edit:sh

okay so I really just want to see Sherlock back at 221B some time after the tarmac scene and he’s just sitting on the couch in his gown and he is just so empty and exhausted and he doesn’t bother turning on the lights or starting a fire or hell, eating because he isn’t reminded or told to do those things and he feels so ill because he is missing a part of him 

then he hears John coming up the stairs and he swears he’s dreaming and he tries to hide the emotion surging in his chest and he feels his heart in his throat and his eyes prickling but he tries to hide it as John appears at the door way and he doesn’t have time to hide it as John spots Sherlock’s expression and John just barely whispers ’Sherlock’ as he comes over to kneel in front of Sherlock who just looks at John’s concerned face and feels his heart thud and fall into his stomach and tries to compose himself

John is saying something but Sherlock can only hear the blood pounding in his ears and he feels John’s hand on his cheek and Sherlock doesn’t even have the strength to react to it, he just lets John turn his face to meet his and stares at him and feels so many things- anger, regret, grief, loss, heart ache- and he sees concern and warmth and kind eyes stare back at him and he cannot bear it

Sherlock feels his lip tremble as John tries to make himself heard and he feels music in his mind swell and cascade like a cruelty he didn’t think capable because this isn’t his to see from John- the kindness, the compassion, the worry… this isn’t for him

John stops and his expression changes, his eyes soften and his mouth relaxes as if he suddenly can read Sherlock’s mind and John smiles so so sadly and pulls Sherlock forward into his open arms and embraces him

Sherlock’s heart stops for the second time in his life as he feels John’s warmth envelope him, cradle him and consume him. Every syllable, every thought, every declaration, every lonely night in 221B rises to Sherlock’s lips but he can only sob and feel his tears roll down his sharp cheeks and onto John’s shoulder

John sways him, rocks him gently and lets Sherlock feel whatever he has to and stays so close to him as Sherlock whimpers and sobs into his chest for all the times he couldn’t.