elf pixie

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and good day to everyone!! i hope the summer has been treating you all well, i know it has for me 🍃 very busy, i’ve been working hard and visiting friends in my spare time <3 while the summer has been nice, i can’t help but feel a little giddy about autumn peeking just around the corner 🍁

instagram: celeael

A Khajiit, Elf, Pixie, and Half-Orc fail to walk into a church

Context: Our 3 characters have been set on a mission to enter a church and steal the relic inside it. However…

DM: You cannot enter the church.

Nameless (our elf): We talk to the priest inside.

DM: Alright. What do you want to talk to him about.

Nameless: About why we can’t get in.

DM: “This church is protected by wards. Only people with pure hearts and no bad intentions towards the church can enter.” The priest says.

Nameless: Ok. I exit the conversation.

Trump-Tinyhands (the half-orc): So, we need a pure heart, right?

M'riqa: Holy skooma the half-orc half-understands what we need to do!

Trump-Tinyhands: Therefore I think that we should find someone with a pure heart, take their heart, and use the pure juice from it to make us seem pure to the ward!

Nameless: The guards already want us for trying to blow up this fucking church we can not risk this shit.

Ricky (pixie): Well if we get caught we’re getting sent right back to prison for life so I don’t see why we shouldn’t.

M'riqa: Fuck this plan. Ricky, take Trump-Tinyhands to the bar and keep him supervised. Nameless, give me a fucking boost up. I’m going to climb the church and enter through the chimney.

DM: Roll a dext- Actually no. Hand me that Jenga set

M'riqa OOC: Wait, what??

DM: If you can move 15 pieces then your character successfully climbs the church. If you can’t, you fall.

M'riqa OOC: Khajiit does not land butter-side down.

DM: Well then. All the more reason to not fail then!

Trump-Tinyhands: I offer encouragement.

DM: Roll charisma.

Trump-Tinyhands: *rolls a 2*

DM: You try shouting “YOU CAN DO IT!!” At M'riqa, but your booming voice sends tremors through the ground.

DM: *starts shaking the table while M'riqa is trying to do the Jenga challenge*

M'riqa OOC: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!

DM: Blame the half-orc, not me. I’m just doing my job.

The unicorn frappuccino is so popular that Starbucks is now developing fraps based on other mythical creatures.
  • Dragon frappuccino: Made with dragonfruit, cinnamon, and fiery hot chiles. A shameless ploy to acquire your gold.
  • Werewolf frappuccino: Seems like a normal chocolate frap (werewolves love chocolate) but the caffeine doesn't kick in until the next full moon. And boy howdy, does it kick in.
  • Mermaid frappuccino: Extra foam and sea salt caramel drizzle. Comes with a free Danish in honor of Hans Christian Anderson
  • Centaur frappuccino: Has an oatmeal raisin cookie crumble crust. Oats for the horse and raisins for the wine-loving human. Whipped cream is actually whipped Greek yogurt.
  • Fairy frappuccino: A delightful delicate flavor of honeysuckle and lavender, it has the unfortunate effect of making you fall in love with the next live creature that you see.
  • Pixie frappuccino: MIXED WITH TGE POWDER OF WITH 15 PIXIE STICKS
  • Elf frappuccino: Made with the most important food groups- candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. Keebler cookie crumbles.
  • Hobbit frappuccino: Only served in size tall. Get one for breakfast and get a second one free!
  • Ogre frappuccino: Looks green and putrid on the outside, but has layers of different flavors that will Smash your Mouth
  • Zombie frappuccino: like a normal frap, but with SEVERAL extra shots of espresso
  • Wizard frappuccino: Butterbeer
  • Witch frappuccino: You'd think it would be the same as the wizard frap, but it has eye of newt and toe of frog #everydaysexism
  • Yeti frappuccino: Tastes like a lemon snow cone, with Himalayan pink salt
  • Alien frappuccino: They actually do have this in the Starbucks at one government building in New Mexico, but it's on the secret menu
  • Ghost frappuccino: Zero calories. Probably just blended ice.
  • Poltergeist frappuccino: Hurls itself against the wall after you pay for it
  • Vampire frappuccino: Blood. It's just blood.