idk who u are or where i am. if you diss pride and prejudice im comin for ur ungrateful ass. we could be standing at the alter abt to say ‘i do’ and if you say ‘ugh i hate pride and prejudice’ id fcking leave you. id walk out of my own wedding. i could be under anesthesia about to have major surgery and hear my doctor say ‘i never liked austen novels’ and id wake up just to request a different doctor. u could be the president of the united states and say ‘they’re just love stories’ and id deck you right there, right in front of secret service. im waiting and im ready to fight
may I ask why your relationship with the pride & prejudice (2005) is complex? I love hearing people's opinions about the movie
Now, I do not hold any sort of
beef or dislike anyone who prefers the 2005 adaptation over any other
adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Partly because everyone’s preference is
unique, and mostly because I’m not a massive head of a dick.
My relationship with the 2005 film is
complex because there are three parts of me whenever I watch a film.
The director and the writer and the fan.
The director likes the film very much.
She adores the editing, how the scenes are lit, how Marianelli’s music so
perfectly moves the scenes along and evokes the feelings of the characters, the
costumes, the acting. The little touches and production details, she is
particularly fond of.
The writer finds the film to be rather
middle-of-the-road. There’s good writing in there, wit and some good ideas.
(Whoever came up with the idea of Elizabeth and Darcy’s first touch coming
through him helping her into the carriage needs to get an award, because so
much subtext and the writer lurves
subtext.) But she finds that sometimes, the writing is a bit too modern and it
doesn’t really properly evoke the Regency era for her as other adaptations have
done in the past.
The fan hates some of the changes. The
alternative ending shall not be spoken of, for one. Another severely dislikes
the overly giggly nature of Elizabeth Bennet. Kiera Knightley is a very good
actress, but Elizabeth was always meant to be, for the fan, a bit more serious.
Inclined to laugh, obviously, but grounded. Lydia is flighty, flirting without
thought for the effect it has on the rest of her family. Elizabeth however, is
proud and therefore, pragmatic. By making Lizzy more giggly, zipping about
making sarcastic comments, it just makes the film lack a bit of gravitas.
Putting all that together, basically I
find that though a beautifully made film, the 2005 adaptation is just too
fluffy and too on the nose. I understand that it’s a film and therefore changes
have to be made to fit everything into 2 hours, but it misses the mark on a
lot, and that makes it, as I said, fluffy. I want some sharpness to my P&P,
Take the 1995 adaptation. I know it’s talky,
a bit stagey and a bit stiff in some places but it lies deep in my heart,
embedded there for always. Everyone talks about Darcy and Elizabeth being in
the thundering rain in the 2005 film and I’ll be honest, that is a fantastic
scene with that almost kiss but 1995, HOLY HELL. THIS REQUIRES EXTENDED
CAPSLOCK BECAUSE ELIZABETH BENNET LIT UP BY SUNSHINE AS SHE TEARS FITZWILLIAM
DARCY, OWNER OF THE PEMBERLEY ESTATE AND EARNER OF 10 GRAND A YEAR, A NEW ONE.
LOOK AT DARCY.
HE’S REHEARSED THAT SPEECH. YOU KNOW HE HAS. TEN TIMES, OVER AND OVER, IN FRONT OF HIS BATHROOM MIRROR. HIS VALET’S ALL, ‘THE GREEN WAISTCOAT OR THE WHITE, SIR?’ AND DARCY’S JUST LIKE, ‘YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU’ AND THE VALET’S ALL ‘UMMMM THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR’
(and yes that is a
Blackadder Goes Forth reference, what)
ANYWAY. HE SAYS THIS SHIT TO ELIZABETH.
‘YEP, I’LL IMPLY THAT SHE’S SHIT POOR AND IT’LL BE EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO MARRY HER, SHE’S SO GONNA SAY YES RIGHT NOW, GOOD ONE DARCY.’
MEANWHILE LIZZY’S RAGE IS GENTLY SIMMERING IN A POT OF ‘I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.’
THEN, WHEN DARCY’S ALL TALKED OUT, THIS LOOK AND THESE WORDS. AS LIZZY PREPARES TO GIVE THIS FUCKSTICK THE BURN OF HIS LIFE.
THAT IS A LOOK WHICH TELLS YOU SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
AND DARCY. HE KNOWS HE’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. LOOK AT THIS, AND DON’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE FACE OF A MAN WHO’S JUST PROCESSED THE WORDS HE’S JUST HEARD AND KNOWS DEEP DOWN HE’S ABOUT TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE BACK DOOR ONTO HIS FACE.
IN FACT, DARCY’S REACTIONS AS SHE TEARS INTO HIM IS A THING OF BEAUTY.
‘THIS IS… NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’
‘THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’
‘OKAY BUT SHE HASN’T TECHNICALLY SAID NO YET, I MAY BE IN WITH A CHANCE’
‘OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SISTER’
‘WAIT HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT BINGLEY’
‘DAMN YOU FITZWILLIAM’
‘ALRIGHT FUCK IT, I DID FUCK UP YOUR SISTER’S HAPPINESS SO WHAT’
THEN LIZZY BRINGS UP WICKHAM
‘UGH FUCKING WICKHAM WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT DUDE’
BUT LIZZY CONTINUES AND DARCY REALISES THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN BASTARD WICKHAM
‘OKAY NO, I HAVE ACTUALLY SEVERELY FUCKED UP’
SO HE TURNS ON HER
‘WELL YOU’RE POOR AND YOUR FAMILY IS SHIT SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT HUH’
THEN LIZZY TURNS BACK TO HIM WITH THIS LOOK.
AND DARCY’S REACTION.
THAT NIGGLING THOUGHT HE HAD DEEP DOWN THAT HE WAS FUCKED – THAT HAS JUST COME LOOMING UP TO THE FOREGROUND, WAVING A FLAG WHICH HAS THE WORDS ‘WE ARE DOOMED’ SPLAYED ACROSS IT IN ELEGANT REGENCY FONT
BUT LIZZY AIN’T FINISHED YET
BEAUTIFUL SUMMER SHINESHINE IS POURING THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS, BIRDS ARE MOST LIKELY TWEETING, THE LEAVES ON THE TREES ARE BURSTING GREEN AND LIZZY IS THROWING EVERY WORD OF HER REJECTION OF DARCY AT HIM LIKE THEY’RE NINJA THROWING STARS OR SOME SUCH SHIT
LOOK AT THAT LOOK. THAT IS THE LOOK THAT PUTS FLESH ON MY BONES, BEATS IN MY HEART, AIR IN MY LUNGS AND FOOD IN MY BELLY.
AND WHAT’S HIS REACTION? WHAT’S THIS FUCKER’S REACTION TO THE MOST SAVAGE REJECTION HE’S POSSIBLY EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE? AS A WOMAN, LIZZY HAS VERY FEW OPTIONS IN THIS ERA. HE COULD RUIN ALL OF THOSE OPTIONS, RUIN HER, BY HEADING OUT OF THERE AND TELLING EVERYONE HE MEETS ‘DON’T GO FOR THAT ELIZABETH BENNET SHE’S RUDE AND UNGRATEFUL AND THE WORST KIND OF WOMAN’ BUT—
HE LEAVES. THIS UTTER WANKER APOLOGISES FOR TAKING UP HER TIME AND NOBLY, QUIETLY, LEAVES, NOT FORGETTING TO WISH HER WELL BEFORE HE GOES.
And suddenly, that’s a glimmer of the good behind the pompous arsehole. He listens to Lizzy’s rejection, savage and filled with truth, and he writes a letter to her in response.
How very fucking British.
And precisely why my relationship with the 2005 film is so complex.
OKIE DOKIE SMOKEY IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF ‘LISTEN TO VAL BECAUSE I HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO TELL YOU’ PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES VERSION
literally people in edwardian england fighting zombies
I mean sam riley
in edwardian costume fighting zombies
honestly if those two sentences did not have your attention idek how to help you
not the most ground breaking plot but children listen to me
the proposal scene
the p r o p o s a l s c e n e
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BETTER REPRESENTATION OF THE WORDS FIGHT ME IN CINEMA BEFORE
the kisses in this movie were not pg-13 christ save me
I mean, good lord
these were some ‘their tongues dueled for dominance’ jaw-rotting motherfuckers
CONVIENIENT CORSET AND VEST RIPPING
I do not know which god I managed to please somehow but I intend to keep doing it. If this is hell serve me a fuckin’ margarita bartender I plan on staying for a long goddamn time
sam riley stomping around in edwardian leather jackets people come on
occasionally a zombie shows up
cersei lannister has an eyepatch and ninjas
I’m not joking ugh I don’t want to spoil it but I LITERALLY HAD TO PUNCH @florentinequill DURING THE PROPOSAL SCENE BECAUSE I WAS 95% SURE SHE FLATLINED AND WAS IN THE PROCESS OF DYING THERE IS A VERY SPECIFIC MOMENT DURING THAT FIGHT WHICH WILL END YOUR PITIFUL MORTAL EXISTENCE
I have never seen more ‘I hate you but suddenly I am finding you very attractive what is this weird boner’ looks exchanged between two people in such a short time what is going on
there were zombies somewhere in there idk
there’s a white wet shirt scene in tribute to Colin Firth, enjoy
It’s extraordinary! Are you sure it’s true? - Charlotte, how could it be otherwise? Every circumstance confirms it. And Mr Darcy has boasted to me himself of his resentful, implacable… - Lizzy! - What?