elaborate disguise

Dating Tom Holland Would Include...

Originally posted by tomhollandisdaddy

ok I couldn’t help myself, sorry I haven’t written in years- but ya enjoy!!

  • alright, like tom would be the sweetest boyfriend don’t even try to fight me lol
  • like he would be such a gentleman 
  • always holding doors for you and pulling out chairs for you and ordering on your behalf and such
  • but he’d also be really cheeky 
  • like he’s not one to shy away from a good prank I feel
  • like he’d hide behind the door and give you a good jump scare or fill your car up with balloons or something- innocent things
  • but like if it ever got too far or if you even got the slightest bit hurt from it, he’d immediately rush over to you and make sure you’re alright
  • the little gymnist would constantly be doing flips and all these cool parkour moves which would make you so worried and on edge
  • “babe, stop, you’re going to hurt yourself”
  • “oh come on, darling, I’m spider-man”
  • and that would be his excuse for everything “darling, I am spider man after all”
  • and yes, his favorite thing to call you would be “darling”
  • and you’d also be worried about him doing some of his own stunts
  • like you’d walk over and he’d be hanging from some cables and casually be like, “oh, hey babe! want to grab some dinner after this?” 
  • taking Tessa on regular walks through the park would probably be one of the highlights of your day because it’d usually just be you and tom
  • and you’d find a quiet spot and just throw some tennis balls out for Tess and relax for a bit, it’d be a great get away from all the flashing cameras and noise
  • hanging out with Tess most of the time in his trailer
  • I feel like your relationship would be kind of private
  • I mean, people would know you’re dating, but you guys wouldn’t flaunt it
  • there may be a couple of pictures of you through out his Instagram feed, but it wouldn’t be overboard
  • and when you do post a picture together, the fans will all go crazy
  • however, on twitter, I feel like you two would get into little witty battles, here and there, and people would take sides and everything
  • but it wouldn’t be anything major, it’d be stupid stuff- like the correct pronunciation for “croissant” or something lol 
  • he’d be dancing all over the place all the time
  • and if you’re not good at dancing he would teach you a move or two and crack up at the amount of rhythm you lack, but he’d find it really cute and endearing
  • teasing him about lip sync battle
  • and sometimes if it’s raining he’ll do a tiny bit of the routine just to make you laugh
  • lots of insiders
  • beach dates
  • you would hang out with Harrison a lot and go to interviews and watch behind the cameras 
  • and Tom would get distracted every now and then with you being right there, and he’d stare off and you’d point your finger to the interviewer and signal at him to focus back, even though it’s really cute 
  • seeing the world while joining him on press tour every now and then
  • sneaking him off set every once in a while to grab a bite to eat or go adventuring and putting him in an elaborate disguise 
  • waking up to him making a nice cup of tea and breakfast every morning
  • having spider man merch lying all over the house because tom can’t help himself
  • and every time you’re at target and pass the toy isle where all the action figures are and the masks are, he’ll stop and shout “hey, look it’s me!!” 
  • sweet little kisses 
  • planning the future together
  • “what if our kid prefers superman?”
  • “then we’ll send them off to military school” 
  • obviously being his date to red carpet events and ceremonies 
  • and he’d always be very nervous and making sure you’re alright because all the flashing cameras, rude reporters, and screaming fans are a bit much
  • cheering him on in the crowd when he’s up for an award
  • and you being one of the first people he thanks in his speeches
  • if you aren’t from England and he’s near your home town for press tour or comic con, you take him all around town and show him where you grew up and share funny stories about each of your stops
  • him getting on great with your family, who can’t get enough of him
  • going over to see his family on holidays, who absolutely adore you
  • one of his brothers will probably have a not so secret crush on you and you jokingly threaten tom to leave him for them 
  • you being his whole world and him constantly talking about you in interviews
  • also lots of rumors about you guys getting married, having a baby, or breaking up, but you just tune those out 
  • lots of movie nights at his place which lead to you guys crashing out on the couch 
  • stealing his clothes
  • him whispering sweet nothings in your ear
  • and Harrison screaming “get a room”
  • lots of “I love you’s” 

let me know if you want a part 2 lol 

this is for @ilgaksu because she had a bad day and we’ve been chatting spy au and she gave me an idea and i want to cheer her up. all those reasons

Running the surveillance van is generally considered the boring job, but Matt doesn’t mind it. He can people watch to some extent, and he has Neil here to keep him company in watching the screens. It’s quiet and requires no acting, which makes it preferable to being in Andrew’s position right now.

On Matt’s screen, Andrew is leaning back in his seat, cards held in one hand and a low glass next to the other. He’s pretending to be a Russian magnate with a taste for the dirtier side of capitalism and also for killing people he doesn’t like. He looks relaxed, swimming with sharks. Probably because he’s the deadliest predator swimming in these waters.

They’re well into the game in there when Neil says something low in a language that definitely isn’t English, and then, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“What?” Matt asks. He’s instantly alarmed, because it takes a lot to make Neil lose his cool – the last time he said something similar, he was bleeding out from a hole in his gut.  

Neil is already on his feet. “I’ve got to go in there.”

Neil is definitely not supposed to go in there. He’s only here in the van because of a concession on Wymack’s part, mostly because they’d all believed he’d find a way to get involved in the worst way possible if he weren’t included in an official role. Things have gotten a lot more complicated since he and Andrew started working together, including the frequency with which Neil gets bullet wounds.

“You can’t,” Matt says. “You’ve got your orders.”

“Do you really think I care?” Neil replies. “Andrew’s about to get his cover blown, and I can’t warn him from here.”

They couldn’t send Andrew in wearing an earpiece because everyone inside was searched for tech, so the only support they could provide was watching like this. “How do you know you won’t get him killed storming in there right now?”

“What would you do if it were Dan? Sit in your ass here in the van, or go?” Neil asks. Matt looks away from the screen to his face, taking in the brutal determination with which he looks back.

Matt and Dan are married, but he suspects mentioning that might not be worth the air he’d waste in the process. Whatever bond it is that Andrew and Neil have, it’s probably just as significant, as close and as unbreakable. He says instead, “Who did you see?”

Keep reading

marywisdom  asked:

I just learned that a lot of people in prison pass their time by playing D&D, and now I wonder if Len and Mick did too

motherFUCKING DnD getting introduced on the Waverider of all places don’t even get me STARTED

  • Ray, who has lovely nostalgic memories of DnD from college, volunteers to DM. Len almost fights him for the position, but then he realizes it’s going to be infinitely more entertaining to screw with and derail Ray’s storytelling.
  • Len and Mick play as a rogue and a barbarian, respectively. their characters already know each other and this is not debatable. they’ve been playing together for, like, three decades and know each others character sheets inside and out.
  • You know that story about the guy who somehow got away with playing as a bear that was elaborately disguised as a human? That’s the kind of shit Len pulls. Constantly. And somehow it’s always technically allowed within the rules if you actually check.
  • Mick is That Guy who very purposefully seeks out situations that the DM is strongly hinting are super dangerous and inadvisable.
  • Sara plays a fighter, because of course she does. She has only a vague understanding of how the fighting system actually works and has to be continually reminded that she’s not actually allowed to move right now. But she rolled an insanely high charisma advantage and now her answer to every problem is “I seduce it.”
    • Which gets Ray terribly flustered, of course.
      • “The witch isn’t interested in women.”
      • “Oh, so now you’re being homophobic.”
      • “NO!”
  • Rip definitely plays a healer because, as we all know, healing is bottoming for gamers. The other members of the team give him a lot of shit about it and then he refuses to heal them until they’re on the verge of death but they never learn.
  • Kendra’s a druid, probably some kind of obscure Fey that everyone thought she was making up. She turns out to have more DnD experience than anyone expected, and she doesn’t love the fighting parts but is really into the magic and lore. She’s the one you go to if you need help on your character sheet and are too embarrassed to ask.
  • Jax definitely plays a dragonborn, probably either a ranger or a fighter. He’s actually pretty into it and tries to stick to Ray’s story more than anyone else, but he’s also always derailing the group by trying to incorporate modern things into the story.
  • Martin plays a human wizard and he’s basically playing himself. he also spends way too much time trying to talk about how the magic in the game could actually just be insufficiently analyzed magic and then he drags Ray in with him and then everyone else wanders off for snacks and next thing you know the game’s been derailed for 45 minutes.
  • Eventually they get Gideon involved. She plays a bard and she’s cutthroat.
How often is our life the elaboration of our disguises, of what we’re not and cannot really be…Man has invented a creature of culture and refinement which he then pretends to be…We become confused about our Being. We begin to believe we are our hypocrisies…We free the negative and let the positive go hang. We proclaim the ultimate value of man in the face of his palpable worthlessness.
—  William H. Gass, The Tunnel

aguagi  asked:

Do you think Isshin/Souichirou ever told Ryuuko when her actual birthday was (or if her supposed birth date was real)? I figure he'd change it to prevent any paper trail that would link her to being a Kiryuuin, birth certificates would have been destroyed in the fire, and there's no proof Aikuro or Tsumugu would know where he stored documents like that if he did. I actually don't think he even celebrated Ryuuko's birthday, if her greatest desire showed her celebrating it (albeit with Ragyou).

…this ask is breaking my heart right now…

But as for the question: I don’t think Isshin/Soichiro would change Ryuko’s birthday, though he had to have fabricated a birth certificate. It seems doubtful Ryuko even had a real birth certificate in the first place when she wasn’t even named, and judging by her “death” scene, it doesn’t look like she gets a death certificate, either.

So, the birth date could certainly be changed to be extra safe—and Isshin/Soichiro is definitely the kind of person to go overboard in that department (breaking your back and completely altering your face for a disguise?)—but in a lot of ways, a fake birthday is probably even more unnecessary than an elaborate, fake disguise. It’s doubtful Ragyo would even remember when Ryuko was born, and Ryuko’s entire existence before being Ryuko is probably not documented anywhere, thereby eliminating any paper trail.

But personally? The thought of Isshin/Soichiro robbing Ryuko of her birthday feels… really cruel. He lied about so much, and the thought of lying about even that…

I mean, heck, Mother Gothel in Tangled even told Rapunzel her real birthday—which actually was super troublesome for her evil, selfish goals!

And if you consider character designer/animator Sushio’s drawing of Isshin and Ryuko celebrating Christmas together as more canon than “just for fun” animator art, I’d like to imagine that Isshin would celebrate Ryuko’s birthday, too… at least, before he sends her away.

If there’s one sequence from Kill la Kill that never fails to mess me up, it’s when Ryuko recounts her past in episode 8. When she describes being sent away to boarding school as a child, little Ryuko is shown in flashback, crying out for Isshin, and it’s abundantly clear that Ryuko desperately doesn’t want to be separated and left alone… but her father leaves her behind and doesn’t even look back. Ryuko is completely and utterly devastated.

And this moment is a sign that Ryuko—very potentially—was a securely-attached child. No matter her claim that she and her father “never got along,” the fact that she is so distressed here indicates separation anxiety, which, in infants and small children, can be representative of a very strong, secure bond with a guardian figure.

But regardless of the nitty-gritty psychology behind this moment, it’s clear that this is a girl who sincerely wants her father in her life and is horrified of being taken away from him. I think this is the moment that really hurts Ryuko more than anything: she was separated from the only family she knew.

In Ryuko’s fantasy, it doesn’t seem she’s sent off to boarding school—in fact, a lot of emphasis is placed on Ryuko’s “mother” being involved in her schooling. That’s what Ryuko wanted from Isshin, and if you look at the candles on the dream cake, there are six or seven, indicating that Ryuko’s “mother” had an active role in her life even when she became old enough for school. In my eyes, the fantasy and all the background information suggests that Isshin did celebrate Ryuko’s birthday once, but he stopped after he sent her away… and that breaks her apart. It’s just one more indication that he doesn’t love her and doesn’t want her.

Hockey Camp - Auston Matthews (Part 12)

Auston Matthews x Reader

Word Count: 2356

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Not too sure how I feel about this chapter, may take this down and repost it later if I figure out a way to write this better!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11]


The next morning, you shuffle out of bed, going about your daily morning routine: brushing your teeth, yanking a comb through your hair, splashing water and cleanser on your face, and if you felt ambitious, putting some moisturizer on. When you’re done, you close the bathroom door behind you, rubbing your heavy eyes. You can hardly keep them open. Least to say, you didn’t get much sleep last night, as you laid awake for a long time thinking about Auston.

You plop down on your bed and pull your suitcase out from underneath it. As you rummage around for a pair of leggings and a shirt, Steph walks back in the room.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.”

“What?” You look up at her, blinking furiously. Everything seems way too bright this morning, and you can feel a headache coming on.

“What do you mean ‘what’? Would you care to explain what’s on your neck?”

You freeze. Oh no.

Steph takes one look at your expression and grins devilishly. “Oh, this is too good. Go on, take a look in the bathroom mirror.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You better, or I’m taking a picture and putting it on my Snapchat story.”

You stand up, glaring at her. “You wouldn’t dare.”

She just smiles. When you walk back towards the bathroom, she stops you. “Wait! You might need this.” She tosses you a tube of concealer and laughs maniacally at the look you give her.

Sure enough, when you look in the mirror, your neck is an absolute mess. Both sides are covered in red and purple hickies, trailing all the way down to your collarbones. You’re going to kill him.

“Steph! You better come here and help me - I can’t go out in public like this!”

You hear a camera go off, and whip around to see Steph running away from the bathroom, phone in hand.

You run out the door, furious. “Stephanie LaChance, I swear to god, if you don’t delete that right now, I’ll-”

“Okay, okay! I’ll delete it!” She holds up her phone, showing you as she hits the ‘x’ button in the top corner, removing the photo.

“You already saved it to your camera roll, didn’t you?”


You sigh. “You can send it to Mitch, but no one else, alright?”

“Okay!” she says happily, opening a new text message to Mitch.

“But only if you help me cover this up. We have ten minutes to get to the bus!”

Nine minutes later, the two of you are on the bus, breathless. Your bruises have been hastily covered by half a tube of concealer and a dusting of powder, and although it’s nearly 25 degrees out, you’re wearing your sweater with a big hood that somewhat shields your neck from view. It isn’t the most elaborate disguise, but it’s fairly decent for only having ten minutes.

When you walk into the arena, you pull your hood further up your neck, and peer around nervously. Hopefully no one can tell. You feel like the words, ‘I have a hickey’ are written in huge letters across your forehead.

“Y/N, relax.” Steph seems to read your mind. “Nobody’s going to be looking at you anyways.”

“Gee, thanks.”

She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Steph heads towards the dressing room to get ready, but you keep walking down to dressing room E, where Nancy said she would meet you. However, this means you’ll pass by the guy’s change room.

You walk quickly, with your head down. If you can just get to the dressing room, then you won’t have to worry about anyone noticing the giant bruises on your neck.

Mitch has other plans, however.

“Hey, Y/N, how’s it going?” he greets you loudly, stepping out of his dressing room and blocking the hallway.

“Great, how are you?”

“I’m good, thanks.” He smiles as he says this, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eye that makes you uneasy.

“Listen, I-” you start, trying to push past him. He blocks you, throwing an arm up on the side of the wall.

“Not so fast.”

“Mitch, I really have to get to this appointment with Nancy.”

“Nancy’s not even here yet.”

“That’s okay. I like to be early.”

“Well, you’re going to have to be on time today. I have a very important matter to discuss with you.”

You feign obliviousness. “And what would that be, Mitchell?”

“Well…” He smirks, seeing right through you. “It has to do with a certain boy, very tall, brown hair, looks like he never sleeps…”

“You’re going to have to be more specific. There’s a lot of tired-looking brunettes here.”

“Fine.” Mitch huffs, crossing his arms. You take this as your chance to slip through the gap between him and the wall. You surge through, but just as you think you’ve made it, he snags your forearm.

“Y/N, it’s about Auston.”

“I already knew that.”

“Then why didn’t you say so?” he exclaims.

“Because, I already know what you’re going to confront me about, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Why not? Because it’s embarrassing!”

“Going on a date is embarrassing?”

You frown. “No…is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yeah! That’s why I don’t get why you don’t want to talk about it - unless you don’t like Auston. Then I’ve totally made this conversation awkward.”

“Oh, okay. No, I had a great time with Auston last night. Steph didn’t send you the picture then.” You sigh in relief.

“The picture? What picture?”

“Nothing, forget I said anything.”

Mitch pulls out his phone. “Oh, here! I do have a message from Steph.”

“Don’t open it!”

“Why not?”


“Should I wait to show it to Auston then?”

“Show me what?” Auston says, and you wheel around to see him walking up behind you. Perfect timing, as usual.

“Nothing!” you say loudly at the same time Mitch holds out his phone to show Auston the picture.

“What’s this?” Auston says curiously, taking the phone from Mitch and holding it high enough so you can’t reach it.

In a matter of seconds, Auston’s face turns bright red.

“What?” Mitch exclaims. Auston hands the phone back to Mitch silently and gives you an apologetic look.

“Oh, shit. Y/N, your neck!” Mitch bursts out in laughter, clutching his hand to his mouth. “Oh, man - that’s too good. Auston, I never knew you were such an animal.”

Auston’s face reddens even more.

“Yeah, okay - I’m leaving now,” you squeak, and jog away from Mitch and Auston and head over to dressing room E before Mitch can stop you again.

Just before the door shuts behind you, you hear Mitch screech, “Wait, does that mean you guys were banging in my car?!”

“You seem very tense,” Nancy comments as she massages the area around your bruised ribs.

“Do I? Sorry,” you apologize and will your muscles to relax. Nancy hits a particularly tender spot, and you tuck your chin into your shoulder to try to hide your wince.

Her hands leave your back. “Y/N, I know you hardly know me and may feel uncomfortable opening up to me because of that, but if you need to talk to someone, I’m always here to listen. I had to take mandatory sports psychology courses as part of my degree, so I do know how important your mental health is for your physical performance in sports. To me, it feels like a lot of the tension in your muscles is not from overexertion, but rather from stress.”

You’re surprised by the tears that well up in your eyes at her kind words. Your voice is thick when you reply: “Thanks, Nancy.” You swallow the lump in your throat and continue, “I think I’m having some difficulty finding a balance in my life between sports and relationships.”

“Well, if it brings you any comfort - you’re not alone. I think you’d be surprised to hear how many NHL players I’ve heard say the same thing.”


“Really. It takes some time and patience, but I think you’ll be able to strike a balance between your personal life and your career. It’s very easy for an athlete to zone in on their profession and nothing else, and so it’s important that you take a step back and have some time to be human. Whether that’s hanging out with friends, loved ones, or spending time with yourself to de-stress, it’s essential for your performance on the ice.”

“I think I understand that now. I’m just scared of getting too distracted and it affecting my game.”

You can’t see her, but you can tell Nancy’s smiling. “Is this perhaps about a boy?”

“Yes,” you admit shyly. “I feel like I’m twelve years old again. I can’t stop thinking about him, and his smile, his eyes…sorry, that’s probably too much information.” You blush.

Nancy laughs lightly. “Don’t worry. I was the exact same way about my husband when we first met in university. The advice I can give to you about this is to make sure he’s someone you’re proud of being around, someone that you wouldn’t feel embarrassed introducing to the most important people in your life. You also want to make sure he’s someone that encourages you to improve your skills, and helps you to become a better person. If he fits those criteria, then you shouldn’t have to worry about him inhibiting you from achieving your goals. If anything, you’ll be yelling at him to be quiet because he’s cheering for you so loudly.”

You nod, taking this all in.

“Does that make sense?” Nancy asks.

“Yes. That helps a lot, actually. Thank-you.”

“Anytime,” she says warmly. “Now, let’s try and get this knot out of your shoulder, shall we?”

After Nancy finishes her session, and tells you to come back tomorrow before she can clear you for light exercise, you find yourself climbing up the stands to watch the tail end of the morning skate.

Steph sees you and waves wildly, banging on the glass. You create a heart shape with your hands before blowing her a kiss. Then she’s gone, sweeping around the ice with Alexis for the drill, the puck flying between them. Auston takes her place in the line-up. Your eyes are glued to him as he completes the drill, but twice as fast as Steph, and with an effortless appearance that you envy. He’s even more impressive to watch from the stands.

You study him for the rest of the practice, absorbed in the quick motion of his legs and the agility of his hands and stick - which is truthfully more like an extension of his arms than a piece of fiberglass. There is something about him that sets him apart from everyone on the ice. (And no, you’re not biased in the slightest). There’s just a sense of fire, of passion in everything he does that is unparalleled by anybody else.

When practice ends, you climb down from your seat and head towards the girl’s dressing room to talk to Steph about your session with Nancy. But on your way there, someone grabs your arm.

“Mitch, please stop harassing me, or I will-” you start, swinging around to face a grinning Auston. “Oh, it’s you.”

“‘Oh, it’s you.’ Thanks for the warm welcome.” He pretends to turn around and leave.

“I didn’t mean it like-”

“I know you didn’t, silly. I’m just teasing.” He leads you down the hall and into the small gap between the dressing rooms that leads to outside. He takes off his helmet and dumps it on the ground, slicking back his sweaty hair with his hands.

“So listen, I’m sorry about your neck.”

“Uh-huh. You seem to have developed a habit of bruising me.” His eyes follow your hand as you brush your ribs with your fingers.

“Hey, I swear I’m not doing it on purpose - your skin just bruises very easily.”

“Or maybe you’re an animal,” you tease, referring to Mitch’s earlier cringe-worthy remark.

“Please - just don’t.” He drops your gaze, abashed. “Mitch is like the little brother I never wanted. He’s the worst wingman and constantly embarrasses me. I don’t know why I keep him around.”

“Friendship is a strange thing,” you agree. “Steph drives me up the wall sometimes, and I swear was put on this earth to annoy me - but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love her to bits.”

“Yeah.” Auston nods, and then it falls silent, neither of you knowing what to say.

You’re about to turn away and make something up to relieve yourself from the stifling atmosphere when he blurts out, “can I kiss you?”

You give him a strange look.

“I really want to kiss you,” he explains, his face flushing.

“Okay, then kiss me, you idiot.” You laugh.

He walks over, careful not to tread on your toes with his skates. Then he bends down, firmly pressing his lips to yours. Your hands come up and hook inside his chest protector, bringing him closer. He deepens the kiss, but then breaks off, grabbing your hips and lifting you up so that your shoes are resting on top of his skates.

“Sorry, the height difference was making my neck hurt,” he whispers.

You’re about to retort that you’re not actually that short, that his skates give him an extra two inches over you than normal, but his lips cut you off. You lose yourself in the kiss, your hands sneaking under his equipment to brush against his bare skin. You distract him enough that he doesn’t notice when your lips dart down to his neck. You suck gently at the skin until you’re sure you’ve left a mark. But you end up grazing your teeth against his neck a little harder than expected and he realizes what you’re doing.


You laugh playfully and pull away, ducking out from underneath his arms. He tries to grab you, but you’re too fast as you hop down off his skates and sprint away.

“Y/N, get back here!”

[Part 13]

It has actually become necessary in our time to rebut the theory that every firm and serious friendship is really homosexual. The dangerous word really is here important. To say that every Friendship is consciously and explicitly homosexual would be too obviously false; the wiseacres take refuge in the less palpable charge that it is really–unconsciously, cryptically, in some Pickwickian sense–homosexual. And this, though it cannot be proved, can never of course be refuted. The fact that no positive evidence of homosexuality can be discovered in the behaviour of two Friends does not disconcert the wiseacres at all: “That”, they say gravely, “is just what we should expect.” The very lack of evidence is thus treated as evidence; the absence of smoke proves that the fire is very carefully hidden. Yes–if it exists at all. But we must first prove its existence. Otherwise we are arguing like a man who should say “If there were an invisible cat in that chair, the chair would look empty; but the chair does look empty; therefore there is an invisible cat in it.” A belief in invisible cats cannot perhaps be logically disproved, but it tells us a good deal about those who hold it. Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend.

-C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Originally posted by vh1

anonymous asked:

Imagine: Jumin Han being on Undercover Boss but instead of actually evaluating C&R, he's so amazed by how the common folk live (microwaves, hamburgers) that he ends up exposing himself bc no one believes a regular employee is THAT clueless. It's the most popular episode that season, probably in the entire show run.

PFFF okay but Jumin’s face is so well known they’d have to get a special effects makeup artist to give him some elaborate disguise and make him like a middle aged man with a beard or something xD

Random Batjokes Headcanons

- J always being the first to wake up in the morning. Most of the time, he’ll read in the library till Bruce gets up, but sometimes he helps a rather surprised Alfred around the house.

- Bruce putting together elaborate disguises for them both so that he can take J on dates around Gotham, and to charity galas, or just so they leave the house together sometimes

- J refusing to call Alfred that. Its always, “Alfie”, or “Jeeves”, or other ridiculous nicknames. (The only time J has EVER called him Alfred, was when Bruce came home from a patrol seriously injured, and the clown had no idea what to do, panicked, and begged the butler for help)

- Bruce has a collection of different packs of playing cards that he and J play with sometimes. Surprisingly, Bruce tends to win no matter what the game (unsurprisingly, though, is that the joker cards always disappear from the packs withing a week of Bruce buying them)

- J has a signed Batman poster in his cell at Arkham. Everyone else thinks its just a fake, mass produced and sold on eBay, but the clown takes pride in knowing he has the only real, Batsy-authorised Batman merch in existence.

- Bruce has decided that his favourite colour is, in fact, green. No one is ever allowed to know this, especially J because he’d think it was because of his hair (which, of course, it 100% is)

- J has threatened every criminal in Gotham that if they injure his Batsy, the clown will personally come and deliver twice the damage back to them.

- Bruce (the teddy bear from J’s regression therapy) lives on top of actual Bruce’s wardrobe. The vigilante finds it both hilarious and endearing that J has a toy named after him, and always remembers to bring the bear with him when “interrogating” the clown whenever he’s in Arkham

- Bruce and J aren’t officially public as a couple to anyone but the Bat family and Alfred. Alternatively, only Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn know that the Joker is dating Batman (and that’s only because J won’t shut up about his beloved Batsy). Despite this, anyone who’s ever met the two 100% suspect the truth.

Come hear the Magic of the Mundane! Members of Rocher Hotel come together to play D&D and have wild adventures!

In this episode, our heroes run into people they don’t expect and stumble upon another mystery plaguing a fellow classmate! Can they get the answers they seek while avoiding certain eyes? Ken isn’t here right now, Ophelia talks to someone to her own dismay, Taiko tries breaking and entering, Toby never forgets a girl, and Duo makes a promise.

Credits and NPC are under the Read More!

Keep reading

Made with SoundCloud

fialleril  asked:

Okay prompts: Write me a thing about giant dweeb Vaderkin attempting to woo Padme.

WELL OF COURSE. for reference, an attempt on padme’s life was made, vader was assigned as her guard, because palpatine’s a shitty person who wants to make vader’s life worse. this is the period directly after they part ways. (in the actual fic, the scene will probably change - but enjoy the draft of it for now! i apologize for any mistakes in advance)

Red Roses, Too |read on ao3|

Seetoo had layered on the various silks and cloths thick, making movement difficult.

Keep reading

i just woke up from a dream where like…. liara and thane were on earth trying to get off and back to space, but there was this government organization hunting them down, and i had to help them escape, and we ran through st paul switching through like 50 elaborate disguises and stealing motorcycles and shit and honestly??? where’s my au of this

Optimism is the parent of despair, while pessimism allows the mind to accustom itself to the inevitable disappointments of human existence by degrees, just as some drugs induce a state of tolerance. Pessimists, moreover, have the better sense of humour, for they have a livelier apprehension of pretension and absurdity. In a meritocracy, furthermore, those who fail must either indulge in elaborate mental contortions to disguise reality from themselves or sink into a deep melancholy.
—  Anthony Daniels

@titleknown​ just posted a thing about how to make video game creepypastas that don’t suck and i guess my unconscious mind just decided to pile it all on top of me, and now i’m pissed that since it being a dream was integral to the horror, i can’t make the most harrowing dream of my life into effective creepypasta. here fucking goes:

the premise of the dream starts out that disney princesses are noticing something weird going on in what i’m calling, for lack of a better word, toontown, although the big-box grocery store in which this dream took place was not cartoonishly rendered. they start putting on elaborate disguises to go investigating this with their various friends/boyfriends/lackeys, and enter the grocery store. the goal appears to be to make it to the staff areas, from which emanates a mysterious glow. for reasons unknown, there is a sense of urgency, and so the various princesses are doing sick parkour shit to acquire the supplies they need to fight whatever this evil is.

it is about this point that i start noticing other famous fictional characters - i see lilo and stitch, mario and luigi, batman, superman, captain america, master chief, duke nukem, doomguy - also trying to get to the staff areas. the dream decides to inform me that i am playing hellfucker, a video game by clive barker (i have never consumed any of mr. barker’s work, which is a real-world horror my dream did not address). the camera pans off the disney princesses, and i think it’s mario and luigi who first get into the staff areas, which are invisible except for the mysterious green-white glow, into which they just vanish. we see this happen to other characters, and i finally catch on that the premise of hellfucker is that getting to the touted staff areas isn’t in fact what you’re supposed to do, and that going into the staff areas means death.

i now also can see what the sense of urgency is about as the camera finally pans around towards the store entrance - these big floating robed figures are following everyone in the store, getting slowly closer and closer to them. i am filled with the awareness that there’s a bunch more of these things hiding in the glow. i’m starting to look around in panic for a way to turn the video game off, which is when i think - not sure if it actually happened, cause this is fuzzy - i wake up. i’m still tired as shit after staying up until 2:30 this morning playing dungeons and dragons, so i make the decision to fall back asleep. i’m immediately sucked back into hellfucker, which i now know to be a dream, and start wrestling with the game/dream in order to figure out how to turn the damn game off.

i finally figure out that i’m playing the hellfucker sequel, not the original game, and that if i switch the menu to hellfucker original i can get into a non-fucked up game where you do actually win if you get into the staff areas. this is when the dream nominally ends, but i am having a hard time physically waking up - my eyes won’t open, my limbs will barely move, i can’t actually push back the blanket. upon later reflection this was in fact still part of the dream, but i remember physically struggling to reach out and grab my clothes from my chair, trying to put them on under the covers, because i am absolutely petrified that one of the robed things from hellfucker is behind me, by which i mean under my bed. i eventually manage to wake up for real, but the fact that i had to fight my way out of this dream is something i’ve never encountered before.

i’d still play hellfucker though.

Proposition; Sherlock x Reader

Requested by Anon:

Please could you write a reader x Sherlock one shot where they are fake dating for a case and they are practicing how they’ll act together when their friends invite them on a night out, which will be the first time they are with all their friends as a couple. Adore your writing x

You sat within your room at 221B sifting through some old books of yours before Sherlock came busting into your room. “Y/N…” he began nervously. “I have a proposition for you.”

And that was the beginning of how you had spent the entire weekend practicing to act like a couple with none other than Sherlock Holmes. Apparently he needed to go undercover at some gala and needed a date. And guess who the closest girl was when Sherlock needed one.

“Sherlock if you spend the whole gala three feet away from me no one is going to believe any of this,” you told him. Currently the two of you were practicing making conversation with other couples.

“This is a perfectly respectable distance for lovers to stand.”

“I, for one, am enjoying this,” John said, laughing his arse off from the couch.

“Thank you for all the help John. After all, you’re the only one here with any kind of worthwhile experience,” you reminded him.

John sighed before getting up and moving Sherlock closer to you. “Now I’m afraid you’re going to have to touch each other. Also, helpful hint: looking like you enjoy her presence would help you out immensely Sherlock.”

Your phone suddenly began to ring and you dropped your lesson to pick it up. “Hello?”

“Hey Y/N. It’s Alice. Steve and I were thinking about grabbing some friends and going out for a night. Rumor has it you’ve been seeing someone… maybe we could meet this mysterious suitor?”

You sorted through your memory trying to remember what she was talking about before suddenly you remember the little white lie that was Greg. “I don’t know…”

“Oh come on Y/N! You’ve been talking about this guy forever!”

“Yeah but only to get out of plans with you,” you thought to yourself before Sherlock asked what was taking so long when suddenly an idea popped in your head. “Actually Alice, Greg and I would love to go out with you tonight,” you said before hanging up.

“Who’s Greg?” Sherlock asked.

“For tonight… you.”

And that was how you ended up paired with Sherlock at a dingy bar with friends you didn’t really care that much about. “So Greg tell us about yourself,” Alice said to Sherlock.

“Yeah, Greg,” you sarcastically encouraged looking over at Sherlock’s elaborate disguise. He had not only applied a fake beard but even altered his hair color to a light blond for the night.

Sherlock looked at you through the side of his eyes before looking back at your friends. “I’m actually a web designer.”

“Well that’s interesting!” Steve said.

“I find it quite intriguing. And what do you do?”

“I’m a cop over at Scotland Yard.”

Sherlock and you both tried to maintain your cool, now realizing that one slip up would mean the entire charade would fall apart. “What division again?”

“Homicide… well usually. There’s the occasional drug bust. As a matter of fact, we drug busted the infamous Sherlock Holmes’ flat.”

“Wow, that’s so cool,” you told Steve, trying to play along.

“Y/N don’t you live on Baker Street? Do you ever see him walking around?”

“Oh god… I mean he’s always so busy solving cases it’s so rare to find him just out buying the groceries,” you told them while reprimanding Sherlock in the process getting him quite angered.

“I bet it’s his roommates’ job,” Sherlock muttered through gritted teeth.

“Well maybe they’re tired of doing it all the time.”

“Are we getting in the middle of something?” Alice asked interrupting you and Sherlock.

“Oh no of course not,” you assured her. “So… more drinks?”

Finally the night ended and you and Sherlock were finally able to escape. “I can’t wait for this gala to be over,” you mumbled as you left.

“Let’s just hope it isn’t a disaster. The next time the stakes are much higher than lying to your friends.”

Lena tells Kara that she and Supergirl are her only friends, so Kara decides to do something about it.

But instead of introducing Lena to Winn and James and Alex like a normal person, she breaks into the undercover supplies room in the DEO. 

Elaborately disguised, Kara proceeds to bump into Lena at various locations across the city regularly, for weeks, with the goal of befriending her as different people and ultimately raising her friend count.

However, things get complicated when Lena just won’t stop hitting on them all. 

anonymous asked:

The familiar scent of Lloyd's natural musk flooded the home, followed by the sound of the front door closing. The axie wiggled out of his baggy clothes and beanie, wiping off his makeup. He smiled as he shed his elaborate disguise and called out to his partner. "Maxwell! I'm home! And I have a surprise for you!"

Maxwell took his headphones off, rolling his chair to the doorway and peeking out at the sound and smell of his lover. His red hair was in it’s usual, fluffy mess and he was still in his pajamas. He’d spent the day so far editing some photos, and this was the break he needed. He bound out of the chair and lazed over, wrapping his arms around Lloyd.