eep what no don't look at me

job woes
  • Manager: *staring pensively*
  • Host: *sits nervously with her best fake smile on*
  • Manager: *adjusts glasses* Ahem.
  • Host: Yes!
  • Manager: Just clearing my throat, dear.
  • Host: I love throats!
  • Manager: ...That's very interesting, dear.
  • Host: *internally* Why the fuck did I just say that, she's going to think I'm an idiot and I won't get the job now.
  • Host: Actually, I hate throats. Nothing worse than a fucking throat. Eep! *covers mouth*
  • Manager: ...
  • Host: *angrily storms out of department store angrily swinging her fists* What the hell is wrong with me!? Why can't I do anything right!?
  • *assorted people stare at her*
  • Host: The fuck are you looking at? Stop staring, you fucking normies. I'll beat the shit out of any of you.
  • Security: Miss, you're causing a scene. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
  • Host: I am leaving, fake fucking cop! Pig! Don't fucking speak to me! *storms off*
  • Host: What is wrong with me? Why can't I do anything right? That was the only place that would hire me in this burning shithole of a town. *clutches stomach* Oh god I feel sick. I'm gonna be homeless. I'm gonna die on the streets. I won't have any friends to help me. How did I fuck up so bad? *spots a lady digging around in a garbage can* Eh, maybe I'm not that bad yet.
  • Lady: Doggo, my doggo, are you in there? *climbs into garbage can headfirst* Hey, doggo, I know this garbage can is pretty small and I've seen the entirety of it, but if you're somehow hiding in some obscure nook unknown to all human knowledge - as that sounds like something you might do - please come out. I miss you so much.
  • Host: What are you doing?
  • Lady: *still headfirst in the garbage can* I'm searching for my doggo.
  • Host: What the hell is a doggo?
  • Lady: What do you mean? My doggo, my precious doggo.
  • Host: Is a doggo a sort of animal?
  • Lady: Yes, he's my... my pet dog.
  • Host: Then why don't you just call it your dog instead of being all twee about it.
  • Lady: *climbs out of the garbage can* Because he's special. He's my dog and he's the only friend I ever had. Haven't I seen you before?
  • Host: I don't know. Probably. Small town. *shoves lady back into the trash can*
  • Lady: What the hell!
  • Host: *rolls pushes the trashcan down a hill and watches it roll away with the lady in it*
  • Lady: WHAT DID I EVEN DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?
  • Host: That didn't make me feel better like I thought it would. I think I actually feel worse now. *walks around aimlessly* Life was a dead end for me from the start. What the fuck made think it wasn't going to end up like this. I basically have no friends, my mom hates me, I'm not even smart or talented.
  • Host: *wanders onto a basketball court*
  • Little Boy: *throwing a ball against the wall*
  • Host: *catches it and flings it across the street*
  • Little Boy: What the heck did you do that for!?
  • Host: *shrugs* Free country, kid.
  • Little Boy: Jerk! I bet nobody likes you! *runs after the ball*
  • Host: *slumps on a bench* Yeah, like I care... brat.
  • Mysterious Woman: You most certainly do care, though.
  • Host: Who the fuck are you?
  • Mysterious Woman: Just your friendly neighborhood mysterious woman, young lady.
  • Host: Whatever, fuck off, creepy bitch. *walks off*
  • Mysterious Woman: *grabs host by the collar* Hold up.
  • Host: *flails around violently* DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!
  • Mysterious Woman: Goodness, you have quite of bit of aimless rage, don't you. No matter, you'll grow out of it, I was the same when I was your age.
  • Host: LET GO ME! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
  • Mysterious Woman: Calm down, I'm a government agent. My name is Baruna Pathak of USENID.
  • Host: FUCKING FED! PIG! FUCKING PIG! I HATE YOU!
  • Mysterious Woman: *sigh* You've forced me to do this. *tazes host*
  • Host: *passes out*
  • *elsewhere*
  • Flesh Mass: *bolts from sleep*
  • Maid: *rubs eyes and wakes up from sleeping in the bed on the other side of the room* Does ma'am have a problem?
  • Flesh Mass: *staring blob of flesh sitting on the edge of her bed*
  • Blob: You've stayed in this form too long. You're becoming attached and the minds of you and the girl are becoming as one. It's time that you made a change.
  • Flesh Mass: No, I don't want to. I like this form. I don't want to change again.
  • Maid: Ma'am?
  • Flesh Mass: Shh.
  • Blob: Your nature is to change, and you will change. I will force you.
  • Flesh Mass: You won't force me to do anything, you shithead. *tosses pillow at the blob of flesh*
  • Maid: Is ma'am having a moment of mental distress? There's no one there.
  • Flesh Mass: *gets out of bed* I'm going out, don't bother me.
  • Maid: But master wouldn't like that.
  • Flesh Mass: You think I care what some furry freak thinks?
  • *elsewhere*
  • Mysterious Woman: *drags the host's unconscious body into the back of a van*