Russia’s team players pose for media with their gold medals and a trophy during medal ceremony after their victory at the 2012 IIHF men’s ice hockey World Championship final game with Slovakia in Helsinki May 20, 2012.
Soooo … I may have lied. I said I would write one of these last weekend … and I certainly did no such thing. With a week of midterms on the way, it is certainly time to do another one of these before there is even less time.
This time, I’ve gone to a classic format, just because I’m short on time. Not very original. But it’s a start. So here it is, a day in the life of James Reimer!
James Reimer: Hello … who is this? … it’s 3am.
Brian Burke: Hey James! I know it’s a bad time. But I just found out that J.S. Giguere tweaked his groin again …
James Reimer: Again … *sighs* … is his groin made of glass or something?
Brian Burke: We can only assume. Perhaps a synthetic carbon fibre …
James Reimer: Yuck. How’d he do it this time?
Brian Burke: Making waffles. I forgot to tell him I don’t need those anymore. Keep it on the DL, but I traded Beauchemin to Anaheim. That joke has passed. In any case, we will need you to start tonight against the Canadiens.
James Reimer: To start!? What about Gustavsson?
Brian Burke: His heart exp …
James Reimer: Exploded again. Should have guessed.
Brian Burke: Yeah … So we’ll see you tonight then. Thanks James. Don’t worry. I’ll start someone else against the Penguins. I wouldn’t want Brent Johnson to punch you out. What a belligerent and truculent man …
James Reimer: Thanks Burkie. Wouldn’t want to end up like Rick DiPietro.
Brian Burke: Thank goodness for that. I would never sign anyone to a 15 year deal …
James Reimer: Not quite what I meant. See you tomorrow. By the way … what are you doing up so late?
Brian Burke: Just drinking energy drinks and watching the UFC. Keeps me calm before bed.
James Reimer: Right … Do I hear Pierre McGuire?
Brian Burke: I had TSN on earlier … even when you change channels you can still hear him …
James Reimer: Yikes. Alright, see you tomorrow. *Hangs up* This organization is insane.
*AT THE GAME*
Ron Wilson: Alright guys. Here’s tonight’s forward lineup:
We’ll tweak the lines if we need to. Sound good?
Phil Kessel: Uhhh . . coach?
Ron Wilson: Oh … Shoot. Sorry Phil. This is really becoming a regular thing for you isn’t it?
*Ovechkin knocks down door, snaps photo*
Phil Kessel: This is getting ridiculous. Stupid ridiculous.
Ron Wilson: Well at least we are talking now. That’s a step forward.
Phil Kessel: I hate it here … I want to go back to Boston.
Ron Wilson: Shut it Phil. Go drive your new Honda there then. Colton, stop chewing on your stick, it’s unhealthy. James, play big in net. Please don’t get hurt. We’re running low on goalies. We look like the #$%^ing Ottawa Senators for goodness sake.
James Reimer: No worries coach. I’ve got it under control.
Ron Wilson: Good. Sorry though. I didn’t mean the Ottawa thing. You are way better than all of their 3rd string goalies. Especially Elliot, Leclaire, Lehner, and Brodeur.
James Reimer: Thanks Coach.
James Reimer: *Makes another pad save*
Mike Komisarek: Sorry for the giveaway … I was distracted.
James Reimer: Dion’s girlfriend again?
Mike Komisarek: Partially … But I keep seeing Burkie giving me this look … And he keeps waving an Anaheim Ducks flag at me …
James Reimer: Subtle … I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.
Mike Komisarek: Thanks buddy *skates away*
James Reimer: I hope he likes California … He’s got no hope.
*1 Minute Remaining in the 3rd period*
James Reimer: *Makes yet ANOTHER pad save*
Ron Wilson: COME ON GUYS!!! Garbo, Kulemin! Get out there!
Phil Kessel: Who else coach!?
Ron Wilson: We need our superstar out there.
Phil Kessel: All over it coach!
Ron Wilson: Phil, what are you doing? Sit down son. MacArthur is leading the team in scoring. Get out there Clarkie!
Phil Kessel: I hate this place.
Ron Wilson: And you’ll tell all the reporters you want to stay here for a long time.
Phil Kessel: *sighs* Yes sir.
*Buzzer Goes* Leafs win 2-1!!!
Announcer: The first star of the game … JAMES REIMER!!!! The second star of the game … Nik Kulemin!!! and the third and final star of the game is … .
… … . Phil Kessel!!!
Crowd: Laughing hysterically.
Phil Kessel: *%&^ this place. This is absurd.
p.s. Ideas for the next blog? Let me know! … Please!