a/n: hello! this wasn’t requested, i’m just very bored and in the mood to write and so this happened. im remus TRASH and it’s obvious in this. but hey! my first piece of writing on this blog! wow! anyways, enjoy!!
WORD COUNT: 1,506 (damn i got hella carried away yikes)
Y/N rolled over in bed, the curtains closed and the noticeable absence of her dorm-mate’s quiet breathing slightly unsettling. She never quite fancied staying in the castle for winter hols, but Sirius and James had practically begged her to.
Y/N reached out and pulled back the curtains, and, noting the lack of light in the room, she assumed it must have still been the middle of the night. Her brow furrowed.
Strange. She normally slept like a hippogriff, undisturbed.
Y/N sat up, running a hand through her hair as she looked out of the frost covered window. It was still nighttime, the moon hanging high in the sky and illuminating her half of the room.
A groan from the other side of Y/N’s bed had her scrambling for her wand, flailing in her blankets wildly. She turned, wand pointed and the beginning of a stunner on her lips as she lay tangled in her sheets.
Instead of the intruder she suspected, Y/N found the slumped, lanky form of Remus Lupin on her dorm room floor. Well, now she knew that the disturbance that woke her was just Remus falling over. Classy.
Y/N rolled her eyes, knowing that he, Sirius, James, and Peter had almost definitely delved into Sirius’ firewhiskey stash. A quick tempus charm told Y/N that it was 3AM.
Sighing, Y/N threw her covers off and climbed out of the warm safety of her bed. A shiver caused goosebumps to rise over her skin as her feet touched the cold floor and her bare legs were exposed to the frigid air. Y/N waved her wand at the fireplace, sighing in relief as the flames began to dance.
Y/N knelt next to Remus’ half-conscious form, an eyebrow raised in bemusement. She placed a hand between Remus’ shoulder blades, shaking him gently.
“Remus. Your room is across the commonroom. How did you even get up here? Did James charm the stairs again?”
Remus’ eyes opened groggily, a lazy but elated smile spreading across his scarred face when his eyes met hers. “Y/N! Perfect, you are just the bird I wanted to see!”
Remus rose to his knees, his lanky form now taller than Y/N’s although he was hunched over. Y/N snorted at his antics, knowing he was slammed just by the fact that he had called her a ‘bird’.
“Is that right? And why’s that, then, Moony?”
Remus began to shake is head, groaning in a way a child would when denied sweets; head thrown back, whining tone, pouted lips. It took all Y/N had not to laugh.
“Noo! Don’t call me Moony, call me Remus. I love it when you call me Remus, I love hearing you say my name. It’s always ‘Moony, this’ and ‘Moony, that.’ Call me Remus. Please.”
Y/N’s heart leapt in her chest, her face heating up as a blush crawled up her neck and to her face.
“Well, Remus, why did you need to stumble into my room at 3AM, hammered off your arse?”
Remus nodded, his face set in an adorably determined grimace.
“Yes. Right. Well, you see, I had very much to drink. Definitely more than I should have. Prongs and Pads are very persuasive.”
Y/N grinned, still having to hold him steady so he didn’t fall over. “Yes, I can see that.”
Remus shushed her, placing his finger firmly over her lips.
“Shusshhh. Padfoot is right, I’ll never get this out if I’m not pissed.”
Y/N looked annoyed at being shushed, but moved his hand away from her mouth and nodded for him to continue. Remus took a deep breath, nodding as he prepared himself.
“Right. Okay. Here goes. So, thing is, I love you. I am so utterly and completely smitten with you, Y/N, it’s sad. And a tad creepy.”
Y/N’s eyes widened, and she opened her mouth, but Remus continued before she could get a word in.
“A-And I’m terrified. As much as I am in love with you utterly and completely, I am fucking horrified with myself. Because you are everything that I do not deserve. You’re beautiful, and pure, and kind, and talented and y-you always smell so nice! A-And I’m damaged, and a dangerous, awful, scarred, lonely monster.”
Y/N was trying in vain to stop tears from gathering in her eyes as Remus spoke, this past year of awkward silences when they were left alone and his coldness when they did talk suddenly making more sense than it had since the wedge between them was stuck.
He was terrified.
Before Y/N could tearfully and firmly remind him that he was most definitely not a monster, Remus had pulled her to his chest and was holding her there tightly as he spoke directly next to her ear.
“You are everything that I could never deserve, but I could never look you in the eye again if I let you go. I don’t deserve you and I could never offer you anything, but every time I try to force those to be my reasons to let you go, I find more and more reasons to hold you close to me and never, ever let go.”
Remus took a deep, shuddering breath. The sweet, overwhelmingly calming scent of Y/N enveloped him and gave him the courage to continue.
“Your smile, your eyes, the way you stick your tongue out when you concentrate and the way you never let me forget that I’m not alone. You found out what I am and you’ve never judged me or even pitied me. I am absolutely terrified and disgusted with myself, but I love you. And I’m so sorry that I’ve been avoiding you, and in the morning, when I’m moping about because of this, you can feel free to smack me. Or kiss me. Preferably the latter.”
Y/N laughed tearfully into Remus’ chest, pulling away from him slightly. She took his face in both of her hands, smiling through the tears that ran down her cheeks.
“I-I love you too, you idiot. You’re not a monster, and you deserve more than this world could ever offer you. You’re such a dolt, you know that? Letting this go on for a whole bloody year.”
Remus reached up without a thought and wiped her tears away as she spoke, his heart soaring.
He cleared his throat, his eyes burning with tears. “Anyways, that’s what I wanted to say. And I can guarantee that I’ll remember this tomorrow. And I won’t be too pleased with myself. So please, smack some sense into me, for the love of Merlin’s ballsack.”
Y/N nodded, her thumb rubbing circles over Remus’ cheekbone, the scar across it causing the skin beneath the pad of her finger to be rough.
“I will. You can bet your drunk arse that I will smack you so hard that you’ll see Circe herself if you try to run from this.”
Remus nodded, his eyes beginning to droop as he tried to stand.
“Good. That’s good. Now, love, would you mind helping me to my dorm? I might fall down the stairs…”
Y/N laughed, wiping her eyes. “Of course, Rem. C'mon.”
Although Remus had a solid foot on her short stature, Y/N wrapped her arm around his waist and let him hunch over her stout form.
They slowly but surely made it to his dorm, after the stairs of the girls’ dorm turned into a slide when they stepped onto them. James’ charm had worn off and scared them both half to death, Remus’ rather feminine shriek echoing in the empty common room.
The other boys were in various states of dress, passed out in awkward angles across their beds. Sirius in particular was hanging half off his bed, a half-full bottle of Ogden’s still in his hand.
Y/N laughed softly as she looked around the dorm, Remus falling into his bed as soon as it was in his sights. Y/N helped him into his pyjamas and kissed his forehead, turning to leave although she knew she wouldn’t find sleep again.
Before she could get too far from his bed, Remus grabbed Y/N’s hand and gently pulled her back. He brought her open hand to his lips, kissing the palm of her hand tenderly.
“I meant every word, Y/N. I may be completely pissed, but those words have been floating in my head since first term of our fourth year. I love you.”
Y/N smiled, trying not to cry again. “I know. I’ll see you in the morning, I’ll be here with a sober-up potion and we’ll head down to breakfast. I won’t even give you the chance to avoid me, you arse.”
Y/N rejoiced in the sound of Remus’ raspy laugh as she turned and walked toward the door, turning just before she left. “And, I love you too. Remember that tomorrow, if not anything else. Goodnight, Remus.”