Here I am again, standing on the deck at 3 a.m., looking out at a road bathed in electric orange light. The sky here is purple, always. It’s never really dark in the city. I look sharply to the Left. Thought I saw a flicker of movement in the sky, Maybe a ripple, like the sky is some Pond. Like the earth turning around, dragging Space with it, shifting Time, Might have stuttered. Like maybe you, already dead a few years, Are peeking back. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe someone I haven’t met yet, even though ‘yet’ is an illusion, too. They tell me that cigarettes will cut my life short, But time isn’t real. I stab it out in my grandmother’s ashtray, the one my Dad gave me after she died. I didn’t cry for her, but I lost a whole Summer to a girl who’d died, a Girl I talked to three, Maybe four times. She knows, now. The answers to the questions that lead me to my deck at 3 a.m.
hot today … Everyday it’s more than 30 degrees here in Tokyo <(_ _)>
Is it this hot where you live as well?
I’ve seen the news about all the damage the typhoons are causing, living in
this heat while hearing about such bad news pains me a lot.
I kiss him and thenI let out a sigh, “Well, my mom was beautiful from what I remember. She had long brown hair and bright green eyes. I remember her voice being so soft and gentle. As for my dad, well he wasn’t much of anything.” I look at him and he still has his eyes on me. “He was a drunk and in some deep trouble with drugs. He would make me go on runs with him because he figured people wouldn’t shoot at a little girl. When I was 11 I, I actually killed someone to protect him, I still don’t know why. He was never happy, no matter what. He was really violent. I remember my mom never tried to stick up for herself, she would just take it so I wouldn’t have to, but she killed herself when I was 8. I started to become her, i took her place.” He squeezes my hand letting me know he’s still there. “I realized why my mom always had a full face of makeup around me, it was to cover the bruises. I had to start doing the same. I was heading down the same path as my mom. So, I moved out when I was 17. I didn’t want to end up like her, or like him. He died a couple years ago and it felt like I could breath again.” I let out a deep breath. I haven’t had to recall those memories for a long time. They still feel like fresh wounds. He leans down and kisses my forehead. I give him a forced smile. A few silent moments fall between us. He lets out a sigh to break it, “I don’t remember much of mine. I don’t remember a mom or dad, or where I grew up. The last date I remember is, well I don’t really remember it, I just sort of have pictures that flash through my head. It was when I was a teenager I think, I was standing there, smiling. That’s it. Nothing else was happening in the picture.” He has his head resting back on the couch. “I started getting into the crime world and I was good at it, so good at it darling. Still am.” He smiles at me. “Things went wrong when the Bat showed up. The first time we met he thought he killed me, but he just turned me into a better version of myself. See, my skin wasn’t always this white and my hair wasn’t always green.” He laughs and I give him a smile. “Falling into a chemical bath, well that might change your looks a little bit.” I look at his skin and his face and can’t imagine him looking and different. “I came back and I was better than ever baby. I showed up and created the mayhem I desired. You know how strong my desires can be darling.” He runs his finger down my bottom lip. “I did get caught once more, an asylum this time. A chemical bath and electric shock therapy, that does things to ya baby, and that’s how I became what I am today doll.” He’s looking straight in my eyes. “Does that scare you?” “Not in a million years.” I pull him down to kiss me.
I can feel him smile as we kiss and is cause me to laugh a little bit.
“What time is it?” I mumble as our lips are still attached.
He pulls away and his bright eyes are staring deep into mine “It’s morning.” He kisses me again. I look up at a window and see the sunrise, “Well Mr. J.” I stand up and stretch, “That was a lovely first date, but I must get home.” I laugh and take one step, he pulls me by the waist and I land on his lap, I start laughing.
“I’m pretty sure you needed to be punished for God knows what you did earlier,” he bites the back of my neck.
I get up and his hands fall to his side, I face towards him and straddle him on the couch, he growls. “Now, Mr. J, you can’t punish me for something you don’t know if I did or not.” I kiss him slowly, “but I’ll let you get away with it, just this one time.” I lean close to his ear and give it a soft bite, he grips my ass and groans. He picks me up and tosses me on the couch, he rips off my clothes “I think I have waited long enough for dessert.”
“J! People are going to be waking up and coming in here! Can we at least go to…”
His mouth covers mine, “Darling, if you keep talking I really will punish you.” He finishes undressing me.
I start laughing because i’m nervous that someone will see us, but I know he doesn’t care. ‘I’m sure they will hear and just not come out here, right?’
He flips me over and has me bent over the back of the couch and my knees are on the cushions, I am still laughing because I can’t believe this is happening. J spanks me, hard. I let out a small scream. “What the hell J! That was really hard!” I laugh towards the end of my sentence.
“You must of forgot doll.” He grabs my hair and pulls it, by back arches and my ass sticks out toward him more, “I get to punish you, remember? You were the one that asked for this baby.” He pulls harder and a moan escapes my mouth. “Thats right.” His voice is low I can barley hear him.
I feel his dick between my legs, as if I wasn’t already wet. He pushes himself against me and I wiggle myself back, he slaps my ass again, harder. “Fuck!” I say under my breath and bring myself back to the position he wants me in. “You do as I say. Ok baby?”
“Yes, daddy.” I reply and don’t say another word.
“Now, play with yourself.” He commands
I do as i’m told, he is still pulling my hair and it gets me even more turned on. I moan his name as rub my clit. I hear him growl from behind me.
He releases my hair and my head falls forward, he positions himself and slowly slides himself in me, I can hear him groan and it forces me to let out a moan myself. He picks up his pace and one hand is pulling my hair back while the other is holding my hips in place as his thrusts get harder. My moans and screams and loud and I cant stop them, I can feel the orgasm approach. He pulls out. I let out a loud scream and wait a second. “The fuck J!” He still has my hair in his hand so I cant turn to look at him.
“This is your fault darling.” He rams himself back in me and I scream his name.
Im getting close again and my knuckles are white from gripping the couch, he spanks me again and it only brings me closer this time. He pulls out again. “FUCK YOU!” I scream out, my breathing rigid.
“Oh my, the princess has a filthy mouth when she doesn’t get what she wants.” He goes back to fucking me again, he goes slow. The sensation causes my legs to shake. He lets go of my hair and has both hands on my hips, holding them up. He keeps the pace steady.
“Darling you are fucking fantastic, do you know that?” his voice is low, almost a whisper. His words send a chill down my spine. His pace picks up and my back arches again, I cant take this much longer. I am biting my lip scared to make a noise, the fear that he might not let me cum again.
He is grunting and moaning himself, i know he’s close. I meet his rhythm. I scream out “Daddy!” and we only last seconds after.
I fall onto the couch, my body feels extremely weak. He leans over and kisses me.
“Don’t fuck with me again, princess. It will only get worse and trust me, I don’t mind.” He smiles at me. I can’t even answer, i just nod my head and close my eyes.
He puts his pants back on and wraps a blanket around me, “You might want to get upstairs darling.” I forgot other people were here, but my legs are weak.
“J, I honestly can not move.” I laugh and he joins. He picks me up and carries me up the stairs, he places me in my side of the bed and covers me with the silk sheets. I fall asleep quick.
I wake up, my body still wants sleep but my stomach is screaming for food. The sun is shining bright through the windows. I throw on a shirt and some shorts and head downstairs. I open the bedroom door and I can hear J yelling in his office, I decide to avoid whatever situation is going on in there. Jackie has the house smelling delicious. French toast today, I make myself a plate and sit at the table alone. J’s screams are muffled from the door but I don’t hear anyone else. Then again, who would actually raise their voice at him other than me. I smile at myself. I eat the entire plate, I wash the dishes and then go sit on the couch and turn the T.V on.
Gunshots, like a machine gun. My first instinct is to run to J. I run upstairs and I hunch down by the door, waiting to hear anything. I don’t know who is in there, my heart is pounding, I swear they could hear it on the other side of the door.
The door slams open, I fall backwards on my back.
“What are you doing Kat?!” Its Lucas, he looks mad.
“I heard all, i heard the gunshots, I just wanted to make sure everyone was ok?” My voice is shaky.
“Do you know how mad he will be if he sees you this close to all this? Go! Now! Run to the bedroom!” Hes whispering but I feel the urgency in his voice.
I stumble getting up but I run to the bedroom and close the door lightly. I stand there catching my breath. I get myself together and open the door.
“Good morning! Whats with all the noise?” I smile as I walk out of our room.
J just walked out of his office, “Just some business that needed to be taken care of darling. Nothing to worry about.” He gives me a smile and I cant help but smile back. “I have a surprise for you tonight, we will be leaving shortly doll. Nothing too fancy.” He winks at me.
“A surprise?” I squeal.
“Yes darling, go get ready while daddy cleans this up.” He gives me that smile again, my knees feel weak. ‘Will I ever get used to that? To him?’
I go back to the bedroom, I throw off my clothes and raid through the closet. I pick out a black t-shirt and some jean shorts that I know will drive J mad. I pull out some purple ankle books that have a good size heel to them. They make my legs look long and that confident feeling comes flooding over me.
J walks into the bedroom, he looks irritated, i ignore it. He goes to the closet and changes into a white shirt and more low jeans. ‘Do you even know what those low jeans do to me J?’ I smile at him and at my thoughts.
“You ready doll? We have a detour to make.” He is at the bedroom door, holding it open.
I walk over to him, “You look nice too baby.” and walk right by him, down the stairs and straight out the front door.
He meets me outside, and wraps his hands around my waist, “You have my full attention darling.” He kisses behind my ear. He’s forgiven.
He opens the car door for me and we get in the back, Jay and Lucas are with us as well as a car full of guards behind us.
“Whats the detour?” I ask looking at the car behind us.
“Work baby, don’t worry about it. I’ll be in and out.” he winks at me and i give him a small laugh.
The drive took about 20 minutes. We come to a stop and its in front of a building that is well lit. There are huge windows all around it. it looks like it used to be an storage unit of some kind. Im sure its still a storage but for very different things now.
J open the car door and gets out and I scoot towards the door, “Oh no, no, no. You are going to stay here doll. I am going to have 2 guards on either side of you, ok?”
“I, I have to wait here? While you go in there?” I give him the puppy dog eyes, they don’t work.
“It’s not going to work. I’ll be back quick. Ok? Vic and Sam will be outside the car till I get back.”
“Come back to me J.” I pull at him to kiss me, he does.
“Every time doll.” He smiles and walks away.
Sam and Vic are very huge men, I feel pretty safe. Vic is on the left side of the car, his body tilted toward the building with a gun drawn. Sam is on the right side, he is facing the street and he has his gun drawn with a light on it. We sit, and we wait.
It doesn’t take long before my ears are ringing from the sound of a gunshot. I can’t move.
Another shot, blood is all over the left side of the car, Vic slides down the car. I can’t move, I can’t scream. Sam opens the door and pulls me down so I am laying on the seat. He stands back up and starts firing at one of the windows, i hear a man fall and hit the cement below him.
“Miss, you need to stay awake. Do you know where you are?” His hand is on my face and he is making eye contact with me but I can’t say anything. He reaches for his phone and hits one button, “She’s hit. Vics down.”
Seconds pass and J is next to me, he puts my head on his lap, “Hospital fucking now!” He yells at Jay and Lucas. “Fuck!” he keeps screaming over and over. His voice sounds painful.
I reach my hand down under my shirt to my lower stomach and lift it up to my face, its covered in blood. I still can’t feel anything. I grab onto Js arm as tight as I can, I can’t concentrate on what has happened. My mind hasn’t wrapped myself around it.
He lets out a painful grunt when he sees my hand covered in blood, “Im fucking sorry Kat. I fucked up. Im, I can’t.”
I cant even enjoy the fact that he said sorry just now. J pushes the car door open before we even come to a complete stop at the hospital. He tries to be as gentle but as quick as he can getting me out of the car. He carries me inside and there are 4 of his men behind him.
“I need the fucking doctor!” He screams when we walk in. Everyone stands in fear of The Joker. Lucas let off 3 shots, “The doctor. Now!”
Nurses scramble, and a doctor comes forward. He is sweaty and you can smell the nervous feeling on him. “Ye-Yes Joker?” He stands a few feet away.
“Fix her, save her.” J walks up to the doctor. “She’s shot, lower abdomen. If she dies, so do you.”
Fo-follow me.” He walks J and his men back to an emergency room. “Set her down here.”
J lays me down, my eyes are heavy, its hard to breath, and i am freezing. “Im right here baby girl, everything is going to be fine.”
I try to smile at him. I don’t even know if my face actually moved.
The doctor cuts off my shirt, “I-I uh need to get to that side of her Sir.” J was knelt down my the wound, he snarls at the doctor but moves to the other side, he grabs my hand, I have no energy to grab his back.
“I need 2 nurses, their names are Hannah and Gloria, I need extra hands.” The doctor looks at J.
“Go get them Lucas.” J doesn’t stop looking at my face.
Lucas comes back and both girls are crying, they look at the doctor for instruction. “Shes lost a lot of blood, I need a transfusion now!” They don’t move out of fear, “He will kill us if we don’t save her, move!” the doctor yells at the 2 girls. “They need that arm Sir. I have an IV in this one,” The doctor doesn’t look at J, he is busy addressing the gunshot wound.
J stutters to move but he does. The girls rush in and get to work.
Tears roll down the side of my face into my hair line, I can’t feel anything put a lot of pressure. I’m just scared. Really scared.
One of the girls brushes my hair back, “Its ok, everything will be ok. You won’t feel anything other than the pressure you are feeling already, ok? We gave you pain medication through the IV.” she points to my other arm but I cant turn my head. “I promise you, you will be ok.” Her smile is soft and warm, i believe her.
J has his eyes locked on me. I can feel the pain radiating off him. The medication has swept through my body. I close my eyes.
“Don’t, don’t sleep, Kat wak..” He is yelling.
“She is fine Sir. Its just the pain medication, she needs to sleep.” She puts her hand up to J and I know he wanted to kill her right then and there. She turns round and goes back to helping the doctor.
“It went straight through, that’s a good thing. Its cleaned and everything is fine internally. Stitch her up.” The doctor tells the girls.
He takes his gloves off and turns to J. “She is going to need a lot of rest, she is going to have a hard time getting up and she will need a lot of help for a while. In about 2 days she will need to start walking so her muscles don’t get tight around the wound. It needs to be cleaned morning and night everyday till we get the stitches out. It is going to hurt, she is going to be in pain. She will live though. You can cut the stitches out in 3 weeks or bring her back here.” The doctor walks past J and out the double doors.
One nurse smiles out of fear and leaves, while the other sits next to me.
“She’s ok Sir. She’s tough.” She gets up and walk out after adjusting the IV one last time.
“I know.” He says under his breath. He comes to my side and kisses my forehead. He doesn’t say anything. He puts his head down on the table next to my arm and lets out a long sigh. He looks over at the stitched up hole, “Kat, I’m not safe for you. I’m no good for you.” he grabs my hand again, i still can’t return the pressure. “Lets get her home.”
He has Lucas and Jay grab the IV’s has he carries me out. Not a word is spoken on the ride home.
J takes me upstairs and changes my clothes, he throws everything I was wearing in the trash. Lucas sets up the IV’s in the bedroom and J lays me down and covers me with the sheets. Lucas closes the door behind him.
J gets in bed next to me, he pulls me close, “Im so sorry Kat.”
I wake up in the morning, I can barley breath from the pain. I try to sit up and fall back gasping for air. I look around for J, he’s not there.