edit: jimmy

I’d read fantasy if they had simple names like Jane and Bob from Wagga,“ I say. "Why does it have to be Tehrana and Bihaad from the World of Sceehina?”
Jimmy looks at my mother and rolls his eyes. “No wonder they call her a bimbo behind her back.”
And my mum laughs.
And because of that, Mark Viduka, the soccer player, stops being my brother’s hero, and Luca and Pinocchio run after Jimmy like he’s their idol.
—  Melina Marchetta, Saving Francesca
Maybe John's Partially Screwed Up Because of Michael

So, I’m rewatching the Song Remains the Same for a different meta I’m working on right now, and I sort of had a thought.

Okay, so yes, there are a lot of things that made John Winchester the man he became, I talked a lot about that when I did a meta on his relationship with Dean (x), but we all aren’t quite sure when he began his sad spiral down to drunkarddom and abuse.

I think I have an idea of what might have pushed him to start that leap. It’s not the only reason why John became the man we know him as, but I think this event was a decent catalyst for John becoming so different compared to what he was in the past.

I think John taking Michael in messed him up. You know what Cas said about how Michael would basically fry Dean’s brains out? Dean’s Michael’s perfect vessel. If Dean would be in such a horrid state, then what would happen to an imperfect vessel like John?

We’ve seen what happened to Raphael’s old vessel in Free to Be You and Me, we know what happened partially to Sam when he was stuck in the pit with good ol’ Luci in his head–what do you think happened to Past!John? Who couldn’t remember the experience because all things related to his children were zapped out of his head by Michael? And how would that memory wipe affect him and Mary? How can John cope with something that he doesn’t even remember but probably feels in every cell of his being?

Again, I shall stress that this is not what I think is John’s main issue. What he became came from a variety of smaller issues and bigger issues that broke the goodness in his heart, or at least, most of the goodness. I’m just saying that if having Cas inside you, even as a perfect vessel, is like being strapped to a comet for Jimmy,

What does that mean for John to have Michael in him, an imperfect vessel for an Archangel?

Parallel's Between Jimmy's Speech to Cas in The Rapture and Cas' Speech to Dean in Point of No Return

I didn’t notice how close these speeches were until I rewatched The Rapture recently.

It just sort of clicked when I was watching and I was like HOLY BAZEEZERS AND A PIECE OF PIE, WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY?

Seriously, leave it to Team Free Will’s resident angel to learn from hir freaking vessel! I mean, by Poseidon’s pointy trident, how did I not see this sooner? This is craziness!