elfins

🍒 Sun in the 1st: Glowing face. Leonine eyes. Regal command. Masculine features.  

🍒 Moon in the 1st: Moon Face. Full Cheeks. Dimples like craters. Feminine features. Smiles with half crescent moon eyes 

🍒 Mercury in the 1st: Elfin or Fairy Face. Almond eyes. Dainty features. Big forehead. Youthful  

🍒 Venus in the 1st: Goddess face. Feminine features. Softness. Mystique. Symmetrical features  

🍒 Mars in the 1st: Springtime Face. Scars. Defined features. Can have resting frustrated face. Pronounced jawline.  

🍒 Jupiter in the 1st: Bohemian Face. Large head and features. Big smile. Large bone structure 

🍒 Saturn in the 1st: Doll Face. Still expression. Refined features with prominent bone structure 

🍒 Uranus in the 1st: Alien Face. Large forehead. Bright and luminescent eyes. Maybe unusual looking 

🍒 Neptune in the 1st: Spellbound face. Large watery eyes. Seems untouchable. Alluring features. Make up. Everything is not what it seems. Sleepy eyes.

🍒 Pluto in the 1st: Hidden Face. Still, calculating, and mesmerising eyes. Darkness below eyes. Thicker hair 

-C.

Head-writer of Avatar: The Last Airbender is doing a new show

The Dragon Prince is coming in September and is a work of the team from Wonderstorm that includes Aaron Ehasz, ATLA head-writer, and Giancarlo Volpe, ATLA director. It’s about “two human princes who forge an unlikely bond with the elfin assassin sent to kill them, embarking on an epic quest to bring peace to their warring lands”.

I’M EXCITED. Story-telling? Characterisation? World-building? I know this will be good.

“Destiny is a book you write yourself.” -The Dragon Prince. Reminds me of Zuko ahhh

The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom,
His tongue speaks judgment.
Blessed is the man who endures temptation,
For once he hath been tested, he shall receive the crown of life
.

this ship makes me emo

I Guess My Corpse Is A Swan Now: A Weird Folk Education

http://8tracks.com/elodieunderglass/i-guess-my-corpse-is-a-swan-now-a-weird-folk-education

Annotated for your pleasure, these Weird Folk Song Premises are very educational. Some plots are wonderfully bizarre, sung in lost languages - others have familiar echoes that you’ll pick up later in your favorite stories. Eight female trad/folk singers explain how to address life’s great challenges, such as getting your fairy boyfriend to commit, the best ways to make harps out of body parts, and under what contexts it’s cool to eat a dead dude. I couldn’t find a great Soundcloud recording for Sovay, so I suggest this one.

“An Elfin Knight Kidnapped My Wife, So I Staged This Elaborate Revenge Musical To Get Her Back” - (King Orfeo) - this Celtic retelling of the Orpheus myth has wild imagery and a happy ending, and inspired Tolkien’s legendarium of tall, fair, strange “elves” that meddle inscrutably with human affairs. Orfeo rescues Lisa Bell by playing some supernaturally sweet riffs. Look up “Sir Orfeo” and educate yourselves because you’re worth it. 

The refrains are “Scowan ürla grün” (Early green is the wood) and “Whar giorten han grün oarlac” (Where the hart goes yearly). The language is not Celtic, but Scandinavian - said to be some of the last preserved remnants of the Norn language. The “gabber reel” may be related to the Scottish “gramerie,” or magic - it was clearly a rockin’ tune that “makes a sick heart heal.”

“I Dated A Serial Killer and Then Killed Him” - (The Seventh Girl) - Another parable warning us all of the dangers of dating those pesky Weird Knights. In this variation, an Outlandish Knight. (Outlanders, as you know, are Scottish, making them just as distressing as marriage prospects as any fairy knight.) It’s a tale as old as time - you run off with an outlandish cutie, he turns out to be a serial killer, and then you’ve got to kill him, don’t you? 

“Six pretty girls have you drownéd right here, but the seventh girl has drownéd you!” sings the heroine triumphantly. (People who read Ursula Vernon’s “The Seventh Bride” without realizing that it’s retold folklore are going “Ah!” right now… )

“I Dressed As A Man And Robbed My Boyfriend at Gunpoint for Reasons” - (Sovay) -Hey, watch out you folksong resellers and fairy-tale-retellers, this obscure little piece of lore is my absolute favorite and you haven’t gotten your grubby little paws on it yet! (Just kidding, I’ve already been promised a retelling of Sovay, you can write more if you send them to me.) Sovay is one of my favorite folk songs. To challenge her lover’s faith, a woman dresses herself as a man, arms up, and robs him at gunpoint. Will he value the token she gave him over his own life? Well played, Sovay. Well played.

“My Sister Drowned Me and My Corpse Turned Into A Swan: On the Plus Side They Upcycled Said Corpse Into A Haunted Harp” - (The Bonny Swans) - this modern variation of the “Twa Sisters” has an admittedly strange plot. She’s a miller’s daughter but the harp accuses the son of a king? HOW CAN YOU MAKE A HARP OUT OF A SHOULDER BONE? I HAVE BEEN ANGRY ABOUT THIS SONG SINCE I WAS A VERY SMALL CHILD. Anyway, the “Twa Sisters” songs are generally about women murdering each other, and weird stuff happening to the corpse.

“If I Hug My Shapeshifting Fairy Boyfriend Hard Enough He Might Make A Good Husband” - (Tam Lin) - You’ve probably heard of this one, so let’s toss it in to break up the hipsterish obscurity. I love Janet. Janet makes such terrible decisions. But they have an underlying logic! Janet goes out into the woods and destroys foliage until a wild territorial garden elf yells at her, and then she naturally sasses and then bones him. This results in a rather awkward pregnancy, so she destroys a bit of foliage to induce miscarriage while getting the fairy’s attention. The fairy explains that if she wants to hug him while he turns into some carnivorous wild animals, he will marry her. Not surprisingly, Janet is into it. Toss a coat on that naked boy and bring him home, Janet! You freaky thing.

“Start a Hashtag, These Elfin Knights are Absolutely Out of Control” - (Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight) - You can skip this one. Isabel hears some sexy horn-playing from an elf-knight (presumably plangent honking on a trumpet) and absolutely loses her head. But then she regrets it when the Elf-Knight turns out to be the Outlandish Knight from “The Seventh Girl” and recites a tedious speech about how she will be the latest in his string of murder victims. Isabel offers to stroke his hair - a trick I use on my husband - and he falls asleep with his head in her lap, allowing her to cut his head off (not something I do with my husband). This is a more boring tune and not a very Weird Variation, but it’s got very deep roots and has quietly spawned a lot of folklore.

“Does the Three Second Rule Apply If His Pets are Watching?” - (Three Ravens) - some ravens discuss whether it’s cool to eat a dead knight while his dog, hawk, and lady/deer girlfriend (?) are watching. Oh no, now the deer “friend” is taking the corpse away. You’d think people would consider the ravens.

“Aha, Bet You Didn’t Think of That One” - (I Gave My Love a Cherry) - a riddle song, sometimes simply called The Riddle Song. The tradition of giving/asking for impossible objects/tasks is very common in British folk, and this particular song is one of the very oldest. From “Scarborough Fair” to the riddle-games in the Hobbit, the context of this song ripples outwards. Sometimes maidens in English trad songs save their lives by challenging elfin knights to games of riddles. Sometimes lovers fight by assigning each other impossible tasks. But the tradition of weird or riddle challenges can have a happy purpose. Here, someone offers their loved one a series of mysterious and impossible gifts: a cherry with no stone, a chicken with no bones, a baby that doesn’t cry, and something with no end. But how can such gifts exist? The singer reveals that the gifts are a cherry in flower, a fertilized egg, a sleeping child… and the singer’s love for the beloved one, a story with no end.

i was called upon to write anime recommendations.

Sailor Moon: a great show to watch if you want to see a cat talk shit on her dumbass owner/resident superhero for 200 episodes.

Death Note: a great show to watch if you’re 17, have decent grades, and recently decided you’re a nihilist.

Monster: a great show to watch if you want to feel vaguely sad about communism.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: a great show to watch if you feel like questioning every single aspect of your gender, sexuality, upbringing, family life, friendships, relationships, and life goals, and ultimately conclude that the world is a cruel, cruel place. (But actually it’s a masterpiece and every human should watch it.)

The Wallflower: a great show to watch if you want to feel ~UTTERLY DELIGHTED FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER~

Elfen Lied: a great show to watch if you thought Kill Bill Vol. 1 was holding back.

Romeo x Juliet: a great show to watch if when you had to read Romeo and Juliet you kept thinking “this play would be vastly improved if Juliet was a gender-bending vigilante hero and Shakespeare himself made super meta cameos throughout the production.”

Darker than Black: a great show to watch if you want some seriously gnarly “would you rather” prompts.

Ano Hana: a great show to watch if you’re nostalgic about your childhood and want that nostalgia to be emotionally exploited.

Gundam SEED: a great show to watch if you wish the CW would set one of their middling teen dramas in space, with robots.

Shingeki no Kyojin: a great show to watch if you like feeling disgusted and terrified at the same time. Also if you like yelling.

Sailor Moon Crystal: a great show to watch if you really like to feel disappointed.

Psycho Pass: a great show to watch if you just took your first college literature class and really want to feel the satisfaction of understanding a “Gulliver’s Travels” reference.

Fate/Zero: a great show to watch if you never want to be happy again for the rest of your life.

Fate/Stay Night (2006): a great show to watch if you love hilariously ham-fisted metaphors for sex.

Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works: a great show to watch if you ARE THE BONE OF YOUR SWORD/are a teenage boy in need of wish fulfillment.

Sword Art Online: a great show to watch if you want to learn how not to write a second arc.

Cowboy Bebop: a great show to watch if you need to turn your swag on.

Rose of Versailles: a great show to watch if you want the groove of the 1970s and all the sparkles of Shoujo forcibly injected into the history of the French revolution.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica (aka Utena Lite): a great show to watch if you recently discovered feminism and are starting to feel a type of way about it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: a great show to watch if you want to trigger your existential crisis.

Steins;Gate: a great show to watch if there is an OTP in the fan fic called your life.

Code Geass: a great show to watch if you want to know what it feels like to have an orgasm that lasts for 18 hours and 20 minutes (approx. run time).

Voltron Characters As What My Dad Calls Them

Me: *points to Lance* Who is this?

Dad: Lee (that’s my dad’s name) 

Me: *W H E E Z E* Why do you think he’s called that?

Dad: ‘Cause he’s damn good looking

Me: *Dying of laughter* Yeah he is pretty good looking. But his name is Lance.

Dad: Oh. Like Lance Armstrong?

Me: Maybe?? *is so laughing too hard*

Me: Ok, *points to Keith*

Dad: Elton

Me: *laugh* Elton?

Dad: Yeah, Elton John

Me: *dies once again* Why is he called that?

Dad: Because he looks gay

Me: *Screams and dies of laughter* Even an outsider can see it. His name is Keith.

Dad: Oh, that is a gay name. I used to work with a guy named Keith and he was gay, true story.

Me: *After calming down, points to Hunk* Ok, who is he?

Dad: Hmm… Jack

Me: Jack??? Why Jack?

Dad: ‘Cause he just looks a Jack

Me: Lmao ok. His name is Hunk

Dad: His name is Hunk? PFT! Are you serious, who the hell named him Hunk? That’s just cruel parenting.

Me: HUNK IS MY BOY DON’T SAY THAT! Anywho, *points to Pidge* What’s her name?

Dad: Is that a chick?

Me: *Laughing* Yes, what’s her name?

Dad: Ellen

Me: Ellen? *has lost it by this point*

Dad: Yeah, because she looks like Ellen DeGeneres

Me: *can’t even stand because laughing so hard* Her name is Pidge, but her real name is Katie. *explains story of her disguising as a boy*

Dad: Oh that’s interesting, her names Pidge, like a pidgeon! It’s such a weird name.

Me: *Points to Shiro* Him?

Dad: *thinks for a solid 5 minutes* God.

Me: gOd? *laughs* Why?

Dad: Because of his hand, he looks all mighty.

Me: Yeah, well he is. His name is Shiro, and he’s just been confirmed gay.

Dad: Ah, he’s gay? *looks at photo again* Nah, no way. He’s not gay.

Me: *laughs and points to Allura* What about her?

Dad: Hm, she looks like a Bree.

Me: Bree? *looks at photo again* Yeah, I could see that

Dad: Her hair reminds me of Brie cheese. If you say her name is something else, it’s not, it’s a lie.

Me: *W H E E Z E* Her name is Allura.

Dad: She’s not. Her name is Bree. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Me: *still laughing and points to Coran* This guy? If you say ‘Orange’, I will punch you

Dad: He is not good looking.

Me: *laugh* Yeah, but what’s his name?

Dad: He’s a Ken. Definitely.

Me: *snort* Why, Ken? 

Dad: Because only Ken’s have moustaches.

Me: *loses it* His name is Coran.

Dad: *just nods* It’s close to Coran, I guess. Change a few letters and you got Ken.

Me: *Laughs and points to Lotor* What’s his name?

Dad: Elfy… NO! Elfinator!

Me: *crying* Elfinator?

Dad: Yeah, he has elf ears.

Me: Ok, *calms down* His name is Lotor.

Dad: *looks me dead in the eye with a disgusted look* Pft. 

Me: Is that all I get?

Dad: Yep. That’s all you’re getting. I bet he’s a underdog.

Me: *high fives him because he was pretty spot on about Lotor being a under dog* *Points to Zarkon* Him?

Dad: Mr. Smith

Me: *dies for the umpteenth time* Mr. Smith??

Dad: Because he’s wearing a cape, and superman wears a cape and superman starts with ‘S’, so he is Mr. Smith. You get all that?

Me: oK, WhY?! *Crying* His name is Zarkon.

Dad: Heh, that’s a stupid name. I don’t like this guy. I don’t like Lonter or whatever his name is either.

Me: *explains he’s the bad guy as well as Lotor, and that they are father and son*

Dad: Wait so who’s the good guys? The gay one?

Me: *laughs* Yeah, and the other ones.

Dad: Damn, the gay guys are always saving the day.

-

My Dad is unique lmao

we’ve gone too long without questioning why long hair is so ubiquitous among elves and I’d like to propose a new reason: what humans xenocentrically looked at and dubbed “hair” is actually closer in function to whiskers

what the hair reacts to is difficult to describe in limited human language (says every elf, smugly); quintessence might be a suitable loanword to describe it. it’s found in small amounts in all living things - humans, elves, puppies, dragons, even plants - and very large amounts where magic occurs. 

the early human delegations nearly retired when they realized that, on top of living for centuries and looking like that, elves also have an actual sixth sense for magic and energy.

play with me here. elves seeming supernatural hard to sneak up on or hit from behind, actually aided by hair that stiffens when something approaches quickly from behind. an elfin magus performing an enormously complicated spell to save his friends from a monster, left with his hair standing on end. a party of elves passing through the ruins of an ancient city, amazed as they realize their hair is still twitching in recognition of the power that once resided there. 

incidentally, elaborate braids were popularized by elfin magic-users who didn’t want their hair standing up looking silly all the time and it absolutely never went out of style. 

— when you are short.

Connor:

• does not compute how short you are, just too cute
• but he’s really a gentleman about it
• will make sure everything is not out of your reach
• didn’t know that finding the right size for clothes could be this complicated until you two went shopping together
• genuinely surprised when you told him that your dress was actually a very big t-shirt
• “I’ve read somewhere that short people are usually mean because they’re closer to hell but I highly doubt that since you’re so pretty.”
• so smooth with you
• has he upgraded his flirting software or
• he still blushes tho when you place your hands on his forearms as a support to kiss him
• blushes a lot more when people mistake you for his little sister
• long walks arm in arm and hand in hand
• he says it’s fundamental so you don’t get lost in the crowd
• and you believe him bc he’s a negotiator model he’s good at telling (white) lies
• and because sometimes you really do get lost in crowds
• but of course he just want to hold you close to his body he’s  p u r e 

RK900:

• didn’t know humans could come up in this size
• “do you have a hormonal deficiency or it’s just genetics?”
• not in a mean or teasing way, he’s purely curious
• you’re automatically ‘smol’
• every time you get mad all he can think about is ‘so much anger for such a small creature’
• ofc you always call him ‘big boi’
• what do you mean you don’t like to be lifted up
• strong arms around your body all the time
• gets things for you from high shelves
really protective
• and by that i mean REALLY PROTECTIVE
• sometimes overwhelming because “you know i can do things on my own, right?”
• he knows, he has simply decided not to care bc you are his human pup and must protecc
• over time he realizes he’s head over heels in love with how short you are
• didn’t know androids could have a ‘type’
• you’re definitely his ‘type’ 
• just picture this big sturdy mess of a man leaning down for a kiss please
• you constantly on your tiptoes
• lots of kisses on your temples, on the top of your head, forehead kisses
• gently places his chin on your head and hugs you from behind while you are lost in thoughts
• please wear his clothes it turns him on so much seeing you in an oversize something and if it’s his something??? he can deactivate and blush peacefully 

RK800-60:

• “you’re tiny” “yeah i know” “no you don’t get it. you’re tiny
• really amused by your height
• constant jokes about how short you are
• really he doesn’t stop
• downloads jokes about short people every day just for you isn’t he the sweetest thing ever
• your head it’s his new armrest
• but don’t get angry, he does it because he thinks it’s very cute
• plus by doing this everyone knows who you belong to
• when you sleep his LED is endlessly yellow because he can’t stop looking at you and thinking at the fact that you are too cute for this world
• since you are so elfin he’s the big spoon FIGHT HIM ON THIS
• how can you be this cute just because of your height it’s outrageous
• “are you sure you are not underage?”
• you desperately want to be taller so he can shut up
• carries you on his back if you are tired
• even if you are not