eighties boyfriends

confusedpumpkin  asked:

Okay Zimbits + 35? I'm on mobile which is rare so my messaging is a mess

35. “You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

Usually when the sight of Bitty in nothing but a jersey greets Jack, it’s the beginning of a night for the highlight reel. The Falconers let Jack keep his jersey from his first NHL game, and between Bitty’s slight frame and sweater’s having been made big enough for Jack in his pads, the collar slips over bare shoulders and does something to the possessive part of Jack that rattles in his ribs like a tin cup against prison bars.

The fabric that drags against Bitty’s thigh isn’t blue, though–it’s black. And the number on his sleeve isn’t a one but an eighty-seven.

His boyfriend, Jack’s boyfriend, is wearing Sid Crosby’s jersey in bed.

“Take it off,” he growls without preamble. His bag slides to the floor and lands heavily, but neither of them flinch.

“Your uncle Mario sent it to me for my birthday,” Bitty grin. “It’s even signed!”

He pulls the shirt away from him to better show off the scrawl across the penguin on Bitty’s chest. Under the jersey, Jack gets a glimpse of black and gold, and if Mario sent his boyfriend autographed penguins underwear, too, he’s going to be disowning a few relatives and burning the gifts for good measure.

Or maybe he’ll sell them and donate the money to the Falcs and Friends LGBT outreach charity. He’ll do something, but the specifics will have to wait until Bitty isn’t representing the enemy.

“Take it off,” Jack grates out again. He toes off his shoes.

“Excuse me? This was a present, Jack,” Bitty does some lip-biting and lash-fluttering that would send Jack to his knees any other night.

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

Bits flushes and grins, staring with the most defiant arch of the brow that Jack’s ever seen on him.

“You can’t just–”

Jack pounces, and Bitty squeals. Bits arches his back, suddenly without complaint when Jack slides the jersey up to his armpits, letting his hands slide along the sides he reveals in the process. His forearm slips into the curve of Bitty’s back, and Jack lifts him tight against his own chest to get the thing over Bittle’s shoulder blades and off.

“Honey, be careful! I wanna keep that!”

Bitty really should have thought of that before wearing it in Jack’s bed.

“I hope you know,” Jack mumbles against Bitty’s sternum after lowering him back against the sheets. “I wouldn’t be doing this if there were penguins on these, too.”

He kisses down the center of Bittle’s chest, drawing out low moans and giggles. The cradle of Bits’s hand fits snug against the curve of Jack’s scalp, fingers tugging lazily at his hair. The boxers Bitty wears are plain and black, but Jack is hardly any less hasty in tugging them off.

101 WAYS TO DITCH YOUR FRIENDS
  1. I have to pick my little brother up from school
  2. I have a personal training session
  3. My grandparents are visiting
  4. I have a swim tournament
  5. I have a major test tomorrow
  6. I’m gluten-free
  7. I have a date with Michelle Obama
  8. I’m like three months pregnant
  9. Sorry I’m allergic to avocados
  10. I’m gay
  11. I have to hug my parents
  12. I’m like super gay
  13. I have to attend a pet funeral
  14. I have to watch every Beyoncé video on YouTube at least three times
  15. I have to grind my own toothpaste?
  16. I have a date with Troye Sivan
  17. I’m dying
  18. I have to make my aunt a ceramic ash tray
  19. Oh I’m sorry I can’t make it I have a rash all over my body and it’s highly contagious 
  20. I can’t make it because YOU SUCK
  21. I have a date with Melissa McCarthy!
  22. I have a Pentatonix rehearsal
  23. I’m sorry I can’t go because I’m unable to breathe
  24. Uh, I’m not drunk enough
  25. Oh I’m sorry I promised my mom I’d watch Castaway with her
  26. I don’t really like you
  27. I ran out of wine
  28. I’m dead.
  29. Oh my god I’m sorry I’m so lost I think I’m just gonna go home
  30. Oh, Versace called and they want me to go to their fashion sh - OH give me one sec, I think this is - hello?
  31. Traffic is literally so bad, apparently there’s like a hundred car pile-up and like everyone died
  32. I have to get breast implants
  33. I have a lip injection appointment
  34. I have to get my teeth removed… all of them 
  35. I’m in Croatia
  36. I’m at the Nelly Furtado concert
  37. My friend got me tickets to Lisa Loeb unplugged and I swear she’s my number one so I have to go
  38. I have terrible food poisoning
  39. I found land elves in my backyard and I must map their territory
  40. I have to go to Applebee’s
  41. I have to make papas fritas!
  42. Oh, sorry, I have to flirt with Justin from Signarama
  43. I have to go shopping
  44. Ohh, sorry I have to give sympathy laughs to people who still think Grumpy Cat is funny 
  45. I have to co-host Barefoot Contessa
  46. I have to subscribe to itsgrace! Aw we love her!
  47. I’m going to Coachella!!
  48. I’m six months pregnant
  49. I’m stuck in a well
  50. I’m like waaay too cool to be hanging out with you
  51. Everyone I touch dies
  52. I’m trapped in a Dutch colonial house!
  53. My feet are sticky
  54. I have to recharge my crystals
  55. My chakra is so off-balance
  56. I have to get past two on Flappy Bird
  57. I’m sorry but I have to summon spirits
  58. I need a milkshake, and a boyfriend
  59. I have to play Super Smash Bros. forever
  60. I’m in Belize
  61. I promised my friends I’d go kite flying with them
  62. I can’t stop projectile vomiting! 
  63. I have to become a Pokémon master
  64. I’m allergic to you
  65. NO!
  66. I’m nine months pregnant
  67. Titanic is on!
  68. My dad hates you
  69. I’m a serial killer
  70. I’m having a baby!
  71. I’m making frozen grapes
  72. McDonald’s breakfast ends in like ten minutes
  73. So sorry I’m on day eighty-nine of P90X and I don’t wanna stop now I spent all this time 
  74. I have to go degrade myself in the mirror
  75. I have to teach Lorde to stop twitching
  76. Looking is on!
  77. I’m narcoleptic so I never know when I’m gonna….
  78. I have to do a soft-shoe tap dance routine
  79. I have to feed my dolphins
  80. I have to feed Wyatt
  81. I have to translate Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address into Parseltongue
  82. I’m sorry I totally would but I have to cross-stitch a detailed portrait of the final image of the 1997 film Anaconda starring Nicholas Cage
  83. Oh you didn’t hear? It’s National Don’t Hang Out With Your Friends Day
  84. The Domino’s guy is gonna be here any second - oh, thank god - I hope he’s cute
  85. My lymph nodes are flaring up
  86. I have to filter the air in my apartment using only a wet tissue
  87. I’m frozen. - Do you wanna build a snowman?
  88. I have to say something witty
  89. I gotta go lay down my heavy load, down by the riverside
  90. I just got a new carpet powder and I really wanna break it in
  91. I crashed from my Red Bull binge 
  92. I’m having toenail issues
  93. I saw a Matisse painting and now I can’t stop being introspective
  94. It’s RuPaul’s birthday
  95. I’m not human.
  96. I made a casserole out of the deli meats and the condiments in my fridge and now I really don’t feel well
  97. You’re ugly
  98. Spongebob is on!
  99. I’m going to Luby’s with my boyfriend… he’s eighty
  100. I’m becoming a nun
  101. I had to cut my limbs off