*gigling over kyungsoo's picture, kyungsoo's voice, kyungsoo's video*
so, is this your crush ?
*le gasp* what? mom, no. yeah kyungsoo bb is hot, cute, adorable, handsome, and perfect, his voice is just so, ugh, like honeydew, and his personaly, reserve and dorky but caring-
*rolling her eyes*
--ehm, yea, what i mean is, i love him but not in romantic way and i can't love him that way, i am not allowed
...okay *start to regret this conversation bc she knows i won't shut up*
because he has jongin, they are in love. i can't. nobody can't love him like jongin. and kyungsoo loves him back.
who is jongin?
*play exo MV and point at jongin when he is doing hipthrusts* he is the perfect guy for kyungsoo. they are in love. they will build a family together, live in the house on the green grass with 3 adorable dogs play on the yard
*start showing kaisoo gifs, pictures and videos*
*sigh* *stare at me with 'do i have to do this' face* *watch the videos and see the picture*
nah, they are just friends, they're just being playful.
what. NO. NO. NO. NO. GOD NO. THEY. ARE. IN. LOVE. HOW CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE LOVE IS IN THE AIR WHEN YOU SEE THEM. NO. NO. NO.
okay, maybe, they're a lil bit too close and touchy-touchy...
they are in love. they are banging.
um, okay. just don't sleep too late and don't forget to turn off the wifi before you go to bed. *slowly walk away from me*
NO. My feeling was hurt bc you questioned KaiSoo's love. I need to spazz over them now and read fluffy KaiSoo fanfics to heal the feels. I am gonna stay up late.
*sigh* that's nice, dear. *close the door *mumbling something about not raising me right*
There was a big storm outside the dorm. We just got back from practice and wanted to eat somewhere else but than the storm came and cancelled all our plans. Great..
While Jin and Hoseok were in the kitchen, Yoongi sleeping in his bed and Namjoon doing something on the laptop, Jungkook, Taehyung and me decided to just watch something on the television or play video games. I got up and looked outside to check if the weather was getting better but it just got worse. As I looked at the weather I chuckled slightly at a memory. My ex-girlfriend used to love this kind of weather.. She always got super excited and sometimes I would just catch her starring out of the window, taking in the weather. Sometimes she would be crazy enough to run out to the balcony and stick her head out and get her hair, face and upper half completely soaked in rain.
„Jimin? You okay?“, the two boys asked me with concern. I realized I was starring for too long out off the window. „Ehm.. yea.“, I said, walking back to them and sitting down.
„Are you thinking about her?“, Jungkook asked. I didn’t know wether I should answer this or not but by the silence I gave them, they already knew.
Nobody knew why I was thinking that much about her. Hell, not even I knew myself why I was thinking that much about her.
I broke up with her a month ago… Yes.. I.. Broke up..
–– „I’m sorry..“, I said, my face showing no emotion. I saw as tears slowly made it past her eyes.
„why?“, she silently asked.
I hesitated with the answer, because I knew it would break her apart. But I really couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep lying to her.
„because… I never loved you… and I couldn’t pretend anymore…“
her eyes slowly got wider and wider, until she looked up to me with an shocked expression.. „I’m sorry… I really am“
„you’re the most disgusting person on this entire planet… Get out of my house…“, she said, calmly with anger evident in her voice.
I nodded my head and turned around to walk out of the door but before I closed it, I heared her last words, which were colder than the winter..
„I hope you’ll choke on your own lies and never find happiness..“
–– I remember that day very clearly. For the first time, in months, I saw that side of her.
I thought she will cry, cry out her eyes. I thought she will yell, yell out her lungs. I thought she will run, run after me. I thought she will beg, beg for me.
But all I saw was a girl, which heart I broke. I saw a girl, which turned to ice. I saw a girl, which I left broken. I saw a girl, which hid her emotions. Because before I closed the door and she told me the last words. I turned the last time around, seeing her fragile figure, waiting for me to be out so she could fall apart.
Since that day she hunts me. She hunts me in my dreams. She hunts me when I practice. She hunts me when I try to not think about her. She hunts me basically every second, minute, hour, day and week..
I should forget her, considering I never loved her to begin with.. at least that’s what I kept telling myself. But for some reason I started to crave for her. I often was torn between calling or texting her or just to let it be. Torn between going to her house or staying at home. Torn between apologizing and giving me another change or move on, because I fucked up.. because I told her I never loved her.
I hoped she would come back. That she would show up and forgive me. That she would kiss me or hug me like she used to. She was a precious girl and a beautiful woman. I realized that I did indeed feel in love with her, because of the things she did. She took care of me when I didn’t had the energy anymore. She cheered me up when I was beating up myself. She cooked for me and made me eat the food because she knew I wouldn’t eat something. She thought me that I should love myself and that I can do whatever I want. She was always there for me and showed me real love. And all I did was being selfish and break her, break her more than she already was broken.
I knew she struggled with a lot but she never told me. I found it out by coincident. I once heard her talk to a friend.
–– „I don’t know what I should do“, she was histerically crying. Her breathing heavy and she was rocking herself back and forth, like a little child.
Her friend on the phone tried to calm her down.
And than I heard it all, I heard everything. She was mentally unstable. She was sick. I got upset, asking myself, why did she not tell me? But as I continued to listen to the conversation, I realized.. she was scared and lonely. She had trust issues. She was afraid I would leave her. She wanted to deal with this by herself. And as I continued to hear more and more, I felt sick of myself, I felt stupid.. How did I never noticed? ––
I shouldn’t know so much about her when all I was telling myself that I never loved her. Even the boys got at a point frustrated with me, told me to grow a pair of eggs and that I should stop denying my feelings.
Eventually I gave in to that feelings. Realizing I couldn’t live without her. I wish I could turn back times. I wish I never said those cruel words…
I wish I had realized sooner what I felt for her..
A loud knock interrupted my thoughts and the boys looked up from the television, curious as to whom it could be.
I waved a hand at them,“I’ll go get it“.
Non of us knew who it could be since we didn’t invite anyone and we all asked ourselves, what sane person would go out in this weather.
I reached the door and swiftly unlocked it, seeing a person I expected the least.
She was crying and completely drenched in rain. Her eyes were puffy, her nose red and her lips red and swollen from crying and probably biting them.
She choked out some words, that left me speechless and paralyzed.. „I need you.. Please.. Just for one more night… pretend to love me“