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Dear Tumblr: Remember to hydrate because if you don’t, we’ll find out what actually happens. Maybe you become immortal, and maybe you die. How would we know? The “experts” could be lying.

Also, play tennis, because it’s fun and I do it every night. I should just turn this into a sports blog all about how my tennis has been going. I’m sure I’d lose many followers.

Tonight I lost my first singles match of 2012. Oh well. Man, sports blogs are fun.

And you should shower because you smell like a freaking wet dog. Even I do it. See? My hair’s wet.

Well, I’m becoming the Tumblr person who always posts pictures of himself, but when you’re freaking hot like me, you might as well.

I have to sleep now. IF I DON’T HAVE 546544 NOTIFICATIONS IN MY INBOX I’M GOING TO SINGLE-HANDEDLY SHUT DOWN TUMBLR. (By the way, why does Tumblr’s spell check say that Tumblr is spelled wrong?)

Good night ladies (and any of you with Adam’s apples), we’re (well, I’m) going to leave you now.