elegy one

Strange / to wish wishes no longer. / Strange / to see things / that seemed to / belong together / floating in every / direction.
—  Rainer Maria Rilke, from ‘Duino Elegies, 'Elegy One’. Translated by David Young

Just One Word Challenge | April 16: TBR

I was walking my dogs in Hampstead Heath yesterday, and passing back through the village towards the Overground, I saw a bin of £2 hardcovers outside a charity shop. Upon (the inevitable) closer inspection, I happened to find two books from the top of my nonfiction TBR list – both of which I had searched for and failed to find in libraries for the last few months. Lucky day! 

spookyandstarbuck447  asked:

The psychiatric ward on Elegy is the same one from Kitsuneragi?

If you mean the walkway where Mulder and Scully have the “you can believe what you want to believe” talk in Elegy and the walking-into-prison shot from Kitsunegari, then… yes! The rest of the set doesn’t look similar, and the exterior definitely doesn’t. And it’s not supposed to be the same place: in Elegy, it’s the New Horizon Psychiatric Center. But that one walkway gets a makeover and features in both episodes. At least, sure looks that way to me.

But now here’s a tidbit. In Kitsunegari, it’s the Lorton Penitentiary Hospital Ward in Lorton, VA, and in Paper Hearts, John Lee Roche is housed in the Lorton Reformatory, Lorton, VA. (A real life prison that closed in 2001.) In Grotesque, it’s the D.C. Correctional Complex in Lorton, VA. So those could be the same location, or at least in the vicinity of each other, yet no recycling of set pieces there.

On the subject of chair placement
  • *before auditions*

You know you cast / a long shadow / on the ground

an Elegy info post


So in case you didn’t know, I’m going to have a novel out sometime towards the end of this year IT’S OUT NOW. Elegy is volume one of the Magpie Ballads, an original m/m romance/fantasy duology. If you like snarky antiheroes, Machiavellian lesbians, and the enemies-to-lovers trope, this will probably be right up your alley.


The Governor of Cassarah is dead. All signs point towards foul play by his old enemy, the Queen of Sarei. The burden of revenge falls on his son, the actor, soldier, and notorious trickster Savonn Silvertongue, whose methods are as flamboyant as they are cruel.

But Savonn harbours secrets from his own mischievous past. And he faces ruin as his greatest adversary–the beautiful, ruthless diviner known only as the Empath–threatens to bring them to light.

Meanwhile, Savonn’s best friend Iyone Safin wages her own deadly battle of wits to stop a string of unexplained accidents, protect the woman she loves, and ultimately, to save Cassarah from the Saraians.


  • Savonn: professional little shit whose hobbies include taking the piss out of old white dudes in power & being surrounded by homoerotic subtext/actual text wherever he goes
  • Iyone: troll of the century; equal parts byzantine schemes and inopportune black humour (feelings? what are feelings?)
  • Hiraen: [insert every gif of sebastian stan crying ever]
  • Shandei: walking disaster who will throw you out the window if you cross her (unless you’re hot, in which case she will talk too much, accidentally give away a state secret or two, and then throw you out the window)
  • Emaris: would be an endearingly doe-eyed sidekick if he could only decide whose sidekick he was

I am SUPER excited about this and can’t wait to share it with all of you!

[purchase] [read free sample] [view on goodreads]


@mikoe24 - this looked interesting, so I stayed up a bit later than intended working on it xD Thanks for the tag, love, and I’ll be having some Mikuni and Misono headcanons for you after my hiatus is up! (which will be a week ahead of time, woohoo!)

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write eleven new ones. Tag eleven people to answer your questions as well as the person who tagged you.

Pokki’s Questions

1. Do you have any OCs? If so, what are their name(s)?

I have quite a few, yes. I have an entire next gen cast for Natsume’s Book of Friends, for a story I have been working on for two years. It recently hit 100k and I am still dead sure this will never see the light of day, lol. It’s so self indulgent. For right now it has the working title of Elegy for the Lost One and it takes place in a future where Natsume disappeared under strange circumstances. Thrillers are what I like writing the most - suspense, the build-up to it, and then the inevitable fall as you start putting the pieces together.

Now to give you the run-down on the OCS, haha. So first up is Shiori, who I decided would be a daughter to Natori and Hiiragi. I am always curious about youkai/human relations and how they work in the Book of Friends universe, and I chose to play around with that using Shiori. She takes after her father a lot - flashy, bold, a real show stopper. But she has her mother’s sensibility and loyalty. And since I’m mentioning Natori, I might as well bring up Matoba. I ended up giving him a son that develops an unparalleled obsession with the Book of Friends. Then there’s Takahiro, Hiromi and Haruki who are the main cast and the ones that the story focuses on the most. They’re the ones trying to solve the mystery. Meanwhile, there’s Makoto, who is the would-be inherited of the Book of Friends. She is a relative to Natsume, distantly, through Natsume’s cousin (Yuuto, if the drama cds are to be believed~).

Then, for an original story I’m working on, I have a few solid characters so far. Annabel, a steadfast young woman who is independant to a fault and doesn’t know to ask others for help. She’s thrown into a situation where she has no choice but to lean on others - or in this case, on one person in particular. A mentor, a friend, a guiding hand in a world that seems so foreign even though she’s been living in it for years. Suddenly, things fail to make sense. What she thought she knew turns out to be different from the underlying reality. The Lore Keeper, her mentor, is the one to help her through it. For his own reasons, but who doesn’t have an ulterior motive or two? His is simply ensuring that the future Keeper is an upstanding one. As you can see, he doesn’t have a name yet. But that’s both intentional and my own laziness lol. So yeah, choosing names is always the last step for me. Developing their personalities is what I tend to focus on the most when creating an OC. The name always comes last to me.

2. What’s your favorite eye color?

I love blue eyes! They’re so pretty. Especially light blue.

3. How would you name your kids? Or, if you don’t want kids, what are your favorite names?

Fun fact: I was actually terrified of having children for a long time. I met someone who changed that for me, but eh. I have not given it much thought. I think naming children should be the act of both parents, something I’d want to talk over with my partner, but as for some of my favorite names … I like short and sweet, so: Iris and Jay.

4. What’s your favorite quote?

I tend to go with Dr. Seuss a lot, heh, so I’ll go with Roald Dahl this time: “A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest of men.”

5. What’s the last anime you watched?

… it’s been a while, uhhh. Dragon Maid probably. :3

6. Do you like cosplays?

I never personally wore any, but I deeply admire those who do. They put a lot of work into every costume and that takes skill, dedication, and sacrificing their own personal time to make it. They have my respect.

7. Do you have a crush on someone? (A real person or a fictional character, it doesn’t matter~)

Well then, just delve right into my deep, dark secrets why don’t you? Hmmm, I guess if I’m being honest: I do. It was sort of an “oh shit” moment for me, but identifying the problem is the first step to finding a solution. In this case, getting my heart to agree with my mind that this is Not Allowed.

Fictional-wise … idk, man. It’s hard enough on me having real life crushes. I suppose Lily and Natori would be my type, though.

8. How many siblings do you have?

I have - had - two older half-brothers. It’s complicated, too, so nope. I will not be explaining.

9. What would your ideal date be like?

Probably either a candlelit dinner and snuggling on the couch or doing something we both loved together. With my ex, that used to be hiking at the Cliffs, putting our feet in the water and play fighting with said water, and then collapsing together in the sand. It was sweet while it lasted.

10. Do you like your handwriting? Why?

I do, because why not? It’s not perfect, but I’ve been learning that striving for perfection is a fruitless endeavor. It’s also the coward’s way out.

11. Now, say something positive about yourself!~  c:

Hmmm. Something positive … my mind always goes blank when asked this sort of question. I guess, it’s my persistence? Even when I play the role my own worst critic, I still keep going because sitting idle has never suited me. I have to constantly be doing something. Whether it’s writing, reading, etc. If my mind is happy, so am I.

Avi’s Questions

1: What is you’re favorite series and why? (Could be anything from TV shows, books, anime, ect..)

For books, probably … the Artemis Fowl series? That writing style is one of my favs :’D

For manga, definitely Natsume’s Book of Friends. Gorgeous short stories on their own and a sprinkling of plot that’s not too much, so it doesn’t take away from each story and they can all stand on their own. I admire that, since I’m primarily a short story writer more often than not.

2: What is your favorite weather and time of day?

My favorite type of weather is rain, no doubt about it. And for time of day … night. Definitely night. I am a night owl, ha.

3: Favorite Fictional character? Why?

Why must you do this to me?! At the moment, it’s Mikuni. Save me.

4: Favorite video game? Why?

The World Ends With You. Lots of reasons, and since they are personal … I will instead just gush about how much I loved the storyline and the characters, and how I can proudly proclaim that this is one of the few games I have ever completed 100%.

5: What are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, watching anime, video games, fishing, hiking, cooking/baking, and learning new things.

6: If you could pick one fictional world to live in, what world would you pick and why?

Oh gosh, I think the Hunter x Hunter world would be cool, too, but I’d die so quickly … I’m going to go the safer route and say Tales of the Abyss. Make me one of those NPCs chilling in the background. Just, you know, not in the town that gets completely destroyed (gdi Luke).

7: Favorite animal?

CATS. I have always been a cat person and I will definitely continue to be one looooong into the future.

8: Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names and what are they?

Snow White, my eskimo doggie. And Goldie, my orange and white tabby cat.

9: Do you have any original stories? Tell me something about them!

Since I already talked about my current story alongside the OC question, I’ll instead gush about a collab story with a good friend of mine. We’ve been working on this story for close to … god, eight years now? It’s one of those self indulgent things. It’s fun to come home to and work on. It has a super hero setting, wherein she writes the heroes and I write the villains. My alliance is called, wait for it - SASSI. Super Assholes Seeking Suitable Income. They’re real particular about the destruction they cause, let me tell ya. It’s sort of a goofy series that we put together to hash out why people do the things they do and put a satire spin on it. (The villains are not the only ones we poke fun at, just saying.)

10: If you have any ocs, who was your first? If you don’t have any, who was your first favorite character and why?

Oh wow, that’s so long ago. My first OC was a nameless young lady from a story about black cats bringing good omens. I wrote it for English class, because I was interested in myths and old legends in regards to cats. It was around the time I discovered what a Cat Sith is.

11: You have three wishes, what would you wish for?

Is this like one of those genies that twists what we want and we have to be reaaaally careful? You know, Monkey Paw style? If so, then I would hand off the wishes to someone else. They can have them; I'mma strive for what I want with my own dedication and patience. If this is a no strings attached sort of deal, then: 1. for good things to happen to my friends and family, 2. to live by the ocean, and 3. to be able to speak more than one language. As I said, all things I can work towards on my own.

Mikoe’s Questions

1. Do you draw? If yes, how many years has it been since you’ve started?

Oh gods, no. I used to be big into drawing animals, but I can’t draw people and shit for the life of me. I have a few wolf pictures, still, I think. My spirit animal <3

2. Do you write? If yes, could you copy paste a line from your latest work?

Since I was 11~ And sure, I’ll use fanfic: “Do I have to go?” The cat’s sleepy yawn gave away its apathy to the whole thing. “Can’t I just stay here and nap? You’ll be fine on your own.”

“Well, they did send us two tickets. It’d be rude if you didn’t use it, Kuro. Not to mention,” and here Mahiru flicked the cat on the forehead, “I’d kind of die if you didn’t come along, you lazy cat. Or did you forget we have a contract?”

3. What is/are your nickname(s)? If you don’t have any, can I give you one?

I joke about having nicknames, because kids call me Apple (or god help me, Cabbage, from A FRIEND UGH), but nah. Not really. You can’t really make a nickname out of April, lol. As for receiving a nickname, go for it. Good luck, pffft.

4. When is your birthday? If you’re not comfortable with it, then what is your favorite day of the whole year and why?

August 27th

5. What are the 5 things that never fail to brighten up your day or put a smile on your face?

My pets!!! My friends and family. Really cute pics of animal in general. Reading something sweet. Being out in the fresh air.

6. Why did you join Tumblr?

To reconnect with old friends, mainly. Then I fell into the Servamp fandom, enough said.

7. IOS or Android?


8. In the scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love yourself?

5, it’s half and half.

9. Are you the type who pours the cereal before the milk or the milk before the cereal?

Cereal before the milk xD I don’t want to get splashed.

10. How is 2017 treating you so far?


My internal thoughts are just incoherent screaming atm.

11. Do you like pigeons? XD

Depends. I like the pretty ones that are small and colorful and land on your fingertips.

My Questions~

1. Where do you see yourself in five years?

2. If you draw and/or write, what programs are your favorite to use?

3. Do you have any phobias?

4. Have you ever traveled? If so, where?

5. Do you have someone you admire or strive to be like?

6. What is your ideal vacation?

7. Do you have a favorite candle scent?

8. What genre is your favorite? (For movies, books, anime/manga, games, etc.)

9. Do you have something you use as a crutch/safety net? Something you couldn’t live without?

10. What is a series you used to enjoy as a child? Do you still enjoy it?

11. List five things you want to improve in and make a little time for those things every day.

I tag: @crazyanime3, @stirlingphoenix, @choc0bunnyqueen, @pleasantdreamsart, @saltykarkat, @mikunialicein …. man, it’s hard to pick 11. Anyone else who wishes to do so! And of course, if you’re tagged and do not want to do it, that’s cool too.


I Don’t Want To Die (by wherehaveallthescullysgone)

I can’t accept knowing how I will die. It’s supposed to be a mystery. I’m not supposed to know. A car accident. A gun shot or a paper cut or… I’m not supposed to know how it ends – how I end. But I do. I look in the mirror every morning and all I can see is the cancer that’s killing me. I can’t escape it. Everything is cancer. Every headache. Every nose bleed. Every funny taste or strange smell. Everything. It’s always my cancer, pushing into my brain and killing me. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to feel my life ending. I try to ignore it. I feel fine. I work and eat and sleep and I feel fine. I tell Mulder I’m fine, but he doesn’t believe me. He never has – he’s afraid of my death as much as I am. I try to hide my fear from him, but he knows. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t tell him. I can’t tell him how much I need him – how much I rely on his strength to see me through now. Because I don’t believe I’m fine either. I saw the dead girl, saw her message on the mirror. She is me and she is dead. Those who’ve had the visions were all dying. I can’t ignore what’s happening to me. I’m dying. And I’m afraid.


Oh, and the night, the night, when the wind full of space
wears out our faces – whom would she not stay for,
the longed-for, gentle, disappointing one, whom the solitary heart
with difficulty stands before. Is she less heavy for lovers?…

Many a star
must have been there for you so you might feel it…

Isn’t it time that, loving,
we freed ourselves from the beloved, and, trembling, endured
as the arrow endures the bow, so as to be, in its flight,
something more than itself? 
For staying is nowhere…

The eternal current
sweeps all the ages, within it, through both the spheres,
forever, and resounds above them in both…

First music ventured to penetrate arid rigidity,
so that, in startled space, which an almost godlike youth
suddenly left forever, the emptiness first felt
the quivering that now enraptures us, and comforts, and helps.

~Rainer Maria Rilke, from the Duino Elegies 

When The Timing Isn’t Right, Neither Is The Man

I don’t know what I was seeking when I found you, but I found you nonetheless. I think we were both lost and in search of something so we attracted each other’s loneliness, magnetized our elegies, the ones written to our younger selves but never read aloud. The stories that still collect dust in our ever-growing libraries because we’ve never had the courage to be open books. See, the 17 year old girl in me fell in love with your silent eyes. I imagine they looked the same when you were convinced of your own brokenness. I imagine your lashes wrote anthologies every time they kissed your cheeks; maybe that’s why I heard a century of voices in your quite. Every unspoken part of you sang symphonies when we touched and I found myself wanting to be a musician all over again. We made saxophone love, powerful and then breathless, breathing in each other’s power, and when there was finally less power in our breathing we let our vulnerability do the speaking and the surrender was beautiful. Removing a wall with every article of clothing was only seemingly effortless. There was a depth to my nakedness that could only be felt when reaching past flesh and bare skin. I was always more bare than skin. But we. We were never a “we.” We were you and I, me and you, two separate entities who would come together and create enough magic to sleep but never stay. Like broken comfort I craved more than two beds uniting as one and my heart falling through the crack anyway. I never wanted to fall for you. That was never in the plan, if timing had my back she would have told me to fall for myself before I fell for a chapter disguised as a man.

Fic: Never Go Home [SPN]

They’ve already burned his body. They left no money, no sticky rice, no jewelry. There was no wake (rather there was, there is–that is, continues to be, and it is the longest wake you’ve never left. Your son is a ghost, and his door is locked).

Part of you wants to be indignant about Kevin’s hunter’s pyre, the absence of your family’s rituals. But in the end they are rituals you don’t remember, would not know without the Internet, rituals you did not think you’d need to have on call any time soon, not after your father. You were all supposed to be young and healthy and lucky.

Remember that time Dad found the moldy orange in the bag? you remember asking your brother. He is laughing. It made sense then, to summon this story, in ways it doesn’t now.

“We can Yelp a place,” you tell Kevin as you pack his effects. “Buy some sticky rice for you–retroactive ritual.”

Kevin nods, sure.

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