I hate myself for looking the way I do, for being the way I am, for being the source of everyone’s unhappiness, for still being alive. I hate that my supposed happiness seems to be doing nothing but ruining others’. I hate that I am here, that I am me.
i know flower crowns are a bit passé but i still like them so i included both versions. feel free to use anywhere, just tag the post saying that you plan to use it! visible credit is
not necessary but highly appreciated.
My mood is all over the place, or rather, I’m seemingly feeling everything at once - for the lack of a better description. I want to push everything away, but then I need it again - want to ask for it, but can’t. I’m numb, empty and suddenly filled with more than the usual pain. My skin feels like it’s on fire. I’m trying to breathe through this. It will pass. It always does. But it always comes back as well. And each time I only want to be done with this life because I am stuck in this vicious cycle and can’t break out.
Ahhhhhhhhh Yusuke is the cutest in the universe ＼(*T▽T*)／ His little side story was about Ema going on a date with him for his birthday (which was like coincidentally 4 days ago) on the 31st of March. They went on a little cute date together and then Ema gave Yusuke a charm (it says “traffic safety”) and a cute little cookie shaped like a car for getting his driver’s licence. It obviously means a lot to Yusuke since he keeps a charm for himself and gave it to Ema in order to pass her own exams (in the novel). So he hugs her and tells her it makes him really happy and they hold hands and look forward to next year.
Gooosh I wish these two were canon. Just seeing interactions, as short is it is, makes me all giddy but sad. Sorry for the crappy quality pics. I kinda rushed in taking pictures since I was about to leave before I took them lol.
Uni starts this week again and I’m not ready for that to happen. I mean, I took all classes I need (because I fucked up last term and didn’t complete some, so this is another try, never mind the fact that I still have to write way too many term papers), but I feel even worse than the last two terms, which was when I felt sort of..motivated? or something, or at least I had more energy to get things done. So I guess here’s to a few more months of my mental illnesses fucking me over. Which doesn’t mean I won’t do as much as I can. Because I will. And I’ll go to all those office hours to explain the situation to my professors, but it still fucking sucks. Because I want to be done with this and I haven’t given up yet (even though more often than not, I want to because fuck everything, fuck my illnesses and the physical pain I’m in every-fucking-day). But while I try my best each term, try to do all my assignments and work on my papers, there’s always all the mentally ill shit that makes me feel even more exhausted & hopeless and in the end it just doesn’t really work out.
Therapist says that I should be proud because I haven’t given up, because I’m also working next to uni, everything while still having to deal with my illnesses, but feeling proud doesn’t really help me get anywhere. I just want to be done. Either with uni or life. And once again, one of those two things most certainly seems to be the easier thing to achieve.
My skin yearns for your touch. Like a fire asking for oxygen to burn, I need your fingertips brushing over my body to stay alight.
Kiss me. There are words trapped between my lips that only you should get to hear.
Push me against a wall. Let your lips rest on mine and kiss me like you are trying to steal my last breath. I’m longing for your kind of love. It’s my favourite one.
I want to explore your skin, whisper secrets as I appreciate every inch of you.
Let me fulfil your desires. The thought of your voice alone turns me upside down.
It’s okay that my heart isn’t perfect. It’s okay that it has scars all over and some pieces are even missing. After all, it doesn’t mean that I cannot love you. It only means that my love for you is seeping through my whole body, from the top of my head to the tip of my toe.
I do not just love you with my whole heart. I love you with my whole being.
Claim me as yours.
We can dance together
and my nails will paint masterpieces on your skin.
Stars are trapped within me and I cannot wait to share the taste of this galaxy with you again.