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aurimynonys replied to your post:

You don’t sound selfish or vain at all, love. <3 I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. Is there anything I can do to help at all? Anything I shouldn’t say or things I SHOULD say?

Auri you are so sweet! And you should never feel obligated to respond to my crazypants posts, haha. But I know you’re also asking what in general is a proper boost to a BDD or ED sufferer. Umm, I don’t have a good resource immediately at hand, but here is a great post about how to approach someone with an ED, focusing on what NOT to say or do.

I make these posts mostly to use up my anxious time and work out my racing thoughts. I don’t make them looking for reinforcement or reassurance – honestly, I know I’m still too sick in the head to believe positive words from others apply to me, and I reject compliments. Or like, body positivity and healthspo posts don’t put a dent in it, since I’ve boxed myself in an exclusion zone from it. Of course that’s a facet of recovery, learning to trust in and believe and behave with that healthy mindset.

Although as much as we BDD and ED sufferers may reject kind words and positive messages on the surface, please know that the centered, healthy scrap of a self buried within us truly appreciates the gestures :D I can fully understand why our fears and/or poor attitude can annoy others when they’re just trying to help us or wish us well.

Uhh wow this turned out wordy, but yeah, the very comment asking what to say is a huge boost in itself! Thank youuu!! ♥

sorry y’all but i had to unfollow some mutuals who post a lot of untagged food and/or weight and/or nsfw posts :( the anorexia just gets more and more time- and energy-consuming as life goes on and i browse tumblr for distractions from it. i messaged those mutuals about tagging stuff a couple days ago but didn’t hear back from some of them so yeah :( sorry, hopefully i’ll be in a better place mentally someday soon and can refollow? i feel really pathetic and weak for doing this, i’m such a big baby that i can’t handle food pics and body talk and felt really embarrassed asking people to tag stuff, idk if i’m acting overly entitled by even asking? idk :/ :(

MEANWHILE: if you ever need me to tag anything for you please feel free to message me! i have a list of special tags already written up here

stop saying that anorexic women “look like 10-yr-old boys”

I’m not any less of a woman because my body shape doesn’t match your conventionalized and sexualized re-imagings of what women “are or aren’t” or “should or shouldn’t look like”

that shit is so pathological and pervasive that it fosters anorexia in the first place. god damn

Sorry for the stilted language. Brain fog. But I mean every word:

Today marks 3 years of severe, all-consuming physical and mental illnesses.

I had to go on leave from grad school and the lab I loved so much, but I began new experiments this fall.

I became homebound and unable to walk, but I haven’t had to use my wheelchair since last April.

I overexercised, desperate to regain my strength and independence, and triggered my current episode of anorexia and body dysmorphia, but I ate half a cupcake today.

I attempted suicide 5 times and was in the ICU thrice, but people treat me today as a friend and hard worker and not a one-dimensional, ‘crazy’, 'sick’ person.

I found this site 4 months after going on leave. I have since hid from very kind people on here about why and where to I’ve disappeared. I have no idea how to make up for my shame and distancing, and if I didn’t know you were great people, I’d say I’m surprised you’ve stuck around.

Thanks for putting up with my unorganized uploads, mood swings, and try-hard text posts. Time has hung still for me for 3 years. I’m still quite sick and embarrassed of myself, whether you know me in real life or through my tag spam. Thank you to everyone who has talked to me on here. Rambling now. Getting long. ♥