eating out with children

Undertale AUs as I see them
  • UnderTale: The Original. Not much to say.
  • UnderFell: Red and yellow and pointy all over. Also everyone is an edgelord. Except Flowey who's kind of a weenie for once.
  • UnderSwap: Papyrus is a pot-smoking carrot with a sweet tooth, Sans is a blueberry with a taco obsession, and Chara is Frisk. Happstablook is a sugarlump and no one can tell me otherwise.
  • SwapFell: UnderFell and UnderSwap had a baby. This is the result. This Undyne is my fave.
  • AlterTale: Skelebros and Goatfam switch places. Becuase Soriel. Tiny Tori is very fashionable.
  • UnderLust: Where everyone is a slut except for Mettaton because painfully tragic backstory. Papyton is very wholesome.
  • AfterTale[loverofpiggies]: Two Sanses one Void. Also feels and Chara is a dickface.
  • AfterTale[readaftertale]: The future is dog and pizza. Lots of breaks, but the wait is worth it.
  • UnderNovela: Telenovela. Such ole. Much bueno. Very Spanish.
  • HavenTale: Sugary pastel happiness. Everyone and everything is nice and sweet. Frisk is terrified. Everyone is happy.
  • OuterTale: Space. Blue and gold. idk
  • HorrorTale: Tim Burton eat your heart out. But save a piece for Steven King...
  • GroupTale: Seven children fall. That's literally it.
  • PTA AU: Post Pacifist. Sans is a salty PTA mom. Your lemon squares are shit Linda.
  • UnderSail: Ahoy mateys.
Beauty Behind Madness

Request: “HMYGOSH since I am a Pennywise trash (yeah, sorry, I’m a weird human being) I LOVE YOUR PENNY IMAGINES SO, SO, SO MUCH! Could you write something like… The reader is really unstable, she doesn’t want to exist anymore in this town, she wants to watch Derry burn, although she’s weak. Suddenly she stumbles upon Pennywise. After a pep talk she clearly sees that It understands her. I don’t know… like… fluff… (I know normally you watch out for a creepy clowns, but… LeT’s Be ClEaR hErE)”

Pairing: Pennywise x Reader

A/N: This is kind of lengthy but hopefully you all still love it

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, abusive alcoholic father and suicide attempt

Originally posted by nimrodcustard

Originally posted by 6luh

The bell rung, the school day had finally come to an end and boy were you happy. Let’s just say you were pretty popular at school, every girl wanted to be you and every guy wanted to have you. You finished putting your homework and books in your backpack when your group of four friends approached you.

“Hey Y/N you coming to the party later?” Your friend asked.

“Yeah but if anything changes I’ll let you all know.” You replied with a smile.

“Okay we’ll see you later!” Another friend said happily.

“Bye Y/N.” They all waved.

“Bye girls.” You said waving at your four friends before exiting the school.

You had only made it down the block when you noticed Henry Bowers and his group, “The Bowers Gang” messing with the Losers’ Club their rivals. You thought it was stupid. Why couldn’t Henry just leave them alone? They’re just kids for God sakes.

“Henry!” You shouted.

You caught his attention right away just like everybody else’s.

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Paul is so embarrassing with his fake tough guy routine. He acts like he could really take Cody in a fight. That psychopath looks like he eats small children for breakfast. He would rip Paul’s beard out, wrap it around his neck and stick it up his ass.

He’s not tough. He’s a rich, spoiled brat with rich parents, a ratty beard, and ugly tattoos.

Dudes..

Let me talk to you straight guys as a guy myself. Shut the fuck up and eat your girlfriend out. I don’t see what the goddamn problem is. Is your tongue detached? Is she not into it? Those are the only excuses I can think of, honestly. If you love her eat her pussy. If you don’t love her eat her pussy. “But I don’t like the taste!” Shut the fuck up. Vaginas aren’t supposed to taste good for you. Don’t be selfish. Your dick doesn’t “taste” good all the time either. “But it smells!” Shut the fuck up. Your balls don’t fucking smell like vanilla, asshole.
EAT. YOUR. GIRLFRIEND. OUT.
Be a fucking man for once in your life. Earn that ball hair. Make eating your girl out an art form. Be the picasso of that pussy. AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EXPECT ORAL AND DON’T GIVE ORAL YOU’LL FIND MY HAND SO FAR UP YOUR ASS I CAN USE YOU AS A GODDAMN SOCK PUPPET AND ENTERTAIN CHILDREN WITH YOUR SELFISHNESS.

me as a philosophy professor: while most people eat reese’s puffs as children, they usually stop eating them as adults out of their own misplaced beliefs about the world. this is called the Reese’s Puffs fallacy

Beauty & the Beast!AU

formerly known as @viktor-nkfrv.

Starring Viktor as the Prince
Yuuri as Belle
Yuri as the Clock
Chris as the Candlestick
and other characters as the other household objects. And maybe JJ as Gaston.


There was once a vain prince named Viktor who loved anything beautiful. He especially loved the winter, for everything was pure and white and cold and beautiful.

Viktor’s vanity slowly took up the space in his heart, until kindness and compassion no longer had a place there.

Read more under the cut.

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Way too many shippy prompts...

Mostly doing this so I don’t lose this list but It’s made up of prompts I saw floating around and any other random I had. I don’t know if I’ll draw all of these but hey-ho, It’s nice to have a list in case I get stuck aaa..

Tbh this is mostly for my Undertale oc x canon ships but if anyone wants to use the list for some ideas that’s cool too ^^ I’ll add more if I think of anything probably…

  1. First meeting
  2. A selfie
  3. Sharing a milkshake
  4. Mornings
  5. Picnicking
  6. Baking together
  7. Ice skating
  8. Wedding day
  9. Building furniture
  10. Under an umbrella
  11. Snapchat filter
  12. Ballroom dancing
  13. Lazy morning
  14. Prince(ss) and Knight
  15. Movie night
  16. Clothes swap
  17. First kiss
  18. Something sad
  19. Gaming
  20. Pocky game
  21. Fight/argument
  22. Making up
  23. Waterfight
  24. Playing twister
  25. Something NSFW
  26. Stargazing
  27. Ugly sweaters
  28. Romantic movie kiss
  29. Death
  30. Karaoke night
  31. Shopping
  32. Making out
  33. Eating icecream
  34. Birthdays
  35. Spooning
  36. Pet names
  37. With children
  38. Buying flowers for each other
  39. Moving in together
  40. Competing
  41. Chores
  42. Pillow talk
  43. As children
  44. One a date
  45. Dancing in the kitchen
  46. Formal wear
  47. Painting
  48. Gentle kissing
  49. Holding hands
  50. Fears
  51. Swimming
  52. At the beach
  53. With family
  54. As humans/Monsters
  55. Getting lost
  56. Bandaids
  57. Hospital visit
  58. Petting zoo/ Aquarium
  59. Comfort
  60. Fell AU
  61. Swap AU
  62. Mafia AU
  63. Getting a cat
  64. Hot tub
  65. Disneyland trip
  66. First move
  67. Love poem/letter
  68. Serenade
  69. Dance AU
  70. Western AU
  71. Apocalypse AU
  72. King Pap ending
  73. superhero/villain AU
  74. Fireworks
  75. Christmas
  76. Halloween
  77. Easter
  78. Winter
  79. Summer
  80. Autumn
  81. Spring
  82. Baby
  83. Drunk
  84. Public transportation
  85. At the park
  86. Sickness
  87. Art class
  88. Snowball fight
  89. At the carnival
  90. Forehead touch
  91. Eskimo kiss
  92. Forehead kiss
  93. Sleeping
  94. Proposal
  95. Hair dressing
  96. Pizza
  97. Make-up
  98. Healing a bird
  99. Book shop
  100. Art museum
  101. Harry potter AU
  102. Pirate AU
  103. Mermaid AU
  104. Baseball
  105. Live concert
  106. Piggybacks
  107. Reaching for stuff
  108. Group photo
  109. Driving
  110. Visits at work
  111. Boating
  112. Mistletoe
  113. Babysitting
  114. Gem AU
  115. Space AU
  116. Gardening
  117. Skiing/snowboarding
  118. Traveling
  119. Coffee shop
  120. Watching sunset
  121. Rollerskating
  122. Drive-thru movie
  123. Hand kiss
  124. Shoulder kiss
  125. Insecurity
  126. Lunch date
  127. Arcade
  128. Home movie
  129. Clothes shopping
  130. Exercise
  131. Pillow fight
  132. Paintball
  133. Pottery painting
  134. double/triple date
  135. Rock climbing
  136. Making out in closet
  137. Showering
  138. Species swap
  139. Calming each other
  140. Protective
  141. Flower field
  142. House warming party
  143. Musical instrument
  144. Scuba diving
  145. Joking
  146. Mario kart
  147. drinking/eating something they shouldn’t
  148. Building a fort
  149. Long distance
  150. Enjoying nature
  151. Camping
  152. Fire
  153. Comfy
  154. Photographs
  155. Surprise gifts
  156. Breakfast
  157. Flirting
  158. Onesie
  159. Anime night
  160. Music
  161. Ferris wheel
  162. Ufo
  163. Desserts
  164. Bubble baths
  165. Haunted house
Meddling Kids - Derek Hale x Reader

Request:  “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids”, “She’s hiding behind the sofa” and “The kids, they ambushed me” with Derek Hale.

Pairing: Derek Hale x Female Reader 

Derek Hale Masterlist

Originally posted by iminlovewithderekhale

Derek stood in Stiles’ hallway, a little bit lost as people he barely recognised greeted him like an old friend. He was starting to regret coming, the loud chatter combined with the strong smell of various different perfumes and aftershaves was already giving him a headache. Stiles spotted him, smiling widely as he sauntered towards him.

“Dude, you don’t have to look so scared” He clapped Derek on the shoulder and ignore the werewolf’s glare. “It’s only a barbeque”

Derek rolled his eyes, shoving the flowers he’d bought for Lydia into Stiles’ arms before elbowing past him. Stiles only laughed before following him into the kitchen. He smiled at the flowers Derek had bought his wife, he was definitely going soft. Pressing a kiss to Lydia’s cheek and handing her the flowers, he got Derek a beer from the fridge that was practically overflowing with food. He smirked when Derek took a long swig.

When his son toddled into the room, Stiles scooped him into his arms before handing the 18-month-old to Derek. The older man shook his head until Stiles shoved the child into his arms. If he hadn’t been holding Adam, Derek would’ve growled.

“The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.” Stiles wiggled his eyebrows playfully while Lydia smacked his arm. “Maybe there’s a certain lady here today you could finally ask on a date”

As if on cue, (y/n) walked into the kitchen, setting down a tray full of empty glasses before turning to greet everyone. Her eyes widen when she noticed Derek, she tried to fight off a blush as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. She cursed whoever had given him Adam, he was far too attractive with a baby in his arms and it caused images of what could be if they ever built up the courage to be together to swirl behind her eyes.

“Hi” Her voice was soft as she got lost in his eyes. Derek found himself doing the same thing, not realising he hadn’t spoken until Stiles started to snicker.

“Hi, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages” I miss you. He has to clamp his mouth shut before he embarrassed himself.

They fell into conversation while Derek tried desperately to ignore the ‘supportive’ gestures and smiles Stiles was offering him behind (y/n)’s back. He was attempting to focus on the woman in front him when Adam started to squirm in his arms. (Y/n) cooed softly before gently taking the little boy from Derek. She swayed on her feet while ticking his stomach and smiling down at him. His heart started to beat itself into a frenzy as he smiled at her. Someone called her name, prompting her to leave the room. Without realising what he was doing, Derek’s eyes trailed after her.

“Stop looking at her like you want her to have your babies, you haven’t even been on a date” A snarl escaped his mouth, making Stiles jump away from the werewolf. He recovered quickly, winking at Derek as he picked up a tray of appetisers and made his way into the garden. Lydia turned to him with a sympathetic smile, silently apologising for Stiles’ antics.

“Tell her” His eyes squeezed shut as he took another swig from his beer. He wanted to, god did he want to but he didn’t know how. It wasn’t like he could walk up to her and say that he loved her after years of brooding and longing glances.

“I will” Even as he spoke, he doubted himself.

“She won’t wait forever Derek” Lydia offered him a kind smile before squeezing his arm and leaving to speak to her guests.

Keep reading

Wheatgrass and Froot Loops

by WhoNatural (AO3)

Pairing: Derek Hale x Stiles Stilinski

Oneshot

Word count: 6.8k

Rating: Mature

Summary: “You’re falling for him,” she says, and it’s not a question. Stiles looks up, blinks, and shakes his head.

“No,” he lies. “We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay? Why upset the arrangement?”

Read Here!

Originally posted by fiftyshadesbabyyeahh

I watched Hocus Pocus last weekend and how come no one ever talks about the fact that the sisters are all played by Semetic actresses. A demographic that’s been associated with that stigma for hundreds of years

They thought Christianity was evil and they “died” via incineration

“Alright, here’s your fortune: you’re going to live a happy life filled with a loving and caring family.”
“…I have already acquired that.”
“Aw, Cas, you sap.”

bonus:

Shit I’ve said while playing various video games

“Come hither, you fuck.”

“I’m completely ignoring my duties so I can date this cute boy/girl/_____.”

“Oh look at me I’m adorable, I’m gonna kill a _____!”

“I’m so fucking proud of myself……I’m trash.”

“Awwww look at that! S/he/it loves me! You can tell by how its jaw is unhinged over my face and the fact that it’s drooling on me~!!”

“No. Nope. Nah. No thank you–I SAID NO. No no no no nononnono—”

“S/he’s the best bug/_____ ever, oh oh and also? Fuck you s/he’s mine.”

“It’s too late to propose to me now! Don’t even think about it doing right here there’s a goddamn corpse in this room!”

“Honestly if he were my butler/lord/______ I’d have a very hard time being a proper lady.”

“People die in basements. I am not going down there.”

“He called me a lady. ….No one has ever called me that before.”

“YES! Give me the high quality meat! Yessss throw it at my face.”

“It’s going to kill me I just know it is.”

“At least _____ is nice to me.”

“Back it up there friend—I SAID BACK IT UP THERE BUDDY.”

“He’s the nicest bug/person/_____ here and he didn’t call me little. I’m going to marry him.”

“My reward should be that you touch my fucking face. That’s what I want.”

“He’d better be an old man, I swear to god.”

“I just want to see _____ again, is that so much to ask?”

“We need to get the fuck out of here, I think it eats children.”

“I’m not afraid of you, I have a _____! Oh..oh wait I forgot to bring it shit.”

“Pat me on the head and tell me I did gooooooooodddddddd.”

“JUMP YOU WHITE BITCH.”

“I’m too full of sin to die here.”

“I may be small and cute but that doesn’t mean I can’t rip your spinal cord out of your ankle.”

“Please be sensible.”

“I feel like I messed that up but at least I tried.”

“If you even think about touching my garden I’m going to stuff your corpse into the scarecrow outside.”

“The beacon in this hellhole is that fact that you’re waiting for me…and this shotgun. Mostly this shotgun.”

“The treasure at the end of this quest? Me.”

“I’m the smallest one here, that means you have to throw me at the _____.”

“Does that mean I’m pretty?”

“Not today bitch, not today not tooooddaaaayyyyyy~”

“You aren’t worth it, I’m sorry. You’re not worth getting my face impaled repeatedly on death spikes.”

“I haven’t told _____ that I want to touch his/her’s face with my mouth yet I CAN’T DIE.”

“After I hit the ground I’m going to slap you. Even if I die I’m going to slap you.”

“GRUB DONGERS!”

“It’s okay. I’ve passed through this room hundreds of times and I never saw a person/monster/______ so it’s saf–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH OH MY GOD WHY WHY FUCK WHY?!?!”

“YES my favorite is here!!!!”

“The sheer amount of joy I’ll get from rubbing your face in this is going to be enormous.”

“God fucking damn it _____ you’re so lucky that I want your goddamn ______.”

“I’m covered in dirt, bird shit, leaves, blood and the corpse of _____ but at least I’m here.”

“It’s so beautiful…so horrifyingly beautiful I almost forgot that it wants to ram me on that meat hook over there. Almost.”

“I’m balls-deep in cold, hard cash.”

anonymous asked:

More of that time travel fic you wrote for basama plsssssssssssssssssss... please???

continuation of this

naruto is ready to tell sasuke that the ghost of one of his deceased relatives is haunting them, looking for its mother, when sakura elbows him in the stomach to shut him up. the little girl stands at sasuke’s feet and reaches up, asking him to pick her up. he assesses her briefly before bending forward and complying.

“what just happened?” naruto whispers to her.

“i have no idea,” sakura replies. she smiles at the little girl – this strange child that, honestly, could very well be a ghost like naruto insists – and the girl smiles back.

“i love you, mama,” she declares, reaching out for sakura. she squirms wildly until she’s mostly leaping out of sasuke’s embrace, forcing sakura to catch her.

“she thinks you’re her mother,” naruto says. he walks around sakura to stand in the hall with sasuke. he doesn’t even looked ashamed as he slowly backs away, tugging sasuke along with him. “sakura-chan, i know you’d want us to survive without being cursed or made into ghosts as well, so–”

“naruto, you ass!”

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“I always want to bring my characters to life. Even if the character is a villain. Villains who laugh loudly and eat children are out of date. Villains today are more intriguing and often reflect the heroes. That’s why heroes struggle and try to get away from the energy villains have. It means villains also have to be convincing. That is the villains today, and the world today, I think.”

- Mads Mikkelsen 

[http://fatal.fem.jp/towa/?p=285]