ed is such a dork

remember that time oswald literally woke up in ed’s flat in ed’s pjs in ed’s bed do you remember how soft he looked or how ed sat down on the bed and just how CLOSE they were and oswald was all like “wtf” but also stunned and surprised like “????? why is this good looking man?? so close to me?” and then ed’s just the BIGGEST FUCKING DORK????????? guys idk about ur opinion on this but ed had only ONE bed 👀👀👀👀👀🔍🔍

Ok but what if ed only started doing his antenna because it made him as tall as winry, like she wouldn’t marry someone shorter than her so eds just like “ok but who’s shorter NOW?!” as he spikes that one chunk of hair up one morning in front of the mirror just so he had a CHANCE and I just they are so meant for each other even since childhood this was totally just a hint that they would end up together, but I know I’m over analyzing but who cares it’s canon

How to Date an Ed Ch. 13

How to Date an Ed
Chapter 13

Kevin grabs the dorks hand and walks through the parted crowd. He tries to think about what the hell just happened, but all that’s running through his head is static. The red head vaguely recalls grabbing the smaller male’s hand and dragging them into an bandoned classroom, where he flings himself into  a desk and stares blankly at the white board at the head of the room. Glazed green eyes search for an answer to what the fuck just happened. His brain slowly kickstarts to recall the past ten minutes.


Okay, so they were outed by Nat. Asshole. What’s his game? The athlete can still feel the panic that sped through his veins, the shock when the dork laughed it off and lied through his gaped teeth, the short relief when he thought they could pull this bluff. And then the teal-haired asshole of a friend demanded they make out like a couple of freshmen in high school. Rage and fear had filled him at that point, he remembers it clearly. He- above all else- did NOT  want to kiss the dork he might be considering a friend. And he wasn’t going to. He even had cooked up a plan claiming about Edd being too shy or some shit. 


But then he looked at the dork. A defeated slump had graced his shoulders, his eyes had dulled- practically lifeless!- and a sad smile had adorned his face. Kevin never knew what people had meant about a sad smile until now: when someone is smiling, but you know that they would rather be crying.  The dork-fucking martyr- had told him that he could take the Eagle anyway. That he would be fine. That, essentially, these past few days of panic, drama, and heavy secrets being revealed meant nothing. 


The rage and determination that had roared inside him at that moment nearly overwhelmed him- the red-head remembers this; he could barely see straight when he had grabbed the sock-headed genius. He remembers saying something about rewards not being worth it or some shit, while mentally psyching himself to go through with the peer pressure. He had tried to imagine the dork as a girl, but that didn’t really work; it was still the dorky genius standing there. Kevin barely remembers thinking, ‘Fuck it,’ and-


Holy shit, he kissed the dork. The memory finally clicks into clarity. He didn’t just kiss Eddward; he almost got to first base with the sock head. That first brush of the lips, he barely felt it, in fact. He honestly thought he had missed and was kicking himself on having to do it again. But then the next kiss happened. And, nope, it was fact- the smaller male’s lips WERE that soft. After that, it was almost as if someone was controlling Kevin; he couldn’t STOP kissing the dork. Over and over, and with more urgency in each kiss, the whole world- and his mind, apparently- had stopped and left the two of them alone.
That was when the genius started to kiss back. Shyly, as if he didn’t know what to do. And, wow, that was much better than just him doing all the kissing. His arms had moved on their own by then- they had locked onto the dork and pulled them closer together, which had caused some sort of bubble of excitement in his chest. The redhead had then changed the angle of their kissing- much more comfortable- and a moan had escaped the other’s throat, sending a pleasurable tingle down his spine. 


The two had to finally part for air, which was a bit of a shame, Kevin had thought at the time. He really could have done that forever. Green eyes had blinked at that thought as a cold bucket of reality was dropped on him. Suddenly everything was too loud, too sharp, too bright. The athlete had turned to look at the crowd that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere- or were they there the whole time?- and he had told them to get lost.
Which brings him back to where he is right now, in an empty room with a genius of a man with the softest lips probably known to mankind. Who just so happens to be looking quite terrified and concerned at him.


“Kevin? Can you hear me??”


Oh shit, has the dork been talking to him this whole time? From the look on his face, he’d put his money on Yes.  He nods at the frantic young man jerkily. He’s not entirely sure what to do or think right now. Two things he knows for sure though: He kissed the dork in front of him and LIKED it, and he is TERRIFIED of liking it. Worse, he is pretty sure he wants to do it again.


“Thank goodness. I had feared you had gone into catatonic shock. Are you alright?” the sockhead asks.


He shakes his head no. He is not alright. Is he alright? Is it okay to like kissing a man- a gay man? His whole world has been thrown for a loop, so more on the side of “trying not to panic” would be a good answer. 


“Kevin, please speak to me. I know a panic attack can leave you speechless sometimes, but you only making head gestures is not ensuring me of your wellness and is raising my anxiety.”


Kevin’s face scrunches up. So much for trying not to panic. Whelp, guess it’s time to try and console the dork- and by console, he of course means look macho and bullshit his way out of this.


“Panic attack? Over what?”


Blue eyes blink at him, looking relieved and confused, “Why over kissing me, of course.”


There went trying to look macho.  Maybe they could just ignore it, like it never happened?


“I do apologize for my inadequence over the action, as well as for you having to fight your morality over it as well." 


The redhead looks at him, feeling very awkward about the conversation, "No, you were fine. I just don’t really know how to feel about it, I guess. I mean, I kissed you, not the other way around, dork.”


Pale cheeks flush at that comment. Can someone still get embarrassed at this stage?


“Yes, well, I still feel a little guilty about it; your one rule about not having to kiss me was quite clear, so despite you initiating it, I still think that maybe-”


Kevin glares at the man standing over him. Did the smaller man actually think he was manipulated into the kiss?


“If you even suggest about ending this now, I’m gonna deck you, dork.”


Double D stares confusedly back at him, “But why? All of your rules have been broken, why shouldn’t we terminate? It’s not fair for you. I had already stated you would still be acquiring the Eagle, why hurt yourself by continuing this farce with me?”


At that, Kevin stands up. The dork was right, though, on all accounts. Why should he keep this facade up? 


Is he bored? Possibly, but that would be a shitty reason to keep doing this.


Curiosity? He knows that’s part of it; the dork is very interesting and he wonders how this is gonna end.


Honor? Another possibility; he really doesn’t like half-assed projects or events. That’s one of the reasons he and Eddy never got along. And if he breaks the deal now, he’s gonna feel sleazy, and the Eagle would be forever tainted with that sleaziness.


…He genuinely likes the dork? As a friend, absolutely. Despite only truly knowing him for a little bit, he can tell that Edd is a good guy. Quirky, but good. As anything else…? He doesn’t know; probably- which scares the shit out of him- but that’s not going to stop him from wanting to be the dork’s friend. He’ll just shut out the weird thoughts and any other unwanted emotions. Like a normal person.


Nodding, he stands in front of the dork, finally noting on how much shorter the other man is- barely touches his chin.


“Because I like you, dork. And I’m curious at what crazy adventures we’ll get into during our two weeks of dating.”




A gasp escapes Eddward once Kevin answers. Kevin likes him?! Even after being peer pressured into kissing him! What alternate dimension did he fall into?? 


“B-but you know that after the stunt we just p-pulled, we’ll be expected to… t-to..” the genius falters, feeling his cheeks aflame. He’s talking about future kissing sessions with Kevin,TO Kevin! Did the athlete not think about this?! To his astonishment, the tan male shrugs.


“Yeah, I know. But you don’t kiss bad, so it’s cool, I guess.”


Edd’s heart jumps into his throat. Kevin doesn’t mind kissing him?!


“Plus, you kinda need to practice on someone before you go out into the real dating world.”


Embarrassment floods the young genius’ system. So he has no talent in the kissing department, and Kevin feels bad enough to give him lessons discreetly. Lovely. Some hope rises in his chest regardless; Kevin DID say he likes him, more logically as a friend than anything else, but just that would be enough, Edd thinks.


“I would appreciate the practice, I suppose. Thank you, Kevin.”


A white grin greets him. Be still, frantic heart!


“Cool. Let’s actually get to class then.”


The sockhead nods and follows the taller male out of the classroom. It’s not until the pair have almost reached to the genius’ next class does he realize- they’ve been holding hands this entire time.


Eddward sits in his class in a daze. He can barely take proper notes; the genius wonders if he’s dreaming. Everyone believes he is dating Kevin Barr, which is in fact false, yet if he squints mentally, even he could believe it to be true. The red head never ceases to amaze him, not only by agreeing to this absurd request, but also by overcoming his own rules-willingly- as well as staying to fufill said request to the appointed date. And becoming more charming by the minute. The sockhead can’t stop himself from grinning. 


Kevin liked kissing him. Or, he doesn’t mind it, which is just as good in Edd’s book. And good Lord, he liked kissing Kevin, despite the germs that come with it. A flash of heat strikes him, causing his cheeks to glow bright red and a warm sweat to break out on his back. His accursed sweater sticks to him as he tries to cool down. 


“Mr. Vincent? Did you need to head to the clinic?” his teacher asks. Eddward glances up at Mr. Daggonait, a tall man with shaggy silver hair, who looks quite similar to one Professor Snape-only with glasses and a much less menacing stare.


“Oh, no, sir, my apologies for any disrupt I have caused,” the young genius chirps, quite embarrassed about being called out. Gracious. He needs to focus on his class work, not be daydreaming about Kevin and their fantasy dating life. Shaking his head, he gets back to the English questions that need to be answered.





Fuck. He can’t concentrate on anything. Not his physics lecture- which he really should be paying attention to- not the many eyes staring at him, not how once again the asshole from yesterday’s class left gum on the bottom of his desk and is ruining his skinny jeans again- nothing. All he can focus on is the memory of pale pink lips on his and wrestling with the urge of wanting the feeling again. Fuck. He’s straight, God dammit! There should be no physical reason he would want to kiss the dork 'til the end of time. Yet, here he is, ignoring his physics teacher (who is starting to walk this way, shit.)


Kevin tries to look like he was paying attention for the past fifteen minutes as the professor steps in front of his desk. Mr. Jagone is a tall slim man, who looks like he stuck a finger in a live socket; his black hair is spiked in all directions. His cold blue eyes are covered by some hippie looking glasses as he crosses his arms.

“Mr. Barr, care to tell me why the rest of the class is so fixated on you today? Or as to why you aren’t paying attention to me either?" 


Tan cheeks burn with embarrassment and rememberence. Couldn’t his classmates be a little more subtle? Okay, let’s see if he can bullshit his way out of this.


"Sorry, sir, but I was trying to figure out a physics problem. I just can’t seem to get to a right answer.” The older male perks up at the answer, smiling slightly.


“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Kevin, but just like my lecture is about today: there are always exceptions to every rule. Even in physics. Speaking of which, turn to page…”


Unfortunately for the wild-looking scholar, Kevin’s mind checked out right then, pondering over what he’s just learned. An exception to every rule? Even sexuality? The cogs in the athlete’s head start turning rapidly. So, theoretically, he-Kevin- could be a hundred percent heterosexual, and still find a guy attractive?? The red-head takes off his hat and ruffles his hair in shock. It’s the only plausible explanation- he must be attracted to Double D, who is the exception. Green eyes roll into the back of his head as he groans and leans back in his seat; of COURSE his only exception would be the sockheaded genius. It’s completely ironic, if he thinks about it. He terrorized the man when they were younger, and was seriously regretting doing this stupid deal, so now God- or whoever is running this shit show- decided to make the situation worse by making him be attracted to the dork. 


Fan-fucking-tastic.


Needless to say, the jock races out of his class the moment it’s over, on a hunt. Where is that teal-haired bastard? His fist has an appointment with the other’s face. Kevin finds Nat in the library, bothering some mousy-looking girl. He sneaks up behind his friend, taps him on the shoulder, and sticks his fist out to the left. He waits for the other male to do his signature feint and watches as he dodges right into his knuckles.


“Ow, what the fuck?!”


All the people in the library shush him as Kevin grabs him by the shoulder and tosses him outside. Sometimes, the red head is very thankful that the areas of the school are in completely different buildings. This is one of those times. He stares down at his friend who is holding his face gingerly.


“Dude, what the actual fuck?” Black eyes glare at him.


“That’s my line, ass. What the fuck was that shit show this morning?” Kevin asks calmly, cracking his knuckles. It’s Nat’s fault. If he wasn’t peer-pressured (honor-pressured?) into kissing the dork, he wouldn’t be having these weird exception feelings or whatever. Him and Double D would have just been friends, and they could have looked back on these two weeks as a laugh.


Nat glares even harder, if that was even possible, “Dude, that was your shit show. I gave you an out; I heard Double Decadent give you an out! Don’t get your man-panties in a twist because you actually liked kissi-”


The red-head covers the other’s mouth with his hand, “Utter one more word and I will end you.”


One teal eyebrow raises haughtily, but he nods. The athlete lets go, then pokes his nose threateningly.


“I told you not to tell anybody, though. So, back to my line: what the actual fuck, bro?”


Nat grimaces, “Well, yeah, you said not to tell anybody, so I discreetly told everybody. So, I actually didn’t tell anyone.”


Kevin face palms, then thwacks Nat upside the back of his head, smirking.


“Smartass. You knew what you were doing. You just wanted the deal to be over so you could get into the dork’s pants faster.”


The teal-headed male holds the back of his head and sticks his tongue out, somehow being able to chuckle.


“Heh, guilty. What can I say? I REALLY wanna touch his butt. And the King shall have all the butts!” Kevin chuckles and shakes his head.


“Dude, being weird again.”


“ALL. THE. BUTTS.”


“Are you even listening?”




Eddward waits outside his English class for Kevin, who isn’t here yet. Perhaps he needed to use the restroom? His pondering screeches to a halt as he spots a familiar figure. Oh, no, not again. It’s Lucas Tucker, and oh lord, the man has spotted him. The sockhead feels his knees lock as the blonde approaches him.


“Hey, loser. Where’s your boyfriend?”


Is the man actually trying to have a decent conversation? Mayhap Hell is a real place and has frozen over after all.


“I don’t believe he is here yet. Erm, how are you today?" 


The taller male brighten up at the civil comment, and leans on the wall next to the young genius. Eddward shifts his weight, slightly nervous. Tucker is in his bubble.


"So I heard you two had your first public kiss today.”


Black eyebrows crinkle in confusion. Why would the bully want to know about that?


“Yes? I don’t understand what the big deal about that is, however. Couples do that sort of thing all the time, correct?” The blonde nods, brown eyes never leaving Edd’s face.


“Yeah, but those couples never stay together for long. Maybe a week; a month at the longest.”


Edd can’t help but gasp, not only in horror, but because the blonde is now officially way too close for comfort. Back up, back up, back up, back up! Tucker blocks his escape with his arm, effectively trapping him. The smaller male can’t help but groan; of course Kevin is nowhere to be found when he ABSOLUTELY NEEDS-


Before he can finish his thought, two different shoes kick Tucker’s side and send the large male flying.


-him?


Double D stares in shock at Kevin and Nat, the latter striking some sort of superhero pose. He watches the red head roll up his sleeve- oh dear, his bicep is almost bursting, be still gay heart!- and stroll up to Tucker in obvious anger.
“What did I fucking tell you, asshole?” the blonde on the ground tries to scramble away, but his back hits a corner. Kevin towers over the blonde, looking very intimitading. Tucker babbles apologies and begs for mercy. Blue eyes widen as a tan fist raises in the air, ready to strike.


“Wait!”


Kevin freezes, and slowly turns to the younger man. Edd’s blood freezes in fear; the red head has one of the scariest faces he has ever seen. This isn’t just furious, Kevin must be completel bloodthirsty- a feat that not even Eddy has been able to drag out of the athlete. Swallowing thickly, Edd slowly -slowly! Knees, please work- walks over to the redhead and gently grabs the fist. Which was a bit high up, so the sockhead had to get on his tip toes. Gradually, he sees Kevin relax, dropping his fist. Edd holds onto his hand, lightly leading him away from the crumpled heap of pathetic on the floor, Nat trailing behind them.
Once they’re far away enough, Edd lets go of Kevin’s hand and drops to the ground, doing his best not to hyperventilate.


“Holy shit, Double Damn! That was badass!” Nat gushes over him, patting his back a little more than roughly.


“W-what? Me? No, you and Kevin were the ones who saved me; you both looked very heroic,” the sockhead mutters, gaining feeling back in his knees. The teal-headed man shakes his head vigourously.


“No way, dude! I’ve never seen anyone not only stand up to Kevin when he is beyond pissed level, but also calm him down enough to walk away from a fight!”


Eddward looks at Kevin at that statement, who just tucks his hands in his hoodie pockets and looks away from the other two. The genius can feel his pale cheeks flushed. Though by what emotion he is not entirely sure.


“R-really? I just felt that Tucker had more than enough. Not only that, but the school really does not approve of violence; I didn’t want you two suspended because of me,” he mumbles. He hears more than sees the redhead turn towards him.


Lightly, he is startled when the athlete suddenly drops to his level, green eyes locked onto blue. Edd feels his heart racing. It’s just like before; when Kevin had kissed him, the emotional hurricane that is stirring inside him is raging.


“Thanks, dork. I really don’t need a suspension right now,” the tan male smiles at him. He smiles back and suddenly, Kevin gives him a quick peck on the lips and hoists him back onto his feet. The pale man cups his mouth, feeling his face grow hot. Somehow that quick peck felt MUCH more intimate than the kissing session from before.


“C'mon, then. We’re off to Wendy’s today,” Kevin states, grabbing Edd’s hand and leading them to his car, all the while both of them ignoring the jeering Nat.


“Aw, you two are really cute together! Why did I wanna break you up?!”


“Shut up, Nat