ebinger

S3 Gruvia

 “Oh shit I left my phone in my bosses office last night after me and my coworkers trashed his office. Fuck.”

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no , no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no.

No.

“Juvia, what’s wrong? You’ve banged your head against the keyboard more often than usual…” Erza asked, rolling her perfect nails on my shoulder.

“I fucked up Erza. I’m going to lose my job. I’m going to lose my job, and become a hobo, and starve to death, and die.”

“Did you send the boss an email telling how much you hate him?” She asked with a smirk. Trashing our boss was kind of a normal thing around here, but not in front of him of course.

Nooooo…” I moaned, letting my forehead rest on my keyboard. An endless string of gggggggggggg’s appeared on my screen.

Erza made a ‘here we go again’ noise. “Then what, pray tell, is the matter?”

I sighed. May as well tell someone so that I can have my tale of woe inscribed on my tomb stone.

“Do you remember what we did…erm…last night?” I hinted, my eyes flicking from our boss’s office and then back to us.

“Mhm.” Erza said boredly, like it was no big deal that we totally trashed our boss’s office last night.

Back-story time: A few months ago, our company was merged with another, so a bunch of the other company’s employees started moving into our building to work together. This caused…complications. Since there wasn’t enough room in the building, Mr. Fullbuster, our boss, had take it upon himself to start firing people who had been working with us for years left and right. Asshole.

Anyways, Erza, me, and a few other employees got damn sick and tired of this bullshit. Any one of us could’ve been next. And one of us was.

Yesterday, Marty Johnson was fired, for ‘misplacing a file’ that he was never given.

His keycard wouldn’t get shut off until today, so after he was discharged, we used the keycard to come in after hours and…rearrange our boss’s office.

Long story short, his office was empty at the moment due to the cleaning crew that was scheduled to come this afternoon. And our dear, dear boss was in the auxiliary office, wondering his pretty lil’ head about whodunit.

So I maybe, just maybe, still had a chance of survival…

You see, it wasn’t until this morning, long after the crime had been committed, had I noticed that my phone was missing. It wasn’t at my apartment, and it wasn’t at the office.

At least, it wasn’t at my office.

And so forth, I had come to the only conclusion that my phone was laying in the same place where my career was: hell.

I explained my situation to Erza, a little less uncensored of course, but enough so that she got the point.

“Well, he hasn’t fired you yet. That means it’s still inside.” She pointed to the office and I gulped.

“But how am I going to get in there?” I growled lowly as the office ass-kisser, Chelia, skipped by with some files. God, if she could kiss Mr. Fullbuster’s ass any harder, she would’ve sold her soul for it.

“Dumb bitch. Flirt with the cleaning guys when they get here, they’re desperate enough.” She glanced down at her nails again.

“Erza, I’m not a pizza whore like you.” I retorted, referring to the time when both of us were low on cash and all it took was a boob flash to the pizza guy to get free food.

“Shut up. It’s letting a greasy guy cop a feel of getting fired, your choice.” Erza taunted, returning back to her desk.

I felt the urge to yell ‘bitch!’ after she left, but I was forced to make a plastic smile as Chelia walked by and I typed gibberish into my computer.

Stupid bitch.

Suddenly, my fake work was interrupted by the sound of a door being thrown open.

I could hear a sing-song pretend Erza in my head singing ‘uh oh, looks like somebody put more than one sugar in the boss’s coffee!’ but I waved her away and began typing the lyrics to my favorite song at the moment.

Gray Fullbuster charged past several desks, coming close to his old, trashed, office.

Shit.

Natsu, who worked at the desk across from mine, began quietly whispering a song from Les Miserables.

“Look down, look down, don’t look him in the eyes.”

I subtly covered my mouth with my hand to prevent an eruption of giggles. It was genuinely hard to work with Natsu.

Mr. Fullbuster then threw open his old office’s door and walked inside.

Aaaand all my nightmares have come true.

Erza stared at me with her laser vision, mentally jeering me to go and stop him.

Shitshitshit..what the hell do I do?

I felt myself shakily stand up, picking up a file of empty copy paper to create the façade that I knew what I was doing.

What the hell are you doing?” Natsu whisper-asked urgently.

Jumping into a volcano. What do you think I’m doing?!”

“Well, that would be more logical than whatever the hell you’re about to do! How much crystal meth did Erza give you!?”

I ignored him and shakily followed Gray into his office, like an idiot walking into my own bear trap.

“Juvia!!” Natsu’s worried cry did nothing to faze me. This was my last and final move to save my job.

Gray Fullbuster was standing in the center of his office, his hands buried in his pockets and facing the opposite direction.

Damn he was intimidating.

Well, here goes nothing. Well, everything, in my case.

“Excuse me…uh…sir?”

Fuck what the hell am I supposed to call him to his face? Boss? Mr.? Fullbusty? Ew, no…gross.

He didn’t turn to face me, probably thought his face was too precious to look upon my hideous one.

“Uh…” Think fast, dumbass! “Chelia has something important for you that she wants to ask you.”

Saved it!

His form shifted a bit, like he was sick and tired of Chelia’s shit. I didn’t blame him, we all were sick of it.

“Tell her I’m busy.” He said, a deep annoyance in the thick of his voice.

Whoa. That is one sexy-as-hell voice.

“She said it’s urgent…” I pressed, digging my toe into the coffee-stained carpet nervously.

He sighed, sweeping his raven hair to the side.

“Fine.”

Oooohhh my god yes! I did it! Wait…where’s my phone…?

Gray walked towards me, looking just as pissed off as he always was. Maybe if he didn’t have such a ‘someone just took a piss in my soup’ face 24/7 we wouldn’t go to drastic measures like trashing the hell out of his office.

“Excuse me,” he said softly.

Whoa. That wasn’t even sarcastic, or mean, or-

“Oh, so sorry.” I apologized, scooting to the side so that he could leave to go tend to Chelia’s fake needs.

The second he left, I flew into a frenzy, searching as fast as I could for my stupid phone.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” I whispered, raking my hand through the torn leather of Gray’s chair.

Where’s the phone, where’s the phone, where’s the-

“Juvia!”

I looked over to see who was calling me. Natsu waved his hands frantically, like he was trying to tell me that I was on fire.

Oh no.

Gray was coming back.

I composed myself as quickly as possible, tucking the blank paper file under my arm and trying to look like I was just leaving.

He brushed past me, looking flustered like Chelia had just tried to rape him. I really wouldn’t be surprised…

“What are you holding?”

Fuck. Oh fuck.

“Uh, the Ebinger files.” I lied.

“Ebinger files?” He asked suspiciously, like he’d never heard of it.

Well of course he’d never heard of it, I just fucking made it up.

“Yeah…the coworkers and I nickname the stock files so we don’t mix them up.” I added.

Fake it ‘till you make it.

“Hm.” He walked over to his desk and ran his hand across it, like he was inspecting the dust content.

“You’re dismissed.”

Ah yes. I’m ‘dismissed’ like a god damn maid.

I whirled around, a little bit pissed and still scared out of my ever loving mind because I had failed to find my phone.

My heel clipped the torn up carpet a bit and I stumbled before exiting the office.

Consequently spilling all those stupid fucking blank pages on the floor.

I fell to the ground, sweeping up the papers as quickly and unorganized as possible.

God dammit Juvia. Why the hell do you suck at everything? Does everything you touch turn to garbage?

Suddenly someone else’s hands were next to mine. Whoa, the king was doing peasant work?How nice.

Wait. No. Not nice. Not nice at all. He’s going to see that I totally-

“All these pages are…blank.” He stated, flipping one over like he was actually expecting to see stock info.

“Aaah…must have grabbed the wrong file…” I let out a nervous, fake, fake, laugh.

He stood up, walking behind me and shutting the office door so that we were alone.

Ah…shit.

The ultimate death sentence. He may as well have just tied a noose around my neck.

“You know, you’re not fooling anyone.”

Darn.

I stopped cleaning up the papers and looked up to galre at him. I mean, I was already dea, why not let my actual feelings show for once?

Unfortunately, when I looked up at him, my glare changed into fear.

Because he was dangling my stupid fucking cracked iphone four out like a piece of crappy Halloween candy.

“That’s…kind of a shitty phone.” I said. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s mine…

He clicked the home button and a hilarious selfie of Erza and I with a demon Natsu in the background appeared.

“Ah…” I squeaked.

And then, he laughed.

What the fuck.

Not like an evil laugh that a Disney antagonist would do after they murdered the forest animals or whatever, but a laugh like ‘haha you look like you about pissed yourself’.

Wait…wait, wait, wait…if he has my phone…why am I not fired?

“Are you done?!” I asked Gray angrily. If he was going to fire me, he should just get it over with.

“Huh. Never really expected it’d be you to trash this dump.” He observed, his voice and look…casual. Weird.

“Well what did you expect?” I snapped back.

I’m just making this worse for myself, aren’t I?

“Maybe something more impressive.” He admitted.

My jaw hit the floor. What the fuck was wrong with this dude?

“You…you’re not…” I stumbled to find what I even wanted to say to him.

“Relax. I ain’t gonna fire you. Yet.” He added slyly.

What the fuck is he talking about?

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Means whatever you want it to mean.” He said with a stupid smirk.

Oh…oh my god he’s blackmailing me.

“If you think I’m gonna waltz around and do your bidding, than you’re mistaken buddy.” I hissed.

“Don’t worry, I only got a few requests.” He tossed me my phone and stopped leaning on his ruined desk.

“Like what?” I asked as he walked past me to open up the office door.

“Keep wearing pencil skirts.” He said, flashing me a quick wink before leaving to his auxiliary office.

Yeah…life at the office was going to be very different from now on…

trust me I toned down gray’s creepiness a lot.

plus, school is cancelled so ill be here all day :)

this was requested by a very kind anon thank u anon

I dated a girl once who smiled like she knew every goddamned secret in the world and man if I didn’t want to lick them from her lips until I knew every last one. I wanted her to brand my body with the secrets of the world and leave lipstick tattoos on my heart. She walked like a whisper and my ears begged for hearing aids to hear the symphony that was her bare feet padding on the floor to my bed. She came to me like a dream and I made deals with the devil to keep dawn from coming because Lord forgive me, I needed every second the sandman offered her to me. Scientists speculate that a comet destroyed the dinosaurs and believe me when I tell you that same comet resides in the twinkle of her eye and I have no doubt that she could destroy my entire universe with one well-timed wink.
—  “Things I Wanted Him to Say” by Carly Ebinger
“I once dated a boy who told me that I could never be dainty, (as if that were something I was striving for) he said that I was too edgy for that (as if this were a bad thing.) I wonder if he knows that boys like him are the reason my mom bought me pepper-spray for graduation instead of the cute mini skirt I wanted. Boys like him are the reason my throat is coated with razor blades instead of honey. Boys like him are the reason my gender is the most insulting term in society today and also the reason I have to run the dark spaces between street lamps like young boys used to run across no mans land in WW1. Boys like that are the reason that there is always a scream building up in the back of my throat, the reason that I took self defense classes in the 7th grade instead of going to cotillion. Those boys think of bitch as the most derogatory term in their arsenal because apparently it is better to spread your legs than to spread your opinion - boys like that are the reason that being a bitch is worse than being a whore. When that boy told me I could never be dainty I let my sharp edges cut his supposed "insult” in half. Boys like him do not deserve girls like me. My lips have turned into razor blades and my tongue into a knife, my bite is much worse than my bark. I am not the weaker sex by any means: my body has the power to make boys like him lose their inhibitions entirely. I refuse to be dainty just because it is what boys expect of me. I have spent years sharpening my edges, preparing for battle. I am woman, hear me roar.“
—  the midnight writings of my best friend Carly Ebinger
In anatomy I learned that skin regenerates in approximately 27 days. That means that in 27 days you will never have touched me, and my body will have no evidence of your fingerprints. It’s like you were never there. Red blood cells take 6-8 weeks to fully regenerate and that means that someday soon you won’t be in my veins anymore. I have already donated blood to move the process along faster - I do feel a bit bad for the poor sap who will have pieces of what I used to call home in their system now. I chopped off my hair so that your phantom fingers will no longer run through it and your scent has no way to linger even after a shower, the way campfire smoke does. My body is already working to forget you. I hope that hurts.
—  Carly Ebinger