What Do You Say When Words Are Not Enough? (Part Three)
Part Three: Tears Are In Your Eyes Tonight
Again this is a very Tony centered chapter but hold tight Bucky will be making a reappearance soon!
The title for this chapter comes from this song and it especially suits the part where Tony and reader are on the balcony, I highly suggest listening to it when you get to that part.
Summary: Bucky broke your heart completely, and though you never thought you could love someone like that ever again, after Tony confesses he has carried feelings for you for a long time, could you find it in you to take another chance on love? Will Bucky let you?
Warnings: Tony is a little bit down in this part and it made me quite sad to write but push through, it’s worth it.
Words: c. 2,959
You woke up rather dejectedly to an empty bed, and when you stretched your arms you were relieved to find that you were not in the skin-tight dress you had been in last night but a loose fitting t-shirt instead.
Pulling the covers back revealed that you were wearing one of Tony’s Black Sabbath t-shirts and a pair of his cotton red and blue tartan patterned pyjama bottoms, this made you smile fondly as you climbed out from under the sheets and padded across the soft carpet of Tony’s room until and out into his open planned apartment.
He was sitting on a breakfast stool with a half filled glass of orange juice in front of him resting his head in his hand, propped up on the counter.
As soon as he spotted you he smiled weakly.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” he sighed “I couldn’t sleep and if I kept tossing and turning I was going to wake you up, and you looked so peaceful.”
“I wouldn’t have minded,” you told him honestly, moving gently towards him and gratefully into his arms as soon as he gestured for you to do so.
He placed a kiss to your forehead and mumbled into your hair “Will you stay for breakfast?” and you nodded in his arms.
As you tucked into the stack of pancakes he had made you were silently glad that Tony had known you for as long as he did because you had eaten in front of him more times than you could remember so you didn’t have to feel self-conscious about wolfing them down in front of him.
“So last night was fun right? You had fun?” he asked breaking the easy silence that had settled between you.
“I had the most fun I’ve had in ages,” you told him honestly and you didn’t miss the way that made him smile.
“We should maybe do it again soon?” he asked still unsure of himself, and you reached tentatively for his hand across the table, brushing the soft skin of the back of his hand with the pad of your thumb.
“I’d love to!”
“You really do look incredible in my clothes,” he mused as you loaded dishes into the dishwasher and you wiggled your butt at him in response as you leaned over to close up the door.
You smiled as he snaked his arm around your waist, and turned in his arms as he gently swayed with you like you were dancing but with no music.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” he sighed resting his forehead against yours.
You sighed too, not wanting to leave the sanctuary of his apartment either.
“Nat will be suspicious, if not borderline anxious that I haven’t returned yet, and you have work with Bruce scheduled, which you are going to be late for if I don’t get moving.”
He groaned as you broke apart and headed back into his room to locate your dress and shoes from his room.
“Keep the clothes,” he motioned to what you were wearing “they look better on you.”
After a long kiss goodbye, you made the walk to the elevator alone, dress and shoes grasped unceremoniously in your arms as you hit the down button, hoping against hope that you would make it to your room without being spotted, and thanking your lucky stars to find your floor empty with neither a sign of Natasha, Steve or Wanda you sighed in relief until you opened your door to find Natasha pacing up and down your floor.
You guiltily stepped into your room and pressed yourself up against the door.
“I called your phone at least twenty times,” she sighed refusing to look at you.
“It was on silent,” you offered weakly.
“I had no idea who you were with or if something had happened,” she argued finally turning to look at you, eyeing your attire up before a look of realisation crossed her face.
“Tony?” she asked with a quirk of her head and moved towards you rapidly, you suddenly wished you hadn’t closed the door behind you. “You slept with Tony?” she accused.
“I didn’t!” you huffed “I mean yes he’s the guy I went on the date with and ok I stayed over but we didn’t sleep together Nat.”
She continued to look at you like you were crazy for a second before she plopped down on your bed, “You didn’t sleep with him?”
“No,” you sighed dropping the clothes in your arms, “I wanted to do, but he suggested that we take things slow, you know because of…” you trailed off for a second and then decided that you were going to have to get used to saying his name out loud without feeling pain if you truly were going to be with Tony, “because of Bucky,” you finished and she nodded gently.
“He said that?”
You nodded gently and she eyed you suspiciously again, “How long has this been going on?”
“About a week ago he told me he had feelings for me, but last night was really the first time we acted on it. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid you would try to talk me out of it.”
“He makes you happy I can already tell that,” she deducted and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your lips as you nodded.
“He does,” you conceded and she rose from the bed to give you a hug.
“I’ve watched you cry, and be miserable for months, if Tony makes you happy then you’ll find no objections here, just promise me one thing. Don’t latch on to him just because he makes you feel this way now, if you’re with him please make sure it’s for the right reasons.”
You nodded wholeheartedly agreeing with her, he was a good man who deserved much better than to simply be your rebound, if you had genuinely thought that for even one second you would never have gone there with him, but it was so much more than that for you.
Nat left promising to keep her newly learned information to herself, she wanted to give you guys a chance without the scrutiny of the rest of the team and for that you were thankful.
“Tony, have you heard a word I just said?” Bruce laughed, snapping his fingers in front of his face and Tony startled.
“Yeah of course I have, something about using thermonuclear fusion to… to… do the thing,”
“I knew you weren’t listening to me,” Bruce laughed in mock disbelief and Tony couldn’t help but smile guiltily, “what’s got you so distracted today?” he questioned watching the smile on Tony’s face grow “So it’s not a what, it’s a who?” he grinned and Tony nodded.
“You are too good big guy, but my lips are officially sealed! Now run that thermonuclear fusion theory by me again!” he changed the subject while Bruce stared after him fondly.
“You’ll find I was talking about kinetic energy Mr. Stark.”
“I absolutely knew that,” he smirked outstretching a packet of blueberries to Bruce and winking as he accepted one.
“I feel like a teenager sneaking up here tonight,” you smiled when Tony kissed your neck, as he held you from behind.
It had been four weeks since your date with Tony and amongst missions and Tony telling you that Bruce was suspicious you had been stealing moments and dates wherever you could usually away from the tower but tonight’s destination was the balcony Tony had first confessed his feelings for you on.
It wasn’t sordid stolen moments, sometimes you would just hold hands or talk, or simply eat a meal, or go see a movie and you found yourself silently living for your moments with him.
Lately he had become almost quiet and reserved and you had been extra gentle with him, trying to tell him with every tender kiss and touch that you were there for him. That he could talk to you about anything, and tonight you had practically begged him to leave his work and to come up here with you.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” he asked gently, “I’d feel happier if you were in my arms.”
You turned in his arms to look him in the eyes and you noticed just how tired he looked, and under the moonlight his eyes were glistening, as he began to sway you in the silence again. You had quickly learned this was comforting for him and whenever he had you in his arms he would sway you gently this way.
“You’re not sleeping again?” you asked him carding your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
“I’m fine,” he tried weakly, but he couldn’t even convince himself, let alone you.
“Tony,” you tried and it came out in a whisper “tears are in your eyes. You’re not fine. Please let me in, are you having those dreams again, remembering everything?”
“Yes,” he rushed “And if it’s not the dreams, it’s the anxiety of having those dreams. I haven’t slept in days. And when I do sleep I wake up feeling more tired than ever.”
“My poor man,” you sighed as you continued brushing your fingers through his hair.
“And I’ve got you here, I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this but I keep worrying I’m going to lose you. Sooner or later I always lose the ones I love.”
You paused briefly, because this was the first time he had admitted being in love with you again since that first outburst over a month ago.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with you. Tony, I’m not going anywhere.” you told him honestly and you felt his weight sag against you as he stopped swaying you and let his head drop against you.
“I’m just so tired.” He confessed against your collar bone.
“Come on,” you whispered taking him by the hand and leading him up to his apartment.
You filled up the master tub in his bathroom, and you persuaded him to get in, as you moved behind him you gently pulled him back so he was relaxing against the cool porcelain of the tub, as you began to massage soothing patterns on his bare shoulders and neck.
At first the tension he was carrying made your heart ache, but you worked steadily until you felt it slowly melt away and with every appreciative groan you heard you pressed a kiss to his bare skin.
Before he fell asleep completely you helped him step out and into fresh pyjamas, as soon as you climbed under the sheets he pulled you sleepily to him and nestled his head on your chest before his slow and steady breaths evened out to small gentle snores, and you released the breath you were holding as a few stray tears rolled down your cheeks for the pain this man had to endure in his short life.
When you woke up the next morning, you were still gathered in his strong arms, and even if you felt like you were slightly overheating you didn’t want to move a muscle in case you disturbed the first decent night’s sleep this man had had in weeks.
“How can I ever thank you?” he whispered sadly before you had to leave for a mission that evening “I don’t have enough words to thank you.”
“You gently stroked the sides of his mouth with your hands and placed a quick kiss to his lips.
“You don’t have to thank me at all.”
“Come back, okay,” he rushed out, “Come back. Come back to me?” you weren’t quite sure why the last part sounded so much like a question, but it made you a little sad.
“I’ll come back to you, I promise.”
But the heaviness of his statement followed you throughout the whole flight and mission because it always sounded like he never expected you to come back, but where else would you want to go.
It was on the flight home you fully admitted that you were in love with him, and with a small smile you pictured yourself telling him because you knew that if he knew you felt the same way he did it would bring him some comfort.
You walked into what felt like World War III, Sam was struggling to hold Steve back and Tony was stood red-faced and huffing across from him, Nat in front of him with her hands outstretched trying to act as a human peace wall.
“What’s going on?” you demanded causing all eyes to land on you, and looking between Steve and Tony.
“How could you y/n?” Steve spat in such an accusatory tone it made you want to take a step backwards, “how could you do this to Bucky?”
You looked panicked at Tony and Natasha who looked terrified of your reaction but you were forcing yourself to remain calm.
“I’m not doing anything to Bucky. Steve he walked out on me, you do remember that don’t you?”
“But y/n he loves you. He really, really loves you surely you must know that. This will destroy him. He,” he directed at Tony, “he doesn’t love you, he’s doing this to get back at Buck.”
“Steve!” Nat warned and you felt such a fury rise in your chest that for the first time in all your life you felt like you could have went for Steve.
“Bucky broke my heart into a thousand pieces, he upped and left in the middle of the night without a proper explanation like he could just walk away that easily, and somehow I would get over it. Tony has been there for me, more than anyone so don’t you dare speak about him like that to me, because it was Bucky who hurt me more than I’d ever been hurt in my life”
“Y/n,” Steve pleaded “I’m begging you, I’ve already lost him once, this will finish him and I can’t lose him again. I won’t lose him again because of you! Tell me honestly, that you don’t love him, that you feel nothing for him.”
You felt the tears rise and the heat in your cheeks made it feel as though your blood was boiling.
You should have said no, but now you had hesitated and you watched as Tony looked like his heart was breaking, as you shook your head and tried to formulate words, it was supposed to be special, it was something you had been looking forward to telling him, and only him, but now as you stood with a kitchen full of people looking at you, you had to find your voice.
“I’m in love with Tony,” you turned to face him and he looked so pained “I’m in love with you, and I wanted to save it, to tell you when I was ready but it’s true I love you. Part of me will always love Bucky, but I am in love with you. Only you.”
Steve shrugged out of Sam’s arms and stomped away, you vaguely registered the sound of a slamming door but all you could see was Tony, he looked so small before you as Natasha and Sam made their exits and then you were moving towards him in a pace that felt too slow until he threw his arms around you and pulled you flush against him, you heard him gasp in breath like he was a fish out of water and you held him steady repeating the words in his ear.
You loved him and only him.
That night you slept together for the first time and as he came undone, your name rolled off his lips, you knew in your heart that there was not an ounce of doubt about your love for this man.
“I love you,” you told him and his weight shifted from off you to beside you and when he caught his breath he repeated the words, and you pulled him to you, hoping he would sleep the whole night through without a nightmare plaguing his rest.
Steve was gone the next morning when you woke up and it made you horribly sad as your stomach twisted into knots. You refused to be the reason Steve and Tony fell out again and as you sought Sam out he pulled you into the biggest hug.
“You listen to me, Bucky was an idiot for walking away from you, I told him, even Steve told him but there was no getting through to him. Steve may have been too much last night but it was coming from a place of pure frustration. He knows Bucky still loves you. He knows this is going to break his heart, but even more than that he’s going to know it was all his own doing and he’s not sure how Bucky will handle all of that.”
“It’s not my fault, or Tony’s for that matter. I loved Bucky, really loved him and I would have gone to the ends of the world with him if he’d asked me too but he left me. He left without me.”
“And I regretted it every single day since,” a voice from behind interrupted, a voice you would have recognised in a single heartbeat, anywhere in the world and you turned to see an exhausted looking Steve with the last man on earth you wanted to see today, and your heart seemed to speed up just from the sight of him, James Buchanan Barnes.
“Please y/n,” he pleaded dropping his bag on the floor and attempting to take a step towards you, “Please tell me it’s not too late.”
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