elder evils

Underrated 4E-Original D&D Monsters!

While Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition had many flaws when it came to integrating narrative and gameplay; on some pretty fundamental levels; one advantage of the system was that the simplified monster-creation allowed for a dickton of really interesting brand-new monsters to appear in a small space.

Sadly, due to both a lack of art for many of them and a fundamentally fluff-lite narrative approach for most of its run, almost nobody remembers them.

And that’s what we’re here to talk about today, with the name, a brief description, and the book they come from! So, in no particular order:

Banderhobbs- A horrible vore-frog that lives in the plane of Shadows. They take people away to work in their horrible shadow-mines until they turn into more Banderhobbs! [Monster Manual 3, tho they did come back in 5e’s Volo’s Guide]

Dreambreath Dracoliches- Dragon liches who root their immortality in the plane of Dreams and generally look like something that should be painted on the side of a van [Draconomicon: Chromatics]

Star Spawn- Horrible eldritch monster-avatars of the Stars, summoned by a giant planet that got fucked up by spending too long in the Cthulhu-dimension passing in front of them. They have stats so you can fight the giant planet. [Monster Manuals 2 & 3]

Filth Hags- A type of hag who always comes accompanied by a son she made out of poop. Yes I know they just give it as nonspecific “filth,” but we all know it’s poop [The Book of Vile Darkness. Yes there was a 4e version.]

Accipitridae- A centipede-thing made of grave-dirt and bone, part of a series of undead monsters created from grave-detritus known as Dethritus. There is also the Offalian who is a snake-thing made out of guts. [Open Grave]

Voracia- A giant starfish that eats fairies. Made as one of the edition’s Abominations; giant living weapons designed to fight in the war between the Gods and the jotun-like elemental Primordials. [The Plane Above]

Astral Renders- Another abomination, this giant silver/gold blob monster that doesn’t just eat flesh, but also the barriers between dimensions. To teleport.  [The Plane Above]

Bonewretch Skeletons- Literal dead-baby skeletons [Open Grave]

Orium Dragons- Metallic dragons obsessed with ancient civilizations, their history and lore, and with an obsession with bringing said ancient civilizations back. They breathe acid which turns into snake-vapor monsters. Which then stay around to keep attacking you. [Draconomicon: Metallic Dragons]

Apocalypse Spells- The remnants of apocalyptically deadly/powerful spells that have gained sentience, like shards of the chains of a trapped god or colorless fire from a massive war-ending spell [Monster Manual 3]

Larval Snipers/Larval Assassins/Larval Warmasters- Variants on the basic worm-that-walks monster including snipers made of wasps, assassins made of centipedes, and warlords made of beetles [Open Grave]

Chillfire Destroyers- 4e had this thing where they condensed the Elemental Planes into one big Elemental Chaos, and one of the byproducts of that was that all the elementals (at least at first) were combinations of elements. The Chillfire Destroyer; which is literally an elemental made of ice with fire inside; was one of the cooler; more iconic (In my eyes at least) manifestations of the idea. [Monster Manual 2]

Dragonscale Sloughs- Piles of dead skin and shed scales from dragons that’ve come to undead life. The dragon doesn’t even have to be dead for it to happen, as it mentions they tend to form naturally in the lairs of elder dragons [Open Grave]

Consumptive Swarm- A “demon” that’s actually a swarm of Slaad/chaos-frog larvae mutated into demons by the energy from shard of evil that formed The Abyss (Basically Chaotic Evil Hell). There’s also versions for Efreet and Djinn and a weird thing called a Writhing Crag supposedly made from Ropers and Xorn with a great design and the ability to embed you in stone. [The Plane Below]

Unrisen- People who came back very, very wrong after a Raise Dead spell. You know Pet Sematery? It’s basically Pet Sematery. [Open Grave]

Swarmtongue Worms- While the old gold-coin-mimicking Hoard Scarab came back, they also added another parasite for draconic hordes, grotesque stomachlike wormy-tongued parasites the size of a dwarf. They come in multi-headed versions called Swarmtongue Hydras and are implied to be either relatives of Carrion Crawlers or the result of what happens when the parasites feeding on a dead dragon’s body get bathed in energy from the Cthulhu dimension [Draconomicon: Chromatic]

Dragonclaw Swarms- An “advanced” version of the Crawling Claw enemy that is literally hundreds of severed dragon feet coming to attack you. D&D is silly sometimes [Open Grave]

Quom- Bald-headed two-faced people who were pretty chill until their goddess got exploded by the God/Primordial war. Now they’re searching for all the shards of their Goddess, which is a problem given how many of those have wormed their way into magic weapons or sometimes even people. [The PlaneAbove]

Flesh Cults- One of the coolest new ideas that got only one entry, they’re basically a cult not dedicated to immortality like most undead cults but rather to ˆephemerality, being in the here and the now and that everything ends eventually, with their rituals giving themselves regeneration that makes too much flesh, with it being described as a “perpetual cascade of flesh and organs,” which they then use as weapons and reanimate as temporary quickly-decaying undead servants. Because waste not want not I suppose [Open Grave]

Oubliviae- A new demon lord who looks bland at first, basically a pretty lady with an HR Geiger-armor-body, but her backstory is fascinating. Basically she is the lord of the end of all civilizations; with her layer made from a platonic “perfect” city that she ruined to turn into a reflection of the ruins of every civilization there ever was or will be; and she’s implied to come directly from the Shard of Evil at the heart of the Abyss rather than just being mutated Primordials/other creatures like the rest of the Demon Lords [Demonomicon]

Solkara- One of the few Primordials statted up that isn’t an Elder Elemental Evil with a new coat of paint, she’s suitably honked-up looking; given she’s a humanoid eel-monster with amongst other things three arms attached to two torsos connected at the shoulder and hips, which have two necks that connect to a singular four-eyestalked head. She’s stuck in an iceberg and really, really wants out. [The Plane Below]

This probably isn’t near all of them, so if I missed some, please tell me!

Man I ‘d love to see @bogleech do an article on some of these…

hey, how about I give you some sad book of mormon prompt ideas

what if the mission hut burnt down 

what if the only way district 9 would continue to be supported by the church one elder had to do sexual favors for the mission president

what if elder church’s mother died

what if instead of running away, the general shot arnold after saying he’ll turn him into a lesbian

what if there was an unannounced visit by the general and he shot kevin and connor

what if instead of sleeping to go to the hell dreams, connor decided to stay awake for eight straight days

what if elder thomas and elder mckinley get missing

what if kevin got aids after his mission

but you know what’s sad about this?

these fanfictions already exist

Todd Howard.

Todd Howard missing E3

Todd Coward.

Todd Howard coming into his own as a game developer

Todd Flowered.

Todd Howard glaring.

Todd Glowered.

Todd Howard imprisoned in the Tower of London

Todd Towered.

Todd Howard standing under a spray of cleansing water

Todd Showered.

A small community receiving its electricity from Todd Howard on a bicycle

Todd Powered.

Todd Howard meticulously polished to a mirror sheen

Todd Scoured.

Todd Howard getting fed up with dealing with an unpleasable fanbase and leaving the videogame industry forever

Todd Soured.

evil-is-relative  asked:

So, do any of your lovely, crazy characters celebrate Heart's Day?

I imagine my TESO trio would at least. Some had better time than others… :’)


-I am a gamer not because i don’t have a life-
-But because i choose to have many-
-What is your favourite?-
-Edits made by me :)-

i think a lot about how Paarthurnax and Alduin were brothers and comrades once.  how it must have felt for Paarthurnax to slowly begin questioning everything he thought he knew about the rightness of draconic rule, how painful it must have been for him to slowly and begrudgingly realize that Alduin was wrong

and how it must have felt for Alduin when Paarthurnax first stood up and said no, i’m not doing this anymore and left to join the human rebellion. what a betrayal that must have felt like, his own brother, a fellow child of Akatosh, turning on him

and then i think about Paarthurnax sitting on top of the Throat of the World for millennia because he knew Alduin would return, waiting for him, and then that moment when it happened, when they were face to face again for the first time in an eternity

and just these two ancient beings facing off from across the span of ages, a gulf thousands of deaths wide between them, and no hope of reconciliation but too much shared history to let it all slip away

Zu’u saraan fah hi, zeymah.  I waited for you, brother.

Hi mayz sahlo, Paarthurnax.  The years have not been kind to you, old friend.

Things my druid has done lately

- crit failed a perception roll trying to listen for sound behind a door, and instead slammed my fucking head into said door

- acquired a magic spear, conveniently housing the essence of an ancient evil elder vampire that wants to get out and will grow stronger as i use the spear

- saved 3 party members from taking potentially fatal damage from a dragon’s poison breath by readying gust of wind

- attempted to cock block a party companion from making a baby with a banshee, pissing off said banshee and thus forcing said party member to make the baby ANYWAY in order to save our lives

- had a conversation with a warhorse about braiding

- saw the ocean for the first time, and, while exploring in the form of a dolphin, disturbed a god damn fucking kraken that then attacked their entire party during their beach day (we killed it tho)

art by @naddaya