edits: celebrities

Coachella Day 1

Coachella is finally here and the celebrities have already started showing off their desert music festival style. Here are some of the celebrities spotted on the first day.

Humans Are Weird

Okay so I wanna make my own ‘humans are weird’ posts cause I love that this is a thing and I wanna make my own before it diies out.

Okay so like what if aliens don’t understand celebrities being treated as dieties? Like they would probably see all the merchadise and photos and news coverage and fanclubs that accompany celebrities and might understand it the same way they would with religion. Like an alien sees a bunch of posters of a celebrity in a human’s room and asks about it and then the human says

“Oh them? That’s (insert celebrity name here)! They’re amazing! I’d be soo excited if I ever got to meet them. 

The alien would proably think that meeting the celebrity was some special privilige only granted to the few that the celebrity deems worthy and that’s why humans freak the fuck out whenever meeting a celebrity. 

So like imagine that an alien, with the understanding that celebrities are beings with very high influence and power in society, met a celebrity.

Like an alien was visiting earth and then miraculously saw Beyonce on the street. The alien would only know how to react in terms of how they see crowds react on tv and how humans talk about celebrites

The alien would probably bow down and then say “Its truely an honor to meet you! I understand you have great influence in society! If it is not too much trouble, your majesty, would you please write your name on a piece of paper?”

Do y’all really think Janet Jackson is a gold digger?

If you pay any sort of attention to pop culture (especially Black pop culture) you’ve probably already heard the big news that Janet Jackson is divorcing her third husband.  Most people between the ages of 35 and 60 (and those of us who had older siblings) have at least some passing relationship with the Jacksons, so a Janet Jackson divorce just after having a baby is kind of a big deal as far as celebrity news goes.  And how do most of us handle celebrity news?  We speculate and make jokes!  It looks like the most popular opinion is that Janet waited five years for the divorce so she could cash out.

I made a joke about it too because I thought it was funny, but that was before I realized that was the going opinion out here on the Internet.

Y'all.  Janet Jackson is worth almost $200 million by herself.  She doesn’t need any more money.  As for receiving $500 million in a divorce – why would Wissam do that to his fortune?  A prenup is there to protect your assets, not give half of them away.  I can’t see these filthy rich people with all the legal advice in the world going into an arrangement where she would get half of his fortune after just five years of marriage.

I think it’s far more likely that they were just incompatible and she stuck it out long enough to have a baby.  Imagine you’re Janet and you’ve always wanted a child.  You’re getting close to 50-years-old and time is definitely running out on having a healthy baby, and now you have this guy with a lot of great qualities.  He’s handsome, he’s driven, he’s funny, he’s intelligent, (I don’t know this man, I’m just making up things you might see as a positive in the father of your child) and you love him.  You don’t really want to convert to Islam, but you’re not all that tied to being  Jehovah’s Witness anymore (I don’t know what Janet is at this point, but that’s how she grew up) and it seems like a minor trade-off for this guy you love.  And then it’s gets old.  You don’t want to cover up all the time.  You’re Janet Jackson!  One of the biggest sex symbols of all time and you had to go on tour fully covered from neck to ankle.  

I think Janet had her baby, tried one more time to work it out with Wissam and make the marriage work, and then her issues with him were magnified because she now has a son to think about.  Nobody worth $200 million plans a divorce a year in advance (which is what would’ve had to have happened with the timing of her pregnancy) just for a bigger settlement.  Janet always seemed to me like she desperately wanted the perfect husband and perfect child to have the perfect family life, so I just feel sad for her going into her third divorce.