elcor tank

anonymous asked:

*sticks tongue out at you* elcor are stupid.

With disdain: Two words, motherfucker. Living Tanks.

That’s really all I need to say. By all accounts, I have dropped the mic and walked off the damn stage. But because Hippo loves to educate, I will delve into this amazing species even further for you.

To understand the elcor you need to understand one thing: They. Take. Their. Fucking. Time. With. Everything.

Before the asari discovered Dekuuna (the elcor home planet) it took them a hundred years to decide if they wanted to go to their moon. A hundred years! But after they met the other species, something lit a fire under their collective asses, cause within one generation, they set themselves up on the Citadel with regular trade routes. You don’t see many elcor around the Citadel, though.

Let’s talk about why this is. First off, their home planet? Four fucking g’s. Think about those spinning carnival rides you went on as a kid. Those went up to 3g. Elcor dialed that shit up to 4. At that gravity, you fall, you basically break all your bones. The elcor can live in lighter gravities, but they’re most comfortable in their own.

Then there’s the language barrier. See, to have a proper conversation between two elcor, speech, scent, body language and subvocals are all used. It’s impossible for other races to handle all of those, so because the elcor are basically the nicest species in the galaxy (besides the hanar, of course), they said, “Okay! We’ll come up with another way to portray the nuances you all are missing!” And emotive statements were born.

But let’s get to the good shit. Living Fucking Tanks. You fire a pistol at an elcor? They’re just gonna shrug it off like it didn’t mean a thing. Their hide can take almost anything they throw at them. Now, the elcor need all four limbs to walk, so carrying around a machine gun might work in a Blasto movie, it ain’t gonna work when there’s a horde of husks running towards one. So what do they do?

They strap weapon platforms on their shoulders. Think about a regular tank. That main gun is what they use. Now, the elcor as a species, as we’ve said before, is slow as fuck. They’re really not great at making impromptu decisions. So what do they do? They compensate. In this case, in a good way. Each elcor with a gun uses an insanely advanced VI combat system. The VI can make split second decisions using thousands of gambits that the elcor wrote over the last couple of centuries. Think about that. Anything can attack an elcor and they’ll be ready for it. Elcor don’t care. They’re ready.

Now, how did they help during the Reaper War? Besides being living fucking tanks? I’m so glad you asked. They donated all of their cruisers and carriers (but because of the Treaty of Farixen, they can only have a limited amount. Thanks for that, Council!) But their most important contribution was transportation. They were worth their weight in gold because they handle troop transport all over the galaxy, letting more advanced warships fight in other battles. All those krogan who were dropped off on Palaven to help the turians? They got there thanks to the elcor.

IN CONCLUSION: With pride: Living Tanks. ‘nuff said.

Next up - Conrad Verner. Because you do not come into my house, insult Conrad fucking Verner, in my inbox, without Hippo losing her shit. And educating all your asses.

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