“I have always been frightened with men. To the point where I couldn’t go into a gym because of the testosterone, and I felt weak. I don’t feel very manly, I don’t feel rugged and strong and capable in real life, not how I imagine a man ought to be. So I seek it, to mimic it and maybe understand it, or maybe to draw it into my own reality. People who are scary, they terrify me, but I can imitate them. I can stay terrified, or I can imitate what terrifies me."