edit: random

In the past couple weeks, I have been decluttering my lifestyle. I’ve been selling/donating/getting rid of all sorts of things that I don’t use anymore. It feels great to reclaim my living space while getting to know exactly what I have/ exactly what I need. Even though I’m not a fan of deep cleaning, giving myself a fresh organized slate really eliminates a ton of my stress and anxiety. I’d strongly advise anyone to do this. It feels awesome :)


Barangkali hidup ini ibarat jalan-jalan pada sebuah kota tak bernama,

Kita lahir di pagi hari. Bertumbuh, asyik bermain hingga tiba saat malam. Kita tidur kembali.

Bertemu orang-orang yang kemudian kenal sebagai keluarga, tetangga, teman, beberapa hanya lewat tanpa sempat kenal.

You try hard to be friends to everybody. Suddenly you find there is none you can say a real friend. You try hard to help everybody.Suddenly you find there is none to help you.

Kadang kita merasa lahir di waktu yang salah. Tempat yang salah. Tapi apa yang benar?  Lincoln bilang, kita lahir di masa yang tepat bagi kita. Apa bedanya lahir kini dan dahulu jika hidup itu sama dan tradisi yang berulang?

Barangkali kita bangun lebih pagi esok hari. Jalan-jalan di relung kota tak bernama. Bertemu. Berpisah. Malam tiba dan memanggil untuk menutup mata. Perjalanan itu, semoga kita menghidupinya.

Cat Poop Blues

I finally convinced Stiffler, after years, to allow me to put the litter box into the bathroom. This has been an ongoing struggle in our relationship – the litter box is currently in the beautiful walk-in closet (it has a fucking antique paned window in it!!!), which renders the walk-in closet useless except for Cat Poop and Storage Stuff We Don’t Mind Being Around Cat Poop.

I told Stiffler we needed more space – to store books, to organize our art supplies, to actually use our walk-in closet as God intended.

Finally, A. relented, on the grounds that the new litter I bought was flushable, so we could essentially clean the litter box every time we were in the bathroom to do our own business – plus, it’s tiled in there, so it’s easier clean-up!

I was excited. I planned to put the litter box under the sink. It would fit, but neither of us were sure if Peter would use it, since he hates enclosed spaces. Finally, we came to the conclusion that since our toilet is blocked off by a large wall (The Shame ClosetTM) it would make sense to put the litter box in the space between the potty and the wall. That way no one can see it unless they’re pottying – and by that time their own natural needs would overwhelm them from judging a cat’s potty-box.

The problem is that the litter box we currently have is huge – it’s meant for small dogs – it definitely wouldn’t fit. We needed a smaller litter box for a trial-run. So, being me, I suggested something that would fit and was insane: a turkey roasting pan.

The turkey roasting pan had roasted exactly 1 turkey in the 10 years we’ve had it. It had also developed a fine crack down its bottom, which made it useless. I put a litter liner in it, filled it with flushable litter and set it in its rightful place in the bathroom. Stiffler and I both agreed that putting some of the cat’s poop in it would be a good way to acclimate them to the new Turkey Roaster Poop Box. This was all done last night in a tizzy.

Then today happened: I was washing my face in the bathroom and Konstantin, as he usually does, came to see me. He stopped, did a double-take at the Turkey Roaster Poop Box, looked at me, then looked back to it. Cautiously, he looked inside of it – to see his own poop, right there in the open. Visibly upset by this, he immediately started yowling at me and scratching my legs, weaving in and out to keep checking the Turkey Roaster Poop Box that so loftily held his Cat Poo.

I gently placed him in the Turkey Roaster Poop Box and took his paw, making scratching motions with it. He looked me in the eyes. His brain had shattered. His pupils were dilated hopelessness.

It was then that I realized – only a few years earlier, we had made a turkey for Thanksgiving and since it didn’t contain any harmful ingredients to cats, we had let Konstantin lick out the scraps from the Turkey Roaster for an entire day.

He is now dead inside.

random edit: 4 / ?

Oh my god. I’m SCREAMING. I saw these photos around at midnight (my time zone) and I was like ’oh… I’ve never seen these’ but then I promptly ignored it, thinking it was an old photo. I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS A NEW EVENT. Hyperventilating. And it’s a bad idea; at school….

I hope one day I'm gonna find the man who will tell me that:

He sees the scars on my soul, but like Christ’s they’re just sign of victory.

He sees my craving for being perfect, but I’m already a masterpiece of God.

He sees my body, but wants to protect my purity.

He sees the light in my eyes, but much more important: He sees Christ in me and sees the woman God wants to give him as bride.

I hope one day I’m gonna find the man telling me that he’s as much in love with me as Christ with His church.