edit: ajh

My parents resemble their old dining table

It’s becoming

Weak

Faded paint

Cracks more as they age

Unstable chairs

Gloss Unrepaired

Nails poke out

Don’t wanna throw it out

the value is gold

The memories it holds

I wonder if this it what it means to get old.

-AJH

Sad

Sudden sadness

I’m filled with sadness when I hit an intersection

Sadness grows within me when I sit at the dinner table

Sadness punched me in the face while checking out at the grocery store

Being suddenly sad is quite exhausting while out with friends

You want to go back

And give up

The sudden sadness that comes within and consumes you for those few deadly minutes

That sudden sadness

-AJH

I REMEMBER an incident when I […] had signed up for an evening class taught by Abraham Joshua Heschel… One evening, Professor Heschel entered the classroom and said to us, “Something miraculous just happened as I was walking up Broadway on my way to class.”  That got our attention.  We listened to hear what that miraculous event might have been.  He went on, “Something miraculous happened.  The sun set, and of all the people on Broadway, nobody noticed…”

Heschel was teaching us that a miracle need not be something extraordinary and inexplicable…  The predictable regularity of the world, the fact that sunrise and sunset, the phases of the moon, the change of seasons happen with such precision that they can be anticipated down to the precise minute and never deviate, that is a miracle.

— 

Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life

by Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, p. 144

Dysphoria.

I’m dysphoric even tho my voice is getting deeper.
I’m dysphoric even tho my shoulders keep getting broader.
I’m dysphoric even tho I’m getting stronger.
im dysphoric even tho my chest is going to come off.
I’m dysphoric.
Its all taking too long.
Its taking too long to become the person I am.
It makes me anxious at times
I look in the mirror and I hate when I see nothing new.
No progress.
I still feel like a little boy.
I still feel sort of trapped.
I’m still waiting to be completely me.
The waiting game.
I have no other choice but to wait.
I hate waiting.
I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life.
Just to wait some more.
We’re all just waiting for something arent we?

instagram

Two of my fav men, having morning bonding time. They’ve kinda stolen my ❤️. @that1atlantaguy87 @itsanaugust10thshrimp #jmh #ajh #loves #love

Made with Instagram
becoming visible

i just posted my drafts.

my thoughts that i have turned into poetry.

i was scared at first cause i thought “it wont make sense”

scared cause its me being vulnerable 

my words is all i got, to let people in my chaotic brain.

this is the only thing that i am good at now. 

my self expression went from art-music-poetry-?

mixture of all three and you got me.

so Tumblr…world..whoever actually pays attention or reads my poetry.

thank you…for taking the time to learn about me. to hear me.

I do not care if my ex reads this. which is the main reason i stopped.

but here i go. again. i want you to read this, to read me. 

I am craving to be known.

-AJH

-About my HC-

aye bros if you’re tired of my arguing about the whole jumin thing, blacklist the tag ‘ajh’ okay?
someone used my text in an opinion post of theirs, and i kindly asked them to clarify things/state more reasons
they said they will at about 11 pm, so i may reply tomorrow, but nonetheless there might still be several reblogs to convey my points

Thank you for understanding!

-Gin ⭐️, over and out

ezigen

ilyen érzelmes beszélgetésekért élek, mint a mai, mikor Benji elmesélte a robis történetét
annyira szép és fájdalmas, főleg a vége

már az elejétől kezdve, az osztálykirándulás, mikor még volt német, a csoportból kilépés, aztán november tizedike

lassan egy éve alig beszéltek, mikor egy hete összekerültek színjátszón, bemutatni egy feladatot, amiben végig egymás szemébe kell nézni
és Benjinek már az első pillanatban átnedvesedett a szeme mert iszonyat rég volt köztük szemkontaktus, erre Robi láthatóan megijedt egy kicsit, aztán neki is csillogni kezdett a szeme
és ennél szebb, tisztább és őszintébb jelenetet mondjatok