You are now the proud owner of an ESTONIAN unit! With a little help from this manual, you’ll have no trouble handling your ESTONIAN correctly! Each section of this user guide has been organized for your convenience and ease, with troubleshooting at the bottom. Now, without further ado, read on and learn exactly what you need to do to use your unit to your utmost advantage.
Name: varies from unit to unit
Date of Manufacture: Classified Information
Place of Manufacture: Estonia
Height: varies from unit to unit
Weight: varies from unit to unit
Your ESTONIAN will come with the following accessories:
Five (5) boxes of rye bread (enough to last for 2 weeks!)
Three (3) bottles of Estonian vodka (to be used in Vodka Socks™)
Two (2) boxes of kohuke
One (1) viht (to be used in the sauna)
Fifteen (15) outfits in blue-black-white
One (1) Estonian-English dictionary (for your convenience)
Six (6) bars of Kalev chocolate
One (1) giant Estonian flag
Before you open up the box to your ESTONIAN unit, please be sure that you have plenty of rye bread and kohuke to placate them when they come out of the box.
Your ESTONIAN unit will come in the following modes:
It is absolutely, completely necessary to allow your ESTONIAN unit to use sauna as often as possible. It is important to allow them to use viht.
Your ESTONIAN will quite happily survive on the diet of rye bread, sauerkraut and kohuke. It is also a good idea to provide your ESTONIAN with the occasional Estonian candy from Kalev confectionery and blood sausages.
Like all the other units, your ESTONIAN recharges itself during sleep. We recommend at least 6 hours each night for a completely sane ESTONIAN.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: There are birds flying around my ESTONIAN! Is my ESTONIAN trying to become a Disney princess/prince?!
A: Worry not, these are barn swallows! They follow Estonians around usually.
Q: I ran out of rye bread and kohuke! What should I do?
A: Contact the manufacturer to place a new order. Meanwhile offer your ESTONIAN beer to compensate for the lack of rye bread.
Problem: My ESTONIAN keeps sneezing and coughing. Doesn’t move.
Solution: Use Vodka Socks™. The issue should be solved within a few days.
Problem: My ESTONIAN keeps looking at pictures of huge crowds of people for some reason when in idle mode
Solution: Show them videos of the Estonian Song and Dance Festival. The issue will be solved immediately.