook. You’re more than I can ask for…. I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again…”

“You said that last time. Yoojung, I don’t think-” Jungkook started as Yoojung tightened her arms around him. His breath got caught in his throat immediately, his words ceasing at once upon feeling her body trembling against his.

“I love you. I need you Jungkook, and I need you to stay with me… I really love you… Nobody loves me better than you, and nobody loves you more than I.” She said softly and her arms slowly released his torso only to snake up around his neck. “I need you… I can’t live without you. I’m so sorry…” Tears fell from her eyes again as if on cue and he felt his chest tighten.

“Yoojung, I-”

“It won’t happen again… Jungkook, nobody can ever fuck me better than you do,” She ended up whispering as Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed. Yoojung moved one of her hands away from around his neck to wipe at her tears. “It was all a mistake. The first and the second time. You fuck me better than anyone. You make me feel better than any of them. Nobody can fuck me like you can.” His hands made their way to her waist and he squeezed his eyes shut. Not again… he didn’t want to believe her, not this time. Yoojung leaned up on her tippy toes and pressed her lips against his neck.

“Y-Yoojung…”

“I love all of you. I love you, demon or not. You belong to me… Now, won’t you remind me who I belong to?” Her voice died down to a whisper and a growl ripped through Jungkook’s throat as he ripped her arms away from his neck and pushed her back hard. She let out a yelp before landing on the bed.

“Do I not remind you enough?” A playful smirk grew on her face.

She had him right where she wanted him.


“Then she left…” He says softly. “She was just gone in the morning. I thought it was my fault again… How could I have driven her to leave me like this after all I had done for her…” His eyebrows furrow.

Yoojung had used him. She had slept with him, then slept with others, only to come right back to Jungkook. Emotional manipulation and abuse was what Kim Yoojung was doing to him. What made it worse was that he thought he loved her, and he thought she had loved him. That wasn’t love, but maybe that was just her sick way of showing it by seducing him with her twisted words. She was the first to ever make him feel wanted and needed yet both unwanted and unneeded at the same time. It was an endless cycle for him and he just couldn’t break free, all because he thought it was love he felt for her.

She made him feel absolutely worthless, like he was the one to blame for not being good enough. She had left him without saying a word, leaving him there to hurt and drown in his own feelings with nothing but her empty promises of love. How could she have done that to him?

“Sh-She didn’t deserve you, Jungkook. It’s really not your fault.” You tried to comfort him, tears welling up in your eyes just thinking about it. That was the truth, she didn’t deserve to be loved by someone like him and Jungkook certainly didn’t deserve to go through that.

“I thought it was all my fault, that I wasn’t good enough for her to stay.” Jungkook mutters darkly. “She haunted my every thought and my every movement. I was devastated when she had left. Even if I had approached her originally with the same intentions for energy, being physically intimate with her over and over again brought about feelings. I had grown attached and emotionally reliant… And you know what, I thought she did too. And after her, I swore I would never let anyone fucking break me like that again… But fuck. She came back again and she threw around those three god damn words and it felt almost as if she had never left me, like she was giving us another chance.”

“J-Jungkook …” It was hard for you to believe everything he was telling you was the truth. How could someone like the Jeon Jungkook you knew of, let a human like Yoojung do such things to him? What you were now coming to terms with, was how messed up she had left him… how easy she could come and go as she pleased knowing Jungkook would easily take her back. That’s how much of a hold she had on him emotionally and mentally. 

“She left again after she got what she wanted,” He lets out a pained laugh. Jungkook didn’t need to tell you explicitly what it was… “I guess this is… probably where I began to sleep around. It wasn’t too shortly after that last time with Yoojung.”

What.

Your eyes widen immediately and he combs his dark hair with his fingers. He could tell you were staring at him with judgmental eyes, and he couldn’t bear to meet your gaze. Jungkook had told you this much, he might as well tell you the rest he thought.

“I used them for their body, for energy, then left.” Jungkook admitted honestly. “Maybe I’d fuck the same girl twice if she were good, but nothing more than that. I wouldn’t let myself get attached, well… you ought to know why by now. As soon as anyone of them wanted it to become something more, I’d fuck them maybe one last time then leave.”

He… did what?

“You… I mean, I didn’t…” You were speechless.

“Didn’t what, Y/N? Expect me to fuck around?” Jungkook asked. “Do you regret wanting to learn more about me now?” His voice trailed off and you swallowed nervously before attempting to take his hand. He quickly moved his hand away, refusing to let you touch him. Maybe it was him who regretted telling you.

You thought you’d be used to him rejecting your touch by now. He couldn’t be blamed for his actions, especially not after how he was treated; Jungkook ended up doing the same thing to girls, as Yoojung did to him. How sad. Then again, what did that mean for you? Your eyes widen at the sudden thought.

I don’t need your pity, Y/N,” He muttered under his breath. Did he think you were pitying him? Was it so wrong to want to empathize with how Yoojung must have made him feel? With how he must have felt, or lack thereof sleeping around with all those girls? “I refused to grow attached to any of them. For what? For heartbreak? For them to use me? Fuck if I’d let anyone get close enough to ruin me like Yoojung did.” Jungkook had a hollow look on his face. The room grew silent until you mustered up the strength to speak.

“I-I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I can’t believe Yoojung would do something like that to you. I’m so sorry-” His eyes narrow. “That was not my intention. But… not everyone’s like Yoojung. Not everyone’s going to hurt you or going to want to hurt you.” You definitely didn’t want to hurt him, surely he must’ve known that by now.

“I won’t leave myself vulnerable like that again-”

Yet here he was telling you everything.

“Is that why you went around sleeping with people?” You quickly interrupt him. You knew where he was coming from. After what Yoojung had done to him, it made sense as to why he felt he couldn’t trust anyone, why he couldn’t commit to anyone, you thought once again in an attempt to validate his actions.

“It was an easy way to get energy.” Jungkook’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t particularly proud of what he did, but after realizing the amount of energy he received from that level of physical intimacy with Yoojung, he had to have more. If it wasn’t with her, then it would be with someone else. “They were easy. I said a couple of nice things to get them into bed with me. Honestly, it didn’t make it difficult to leave them in the end either.” He repeats himself. You felt your stomach drop to your feet. 

“S-So you used them until they caught feelings?” You asked nervously and he shrugged.

You didn’t know this Jungkook.

“Something like that.” Jungkook admits quietly. His eyes slowly met yours and without even thinking, you averted your eyes away immediately. You cursed yourself for your lack of subtlety. “Y/N, are you afraid of me now? I thought I warned you. I’m not who you think I am.” He mutters and you look up at him slowly. He almost flinches at how your eyes met his so sternly.

Were you afraid of Jeon Jungkook? Just what did he think of you? You watch his eyes widen as you stepped closer to him. You weren’t scared of him because of what he did in his past, just afraid of what he must’ve thought of you at this very moment…

“Was I an easy target for you?” It really did sicken you just thinking of him using their bodies like that. To just hook up with them countless times but when one sided feelings developed, he left them. It did not sound too different from the situation you were in right now.

What better did that make him compared to what Yoojung did to him? You couldn’t say it out loud to him though. You didn’t even want to begin to imagine the rage he’d be in should you suggest a similarity between the two.

But what about you now? You may not have gone all the way with him but still… Was he going to throw you away now that you caught feelings? You didn’t even have sex with him for fucks sake, but had you, would he have left because of your confession?

“What?” He asks, taken back by your question as his eyebrows furrow immediately. Jungkook finally looks in your direction and you continue to stare right at him.

“You chased after girls who you thought were easy ways to receive energy. You slept with girls because fell for your charms without difficulty. You slept with them until they started to develop feelings for you, and then you left them before you could in turn chance growing attached to them. So then what about me?” You ask him and swallow nervously. You were getting more upset than you had originally wanted to. 

“Y-Y/N…” He pauses, unsure what to say. “What are you even saying, Y/N?” You weren’t sure how much more explicit you had to be.

“Are you going to leave now because I told you I had feelings for you? Or did you want to fuck me first then leave?”

“Wait, Y/N-”

“Stop pretending you don’t know what I’m saying! You know exactly what I’m saying. I’m not easy, Jeon Jungkook.” You mumble quietly to him, your jaw clenching. “I-I know why you approached me first. For energy, I get it. And I get what Yoojung did to you was completely uncalled for and fucked up. I’m not saying what you did after that was right, but I won’t hold it against you. So I’m asking you, what about me? Did think I was just like those girls? A quick and easy fuck-” Your voice trembled.

You didn’t want to be like them and you definitely didn’t want him to think you were like Yoojung. You were scared to hear his answer, and you felt like vomiting from all the emotions welling up inside of you.

“Y-You’re not like them,” Jungkook interrupts you fast. He didn’t even want to hear you say that. You? A quick and easy fuck?

“What, but-”

“So were you being honest when you said my past wouldn’t change how you see me?” Jungkook asked, still refusing to look at you. “You wouldn’t be questioning if I hadn’t told you.”

“I still have to ask.” You mutter. “And no it doesn’t change how I see you. You are who you are. In the end, the only thing that changed is how I think you view me…” You knew he didn’t like you the way you liked him. It didn’t help to learn he used women for energy and for their body before throwing them away upon realizing they were growing feelings for him.

But he said you were different.

“Trust me, if you were anything like Yoojung I wouldn’t have approached you to begin with. If you were like those girls, we probably would’ve already fucked and I would’ve left you by now. Even if we didn’t, if you were anything like them, I still would have left in the end.” He says honestly. He regretted saying it so bluntly when he saw the shocked look on your face. It was the truth. “But when I told you I hadn’t touched anyone else since you, I meant it. When I told you I had only wanted you, I meant that too. I still mean it. Even if we haven’t had sex… You’re still the only one I want.”

“W-Why?” Your lower lip began to tremble, tears now threatening to escape. “I-I don’t understand. You’re just using your charm and saying this shit so I don’t leave.”

“Do you want to leave?” Jungkook asks, feeling a lump in his throat as he swallowed. “I… I am fully prepared for it. I don’t want it… but I knew telling you about all this would cause you to-”

“I don’t want to leave, and I don’t want you to leave. I just… How do I know you’re not lying to me?!” Your lips trembled and you raised your voice.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?! You told me you had feelings for me and I… I’m still right here…” Jungkook says with defeat, his shoulders dropping. You were quiet and he took it as a queue to continue talking. “Y/N, I don’t feel so alone when I’m with you,” Jungkook finally answers and you feel your heart stop. 

“What do you mean?”

“I… want to be with you, you know, I like spending time with you. Even if it isn’t physical, it’s something about your presence that makes me feel like I’m not alone.” He says and his shoulders drop, his heart sinking to his stomach. You would surely want nothing to do with him after all that he’s told you, after all that he’s done. “I know it’s not good enough for you. I know it’s selfish while I know you have feelings for me, but that’s how I feel towards you… towards us.”

“Jungkook…” There it was again… not good enough.

“That’s why you’re different from them. No matter who it was, I always felt alone but with you it’s different.” You bite your lower lip and reached forward, placing your hands on his cheeks. Jungkook blinks fast before flinching from your touch immediately, attempting to back away from you. “No, Y/N-”

“Why can’t I?” His hands flew up and grabbed hold of yours in an attempt to remove them. His fingers were cold and trembled against yours. “Look here, Jeon Jungkook. Did you seriously think after you told me all of this that you could just-”

“You shouldn’t touch me. Are you not disgusted with my past? Are you not afraid?”

It became clear: Jungkook was afraid. He was afraid, afraid to trust anyone again, afraid to open up about his past, afraid to be weak and vulnerable, and afraid to love.

“No,” You mumble softly. Then you lean towards him, your hands still holding his face as his fingers tightened around yours. Your mouths were inches apart as you rested your forehead against his. “I’m sorry about what Yoojung did. I’m sorry that you had to go through all that on your own… I believe you, ok? I believe you…” 

He exhales slowly before nodding his head slightly, his forehead still pressed to yours.

“Jungkook, you won’t leave, right?” You mumble softly and you feel his hand give yours a tight squeeze. If it was anything that made you nervous or uneasy about his past, it had to be how quickly he went from girl to girl. He established you were different, but you couldn’t help but think in time he would do the same exact thing. His stomach flipped and his chest tightened as he heard those words tumble from between your lips.

“I…” Before he could answer, there was a series of thunderous and forceful knocks coming from outside of your dorm room. You jumped away from Jungkook fast, startled by the loud noise.

“O-One second! Coming,” You say and brush your hair behind your ears and adjust your voice. Jungkook strangely found himself clearing his throat and shoving his hands in his jean pockets, almost thankful for the interruption. It gave him time to think about his answer or lack thereof, and completely evaluate everything that had just happened. It seemed almost unreal to him at this point that he had left himself so vulnerable right before you. Odd enough, he couldn’t muster up any feelings of regret.

You opened the door slowly and your eyes widened at the individual standing outside. His shirt clung slightly to the thin layer of sweat covering his body. He ran his thin fingers through his blonde hair and licked his dry chapped lips. 

“Park Jimin…” You say quietly, realizing slowly that perhaps he had run here.

“Jungkook, is he here?” Jimin quickly asks and you nod, turning your head to look behind you. Jungkook says nothing, but you could tell something was troubling him from the way he avoided Jimin’s challenging eyes. It was unlike him. “We need to talk. Sorry, Y/N, I’m going to have to make him come with me for a little bit.”

Did Jungkook not want to go? He remained still and quiet. You swallowed anxiously, gripping the door a little tighter between your fingers.

“Can you give us a moment?” You ask. Jimin’s eyebrows furrow immediately and he looks past you straight at Jungkook.

“Jungkook, you really need to come with me…”

“I… alright.” Jungkook finally speaks up. He didn’t look like he wanted to go yet at the same time, he didn’t put up too much of a fight. 

You chose to keep your mouth shut and move aside from the door slightly for him to leave. Your hands drop to your side; the tension between the two had you confused. If anything, shouldn’t you have felt closer to him? Instead, you had never felt farther…

“Just give me a moment,” He mutters in a low voice and just as Jimin was about to protest, Jungkook places his hand against the wooden frame and pushes the door shut.

“What?” You ask him in a soft voice. Your back still faced him and you weren’t sure you could bring yourself to look at him. He was making it so hard to.

Thank you,” Jungkook whispers, the words laced with vulnerability as the foreign words slipped from between his lips. You spin around fast to face him, your eyebrows knitting in the middle.

“Wh-Why?” You didn’t understand why he was thanking you. Jungkook doesn’t say anything and just simply bends down to press a chaste kiss on your forehead. But that wasn’t enough. You quickly grab his sweater in your hands and pull him down to meet your lips. He stumbles towards you, his eyes wide in shock before kissing you back. Jungkook uses his hand against the door to steady himself as you pressed your mouth harder against his.

“I have to go, Y/N.” He mumbles softly between your open mouthed kisses. “Jimin’s outside…”

“I know,” You say, pulling away from him as your hands slowly loosened against his sweater. You didn’t want him to go, especially not with Yoojung suddenly calling him out of the blue. Why was she calling him? What did she want? You still had so many questions you wanted to ask.

“Y/N-” He interrupts your thoughts.

“I know.” You found yourself repeating, this time your hands dropping to your side. Jungkook also drops his hands from the door and you slide over to let him go through. He turns the door knob slowly, swinging the door open and letting out a shaky breath of air.

“Jungkook,” Jimin calls him. About time was all he could think. Something seemed off with him though… He had no idea what could’ve happened between the two of you. But If it was one thing Jimin knew for sure, Jungkook was over staying. The both of them were.

“You’ll come back, won’t you?” You cross your arms over your chest and chew your lower lip. Jungkook pauses and nods slowly, turning to you and kissing the corner of your mouth one last time before walking towards Jimin. Your heart clenches when you watch the both of them walk away briskly. What bothered you the most was that pained expression on his face as he nodded earlier, and the feeling of his trembling lips against your skin.

Once the both of them were out of your sight, you shut the door quietly and pressed your forehead against it. Maybe you should have been more insistent on telling him not to go. After all, he wasn’t even in the right mental or emotional state after having told you about Yoojung and his past. You should have convinced him to stay. How did you even convince him to tell you his past? Why did he thank you just now? What was there to thank? Why did he wear such a pained expression on his face? You didn’t know why Jimin had come to find him, but if it was one thing you knew for sure, it was that you absolutely did not want him to see Yoojung.

Fuck. When had you fallen so hard for him?


“Did you need to tell me something?” Jungkook asks, shoving his hands in his pocket upon the both of them exiting the dorm building. There was so much going through his head and he strangely couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to be left alone to his thoughts, or if he wanted to be with you.

“You look exhausted,” Jimin avoids the question and Jungkook shakes his head. “Y/N didn’t seem like herself either.”

“Is that so?” He simply mumbles. Leave it up to Jimin for him to notice even the smallest things. He knew Jimin was just curious to find out what happened just now, especially with him hanging up on him to go after you just earlier.

“Yoojung’s pretty certain you’ll go find her now that she’s back.” Jimin says quietly. “But you must already know that.”

“You came to find me to tell me that?” Jungkook asks, stopping in his place. Jimin, several steps ahead of him, comes to a stop as well and turns to look at the younger boy. “I already know what she wants.”

“Huh, and you aren’t going to find her?”

“Why? After what she fucking did to me? I won’t run back to her again.” Jungkook’s eyes narrow. “You just wanted to confirm with me?” Jimin was quiet before raising his hand to scratch at his blonde head.

“You’re saying this because you’re over what she’s done to you? Or you’re saying this because you’re too focused on finally getting into Y/N’s pants?” Jungkook stays silent to process the accusation and the assumptions made by Jimin. He didn’t know.

“W-What the fuck?” Jungkook suddenly asks, almost unsure if he had heard Jimin correctly. “I… It’s not like that.” He didn’t appreciate how Jimin was grilling him, and especially didn’t want him talking about you like that. “Y/N has nothing to do with this. As if I’d run back to Yoojung… as if you’d let me do that.”

Jimin shook his head and before letting out a breathy laugh.

“I’d kill you before you do that…” Jimin says honestly. “I just wanted to make sure, you know?” He wasn’t about to let his friend go through that again.

“I know.” Jungkook mumbles. There wasn’t any way he was running back to her now. He couldn’t. It wasn’t possible for someone like her to have changed. Jimin stays quiet before shoving his own hands deep into his pants pocket; he wasn’t sure how to change the topic or how to ask Jungkook subtly about what had happened earlier.

“What is going on between you and Y/N?” He finally asks, deciding the straight forward approach was perhaps the best way to satisfy his curiosity. “When I called you much earlier about Yoojung, you panicked about Y/N, and hung up on me.”

The brown haired boy stays silent before shrugging.

“Nothing’s going on.” It couldn’t have been a more obvious lie than that. Nonetheless, he himself was unsure what exactly was going on between the both of you. What made it more confusing was your confession to having feelings for him, his initial rejection of said feelings, then the openness of the matter after he left with Jimin.

The older demon raises an eyebrow, unsure of whether or not to scold Jungkook for making up such a shitty or for taking him for a complete idiot. He was too easy to read, especially with the way he was avoiding Jimin’s glances at all cost.

“You can’t even say that with a straight face-”

“Or maybe I just don’t want to talk about her.” Jungkook abruptly cuts him off mid-sentence. The more he thought about you, the more he wanted to go back to you. It fucking scared him. He had received more than enough energy from the physical intimacy earlier, but it was almost as if he wanted more; it was almost insatiable how badly he wanted to turn on his heels to go back to you.

That’s exactly why he couldn’t.

“I told you she was different. You don’t have to say anything more. I know,” Jimin shakes his head and Jungkook just simply narrowed his eyes, unable to even refute the older demon’s claim. He hated when Jimin was right. “Jungkook. You’re going to hurt her.”

“And what do you care if I do?” Jungkook asks angrily, pissed off with his once again accurate accusation. Then again, if it was accurate, then it wasn’t necessarily an accusation. Why did Jimin always have to bring that up? “Do you have feelings for her? Is that why you keep telling me this?” He bit down on his teeth and without consciously knowing, clenched his fist right inside his pants pocket.

“What? No, I don’t. But I know you’re going to hurt too is all…” His voice trials off and Jungkook’s hands loosen. “Do you… have feelings for her?”

“You concern yourself too much.” Jungkook shakes his head and continues to walk. Jimin follows suit and lets out a sigh. Why did he even bother thinking his answer was going to be any different from before? “And no, I don’t. You know better than to ask me something like that.”

“I just thought you might’ve moved on from Yoojung. Ok, and it might not be in my place to say it, but I think Y/N likes you. Yes, I notice these things too. I don’t know if you’ll believe me though.” The brown haired boy pauses and rubs the back of his neck before taking his turn to let out a heavy sigh.

“She told me herself already,” Jimin almost chokes on air as he turns to look at Jungkook completely astonished by how nonchalant he seemed. If it was anyone else, he would have ended this a while ago even at the slightest hint there was an interest beyond physical and sexual intimacy… “That, and she already knows most of everything… About Yoojung… about the other girls too.” Jimin’s eyes pop open in shock, now in absolute disbelief that he so quickly told you everything. 

“Y-You’re serious?”

“I hadn’t meant to tell her that much, but it just slipped out…” Jungkook pauses. He couldn’t tell Jimin about the phone calls from Yoojung. It was going to make him worry too much… He didn’t want that. 

“It hasn’t slipped out to anyone before Y/N,” Jimin mumbles, surprised something so secretive and personal just somehow slipped out in a conversation.

“I guess,” He answers quietly.

“Be careful, is all I really wanted to say. Whatever it is you’re doing or whatever it is you are with Y/N… Be careful.”

“I’m not going to hurt her,” Jungkook reiterates. “I won’t hurt her.”

“No, not you… Yoojung.” He feels his heart drop at her name. “She won’t be happy in the first place that you’re not looking for her. I don’t want to imagine what she’ll say or do if she finds out Y/N’s partially the reason why.” Jungkook doesn’t say a word before nodding again.

He couldn’t believe that Yoojung would hurt you. She wouldn’t. There was no way she was going to find out about you.

He’d make sure of it.


Jungkook didn’t come back, and needless to say you were disappointed. At the same time, it gave you time to process everything he had told you. It made sense now regarding his trust and commitment issues. How unfortunate that being with Yoojung and all the shit she had put him through, caused him to see humans as all the same.

How many girls had he slept with? How many hearts did he break just to protect himself? Were you making the right decision to stay? He said you were different. Yet when you told him to stay, he didn’t. When you told him to come back, he nodded, but then never returned. Were you too trusting?

Did he go find Yoojung?

Why exactly were you so completely infatuated with him?

You had a difficult time sleeping that night with the story of his past running through your head nearly the entire time. The next morning, you were hoping to see him. But, he wasn’t there to greet you or walk you to class like he usually did. Granted you didn’t have class with Jungkook today, you still somewhat hoped he would be waiting by your door… just like he used to. In fact, when you had opened your dorm room to leave for class, there was in fact someone waiting for you. It wasn’t Jungkook though. It was far scarier: It was Jieun standing there with her arms crossed.

Fuck.

She says nothing and merely huffs as you watched her chest rise in annoyance. You should have messaged her back; saying you were too preoccupied was going to be such a lame excuse. What could you have been preoccupied with after having taken that exam? Jeon Jungkook, that’s right. But the last thing you wanted was to put this friendship on the burner.

“I’m sorry Jieun, you can beat me up for ignoring your messages. I-I owe you an explanation-” You clutch your backpack strap with your hands and wait as she reaches forward. You nearly flinch as she pokes at your neck. You already knew what exactly she was pointing at…

“If you tell me there’s nothing going on between you and Jeon Jungkook one more time I’m going to kill you, Y/N.” She glared at you and you raised both your eyebrows and gave her a small nervous chuckle. “What is wrong with you?” Jieun took her backpack and swung it at you as you laughed.

“Ok ok, I’m sorry! Honestly it wasn’t anything and still isn’t anything-”

“Don’t even start that again. No wonder you looked so disappointed when you opened the door. Was Jungkook supposed to walk you to class or something? No… is he inside your room right now?” She tip-toed and tried to peek into your room and you shook your head, taking a step out into the hall to shut the door behind you.

“No no he isn’t here.” She gave you an incredulous look. She didn’t believe you. “I swear this time. He was here yesterday after the exam but other than that it’s just been me.”

“How long has this thing between you been going on? I still can’t believe you felt like you couldn’t tell me. I knew something was happening. You two were just so obvious and that turtle neck you wore yesterday. Really, Y/N? You don’t even wear turtle necks…” Jieun rolled her eyes as the both of you began to walk towards class. “I figured you would wait for me after the exam but when I walked out and you weren’t there, I was pretty sure you had run off with Jungkook.” She wasn’t wrong about that.

“I did and I’m sorry I didn’t message you back or anything… Honestly it hasn’t been that long. It’s felt longer since I had spent time with him nearly every day.”

“Makes sense. See? I knew you guys were going to be a thing.” She gives you a shit grin and you shook your head. “So, how is he in bed? I bet he’s amazing… my god, those arms and those thighs…” Your face flushes and you clear your throat to answer embarrassingly, that the two of you hadn’t actually slept together.

“I didn’t sleep with him, Jieun. We haven’t… gone that far.” You mumble and you almost thought her eyes were going to pop out of her skull.

“What?! You haven’t fucked him yet?!” She shouted loudly and you turn to her, slapping a hand over her mouth. The last thing you needed was for the entire campus to overhear you and Jeon Jungkook were messing around.

“Sh! Why are you screaming that?” You whined. “We just haven’t, ok? It’s complicated…” You remove your hand and shake your head.

“It doesn’t seem too complicated,” She raises an eyebrow. Oh but it was. 

Where could you even begin? 

Jeon Jungkook was a demon searching for sexual favors and physical intimacy for the sake of receiving much needed life energy and stumbled upon you. After finally giving into his desires, you found yourself beginning to like him. But it’s not exactly working out because Jungkook didn’t feel the same for you. Due to a complicated past with an ex and an onslaught of women, he didn’t believe in love anymore. Oh, and he may or may not still be in love with her, but still wants to be with you regardless. Not complicated at all.

“He doesn’t have feelings for me, Jieun,” You finally say, hoping it would more or less summarize and lessen how convoluted the entire situation actually was. “It’s… just a benefits thing, I guess.” Her eyes narrowed and her jaw dropped nearly simultaneously.

“What? I see the way he looks at you, Y/N, and the way he… Is he fucking around?” She asks in total shock. “No… if he just wanted a quick fuck, he would’ve went and found someone else by now. What the hell?”

“See? It’s kind of complicated.” You say quietly. God, what an understatement.

“So it’s a friends with benefits thing with him? Except, not too much benefit at the moment…” You nod and look down at your feet. More or less. Before you both had known it, you guys were already making your way down the hallway towards the class room. “Well, do you want it to be something more?” She asks hesitantly.

“I don’t know.” You mumble honestly.

“It just seems like you care an awful lot about him. I get it, he helped you a lot for the exam and he spent a lot of time being there for you, with you… I don’t mean to rub it in or anything, but if it hurts you because he doesn’t want more and you do, you should really just forget him. There are more hot guys out there, ok?” She elbows you, trying to make light of the situation. It was almost too noticeable how sad you looked when you confessed to her he didn’t have feelings for you. 

Jieun knew there was something going on between you and Jungkook, and as much as you denied it, she knew. Being your best friend, she also knew you weren’t the type to play around, do one night stands or anything outside of a committed relationship. And for you to be spending so much time with Jungkook and doing all those things with him despite your feelings being unrequited, just showed her how much you must have liked him. At the same time, Jieun was worried he was playing you now; he spent so much time with you, and just from the way she saw him looking at you… she would’ve thought he had feelings for you.

“I know. Thanks Jieun, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I don’t really know what Jungkook and I are.” You pressed your lips to a thin line. “But, it’s ok.” You give her a soft but sad smile.

“I’ll beat him up if he hurts you…” She mutters before slowing down her pace. You look up when you realize her steps had slowed down, and your eyes widen. “Speak of the devil…”

There he was, walking with Jimin down the hall on the opposite side right towards you. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt with a soft red looking plaid shirt wrapped around his waist. You watch him smirk at something Jimin says as he flicks his soft brown hair out of his eyes. You feel your chest tighten when you come to the realization you were going to cross paths with one another.
Then finally, you guys make eye contact with one another. His brown eyes widen as you slowly come to a stop beside him. Jungkook does the same before looking down at his feet and shuffling uncomfortably.

“Morning,” You mumble to him as Jieun pats your shoulder, signaling that she was going to go ahead. Jungkook gives you a small smile and your heart clenches. What was that?

“Hi Y/N,” Jimin greets you before nudging Jungkook with his elbow, urging him to follow. Jimin continues to walk away and you stand there awkwardly with the younger demon.

Where did all of Jungkook’s confidence and forwardness go? He stood there almost seeming more nervous than you, before he placed a hand behind your head and leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Morning,” Jungkook says softly, waiting upon Jimin to be out of sight. “Hurry and go to class. You’re going to be late.” You reach and grab his hand before he can turn to walk away from you.

“Are you ok?” You ask him and he pauses.

“I’m fine.” Jungkook answers. “I’m sorry I didn’t come back yesterday.” You shake your head not wanting him to worry you were upset with him or anything along the line of that. 

“It’s ok.”

Why was it so awkward between the two of you?

“Well, I have to get going… don’t be late to class, Y/N.” Jungkook pulls his hand away from yours and leans down to peck your lips gently. Before you can say anything else, he turns and quickly leaves.

Wait. You wanted to tell him but the words were caught in your throat. Your feet were frozen in its place as you watched him walk further and further from you to catch up with Jimin. Why didn’t you go after him? This unsettling feeling was making your stomach churn. You were so far from him now, and from the looks of it, it didn’t seem like Jungkook was going to be letting you back in anytime soon. Maybe he wasn’t going to let you back in at all.

You sigh with disappointment, hoping he would say something a little more than just apologizing for not showing up yesterday, and telling you not to be late for class. You spin on your heel and begin to trek with complete utter lack of motivation to your classroom.

“Excuse me… Can you help me?”

You turn around to look behind you to see a tall brown haired boy with a black snapback. He was more or less the same height as Jungkook, but maybe thinner in comparison. You tilted your head to look at him a little bit closer. He wore a simple black sweatshirt with a dark blue backpack swung over his right shoulder.

“Yeah?” You mumble, watching as he reaches down into his pocket to pull out a crumbled piece of paper. He quickly unfolds it and to much of your surprise, it’s a schedule print out. “Oh, did you need help looking for a class?” You quickly ask. He nods and gives you a boxy smile.

“I’m sorry, this is my first day transferring here. I don’t know the classrooms and the buildings all too well yet. I’m hoping you could help me find this class here? I’m not even sure if I’m in the right building…” He points with his long slender fingers towards the center of the paper and you move slightly closer to him to take a proper look. You almost swore you heard him swallow; maybe you were too close to him and it made him uncomfortable? You licked your lips and consciously took a step away before smiling back up at him.

“I’m actually in the same class as you believe it or not. I’m heading there now so we can go together if you’d like.” You assure him and he nods.

“Thank you, you’re a life saver.”

“I’m Y/N, by the way.” You hold out your hand to him and you notice the slight hesitation in his eyes. Just as you were about to pull your hand away, he reaches out and takes your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Taehyung,”


anonymous asked:

Why do you think so many middle class liberals adopt communism and anarcho-communism as their ideology when, realistically, they'd have the least to gain from a communist or anarchist state?

I don’t have a real answer to that.

I think a lot of it is down to ignorance and an overly-simplistic view of how to make the world better, as well as a smattering of entitlement.

In an ideal world, there would be no homeless people, everyone would be healthy, everyone would have a decent home and nobody would ever go hungry. But that costs money. 

There’s a reason that the newly-politically-“aware” youth are much more likely to be communists than older people. They haven’t gotten a decent grasp of basic economics yet. They haven’t worked for years and seen the fruits of their labours when it comes to building a home and building a life for themselves, the sense of accomplishment that that gives. A lot of them are coddled, so they don’t really understand the meaning of, “I paid my bills, but I saved to get this, I worked hard for this, this is mine and I’m proud of myself for my achievement.”

The older ones tend to either be people that have been paid to do nothing but espouse communist views – like politicians or professional protesters, given money only to complain – or the most embittered needy and vulnerable that can’t seem to get ahead and blame the system for their luck, so want others to foot the bill.

The fact is that the world needs a mix of capitalism and some socialism in the right kind of balance.

Nobody decent thinks that the disabled, the elderly etc should be left to starve to death if they can’t work. There needs to be a cushion there. But it’s also wrong to strip someone of their hard work.

These people, they ironically lack empathy and claim to care about others. It’s a much bigger picture than, “Take from the richest to give to the poorest.” All they can picture are fatcats with millions, not families that have worked hard to save as much as they can to leave a nest egg to protect their children when they’ve gone.

And the thing is that you’re right. Most of the poorest people want to get on the ladder to earn for themselves so they can feel proud of themselves and achieve something for themselves. But if there’s “revolution,” then those middle-class “communists” are one of the first on the chopping block. 

Shouting “Communism for all!” is a cheap way to pretend to care about the poorest without actually doing anything to help them. You see that constantly on this site. All that they think they need to do is espouse communist rhetoric and maybe attend some rallies. At best, they might help out with a charity. But they never actually practice what they preach aside from cooing at the idea that they know, deep down, will never happen.

And that suits them, quite frankly. Because as long as they know that capitalism is in control, they can keep complaining and keep shouting for revolution, but never lose any of their comforts and never fear losing their personal quality of life.

When did you last hear of a communism/etc-support-shouting politician that looked at their massive salary and pension and gave it away happily?

They don’t believe in it. They might convince themselves that they do, safe in the knowledge that what they claim to want will never pass, but deep down? They really don’t mean it. 

4

Empress Alexandra Fyodorovna of Russia and her only son Tsesarevich Alexei Nikolaevich in 1906

The Empress’s favorite child, the one on whom all her thoughts were centred, was her boy. His illness was the tragedy of her happy home life. She could never feel for an hour that he was safe. The little accidents that are bound to happen to a lively child were grave dangers in his case. just because a fall was so serious to him he seemed always to be falling. When he hurt himself before any public function, the real reason was never given for his non-appearance. It was said that he had a cold or a sprained ankle. All he suffered in the course of his short life can scarcely be believed. It did not embitter him. It only seemed to give him a pity, unusual in a child, for the suffering of other people. He was a pretty child, tall for his age, with regular features, splendid dark blue eyes with a spark of mischief in them, brown hair, and an uptight figure. His frequent illnesses made him rather backward at his lessons, but he was very clever, with a good memory, and when he was well he worked hard to make up for lost time.

He was full of spirits and had quick powers of observation, a generous nature and very strong will. He had chosen as a motto the words of Peter the Great that he had found for himself in a book: “ Prayer to God and service to the Tsar will not be lost (i.e. in vain).”

Sophie Buxhoeveden: The Life and Tragedy of Alexandra Feodorovna

It occurred to me recently that Soren’s cynicism towards the rest of the world and his love and devotion for Ike is likely linked to the ability to read minds. It’s inferred in PoR that dragon Laguz may be able to mind read better than even the Herons and we know that Micaiah as a Heron Branded can read minds, at least to a degree, thereby as a Dragon Branded Soren may have the same ability to an even greater extent than Micaiah, he heard everything everyone thought about him as a despised child and it embittered him to the world, whereas Ike is completely honest and says exactly what he is thinking, so he knows if Ike says he values him, he means it.