elven bodyguard

alright so the headcanon I have for Arethys is she got caught up in the whole “imperial ambush on ulfric” thing for a reeeally stupid reason

that reason being, she decided she was going to start growing a mushroom tower in the volcanic area of Eastmarch without petitioning the Jarl first, and word of it got back to Ulfric

so he rode out to confront her (with bodyguards because elven wizards aren’t to be underestimated) and it turned into one big “get the hell off MY lawn” fest, she ultimately agreed to pay for the land and before they could draw up the paperwork the Imperials swooped in and it all went to shit.

so the whole mess happened because Arethys Demnevanni of House Telvanni couldn’t be arsed to actually pay for a plot of land before deciding to plant a bigass mushroom there.

Well that's one way of doing it...

Our party was attending a wedding among a whole bunch of nobles, with the mission to assassinate one of the barons, who had a massive human bodyguard. Our Elven Alchemist decided to seduce the baron, and was lead to a private area. There, our Elf rolled a natural 20, giving this baron the best sex of his life, which was followed by our Elf stabbing the baron in the chest, killing him.

The bodyguard came into the room they were in, and revealed himself to be a devil. The Elf knew he wasn’t going to be able to kill the devil, so he asked the devil if he could summon another devil to make a contract with. Long story short, the Elf sold his soul for the bodyguard devil to be his personal sex slave. He sits in a corner in our ship, with a blindfold on, and isn’t allowed to talk to anyone.