elleemizukoshi

5

ON BEING VULNERABLE 


The pictures above are well, me. I’ve never really opened up this part of myself cause I’ve always been afraid of what others may say, or how they’d react.

But…

Lately, for some unknown reason, I have been bombarded with the same questions. 

“Why don’t you go on a diet?”

“Don’t you want to go on a diet?”

“Don’t you wanna get fit or thinner or something?”

“Why are you eating that? tsk tsk tsk”
 

… and with the same lines…

Go exercise.”

“Go on a diet.”

“Don’t eat that.”

“Ano ba yan! Mag-diet ka nga.” (Go on a diet already!)

“Ang taba mo.” (You’re fat.)

“Sige Ka. Pag Di ka pumayat niyan, di ka magkaka-boyfriend”. (If you don’t get thinner, you’ll never get a boyfriend.“ 


*sighs* 

I’m pretty sure I know that I’m not the thinnest girl out there, or a possible candidate to be on the covers of Us Weekly or those fitness magazines. I’m not blind. I know I’m overweight ( to be exact, by roughly 35 lbs.). But I don’t need people bugging and drowning me to do something I’ve been trying to do for a long time now. I know they’re concerned about my health and my well-being. I get that. I am grateful for that. What I am not grateful about though is the constant remarks that, instead of lifting my spirits up, are pushing me down to the pit of sadness all over again. And since you didn’t bring me out of this world, nor made me, you have no right to even try doing that to me.

I am not sad that I am overweight. I am sad because these remarks are like broken records playing over and over again, and like any repetitive tune, it gets ANNOYING.

I am very much happy with who i am, and what I am. It has taken me years to feel this way about myself. I do want to lose weight for health benefits, but for those who are telling me to lose weight so that I can be more "beautiful” or to lose weight to be as thin as a Victoria’s Secret Angel, you people have a distorted way of seeing beauty. God made me beautiful from the moment I was conceived in my mother’s womb. He has made me in His image, therefore I KNOW I am beautiful. He has blessed me so much, that I much rather care about how I can  be a blessing to others and how I can finish up my college, than be thinking about how I can fit into a size 2. 

Now, I’m not saying dieting is bad (though personally, i think it’s just DIE with a T at the end), I’m just saying that before you do, BE HAPPY WITH YOU, FIRST. Don’t go and get thin without loving yourself first. It’s just sad, cause God loves you for who you already are. Yes, I still struggle with that everyday. Looking at the mirror and seeing rolls in my stomach and curves that protrude outward instead of inward each morning sometimes gets to me. I used to have a rather low self-esteem back then cause I kept thinking I was less of a beautiful person cause I was heavier. It’s not easy. It’s never gonna be easy. But if you can’t even love yourself, then how can you assure you’ll love yourself when you do lose the weight? Lose the weight because you love yourself, don’t love yourself ONLY WHEN you lose the weight.

Oh, and to that boyfriend comment. 

ANG BOYFRIEND, KAYA KANG IWAN. ANG PAGKAIN, HINDI. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

No, but seriously though? If I’m not gonna get a boyfriend cause I’m fat? Then I don’t want to get a boyfriend. Why would I want to be with someone who’ll measure his love with how thin my waistline is? Love and Weight aren’t suppose to be inversely or directly proportional to one another. Heck, They’re not even suppose to be compared. If you love someone, you love them for who they are. You want them to lose weight for their benefit, fine. Great even. But if you want them to lose weight so that you can show them off and be like a trophy you can flaunt around, then your idea of love and what a relationship is, is WAY OFF.

And now some people might go

Well, she’s just saying all these things cause no one loves her cause she’s fat.”

or

“Well, I still think people who are thinner are more beautiful.”

or

“Pagpumayat ka, masgaganda ka” (if you get thinner, you’ll be more beautiful)

It is you people who I pray for the most. 

You, who have been blinded by the media and the world to see beauty only on the surface. 

You, who have shunned yourselves from the truth.

You, who pull others down, but fail to recognize that you’re not going any higher in doing so. 

So to the girls out there who understand how this feels. This one’s for you. 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU ARE  ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL.

GOD LOVES YOU, HAS LOVED YOU, AND WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT. 

WHETHER YOU’RE UNDERWEIGHT, OVERWEIGHT, FIT, THIN, TALL, SHORT,A LADY, A DUDE, RICH, POOR, WHATEVER. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. 

Beauty, Ladies and Gentlemen, comes in all SHAPES and SIZES.

HE IS BEAUTIFUL AND HAS MADE YOU IN HIS OWN IMAGE (Gen 1:27), THEREFORE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.


Cheers to those who tip the scales and smile.

Cheers to those who work hard for themselves, not for others. 

Cheers to those who understands how it is, and what we have to go through because of the distorted ideas of the world. 

Cheers to those who are struggling. For this will make you stronger. 

If you’re reading this and you know EXACTLY how this feels and is feeling this right now, 

YOU, MY DEAR, ARE PERFECT BEING PERFECTLY YOU.