elliot jacobs


New York in the 1950s

From top to bottom;

1) Model Drusilla Beyfus, 1956. By Eve Arnold.

2) Manhattan,1953. By Werner Bischof.

3) Fashion model in front of “Devil in the Flesh” poster, 1950. By George Platt Lynes.

4) New York City food stand in the 1950s. By Ruth Orkin.

5) James Dean in New York City, 1954. By Roy Schatt.

6) Harlem, 1955. By William Klein.

7) NYC, 1950s. By Saul Leiter.

8) Street scene, 1955. By Elliot Erwitt.

9) Coney Island Photo Booth, 1953. By Raymond Jacobs.

10) Turkish bellydancer Nejla Ateş at The Latin Quarter night club, 1953.  Lou Walters had a rule that all his female performers, whether star dancer or chorine, had to wear pasties. By Yale Joel.


Hey, I am not some tumor to be excised. Do you understand? The opposite. I’m the organ vital to your existence. Now if you insist on keeping this up, I’m gonna go from annoyed to hurt.

Forgiven Not Forgotten (Part 2)


(+part one here)

Jacob Elliot Styles was born on a cold Friday morning on November 24th at 4:25am. And you didn’t deny that he was a beautiful baby, he looked like his father, how could he not be beautiful? But it hurt, when you woke up at 2 in the morning, only to find an empty bed with nothing except a messy note left on Harry’s pillow saying ’water broke, see you soon. I love you x’ and that was it. You knew she had been having a few pains as she text Harry and told him, but assured him they were gas pains and there was nothing to worry about. But four months later, it was hard, and the weight that was weighing down your heart, was getting too heavy to keep concealed.

You know you’re going to be just as much of a mum to this baby as she is, don’t you? You thought back to when he had told you that. But now you weren’t sure. Harry had been spending most nights at her house, coming to visit you with Jacob whenever it suited Katie to allow her son and baby daddy out of her sight, whenever she wanted a break.

You understood that she was breastfeeding, and that she didn’t want to start Jacob on bottles this early on, but a few bottles while he came to stay at your and Harry’s house wouldn’t hurt. But of course, Harry didn’t fight her on her ‘I don’t want to have him away from me during nights. Plus, I’m breastfeeding so I need him here to feed him’ statement, agreeing with her, not wanting to upset her.

You thought you would be able to handle it, but now you weren’t so sure. Just as you realized you were crying, a key was inserted into the lock of Harry’s house that you shared with him. You quickly wiped your eyes, putting on a smile as Harry walked into the living room, a black car seat in his hand. “Look who wanted to come and see Y/N,” he smiled at you. Y/N. Your boyfriend’s baby boy wasn’t yours, and if you had come into the relationship with him having a baby, it would have been totally different. But he got someone pregnant in the centre of your relationship, and you were finding things difficult at the moment.

You shot him a sad smile back, not enjoying the feeling that at any moment, you could fall apart. “I was just about to go for a shower. Sorry, Harry,” you said before standing up, not failing to notice Jacob - looking exactly like the handsome boy you would expect Harry to father -  in his arms. You couldn’t hold your tears in anymore as you walked into yours and Harry’s bedroom that felt like only yours at the moment, because Harry hadn’t slept in the bed in a couple of months, and even at that, he left at three in the morning because Jacob wouldn’t settle without him.

You didn’t need a shower, you had one that morning, but you turned the shower on anyway, letting it run down the drain while you slid to the floor, and fell apart. You had held Jacob once, and the one time you did, it felt like the most incredible thing in the world, which was why you couldn’t do it again. Because he wasn’t going to grow up calling you mum. It wouldn’t be you driving him to his first day of school. It wouldn’t be you sitting at his graduation, crying with joy. Because he wasn’t yours. He was your boyfriends whom you loved so, incredibly much, but he wasn’t yours, and you knew that if you wanted to keep Harry, you would have to accept that he now had a son who was the centre of his world, and his very top priority.

Harry had known as soon as he seen you that something was wrong. And as soon as he brought Jacob out of his car seat, he knew it was the whole baby thing. And Harry suddenly felt like a dickhead for not noticing it sooner, but then he hadn’t seen her for extended periods of time to notice, and that made him feel even guiltier. But he had a son now, and though it wasn’t the most ideal situation, Jake was 50% of him. And though he’d prefer the other 50% to be you, it’s wasn’t, but it didn’t alter the love he felt for his son, because at the end of the day, he was his own flesh and blood, but he planned to have you as a wife one day, and you were just as important as Jacob was to him.

He cradled Jake to his chest, kissing the four month old gently on the head, before placing him onto his bed, surrounding him with pillows. He could hear the water running in the bathroom, but they weren’t completely drowning out your sobs, and his heart broke. You were so unhappy and he had been so preoccupied that he hadn’t noticed. He knocked on the door softly before opening it, seeing his girlfriend, the love of his life, sobbing into her hands, sitting on the floor.

“Baby,” he whispered, choking on his words. Did he have the right to still call you baby after what he had put you through? He wasn’t sure…

“I can’t do it. I thought I would at least be somehow involved and I thought I was ok with all of this, but every time I look at him I see you and Katie together, and I think about how much I’d kill to be his mummy. I hardly ever see you anymore, you stay at Katie’s every night and when you come home, you receive a call at all times in the morning because he won’t settle. And you go, and I understand that you need to, he’s your son, but I miss you. We haven’t slept in the same bed in two months. It’s like you had Jacob, now you have Katie, and you don’t need me anymore. I know I’m probably being selfish, and I’m sorry, but I have needs, and I need to be held and I’m not talking 24/7 but I need something, I need to be loved and I need to be happy. And I don’t think I am right now, because I hardly see you and all I can think about is when you said to me ’You know you’re going to be just as much of a mum to this baby as she is,’ but I’m not. I’ve seen him a handful of times since he was born, because Katie has you on a leash. This isn’t how I want to live my life. Going on with you raising your son who grows up to hate me because I’m the reason his parents aren’t together,” spilling everything was hard, but you had to do it. Living the way you were now was no life for you.

“I love you,” Harry whispered, before Jacob started to whimper and his head shot towards the bedroom, his eyes going back and forth from you both.

“Go, soothe him,” you said, wiping away your tears. You loved Harry, but you didn’t know if that was enough anymore. Maybe if you got more time with him, everything would be different, but Katie wasn’t going to let go of the cycle of these past months, because as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you knew she was in love with her baby’s father, who happened to be the same man you were in love with.

Harry picked Jacob up from the bed, his smile lighting up the room. “Hey, little guy. What’s all of this about, huh? Daddy’s here, nothing’s going to get you. How 'bout you sleep till daddy talks to someone very, very special, huh?” Jacob wasn’t letting it go, and he started to screech, his shrill cries cutting right through your heart, and you just wanted to reach out and cuddle him. Ten minutes later, after Harry attempting to give him a bottle which Katie expressed which didn’t go unnoticed, and it maddened you, and changing him, he was still screeching. “C'mon handsome. Let’s stop this, yeah?” Harry cooed, rocking the small boy.

“Can- can I try?” You spoke up, and Harry’s eyes widened. He nodded in surprise, passing you Jacob, and as soon as he nestled into your chest, his cries quietened down, as he smiled, letting out a small yawn. He grabbed on to your shirt, clinging for dear life making you smile sadly. He wasn’t yours.

“You’re a natural,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I thought Katie didn’t want to give him bottles?” You asked angrily, and quietly, careful not to wake the small boy who was now fast asleep in your arms.

“She just started expressing at the four month mark,” he said and you nodded. He was four months the day before so you let it slide for the time being. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You know when I’m with Katie, I imagine you. But she can’t soothe him like you. That was incredible,” he smiled sadly. “I imagine you all of the time, and I’m so angry at myself. It should be you and I. It should be us raising our baby! He shouldn’t be Katie’s, he should be ours,” Harry whispered the last four words, before falling to the ground, sobbing, and letting out everything he had ignored for the past four months. “Can I come home?” He asked, through his sobs, and you hoped to hell he had his inhaler, because his sobs were heartbreaking and wracking his entire body. You nodded, dropping your head to his shoulder. “I’ll propose three nights here, four nights at her’s one week, and then four here the next week, three at hers,” you smiled, nodding.

“That’s all I ask. You have some time with me, because I know that Jacob is the most important thing to you, but you’re the most important thing to me, and I need sometime with you. And obviously I’ll need some time to adjust to having a baby in the house, but we can work it out, I’m sure of it,” and with his nod of agreement, you were so, incredibly, massively happy, and motivated to fix your relationship.


*7 years later*

“Jake! Dinner’s ready,” Harry shouted up to the seven year old who was in his playroom.

“Coming, daddy!” He shouted back, his little footsteps running downstairs. He sat at the table patiently while he waited on his dinner. You carried it over to him, setting it down, as he smiled up at you. “Thank you,” he said politely.

“You’re welcome, buddy,” you replied, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Oliver, honey. I think it’s supposed to go in your mouth,” you offered to your three year old son, who was smearing his mashed potatoes on the tray of his high-chair. He laughed, as he looked over to his big brother Jacob, who then burst out in giggles.

“And a boob for you, Princess Grace,” you chuckled as you fixed your nursing cover as she latched on, suckling happily, finally getting the hang of it after the past month.

Oliver Theo Styles was born four years after Jacob came along. And Grace Louise Styles came a month ago. And you couldn’t be more happier.

“How come you’re not my mummy but you’re Oliver and Grace’s?” You knew it would come sometime, but you weren’t ready for it yet. “I want you to be my mummy,” he stated and your heart dropped. Did you agree, because in all honestly, you’d love if he called you mum? Did you tell him you couldn’t be because he already had a mummy, he just never seen her because 'she was busy’…

“Daddy had you with your mummy before Daddy and I had Ollie and Gracie,” you tried to explain.

Listen, I’m married, I have my own family now. Maybe it’s best for Jacob to stay here full time. Maybe Y/N should adopt him.” Those were Katie’s words. She had her own family now, so she didn’t need the baby that wasn’t her husbands…

I’m going to sign these papers, in case you ever decide you want to go through with this. I don’t want you to feel pressured, but if you ever want to, you have my blessing,” were Harry’s words after Katie had given you the adoption papers. And unbeknown to anyone except Katie who you had gotten in touch with to make sure she was sure, you already had, and you were officially Jacob’s mummy, which was supposed to be a surprise for Harry’s birthday in a few days.

“But I never see my mummy, and she shouted at me lots. So can you be my mummy? I want you to be my mummy. Please?” You looked to Harry who look surprised, but he looked at you with an excited expression, waiting on your answer.

“I’d love to be your mummy, bub,” you smiled. He slid out of his chair quickly, toddling over to you.

“I love you, mummy,” he whispered, smiling happily as he hugged you, careful of his sister who was still nursing.

“I love you too, Jakey,” you pressed a kiss to his forehead, smiling happily.


“So, you’re going to think about adopting Jacob?” Harry asked excitedly as you were cuddled in bed.

“About that, I was officially Jacob’s mummy a few months ago. I wanted to surprise you for your birthday,” you smiled and his face lit up.

“How- What- I- Did you not need me to approve anything?” He asked. You shook your head, smiling at him.

“You signed. Katie approved it all, and the fact that we’re married helped tons. You know it’s amazing what a good lawyer can do. It was a long and gruelling process and I can’t even begin to explain what I done because I honestly don’t really understand, but he’s ours. Officially,” you smiled.

“God, I love you,” he whispered, pulling you in for a hug, pressing his lips to yours in a passionate kiss. The door squeaked open, and you pulled away to see a sad looking Jacob at the door.

“Mummy? Daddy? Can I sleep in here, just for tonight,” he promised.

“Of course, bub. But Gracie might wake you when she cries,” you said and he nodded, running over to your side of the bed before climbing over you, fitting in between you and Harry.

And before the night was up, you had all three of your babies in the bed with you, snuggled together, sleeping soundly.

“We did good, Mrs. Styles,” he smirked at you, whispering his words.

“That we did, Mr. Styles. That we did.”