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anonymous asked:

lexa is prob so hard on herself in her head. poor lil gay bean was getting mixed signals from clarke left and right she was probably so confused when clarke saved her life during the coup considering 24 hrs prior she tried to kill her&she prbably was so nervous to say "thank you for backing me" because she didnt knw why she did it&then when she said "it was for my people" she was probably like 'right why would you think she cares youre so stupid stop feeling things' and that makes me so sad

adding onto the message i just sent lexa probably hates herself. she thinks clarke hates her and that kills her. she probably spent those 3 months worrying about if clarke was okay then she stopped herself like ‘dammit lexa clarke hates you you messed it up stop thinking about her’ and she gives off the vibe that she cries alot when shes alone because she think clarke will never feel the same way about her. &doesnt know why shed even hope she would because she thinks so lowly of herself &ugh-

for some reason when I think of Lexa… pining after Clarke…. all I can think of are the lyrics from ‘I’m not that girl’ from Wicked……… ‘ Don’t dream too far/
Don’t lose sight of who you are’ ‘Don’t wish, don’t start/
Wishing only wounds the heart’

anyway what kills me is that typically lexa does understand clarke well? like really well? but then she’s getting these hot and cold signs… does clarke still hate her? has she moved past that? but I definitely think lexa prob told herself to n e v e r count on anything romantic happening with clarke ever again ugh