You see a sentence
written in cyrillic. Some of the letters are familiar. You see the
meaning shimmering underneath the surface. You almost grasp it, but it slips away. The letters on the page mock you silently.
You know this Czech word. You’ve already learnt it in Polish. It is not the same word. It is a grave insult. Your slavic friends are shocked and embarassed for you when they hear you speak it.
There is a sentence in
Croatian. There is a sentence in Serbian. There is a sentence in
Bosnian. They are all the same sentence.
You have to write about your day in Slovak. You spend the night polishing the draft. You fail your assigment. It’s written in Czech. You don’t know Czech.
P is not what it seems. You have to remember that.
The Croatian sentence
does not mean what the Bosnian sentence means. They both mean the same in Serbian.
That word has a diminutive. The diminutive has its own diminutive. The diminutive of the diminutive also has a diminutive. Nobody knows what the final diminutive of a word is. Some say the knowledge had been lost in centuries past and matrioshkas are the echo, the tangible warning left for us to remember. No living creature should hold the means of diminishing something into nonexistence. Others say you may still find some of them in old soviet textbooks, if you dare to look in abandoned schools of Chernobyl.
Someone is speaking to you. Is that a he or a she? You aren’t sure. It’s an abstract concept. Why does it have gender.
You see a word in a
dictionary. It has seventeen letters and only one vowel. You close the dictionary very carefully not
looking at the phonetic transcription. The shape of it haunts you in
your sleep. You wake
up face damp with tears, a bitter taste on your tongue. The clock blinks 3:03AM. You do not dare look up that word again.
This word means the
same thing in the five slavic languages you’re familiar with. You use
it in the sixth one. That word does not exist in this language. It never
did. There is now a word-shaped void in the fabric of this language.
The natives look at you uneasily. There is a new quality to the silence and your palms start to sweat.
H is not H. H is not H. H is not H. H is not H.
One day you flip through your dictionary. A page is missing. What was the word? You can’t remember. There is pressure building at the back of your head. The clock blinks 3:03AM.
You write my name
is in cyrillic. There are shadows dancing on the walls. They grow
longer with each letter you write down. It is not cyrillic you’re
using. You keep writing my name is. The shadows now bleed from
the tip of your pen. It’s irrelevant. You need to remember the right
N is not N is not N is
not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N
is not… If only you could remember the letters. The letters are important. What was it, that wasn’t N?
There are nine different prefixes
you can add to a verb to change its meaning. There are fifty three different suffixes you have to add to a verb to make it
work. In the end the only thing left of the original is a vague shape
of one of its middle consonants.
You can feel the anguish radiating from the verb’s mutialted form. A desperate sob escapes through your clenched teeth.
You’re so, so sorry, you didn’t meant to. You didn’t. It doesn’t matter.
You now read a text in
Russian. You’ve never learnt Russian. Why are you reading that text? The words burn your eyes,
the meaning searing your mind.
There’s a shot of vodka in front of
you. You don’t drink alcohol. You don’t care. All existence is
meaningless, your soul’s in eternal pain. A broken matrioshka lays at your feet. There is no salvation, she says boring into your eyes. You open your mouth to answer, but there is only a burst of harsh rustle. It dies in whispering echoes a moment later. Your glass is empty again.
Here’s the full transcript of Mark talking Darkiplier in the livestream
(Time approx. 3 hours, 52 minutes to 4 hours, 4 minutes into the stream. And, yes, this took forever). Thought you’d like this, maybe.
I’ve bolded stuff I find especially interesting.
Mark: Long ago, a long time ago, I liked to do these scary
edits because I just felt like doing scary edits and this is how Darkiplier got
born. And then what happened was over time Darkiplier became less and less
about the scary figure and more about this romantic figure, and it always
rubbed me the wrong way. And I kind of shied away from Darkiplier for a while.
And I really really really- if I was going to bring Darkiplier, and when we
thought about this, we thought, okay there should be a Darkiplier route. And that
was there from the beginning, and so when I wanted to do it I wanted to do it
my way, and I wanted to do it right, and I wanted to have this unending level
of creepiness. And at the same time, I didn’t want to step on the toes of Antisepticeye
because I know there’s a big fan base of that, and I didn’t want to get in the
way of that at all and I really don’t care that there’s more than one dark
personalities of people. But when I saw the opportunity to have this character
here, I spent like 8 hours editing this, like just meticulously every single
RBG. This is a layer, we green screened this one, I color corrected it, I
separated the RBG layers I added the shakes and glitchiness every frame. I worked
on the voice, too. The voice took me the longest to figure out. Like the
shakes! And my computer was dying this whole time cause I put my effects on
Tyler: The amount of time you had to spend rendering this.
Mark: And so, the audio’s actually three separate layers. It
would have been two, but Kathryn helped me out on that one to make it more
clear. It’s a normal pitched layer that’s edited, echoed, reverbed, mastered,
and convoluted which means it’s just thrown off to the left and right, and then
it’s a deep layer of that. But then to make it really come together- it didn’t
live without this center channel that wasn’t convoluted but was centered. But
getting that voice right was so pinnacle, so paramount to what I wanted to come
out of this. And we did like thirty minutes of shooting various versions of me
talking to the camera and I wanted to pick the exact dialogue that really kind
of gave away my idea of what Dark is in not a terribly obvious way.
Tyler: The other thing, this was supposed to all be one
Mark: But YouTube annotations, this new version doesn’t
allow you to link the same video multiple times, so these are literally the old
videos that I first did when Darkiplier first came about, like, these are the
ones, especially this one here, and then this is my cheap knockoff Darkiplier.
Amy: Canon Darkiplier.
Mark: Canon Darkiplier. And I’m going
to readily admit something. I joked about Darkiplier because it didn’t seem
like something people wanted to take seriously, and I’m okay with that on
certain aspects but it had diverged into multiple different facets and multiple
different personalities, and everyone had their own version of Darkiplier, and I
thought it was hilarious that, “Hey, here’s my version of Darkiplier, and he’s
an idiot.” Like, he’s just this weird emo kid. And then I stepped back from
that, like, I stepped back. And you can even- in that time, when I was doing
those videos, in this era, I was not very happy. I was kind of… I was
pessimistic about a lot of things. And I felt like that bled through in a lot
of things I did. And that’s why even October of last year I literally made Darkiplier
an emo character. And then when we were getting to this, I thought about it
like very carefully and I thought back to why I did it originally, and I did it
originally because, well, Darkiplier wasn’t even a thing. Darkiplier was not a
thing when I was making those videos. I just wanted to make some creepy stuff.
And then I thought about that, and I was like if I want to make a statement
about who this is, I need to own that and I need to put something out there
that is not ambiguous, because I realize that’s where I went wrong. I didn’t
have a solid character so obviously, people would come up with their own
versions, they would fill in the gaps where they saw fit. So, when I made this I
had to embrace it fully and fine-tune it down to exactly where I wanted. When you
choose the “fake” choice carrying through to this one, I really wanted that to
come through, except at the end to this video, where it gets silly, but that’s
because the real me comes in and the real me’s an idiot. And I’ve actually
watched this over and over again because I’m listening to the takes I put in
here and I’m listening to my inflection and my tone, my demeanor and I’m
imagining like how to refine it better next time when I bring him back, like
how to do it better.
Tyler: I remember now, I set up
Mark: Yeah, you did. You set up
the table we had to change it out for clear glasses because the green screen
was reflecting through. But yeah, even this, like the intersplices of anger, and
this is me getting real deep in the meta of Darkiplier, like if that’s even a
thing that can be- let me just pause it here. I don’t read too much into this
but if there’s something that I want to take seriously, I want to actually do right.
So, in my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me. But, much
like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in another world
entirely and bleeds through into this one. This is sounding really nerdy of me.
Tyler: I remember the Warfstache
Mark: So Completely unironically,
Darkiplier is a completely separate entity from who I am. But, he admires what
I’ve accomplished, and he’s very much… people picked up on this, and people
thought it was really creepy, because it’s what I wanted. He’s a social
manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false
sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take
advantage of you. That is literally what I wanted for Darkiplier. And how
creepy and scary that actually is from the surface. Especially in this first
bit, where he says, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide.” And I wanted
this to come across in a seductive way while also masking, like, this burning
rage inside that breaks through the suave nature of it. That was my clue to
reveal he’s not your friend. He’s not here to help you. He’s here to use you. And
that also came across when I was thinking about, like, the effects. Like, his
image shatters, he separates because he’s not entirely kept together, you know
what I mean? So, I wanted like the drastic impacts of the rage pulling back
suddenly to the calm nature and the demeanor and this last one, I was thinking
was especially telling. It’s not me trying to break through, it’s his shell
Kathryn: I love that.
Mark: Yeah? It’s my favorite of
all of them.
Kathryn: That’s one’s my favorite.
I have legitimately just gone and watched that bit.
Kathryn: It’s really good.
Mark: Oh, thank you.
Kathryn: I really like that.
Mark: Yeah. And number 1 the
visuals work hard on this one, but nailing the audio- that high-pitched ringing
that a lot of people were like wow that really hurts my ears, that was by
design. That was supposed to hurt because listening to him- a lot if
inspiration for him comes from G-man from Half-life 2 and 1, like this weird interdimensional
person that seems human but is obviously not and doesn’t obey the laws of
physics, and is just like this shell of a person that’s in a suit. Not a suit,
literally a human suit, and is trying to figure out how to puppet it right that
you believe him, but he’s really good at it. And that’s where the scariness of Darkiplier,
I think, really comes from, is because he seems like someone you can trust, and
he will manipulate you, and take advantage of you, and literally use you, and
to me that’s terrifying. Like that’s the antithesis of what I want to be and so
if I’m going to make an opposite version of me, he’s gonna be the fucking worst.
Like worse than any romantic story can ever bring about. He’s fucking awful.
Amy: It was convenient, though, I like
the way it goes from Relax to this, like the video “Relax,” because then people
were not expecting this. But it’s so nice to have it on Valentine’s Day. It
works so well.
Mark: And then came the bullshit
transition that we had to do. So, this is comical in a way.
Amy: It doesn’t drag it though.
Mark: Yeah it doesn’t drag. You
get the scary. Tyler’s here-
Tyler: In Mark’s suit, which I
have fit in, but not the pants.
Mark: He didn’t fit, we forgot to
get a tie, like, we printed out a mask, and I looked at this and was like I could
try to make this creepy, and then I went, I objectively can’t. Let me throw in
some punch sound effects.
Tyler: I have to make sure, cause-
Mark: He couldn’t see shoot.
Tyler: No, I couldn’t, and I had
to keep moving the mask cause there was one time we did this that the mask
ended up completely on the side of my head and I was just like, hey Mark, you can’t
touch my face.
Amy: The convenient thing about this,
though, with all the glitches is that you can hide stuff with it.
Tyler: Yeah, and there’s a reason I
never let go of Mark I have no clue where anything is.
Mark: Yeah, oh man. Oh, this, oh
my god. Oh, and secret Easter egg- you know who Dark is because he doesn’t have
a shadow. Totally intentional and by design.
The fourteenth of February marks the day Stiles’ vocabulary vanished leaving just a single word to be uttered in response to Derek’s proposal:
Y E S!
However, the shocked filter doesn’t last long as a veritable torrent of, “Derek”, “I love you”, and praises in both English and Polish tumble from his lips.
“I can’t believe you did all this. And here I thought the only romantic bone in your body was mine.” Stiles’ salacious eyebrow waggling falters slightly at a firm, yet loving, swat to the ass by his chuckling fiancé.
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Derek smirks, nosing his way down his jawline to his favorite spot on his neck just below his ear, eliciting a delicious shiver.
“Oh my god, that was terrible,” Stiles chokes on laugh. “Thank god you didn’t lead with that or I would have reconsidered my answer.”
Stiles let out a yelp as Derek nips at a tender spot.
Stiles tilted his head giving him more room to explore.
“Mmm. Yup. Truth is you had me at ‘This is private property.’ There were many very public things I wanted to do to said property.”
Derek eyes flash as he emits a playful growl as his hands slide down to grasp his ass and quickly hoist him up. Stiles’ legs automatically wrap around his hips as a surprised moan barely has time to escape; lips becoming entangled with his own. Blunt teeth gently nibble Stiles’ bottom lip, tongue soothing over the indentations, silently pleading for entrance; a satisfied rumble answers when it’s granted. Derek pulls back just enough to gaze into honeyed eyes filled with love and eternal mischief, slowly engulfed by blown pupils. His right hand cups his jaw, thumb gently traveling across the path of moles to plump, reddened lips.
“Feel like doing some trespassing tonight?”
Stiles tosses his head back, whole body shaking with laughter. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Derek grins brightly at that thought “Not having any second thoughts, are you?”
Stiles’ arms tighten around Derek’s neck, pulling him into passionate kiss that leaves them both breathless.
“Not on your life. I love you so much, Der.”
“Love you too, Stiles.”
The night was filled with saccharine whispers, breathless moans,
praises to deities that may not exist, content groans, laughter and love. Stiles may have trespassed all those years ago, but they have since established a home in each other.
Trying and failing to channel my inner @studylustre today. I wanted to work on my handwriting today, so I decided to rewrite some vocabulary that my english class did a really long time ago. I think it turned out pretty well :)