edits: sw

@albaparthenicevelut reblogged this post

Ahahahahaha nooo… no I feel like it goes Very Badly Indeed. It’s always stuff like:

Dear Anakin,

Yesterday, Obi Wan and I went to the Hanging Gardens of Kebalbe and we got icecream and walked through the gardens holding hands and laughing. Obi Wan told me h’d never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that I was the number one angry blonde in his life.

Anyway, I just had to share that with you because it was so meaningful for me and I think we’re going to get married and have beautiful ginger babies together soon.

Kisses,

Satine

Dear Satine,

Do you remember that time we all got captured and thrown into a gladiatorial arena together to be torn apart by beasts and we fought together back to back and forged an unbreakable bond of love and trust? Oh wait that was Padme, Obi Wan and I. You weren’t there. Ha ha ha, how silly of me.

Anyway, I was just comming Obi Wan today and he told me that I was closer to him than a brother and also that I was actually his favourite angry blonde despite reports to the contrary.

XXXOOO,

Anakin

Dear Anakin,

Do you remember that time Obi Wan and Qui Gon came to Mandalore and we all had to go on the run together for a year because insurgents were trying to take my throne? I was devastated, of course, but Obi Wan held me in his strong arms and murmured gentle words of comfort and gave me several truly spectacular orgasms, which was a great consolation.

Oh, no, never mind. You hadn’t even met Obi Wan yet. I guess what I’m saying is that when you’ve know each other as long as Obi Wan and I have known each other, you just have a connection that can’t be disrupted by upstart padawans.

Hugs,

Satine

Dear Satine,

Go kriff yourself.

Anakin

Dear Anakin,

Wow, how uncivilized. What would Obi Wan say?

Satine

It degenerates from there. XD

Dear Satine,

Obi-Wan would be delighted and not at all scandalized, which you would know if you had ever heard him swearing on the battlefield. Or in bed. I can only offer my condolences if you haven’t experienced this side of Obi Wan, even after so many years.

It’s not your fault, Satine. We can’t all have spent two hot and sweaty weeks with him on Ryloth last month, with him in that white armor, gently herding space rhinos away from our very small, very cozy cave so he could ‘adjust my bandages.’

Anakin

it keeps getting Worse until Obi Wan and Padme accidentally pick up the wrong letters

Dear Anakin,

How long have you been sending Satine these blatantly exaggerated and completely untrue retellings of our past adventures? I most certainly was not making you feel like the luckiest man alive when we were stuck on ryloth last year, unless all that pained noise you made after almost getting sliced in half was an altogether different kind of moaning from what I assumed.

I mean, Satine does seem to enjoy the streaks of dirt on my face after I come in from the gardens, but really, Anakin, that is entirely irrelevant. Anyways, I hope you apologize to the Duchess for such uncalled for behavior. And for the record, I can love two angry blondes at once, Anakin. Even three. There’s no need to get so worked up just because our schedules don’t line up very well this month.

Give Padme my best and please remember to eat breakfast,

Obi Wan

3

So basically, to be a rebel/resistance fighter, you need to:

-wear dirty-looking white shirts and own a cool jacket

-look contemptuous 

-have high cheekbones and a prominent, slightly imperfect nose

-look broody and sad and make smart-ass remarks

-not own a hairbrush. You don’t need one. Your hair looks terrific anyway.