edit: idk

6

 bias moodboard, i was tagged by @divinaxcommedia  ♡

um idk, laying around on the floor and green plants are just so my aesthetic (esp combined with daesung lol)

  tagging anyone who wants to do this~

Hit: *Looks at Cabba* ….hey.

Cabba: Huh? *Looks at him*

Hit: *Smirks and ruffles his hair* ….You did good. 

Cabba: *Surprised* Oh….t-thank you… *Smiles*

Hit: Hm.

Frosts ghost: *Sitting behind Hit* …oh yeah, praise the cabbage! *Pouts* …You haven’t even mentioned me at all…

Hit: *Sighs and turns* ….You know, I bet even Frost would be happy about your effort. *Crosses arms and closes eyes*

Cabba: I don’t think so. *Pauses* …..he only cares about himself.

Hit: Oh?

Cabba: *Sits straight* I mean… he probably just wanted to survive and nothing else, I doubt he cares about us.

Hit: ……

Frosts ghost: Oh come on, I actually fought by your side! *Fazes through Cabba and stands in front of him* Honestly, If you have to blame anyone, blame that bleached jerk over there!! *Points at Frieza*

Cabba: *Sighs* Maybe it’s better that he isn’t here…

Frost: *Gasps* 

Cabba: *Leans back*…. it’s probably for the best, eh? *Looks at Hit*

Hit: …….

Cabba: Hit?

Hit: …….

Hit: Don’t make assumptions just because he betrayed your friendship. 

Cabba: Huh? 

Hit: *Looks up* …. At least he thought for a change, unlike me.

Frosts ghost: …..Hit….

Hit: I know I won’t forget him so easily. No matter if he was in the wrong, a leader is suppose to protect his team. *Takes a deep breath* …. that includes smart space pirates. 

Frosts ghost: …….

Hit: And i’ll tell you one thing *Watches the arena* …. he had potential. 

Cabba: …..I guess you’re right. *Frowns* Man….. now I’m starting to wish he was here. Sure would liven up the spectators. *Smiles awkwardly*

Hit: Yeah…

Today I have the last midterm. I’m impatient to see the results, though I know I’ll be quite disappointed in the end. Did I give my 100%? I am not sure. I underestimated the amount of work statistics would have taken, but overall I did a decent amount of work without stressing much about it. But still probably the exams didn’t go that well. And I’m just so tired of getting good but not great results. Sure, 28 or 29 is high, but it is not the highest.

All my academic career I had good but not great grades. But it was a conscious choice. I am driven to avoid conflict and to fit in. And in some way that I can’t articulate properly, high (enough to get into any university I wanted to) but not the highest grades were what pleases everyone.

There were other factors of course - I wanted to have a life outside school, follow a bunch of diversified interests, and I greatly disliked the high school setting.

But now things are changing. I am learning slowly that my opinions and my desires are important, that I don’t have to be liked by everyone, that perhaps by trying too hard to fit in in the end I am not myself anymore. I want to be great, not average, remarkable, not forgettable.

Academic achievement is of course not all there is, but I can’t help but think of it as a proxy for a general attitude and mindset.