eating me inside

anonymous asked:

No story on here is as scary as the abuse I face everyday from my partner and I have nobody to talk to its eating me up inside:"""(I'm sorry for venting I just love yiur blog it's an escape from the horrible times:""(

I know it’s hard and I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. Me, my blog, and my followers are always here for you. 

Please message me on my personal blog, @sixpenceeeblog for support. I’ll reblog any helpful comments or resources from my followers. Be safe. Love is with you.

Prompt #58

Yoongi is the popular and cool captain of the school’s basketball team but becomes clumsy and awkward when within 10m radius of smol resident cutie slash best dancer in the school Jimin

I never listened to Linkin Park when I was a teenager.

I know everyone talks about going through their “edgy phase” as a teen and then growing up and “cringing” at those interests, but that wasn’t my experience. When I was a teen, I was in a “pretentious” phase. Classic rock and independent films and the “great works” of literature, and acting like they made me better than everyone else. Hanging around with people who were snobs and who would sneer at anyone who was actively interested in anything that was too lowbrow, and desperately trying to please them. Hiding emotions because all my friends kept everything behind at least three layers of ironic detachment and performative sarcasm.

And you know what? It never improved my life. Being like that only made me unhappy and made me feel ashamed of the things I liked in secret. Made me afraid to show my emotions so I bottled them up and let them eat me away from the inside out. It took me years to realize how damaging that way of thinking was. I’m still trying to put the pieces of my identity back together, trying to find all the parts of myself that I had buried deep underground to protect them from ridicule and rejection. But I know now that I hate snobs, I hate cringe culture, I hate judgemental assholes who sneer at people because their interests are easy to mock.

I didn’t start listening to Linkin Park until I was 20.

Someone who was very important to me mentioned that they were into it. At first, I laughed, just as a reflex, but then I listened. I listened to the music and I heard people putting a voice to pain that I felt, saying things about me that I was struggling to say about myself. They played the album “Reanimation,” a more obscure album where Linkin Park collaborated with a bunch of underground hip hop artists to remix their original songs. I convinced myself that was why I liked them. This was different. This wasn’t just Linkin Park, this was “true artists” taking what Linkin Park made and turning it into “true art.” We listened to the album over and over and I fell in love twice, with a person and with the music they shared with me.

It wasn’t until I was 22 that I let myself dive deeper into their music. The person who had introduced me to their music had cut ties with me. I told myself that I was only listening to the album out of nostalgia, and a desire feel what I felt with them before. But that wasn’t true, I wanted more. So I let myself listen to the rest of their music. And when I did, I found a depth of emotion and passion that I never realized was there.

When I first heard “Breaking the Habit,” I cried. And that never happens. But the lyrics spoke to me that much, it seemed to describe exactly what I was dealing with at the time. And as I listened to more and more of their music i found more and more pieces of me that I had lost. Feelings I was scared to feel. Thoughts that I was afraid of. Ashamed of. I let myself acknowledge them for the first time in years and I started to delve deeper into what this band was really about.

You know the song “Crawling?” Yeah, the “teen angst” song that everyone likes to make fun of for being so “edgy” and “cringeworthy?” Did you know that song was about Chester Bennington’s struggle with getting into alcohol and drug addiction at a very young age? Yeah, it’s not about “being angsty and your parents not understanding” or whatever shit you all like to claim it’s about. It’s about actual something that millions of people really struggle with. And honestly, if you ever listened to the lyrics, it’s hard to misinterpret it as being about “angst.” It’s a powerful song, and it’s a good song, regardless of how many Naruto AMVs it was used in.

People have been mocking Linkin Park for years. People have been shaming them for continuing to make these “cringeworthy” songs where they bare their emotions- ugly emotions, emotions that are hard to deal with from any angle and even harder to admit openly. And yet? they’ve never stopped. Over 15 years since Hybrid Theory first came out and they’ve never stopped releasing music which is sincere, which is passionate, which exposes the raw emotions that so many people deal with but are afraid to acknowledge out of fear of judgement. They’ve given hope to so many people just by saying “Hey, you’re not alone. We struggle with these things too, and so do the people around you who listen to us. Reach out to them, you don’t have to be ashamed.”

And they never stopped growing and changing, either. Almost every single album they’ve released has experimented with their sound, trying out bits and pieces of different genres and seeing how they might be better at delivering the message they want to send. And while I haven’t always appreciated the results, I’ve always appreciated the experimentation.

I’m getting off track but the point is, Linkin Park means a lot to me. Their music is important, and I’m not going to be ashamed of that fact. And the world has undeniably lost someone important today. Chester Bennington, a person who went through so musch trauma, who struggled with drug addiction and alcohol addiction since he was a child, who was sexually abused as a child, who was bullied and beaten as a child, who grew up with so much pain and damaged mental health because of that, and who tried so hard to turn that pain into something positive, something that would help other people, is gone. He couldn’t make it, and that breaks my heart. And honestly? It scares me.

But I’m not going to let that destroy the message that his music sent. Chester Bennington always had hope. Even to the end, he was writing music telling people that they mattered, and urging them not to give up. Even if he couldn’t take his own advice, I know he still meant it. And that he was saying it because he needed to hear it just as much as we did. That message will live on past him.

“Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do.”

3

so like… when u dn play tkrb for a long while and u think about how your swords are waiting for u to log in and greet em and just 😭
ignore all the terrible lineart and colouring lmao i just wanted to get this off my chest CUZ I MISS MITSUBOU CAN SOMEONE DRAW ME SOME MITSUNS

also advanced apologies for my shitty handwriting ;;

2

The more room you give yourself to express your true thoughts and feelings, the more room there is for your wisdom to emerge. - Marianne Williamson ✨

I’ve been having so many issues with expressing my true feelings and it’s been eating me up inside. My mood would change and even affect other people. I hate it so much. My past has made me this way. I was always around people who would tell me I’m too emotional and didn’t care about my feelings at all. I’m learning to understand that now I’m finally friends with people who actually are sensitive to my emotions and care about how I feel. Im learning to express how I feel instead of bottling up inside because I never want to hurt the people who actually care about me. Everyday is a new step. Just believe in yourself and everything will be fine. I promise ❤

Photo by: @nikkrich

anonymous asked:

nnooooooo ooooOOOONNNEEE VOres LiKE gaSTOn SwaLLowS wHOrES LIKe GAStoN nO One EaTS aLL thE EGgs iN ThE sTORE liKE gASToN

So.

First of all I’m very glad to have received this, BUT. I’ve gotta reveal something embarrassing about myself that this ask has unearthed.

I’ve been pronouncing “vore” wrong.

In my head. Because I never have spoken the word out loud so no one has corrected me. But still.

I’ve been saying it like…. Vor-RAY. Voré. Like a fancy shampoo.

Fml.

Theresa ‘strong and stable’ May: “People talk about the sort of Brexit that there is going to be - is it hard, soft, is it grey, white - actually, we want a red white and blue Brexit. That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.” 

John Oliver and every rational person left on Earth: “But what does that mean? You’re heading into a negotiation that will set the course for Britain for generations, and you’re naming colours on the fucking flag? Forget running through fields of wheat - that must be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said. And actually, you know what - I apologize to that guy from before - I said there was literally no worse way to discuss this than with cheese, but I was not counting on Thatcher in the Rye here answering a policy question with a fucking colour scheme.”

◆ ——— SAW SENTENCE STARTERS.

’ I want to play a game. ’
’ My name is Very Fucking Confused; what’s your name? ’
’ Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not you, not any more… ’
’ I’m having a blast! This is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant! ’
’ I want you to make a choice. ’
’ Listen carefully, if you will. There are rules. ’
’ What’s the last thing you remember? ’
’ I went to bed in my shithole apartment, and I woke up in an actual shithole. ’
’ I’m sick from the disease eating away at me inside… ’
’ I’m sick of people who don’t appreciate their blessings… ’
’ I’m a kill you, you sick asshole! ’
’ Congratulations. You are still alive. ’
’ Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. ’
’ You don’t know me, but I know you. ’
’ Live or die, make your choice. ’
’ You’re probably wondering where you are. ’
’ Now I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic. ’
’ At least we’ll have the cover of darkness. ’
’ Help! Someone help me! Is someone there? ’
’ Hey! Oh shit, I’m probably dead. ’
’ Who said anything about a warrant? ’
’ If you are so sick then why do I have so many photos of you up and about? ’
’ How much blood will you shed to stay alive? ’
’ I’ll leave you in this room to rot. ’
’ I know it’s you, you son of a bitch! ’
’ My camera, it doesn’t know how to lie. ’
’ You tell anyone you were here? ’
’ Stop the lies! You’re a liar! I need to know the truth! ’
’ You don’t recall getting your picture taken in that parking lot? ’
’ How can you go through life pretending that you’re happy? ’
’ Does that mean you saw what happened to me? ’
’ Oh for fuck’s sake! I give up! ’
’ You think it is over, but the games have just begun. ’
’ You feel you now have control, don’t you? ’
’ I don’t have a fucking soul… ’
’ Will you learn how to let go and truly save them? ’
’ What you can’t do, is save everyone. ’
’ I promise that my work will continue. ’
’ If you can’t do it for me, do it for yourself. ’
’ I do, but addiction has ruined your life. ’
’ I’m bleeding man. Please just let me go. ’
’ Killing is distasteful… to me. ’
’ How did you walk out of that building? ’
’ So unless you’ve got something else to say… back the fuck off. ’
’ Playing with matches again? ’
’ I want to know if you have what it takes to survive. ’
’ They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery… ’
’ We killed eight people and stole a property and nobody cared. ’
’ Why? Was it for money? This was your plan? ’
’ You’re a monster! ’
’ Fix me, you motherfucker! ’
’ Why don’t you fucking tell me something that I don’t know, you stupid cunt?! ’
’ For three years I wanted to kill you. ’
’ I’m never gonna be able to forgive myself for what happened. ’
’ You may not remember me, but I most certainly remember you. ’
’ There’s no preventative treatment for what you have. ’
’ Please don’t do this to me. I have a family. ’
’ You’re asking me to do the impossible. ’
’ I’m sorry, but your own actions have caused this. ’
’ What?! What am I supposed to learn from this?! ’
’ This is the piece taken from the latest victim. ’
’ How many next times are there gonna be? ’
’ Get used to me, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere. ’
’ When the time’s right, you’ll know what to do with it. ’
’ That rolled off your tongue real smooth. ’
’ Wait! What the fuck are you doing?! ’
’ Please don’t let me die! Please don’t! ’
’ Oh, well that’s it, isn’t it?! It’s over! ’
’ Look at me! When you’re killing me, you look at me! ’
’ I never saw any indication of psychotic behavior. ’
’ You can never really tell what someone’s thinking on the inside. ’
’ Well, there’s a problem with that, though. ’
’ Go on, fucking pussy! Go! Go! Go! ’
’ Maybe addiction’s just part of human nature. ’
’ Remember, don’t trust the one who saves you. ’
’ You want a chance? I’ll give you a chance. ’
’ What do you mean you don’t know about this? ’
’ You didn’t cut your own arm off? ’
’ What condition? There is no condition. ’
’ I didn’t have it penciled in on my schedule. ’
’ It’s not the first time some psychopath called me out. ’
’ That’s a problem you’re gonna have to solve before it’s too late. ’
’ How do you just wake up in a room and have no idea where you are? ’
’ I guess you’ve never been drunk before. ’
’ I spent three years at college drunk. ’
’ You asked me what I wanted and I told you. ’
’ You seem to know a whole lot about me. ’
’ I feel a whole lot of things right now. ’
’ The only dooryou know how to open… is between your legs! ’
’ Why don’t you shut the hell up?! ’
’ That’s your luck, bending on over in prison, you little dickhead! ’
’ If you’re gonna threaten me with a knife, you might as well cut me a little. ’
’ You savor everything, be it a glass of water or a walk in the park. ’
’ It’s the tool, thats going to save your soul. ’
’ I didn’t do anything to you! ’
’ Don’t open the door! ’
’ You have to save yourself. ’
’ Do you wanna play a game? ’
’ That’s exactly it, you didn’t do anything. ’
’ You identify more with a cold corpse than you do with a living human. ’
’ You should know better than anyone, what happens then. ’
’ I go for the neck, but I’m not the brain surgeon. ’
’ Now you better start fucking paying attention. ’
’ Suffering? You haven’t seen anything yet. ’
’ Yeah, that’s right. I’m a murderer. ’
’ So, do you have everything you need? ’
’ You’d be surprised what tools can save a life. ’
’ Then help me! Fix me! Fix me motherfucker! I’m standing right here! ’
’ You have to play by the fucking rules! ’
’ The human body is a miraculous creation. ’
’ Game over. ’
Something Different | Jeff Atkins x Reader

Originally posted by sadiaxxstylesxxstiles


Warning: smut

Requested

A/N: Dear Readers, I apologize for any delays of my writing- since I am moving houses it is quite difficult to focus on any stories at the moment, your patience is kindly noted. Thank you. xx

- The Egyptian cotton sheets felt like heaven against my bare skin, another heavenly feeling were his hands caressing my thigh as he kissed me with passion and pure love.

He stood in front of me, bare back and bare chested- I couldn’t help but admire every inch of his skin in sight, all of his figure and flaws that were perfection to me, his lips parted as he stared down at my body and I gazed upon him hungrily as I undressed him with my eyes.

I took in every detail to his appearance; his roughed up hair, his beautiful blue eyes that might seem brown certain times, his plumped up lips, his sharp jawline and not to even mention his bulking biceps and muscular physique but what really caught my full attention were his shorts that hung loosely around his torso whilst revealing his V line and the surface to his intimate part were slightly visible; I could tell he wasn’t wearing boxers underneath his shorts.

“Are you going to sit there and gawk?” His voice deepening and he gained my attention as my eyes shifted from his crotch area to his eyes, those wonderful eyes. I bit my lip in response and I saw how his face turned from amused to lustful.

“You know what that does to me” he gestures over to my teeth gripping my bottom lip.

“I do.” I cockily responded and repeated my action once more.

“Cocky huh?” He raises an eyebrow.

I felt his huge hands wrap around my ankle and he pulled me closer to his body only to flip me around so that my bare ass were in full sight to him.

“I’m giving you one chance to apologize for being cocky” his tone sounding serious.

Instead I just giggled at the fact that he was trying to be dominant. I felt a sting on my backside as the palm of his hands were met with my skin causing a loud clap to echo through our bedroom.

“Apologize” he spoke through gritted teeth. “Sorry Mr. Atkins.”

I giggled in between those words, mostly because I felt a little awkward. “Now was that so hard?” He smirked and stood up once again but this time he walked away without another word.

So he’s really gonna play hard to get? I will not cave although he’s looking extremely hot. I must admit I am aroused by his sudden want to dominate but I will play the same game and see who wins.

“I will not touch you until you beg me to.” He whispered in a deep tone which caused chills to run up and down my spine.

“I have never seen this side of you before but I must let you know that you are the one who needs to beg for it” a smirk tugged on my lips as we made eye contact for what felt like forever.

I’ve attempted to seduce him but it seems that I’ve been failing; I tried to touch his sweet spots but only to find him pulling away instead of giving in, I’ve tried grinding up against him but failed to get him to react and I’ve also tried to strip for him but it only strived him to play hard to get even more.

At this point I was very aroused and not in the mood for games anymore and so I gave him what he wanted.

I am lost; he’s not playing fair.

“Please,” I whisper.

“Please what?” His expression seemed calm.

“Touch me.” My voice shaky.

“Where, baby?” He smirked He’s extremely close, his scent was intoxicating as I reached to grab his hand but he seemed to have taken a step back from me.

“No, no” he chides

“What?” My eyes wide and alarmed

“No” he spoke those words once more

“Not at all?” The sound of longing could not be repressed from my voice.

All I earned from him was a smile and a faint chuckle. I took a step toward him, and he steps back, holding up his hands in defense, but his smile lingered on his plump lips.

“Shall we have dinner” he spoke up.

“Sure” I rolled my eyes and I know he noticed for the way his jaw clenched and released.

He had decided to cook for tonight because I was in no mood to do so. I watched as his biceps flexed with the flip of our steaks being cooked, I admired the sweat glistening and sliding down his abs and making their way down to the waist band of his shorts while the sweat stains the fabric, I watched him with intensive care as he chopped up the veggies and watching how his hands were skilled with any utensils or any object. I bit my lip in frustration to his rejection to fuck.

“What’s for dessert after?” He asked whilst wiping away the bids of sweating gliding down his forehead and neck.

“Vanilla ice-cream.. like the way you are in bed” I muttered the last part under my breath and made it barely audible so I was the only one who could hear it but I was very wrong, seemed like he head my snide remark.

“Oh. Is that so?” He laughed a devilish laugh.

I have a feeling wrenching deep in the pit of my stomach that I will be paying for my comment later. We ate our dinner silently without a conversation, I was a bit upset with him but also I had nothing to say.

He broke our silence “Well?” He asks.

“Well what?” My lips parted to take slow breaths.

“Ready for dessert?” He smirked and I had an idea of what might happen.

“Indeed I am” I responded.

He took the carton of vanilla ice-cream and grabbed only one spoon as he gestured over to our shared bedroom. I made sure to grab the champagne as I followed behind him, my body bare, the only visible fabric held against my skin were my bra and laced underwear.

“What now?” I asked curious to know what he had planned in his vicious little mind.

I saw him lick his lips as he stepped closer toward me until his scent made its way into my nostrils, I loved his musty scent - was always a a turn on.

“Kiss me” I whisper

“Where?” He smiled

“You know where” I whimpered

“Where?”

I felt embarrassed to tell him the part I ached for him the most and all I could manage to do was point towards the apex of my thighs, and he had a wicked grin spread across his face.

“With pleasure” he smirked

I closed my eyes with absolute arousal as he kissed me and unleashed his talented tongue. I groaned and fist my hand into his smooth hair. He did not stop, I could feel his tongue circling around my clit, driving me completely insane. “Jeff, please,” I begged- I know I caved and I begged him.

The feeling was overwhelming as I stood up, I felt my legs giving up to the feeling that tied up into my stomach- I know I was close and I don’t think I would have the strength to cum whilst standing up.

“Please what?”

“Fuck me.” I panted.

As soon as those words left my mouth, I noticed how his pupils had dilated and the lust was prominent in his eyes- I knew what was about to come. He did not stop his sweet , exquisite torture. I moaned very loud, as usual.

“Jeff… . Please” I begged once more. He stood up and gazed upon me and his lips glistened with the evidence of my extreme arousal.

“Undress me” he spoke as he wiped away my arousal.

I dropped to my knees and kneeled before him as I undid the button of his shorts and pulled down his zipper in one quick motion, I couldn’t contain my eagerness as his shorts were sliding down his legs and he stepped out of them. I peeked up at him through my lashes and he was staring down at me. I grabbed his, now, free member and squeezed him tightly- pushing my hands up and down his shaft. He groans and tenses, and his breath hisses through gritted teeth. With care I brought my lips closer to his tip and gave it a soft kiss before letting him slide into my mouth and suck- hard. He tastes good.

“Mmm… Gently, baby.” He grabs a fistful of my hair, and I push him deeper into my mouth, pressing my lips together as much as I can, sheathing my teeth as sucking hard. I peeked once more and noticed his head tossed back in pleasure, his breathing became uneven and his lips parted.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

His godlike moan had an effect on me as I felt my arousal grow with every sound and profanities that escaped his lips. Soon enough my lips became to cramp up and so I stopped my actions and noticed how disappointed he seemed.

“Take off your bra,” he orders.

I sit up and do as I am told- I am enjoying his dominant side today. I was pushed onto the bed as he spread my legs and stood up to gaze down at me, I paid attention to his every move- he licked his lips once again as he took the carton of ice-cream and the spoon in the other hand as he scrapped up some of the frozen vanilla milk and scooped it up as he brought it between my thighs and spread the ice-cream on my clit. The coldness felt awkward against my crotch but I shrugged it off.

“Pain can sometimes inflict pleasure” he smirked Scooping more of the ice-cream as he made dollops on each side of my nipples, I tossed my head back in pleasure as I felt him lick dessert off my body and I couldn’t have felt more aroused in my entire life.

I brought the champagne up to my lips and gulped down a few as I watched him eat me. “I want you inside me” my voice shaky and cracking as I attempted to speak with the pleasure coursing throughout my body.

“Mmmm” he murmurs between eating me out.

He pulls away and hovers above me, my legs already spread. His eyes never left mine as he sinks inside me with a deliciously, yet torturing slow pace. I close my eyes, relishing the fullness. His pace was slow and yet he was slamming deep and rough inside me, my toes curled up in excitement that left me wanting more. I could feel every movement, I could feel his thickness and I could feel his every length as he buried himself inside of me. Instinctively tilting my pelvis to meet his, I groaned at the friction of him slamming against my clit, sending me to a whole other dimension. My fingers found their way to his silken unruly hair, and he moved slowly and roughly inside of me.

“God. . Faster, Jeff, faster.” I let out in between moans. He gazes down at me in triumph as if he was waiting for those words to leave my lips as he kisses me hard and then really starts to move- a punishing and relentless pace that drove me over the edge and closer to my orgasm. The constant attention to my sweet spot had caused my clit to become sensitive and so with every thrust of his skin meeting my clit had sent me to climax. He sets a pounding rhythm as my legs tenses beneath him.

“You want to cum baby?” He gasps My response were heavy and loud moans that couldn’t stop escaping my mouth.

“Cum on my dick baby” His words are my undoing, and I explode, amazingly, mind-numbingly, and he follows as he called out my name.

“Oh fuck Y/N!”

He collapses on top of me, his head buried in my neck as our breathing had started to even itself.

Episode Prompto

i though it will be useful for all the writers in the ffxv community to have a written record of all the stuff that appear in Episode Prompto in chronological order ;) 

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