you guys im SO hungover still but listen, there is only one way “elain uses the bond to manipulate lucien” goes
nobody asks her to do it. she’s just tired of feeling like she’s not contributing, tired of everyone treating her like she’s too delicate and sweet to do the kind of awful, ruthless work the rest of them do.
and also it’s pretty clear that everyone’s feeling about lucien are mixed at best, so she tells herself–it’s okay, he’s probably not that good of a guy anyway, he’s the enemy, it’s okay, it’s okay–
her gut tells her otherwise, of course, but she talks herself into it.
she gets there and she’s all smiles and flirty arm touches and doe eyes
(and lucien… if he doesn’t see through it, he can tell something’s seriously wrong, but she’s here and she’s his mate so even if he’s wary as hell he’s still going to talk to her)
this lasts a maximum of twenty three minutes before Elain bursts into tears midsentence and she starts crying im sorry, i can’t do it, i’m sorry, you don’t deserve this, I just wanted to help feyre, i’m so sorry–
like, guys, lucien is so sad and he has been hurt so many times. manipulating him is like kicking a puppy. I don’t think Elain would go through with it regardless because that’s just not her, but once she’s next to him, once she feels him through the bond and gets even the faintest idea of how much he’s already suffered, game over.
Lucien can’t find it in himself to be upset, or even disappointed, honestly. he wants to be hurt, should feel hurt, at the deception, but fuck, there’s so obviously not a malicious bone in her body that all he feels is pity and a sort of directionless anger–not towards elain, but towards the circumstances that made this poor sweet kid feel like she had to turn herself into a monster.
Lucien soothes her as best he can, assures her he’s not mad, that he understands. Elain keeps apologizing and can’t stop crying, and Lucien resorts to making dumb jokes to put her at ease.
Which just makes Elain cry harder, because he’s being so nice and sweet when she tried to do something awful to him, and–
Listen. it’s a mess. Lucien starts crying too a little bit. all the pent up emotions and anxieties about the bond and each other get released in ugly cry-laughter and then Elain gets the hiccups and her whole body convulses with each one and it’s the funniest thing lucien has ever seen in his life.
at long last it all works its way out of their system and they’re teary and wrung out, a strange and fragile comfort between them now
and elain, because her entire coming here was predicated on the lie that just spectacularly imploded, asks, “What do we do now?”
Lucien says, “I think we should be on the same team.”
Meeting up with Jerry after a particularly successful set, George is feeling a little disappointed in himself. “Jer,” he says, “Why don’t I ever follow through on anything I try to do?” Jerry tells him, “Whenever you feel like you can’t go any harder, go harder.” He takes a swig of his Pepsi® Corporation Mountain Dew™ for 30 seconds, backlit by the full moon, in slow motion, then walks away a richer man.
George later bumps into Kramer, who excitedly asks him to be a volunteer in his physics experiment. “It’ll be groundbreaking!” he cries. George’s eyes light up, thinking this is finally his chance to succeed at something. “I’ll do it!”
The two meet at the designated time and location, and Kramer straps George to a skateboard with some sort of ramshackle motor attached. “This is it?” George asks. “This is it, buddy!” George mugs the camera, but succumbs.
“All right, try to stay upright!” Kramer pats George on the shoulder, then lights a fuse attached to the motor. With an incredible bang, George is off like a rocket – mostly because he is literally strapped to a wheeled rocket.
He achieves an incredible velocity, causing Kramer to hoot and holler. George’s vehicle begins to slow down. “No,” he whispers to himself, whizzing between cars and startled pedestrians. “No! I have to go harder!” Forcing all of his concentration on his locomotion somehow works, and George begins positively accelerating yet again.
Kramer halts his revelry to gaze on in astonishment. He does not know why George is speeding up again, and he never will.
George opens his eyes and cheers. “I’m doin’ it!” He turns to the side. “I’m doin’ it, Jerry! Ha-ha!” His boost of confidence allows him to gain even greater speed, which causes him to become even more euphoric.
His confidence falters as he notices that the reds and greens of the world are slowly fading away, and everything is taking on a bluish tinge. He believes he is losing consciousness – but he is not. Nevertheless, his confidence begins to falter for a moment. “I can’t slow down,” he says, “Not now. What would Jerry say? I have to go harder!”
The very atoms of air through which Costanza moves are stationary in his wake. As he collides with them, they fuse with his body, literally not having the time to move out of the way. Each atom releases a burst of incredible radiation, tearing apart their neighboring molecules, ripping electrons away from their nuclei.
New York’s air is no longer notoriously polluted. Instead, it is an ever-expanding ball of incandescent plasma.
The skin is ripped from George’s face, which does not stop his skull from laughing as his ablation continues.
Although he has done something universally unprecedented through willpower alone, anyone who would have remembered the name of George Costanza is now a collection of simple molecules evaporating from a crater three miles wide.
Elaine is denied health insurance for having a post-existing condition.