Why I'm not raw till 4 anymore

I was raw till 4 for almost exactly one year. I started off anorexic with binge eating disorder, so the idea of eating a ton and not gaining weight seemed amazing to me. I ended up gaining about 20 pounds within 4 months and it stayed on the entire time I followed this lifestyle. I didn’t care though because all my cravings were gone and I wasn’t stressing over food anymore. I felt like I had full control over what I ate. But as time went on, my digestion became faster and a 1000 cal banana meal would end up keeping me full for only two hours. I started to crave cooked savoury food for lunch. But I forced myself to stay strictly raw till four in fear of gaining weight or not healing my metabolic damage. I went to school everyday with a litre of juice or tons of bananas in my bag. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore but I was so scared of losing control over my eating habits or going back to my eating disorder that I forced myself to continue. All those YouTube videos where freelee said you can’t be successful as a vegan unless you’re smashing in the carbs, literally scared me into staying raw till four. No matter how much fruit I ate, I would still never be full and satisfied. I was doing everything right but it just didn’t feel right to me anymore. I was envious of my friends at school who didn’t have to plan their day around getting in enough carbs and avoiding fats. And then I finally realized that for me raw till four was just another way for me to control my eating habits. Although I was eating enough, and also eating really healthy food, mentally I was not doing so well. I realized I hadn’t fully overcame my eating disorder. And I wanted to be fully free from the stress that food had caused me. So I decided to delete my cron o meter account, stop counting calories and macros, and to just live and be vegan and eat healthy whole foods or whatever kind of vegan food I felt like! At first it was scary and stressful. I had to actively force myself to just eat what I felt like and what I knew would make me feel the best. It was hard at first to let go. But after about a week I became used to it. My energy levels stayed the same, my workout recovery stayed the same, my hair and nails kept their strength, my skin improved, my mental clarity became better, And my overall well being improved a ton. I also ended up losing some weight, without calorie restriction, calorie counting, or bullshit like that. I can now say that I am fully healed from my eating disorder. I am now free to do whatever the fuck I want to do with my life.no restrictions. No worries. And to anyone that is on raw till four or any diet that they aren’t fully enjoying, but are scared to leave your comfort zone, just do it. You’ll be so happy afterwards once it all turns out. And to anyone struggling with an eating disorder, don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s impossible to fully recover, or that you’ll never be the same afterwards.

Real Talk

Alot of well known recovery bloggers like to act like martyrs.

I mean they won’t disclose their weight in an ask in the name of being so goddamn caring and courageous not to trigger people, yet they often have no problem with heroic before and after photos and the tiny cute small snacks that they tag with “edrecovery.” 

At the end of the day, they are potentially triggering people and sometimes a thin line is crossed. We all know what I’m talking about.

Ask yourselves: “Am I publically documenting my recovery for validation or for support?” 

And answer honestly because the kind of validation you seek isn’t support.

Multicolour Courgetti with homemade Tomato Pesto, Garlic Mushrooms & Fresh Basil 👌

#vegan #veganfood #veganfoodporn #vegansofig #vegansofinstagram #vegetarian #edrecovery #recoveryintake #recovery #intake #healthy #healthyeating #cleaneating #eattolive #dairyfree #eatclean #clean #whatveganseat #veganfoodshare #ukvegans #veganuk #govegan #zoodles

This is so true you guys!! And I’m still not perfect. I incorporate “bad” foods, I drink wine, I have chocolate. If you are a hot mess, it’s ok!! I am too!!


Applications open for my challenge group. Lose weight, be supported by me and a group of awesome women just like you, and do it for GOOD. No quick fixes or fads. Fitwithsami@gmail.com.

#weightlossjourney #weightloss #photooftheday #fitness #fitchick #fitfam #diet #healthylife #healthy #motivation #eatingdisorder #edrecovery

I always thought that being healthy meant going to the gym everyday and eating salad for dinner. It’s so far from that though. Being healthy is having sugary cereal one morning and buckwheat flax seed pancakes the next. It’s going to the gym because you want to move your body and napping for 3 hours because your bed is just that comfy. To be healthy means to love your body and all its imperfections. To love your body means to nourish it and to give it exactly what it wants (even if that’s making brownies at 3am).
—  healing and becoming healthy is a long process but I think I can finally say I’m getting there.

What the recovery tag is for:

  • Support from other people who know what you’re going through
  • Affirmations
  • Positive recovery stories
  • Resources
  • Offering or seeking advice
  • Breakthroughs/milestones you’ve had

What the recovery tag is not for:

  • Pictures of your abs or flat stomach 
  • Pictures of your thigh gap
  • Your low weight pictures
  • Your restrictive intakes
  • Triggering numbers
  • Images of self-injury
  • Your new workout/fitness program
  • Your gym selfies
  • Pictures of diet food 
  • Your weight loss journal
  • Pro-ana/mia/ED content
  • Thinspo

And to clarify- if you’re at a point in your recovery where it is safe for you to exercise and you want to share that on your blog, that is totally okay! However, we do not need pictures of you flexing at the gym/your sculpted abs in the recovery tag

Excuse my bitch face but I just reaaaallly liked the lighting at f21. I think I see a teeny quad muscle??? Also I bought this bikini and I’m so proud of that!! Seriously the last time I even tried one on I started crying because I could see all my ribs, my spine, my hipbones, etc. I was so terrified that I let myself get to that point and I hated what I saw so much. I felt weak and tired and ugly all the time. I had zero self esteem. But today I actually felt GOOD and PROUD of myself. Am I bloated most of the time? Yeah. Do I still have bad days? Definitely. But I am NEVER going back to the days when I had panic attacks over eating a single scoop of ice cream just because it was “unhealthy.” I’m NEVER going back to the days when I would force myself to exercise out of self loathing. Exercise is not a punishment and food is not the enemy. I’m 20 pounds up from my lowest weight and I feel better about myself than I ever have! I will keep pushing every single day until I am fully comfortable in my own skin, and I want all of you to do the same. Recovery is worth it. You are worth it.

It’s almost spring!! Thank god because it’s been super hard to take pictures since it’s been so dark and rainy. It’s just started getting warmer now and it’s so much nicer going for a jog when the sun is out 🌻 I’ve been really, really digging having massive smoothies again as well. I’m addicted to this chocolate pb ice cream shake - I’ve been having it about twice a day for the last week or so because I just crave it all the time // frozen bananas, cacao powder, mesquite powder & pb2 ✿

You can’t build a happy, authentic and awesome life if you keep being your own worst enemy. It’s time to make the conscious choice to embrace all the unique things about yourself. It’s time to become your own best friend and greatest ally. It’s time to…start fighting for yourself. Don’t let yourself get in the way of reaching your fullest potential and building the life that makes you happy. Embrace yourself warrior, and embrace life. https://www.recoverywarriors.com

I need some advice regarding the last few steps in my recovery from EDNOS. Basically I’ve been trying my hardest with intuitive eating, and for the most part it’s been going really well. I eat what I want when I want, allow myself treats and have a decent balance of different things in my diet. However I’m struggling with stopping when I’m full, and also realising when it is ok to not eat whatever I’m ‘craving’. I’m not binging by any stretch of the imagination, but when I serve something up, I tend to eat it all regardless of whether I need/want to. Also I find it really hard to say no to myself - I’ve put on a large amount of weight and am not feeling good physically. Do you guys have any advice on applying the brakes in terms of food cravings, without ending up restricting again? Or just end-of-recovery tips in general? #recovery #edrecovery