these days I don’t feel like much more
than a silhouette, these days when sleep
means turn off the lights and write in the dark,
word by word through the paling gleam
of morning. midnight is child’s play now,
and I haven’t struck gold but I’ll call it art.
it means: lean into a lonely street lamp’s
amber glow, into glass bleeding bright
as flame. run ghostly fingertips along
the blanket fort drifting, velvet blue-grey,
down over half the world.
it means: melt and swirl, dissolve, spirit
lost as smoke and real as memory,
flooding and flooded. it means that I, here,
think of honey-voiced storytellers,
bedrooms for theatres, imagination
filling gilded seats, the show that starts
when everyone falls asleep.
these days, find me tracing a pen along
a phantom’s smile; find me writing
in the dark, writing a shadow’s answer
to the bursting bloom of my daydreams.
Castiel had searched everywhere for it: the floor of his room, under his bed, on the hook by the front door, the kitchen, even the chicken yard and the fringe of the woods. He couldn’t find it.
“Where’s my cape?” He asked the empty space around him from his spot in the front yard.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of familiar red.
‘Oh goodness, not again,’ he thought with an exasperated sigh.
Castiel made his way over to the back of the house, where the woods came closest. There, behind the pile of firewood, sat his big bad wolf, Dean.
Dean, for the umpteenth time, had stolen his red cape.
Castiel folded his arms across his chest. “Dean, how many times do I have to tell you to leave my cape alone?”
Pointy ears perked up under the soft hood, and he twisted around to see Castiel. “You were going to wash it, Cas! With soap!” He tugged at the front, keeping it tight around his strong body.
Castiel sighed, smiled gently, and sat down in front of the werewolf who hated soap.
“I promise,” he said gently, fingers finding Deans ear under his hood and scratching just exactly were he liked it best, “I won’t wash it.”
Dean whined and leaned into the touch. “Promise?”
If Castiel left that encounter with a few new bite marks peppering his neck, well, at least he had his cape to cover it.
- m-arci-a I’ve written a few drabbles for you in the past, so I consider us friends. This was based off one of your live stream doodles.
Merfolk/sharkfolk AU ehhh LOL okay? hehe its alright, no need to apologize its not like that i create this 2 chimeras xD I saw the sharkboyxmermaid AU posts in the gajevy tag and I was like huh??! I mean Juvia is the mermaid lol but why not :T
“It feels nice to be back.” I mutter to myself as I inhale the fresh gust of air the moment I stepped out of the airport. Sure, the air in Seoul is filled with somewhat pollution, I couldn’t help but miss it. It just feels nice to be back at a place I once called home, ya know?
“How long has it been since I had some Korean food?” I mumbled, dragging my luggage away to the curb. I waved myself a taxi, not sure of where I could go at this point, but it’s better than just standing here at the airport. Thankfully, I only had 1 luggage though it was still quite a hassle.
“Courtyard Seoul Time Squares please.” I smiled at the driver before leaning back into the seat. I sighed as the cab began to take off. I began to clear my thoughts as my eyes seemed to be glued to the sceneries whizzing by. It’s been about a year since I left. Why did I leave you ask? Well, I didn’t have much of a choice. I still remember that night like it was yesterday.
I was sitting in my cozy little apartment, with the television turned on to some random channel. Although, I wasn’t really paying attention to what was on, I just needed something to fill the silence that rang throughout the apartment. It was just like any other night, I was lying on the couch, staring blankly at the door wondering when he would come back come. At that time Baekhyun had already left for his world tour with his bandmates. It was uncertain as to when he will return. He had ask me to wait for him, and I did for a month. But it was hell during that month. He would call every two days, and we would talk for about 3 minutes before he hanged up. I knew that he was stressed, tired, and busy. I knew I shouldn’t ask for much. I knew from the beginning what I was getting myself into when I agreed to be his girlfriend. Every night, I would come home to the empty apartment wishing that he was here with me. I would wait for him every night, wait for him to call me, even if we would only talk for a few minutes…. I still wanted to hear his voice.
But I began having doubts, about our relationships. Clearly, it wasn’t working out. I was tired to sleeping alone, eating alone…. I was just tired of being alone. We were both tired and our phone conversations were slowly reduced to only a minute. But I was determined to keep every last bit of our relationship alive. But… I was only nourishing a flower that had already started to wilt. It broke me when I could already sense that he was losing interest in me… in this relationship.
I had gotten a call from my mother the day before, she broke the news to me. Dad had passed away after having a stroke. Because I was the only child in the family, I was to fly over to the states and deal with the funeral arrangements as well as the company’s matters. I was devastated, I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted comfort.
I called Baekhyun that day, after crying endlessly for a few hours. I just …. Needed to hear his voice again. He didn’t pick up the first time I called, so I had to call again.
“Hey, look, I’m really really busy. But I’ll call you when I’m free okay?”
“I have to go now, bye.”
That was it. That was the last time I called him. That was the last of him. I was all by myself when I had needed him the most. I couldn’t take it anymore. That was the last straw, it shattered our relationship. I had tried my best to maintain every last bit of it, but I’m too tired now… I was emotionally and physically tired. I booked a flight to America later that night, packed my belongings, and settled things with the owner of the apartment. I didn’t sleep that night, I sat there and waited for him to call me back. I still had the tiniest hope that he could call back and fix everything, but that never happened.
I left that following morning. I didn’t write a note nor did I tell anymore. Or should I say, I didn’t really have anyone to tell? I was so worn out that I just didn’t care anymore. I had more than enough things on my mind.
Things at the company took longer than I had expected, meaning I had to stay longer. But during my stay in the states, I couldn’t help but still think of him. I was still waiting for him to call me, to look for me, just… something…. But after half a year without any contact…I knew that he didn’t want to continue the relationship either. But why am I complaining? I was the one that left without a single word.
And here I am, a year after fixing things up at the company, I am finally back in Seoul. Why am I back in Seoul? There was really no point of me coming back? I have no friends here… I have nothing here. But I still wanted to come back, because I still wanted to see him.
Before I knew it, I had already arrived at the hotel. I paid my fares and went in to get a room. After settling down, I decided that it would be best if I go for a walk just to clear my thoughts and get some real food.
Because I’m the type of person who doesn’t have any sense of direction, I ended up walking in a circle quite a few time. I took my phone out and turned on the GPS cause God knows where the I’m going when all of a sudden someone knocked into me.
I swore, if I had dropped my phone, I would have gone apeshit on that person, but thankfully I caught it back in time. I mumbled an apology and began to walk off.
I turn around and eyed the guy that just bumped into me. He flung his hood back, revealing his face.
“J-Jongin?” I stuttered, utterly shocked that I’m seeing him on the streets right now.
“I knew it was you!” He grins as he attacks me with a bear hug.
“What the heck are you doing here?” I asked, still not able to process what was going on as he releases me.
“Ahaha, just craving chicken and hiding from fans.” He shrugs casually. “What about you? Why are you here? You have a lot of explaining to do.”
I look up at him nervously, not knowing what to say.
Moments later, I’m in his car going through a drive-thru for some chicken. As soon as he finishes ordering the chicken, he turns his attention to me.
“So where have you been this whole time?” He asks.
I look at him, not knowing where to begin. “I-I… I was in America.”
“Why? What happened? Why did you leave so suddenly?”
“…It’s just a really complicated and long story.” I mumbled.
“It’s okay, I have time.”
At first I was quite hesitant about wanting to tell him, but then again out of all the members in EXO, besides Baekhyun, I had been the closest to Jongin. We just got along more naturally. And plus we both liked chicken.
It took a while to explain everything to him, but I eventually got through it all. He didn’t say anything the whole time, all he did was nodded as I continued.
“I understand your position, but don’t you think it was kind of harsh that you left without saying anything to anyone? It was like you vanished off of Earth.”
“Yeah… I know I was wrong, I-I just don’t know what I was thinking. Everything was just really hard.”
“It’s okay, but you could’ve always talked it out. Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve helped you.”
“You guys were all so busy and stressed, I didn’t want to bother you with such trivial matters. But enough about me, how have you been?”
“Me? Okay, I guess. Exo’s doing pretty well. Things are great…plus I have chicken, so yeahh….”
“You gonna share that chicken with me?” I teased, wanting to lighten up the mood. All this time, I wanted to ask about Baekhyun, but I just couldn’t bring myself to it.
“Ughh, I missed you so much, kiddo.” Jongin smiles as he drives off.
“So where are we heading?” I asked.
“The dorms, the guys are gonna be so happy to see you again. You don’t know how much we’ve missed you.”
I laugh, thinking to myself, “we”? Is he included too? Does he still think about me?
“What? Don’t you miss us?” Jongin pouted, faking his sadness.
“Of course I missed you guys! I missed you the most!” I teased.
As we began to approach the dorms, I got more and more nervous. What do I say? What do I do if I see him?
I stop in my tracks, frozen in fear. What if something goes wrong? No, I’m not ready to do this. Jongin notices the situation and walks towards me.
He places his hand on my shoulder, “Hey, don’t be nervous. It’s going to be okay. Trust me.”
Before I had a chance to protest, he takes my hand and drags me with him. There was no point in fighting back since that wasn’t going to do me any good.
Jongin smiles at me one last time before we enter the dorm. It was awfully quiet, and somewhat empty. I look over to Jongin and he gives me a nod. I take off my shoes and follow him, clutching the hem of his shirt. We walk into the kitchen, where Sehun, Suho, Kris, and Luhan were sitting.
They appear to be chattering among themselves while eating. They look up the moment Jongin enters the kitchen with me. They all stop and stare at me for a while, I lowered my gaze, not wanting to see their reactions.
Sehun is the first to pull me into a hug. The rest of them follow behind and bombard me with questions.
“Yah! You stupid kid, why did you leave?! I had no one to play with!” Sehun shouted as he continued to wrap his arms around me. Kris eventually shoves him aside to give me a hug, and soon enough everything turned into a group hug.
Jongin eventually noticed that I was somewhat suffocating, so he plucked the guys off of me and we all sat down to chat in the living room. My eyes began to wander, curious as to Baekhyun’s whereabouts. They seem to have noticed and the room suddenly fell to a silence.
“Baekhyun’s not at home right now.” Joonmyun spoke up.
I turn my attention to him and nodded slowly in response.
“So where have you been? Why did you leave?” Luhan ask, still seeming quite confused. Jongin stepped up for me and answered the questions, seeing that I was already uncomfortable. Sehun kicked Kris out of his spot and sat next to me. He then proceeded to placing his head on my laps.
“You left me for a year. This is your punishment, and I’m sleepy.” He whined.
I managed a smile and patted his head.
“You brat, get off of her.” Jongin glared as the rest laughed.
“NO! Continue patting my head like that.” Sehun commanded and I complied with his wishes.
“How’s life?” Joonmyun smiled, trying to start off a conversation.
“It’s okay, noth-…”
Our attention snaps over the door where Baekhyun enters holding another girl’s hand.
“Ta-Taeyeon?” I let out softly, looking at the couple in front of me.
Tension fills the air as his eyes meet mines. His expression is unreadable, and I’m scared of what he might say next.
Taeyeon’s smile fades as she just now notices the situation. Sehun sits up and looks at me worriedly. Jongin takes my hand, trying to calm me down. He seems to be the only one that notices that I’m on the verge of having a mental breakdown.
Baekhyun slowly walks over to us, with Taeyeon behind him, still holding hands. I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on their intertwined hand.
“I think we need to talk…” He says before he lets go of her hand and walks off into the kitchen. I stay at my spot, not wanting to move. Taeyeon manages to give me a small smile that I return. This whole situation wasn’t her fault. It was mine, coming back to Korea, nothing think about the chances that Baekhyun might have already moved on. That he’s probably in a relationship and over me… I didn’t think about that. Jongin grins and tries to cheer me on as I enter the kitchen.
Baekhyun stands at the far end of the kitchen. Mostly like because he didn’t want the others to listen in on our conversation. I approach him slowly, refusing to meet his eye contact.
“What are you doing here?” He asks. His words shook me, he sounded as if he didn’t want to see me here although I can’t blame him for feeling that way.
“I-I….I guess I just wanted to talk things out with you. I wanted to explain myself”
“What do you have to say?”
“I don’t know where to begin….”
“You can start by telling me why you left without a word.” He says not taking his eyes off of me. The coldness in his eyes and voice is foreign to me. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes.
“D-dad… he passed aw-away. I was sad and depressed so I called you remember? B-but you said that you were busy and hung up. I couldn’t deal with all the overwhelming emotions and I broke down. I was holding in all the times I felt lonely and sad when you were away. I couldn’t deal with our relationship anymore. I was too tired and sad, and you being busy and stressed all the time didn’t help. There was no one to comfort me during that time…. I had to fly back for the funeral and I had to take care of matters in the states so I boarded the plane the following morning. I didn’t bother leaving a note because I assumed that you were already tired of me… tired of our relationship. There was no point in explaining myself to you…. So I left.”
Baekhyun scoffed as soon as I finished, “So you ended our relationship because you assumed that I got tired of you? You didn’t even bother talking it out with me first. If there was something that important you should have just told me! Or call back? Why did you assume that I didn’t want our relationship anymore? If I didn’t, I would have broken up with you long ago. Did you even think about how worried I was when you didn’t pick up my calls or when I came home to an empty apartment? You walked out of my life all by yourself and now you’ve decide to come back?”
“I-I… I don’t want you back or anything. I just felt like I had to explain myself to you…”
“Well, I guess it’s too late for that.” He rolled his eyes and walked out.
My eyes follow his disappearing figure as I choke back a cry.
I’m sorry Baekhyun…. I suppose it’s time for me to move on just like you have…