eaten by a grue

5

Serious nerd history lesson incoming.

The first Dungeons & Dragons videogame came out in 1982 for the Intellivision, but the burgeoning industry was already under the tabletop game’s influence. By 1980, two games represented a kind of fork in the philosophical road for computerized RPGs. Rogue focused on the dangers of dungeon crawling and complex rule sets that verged on the mystical – it was essentially a simulation of D&D mechanics where stories emerged from the action without narrative guidance. Down the other path lay Zork.

Zork was developed by students at MIT from 1977 to 1979. It was inspired by Will Crowther’s 1975 mainframe game Colossal Cave Adventure that, though it lacked monsters, was directly inspired by Dungeons & Dragons sessions (which included Zork writer and Infocom founder Dave Lebling). Zork was definitely fantasy, though, with a vast underground empire to explore, treasures to find and monsters to fight (or be eaten by, if we’re talking about the darkness dwelling Grue).

Zork is an interactive fiction, that is, everything is presented as text. You direct your actions by typing them into the command line and a bit of code known as a text parser acts as a kind of dungeon master (Zork III’s subtitle actually is Dungeon Master, come to think of it), interpreting your commands and telling you their consequences. If the Dave Arneson school of D&D thought sought to have players inhabit the fantasy stories he read and loved, then Zork is perhaps the closest we’ve come to that Platonic ideal.

I love Zork. It is as old as I am, has no flashy graphics, and yet remains my favorite videogame of all time. It stoked my imagination as no other videogame has, but in ways similar to D&D. As a kid, peering at the green monochrome screen, trying (and mostly failing) to work out the devious puzzles. I didn’t make much of a distinction between Zork and Dungeons & Dragons. Even though they didn’t share a brand name, I knew they were both facets of a larger world.

Interactive fiction mostly died out in the late 80s, leaving the mechanical influence of D&D to dominate videogames until recent years, when technology has allowed complex narrative to remarry rules systems in something that approximates the experience of telling a story with friends around the gaming table. Sort of. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Nux: AU where Genji and Hanzo talk in nerdspeak and memes and puns as a secret code.

What if Genji said a meme once, so he went to look it up and got sucked in and now he’s stuck in meme hell. What if they played so much WoW as kids.

They do horrible Japanese number puns for everyone.

  • Look I just really really need one of them to call Lucio a spoony bard
  • Jesse says a joke and Hanzo just deadpans, “much laugh. very joke. so wow.”
  • Genji has a tumblr dedicated entirely to cats, ninja memes and shitposts.
  • But imagine, they’re still reconciling, being all normal, then suddenly over the comms Hanzo just says, “fire type on floor 32, 3 o'clock” and people are like, “…what” and Genji just cackles.
  • “Hanzo, Beaumont formation! It’s a Horrible Night For A Dragon!”
  • “S canon pickup.” “Everyone duck!” “What does–” scattershots rain down “–oh”
  • “I’ll take the ducks, you get that thrice damned dog!” “He wouldn’t laugh at you if you didn’t miss. Pull!” perfect shots gets the helicopters, Genji kills sniper
  • “How’re we gettin’ out of this one, then?” “….Genji, remember that one raid, the one where the tank ragequit?” “Brother. You cannot be serious.” “Have a better idea?” “Sigh. Very well, I will draw aggro.” “Fellas, whatcha–” “Leeeeeeroyyyyyyyy Jenkins!”
  • “Kek Jesse just cast magic missile at the darkness.” “Beware, cowboy, that you do not get Eaten By A Grue.”
  • Everyone turns to look at D.va. She gets about 60% of their references, which is still like 40% more than anyone else.
Why did they turn paying at PetSmart into a 20 minute “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure?”
  • Pet Perks? Enter your phone number.
  • Slide your card!
  • Credit or debit?
  • Enter Your Pin!
  • Like to contribute to a shelter?
  • How much?
  • Is 20.89 okay?
  • Put it all on the card?
  • E-mail receipt or printed receipt or both?
  • Take the stairway to the right or open the door on your left?
  • Are you sure?
  • It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. 
Bad Romance

What follows is a comparison of story decisions made in the original anime in the Nephrite arc with those made by Crystal in part of its Dark Kingdom arc. It will be critical of Crystal. If that’s not something you’re interested in reading, I completely respect that. Please scroll past this post. The tag I use for any less than positive discussion of Crystal (of which there is little since I stopped watching the show, but I’ll still bring it up when I feel I have something to say such as now) is #jet wolf versus crystal. Feel free to add that tag to your filters to block my content along these lines.


It’s been a while since I watched this arc, and when I did, it was really quite cursory, especially as compared to the detail level that would wind up being my default. So it’s interesting to see it now, turning it over and examining it, with some other context behind me. Nearly all the rest of the series, for one. Crystal for another.

As I watch this unfold, I keep finding myself drawing parallels between Naru’s reaction to Nephrite and Crystal Usagi’s reaction to Evil Mamoru. As I’ve said, I’ve not yet read the manga, so I don’t know how it plays out in that version. More importantly, I don’t know if that storyline would’ve even started yet in the manga to have had impact on the Naru/Nephrite storyline in the anime. It’s a chicken and the egg situation, I don’t know which came first. But I do think it’s extremely likely that one influenced the other.

I haven’t rewatched Episode 24 of the original anime so I can’t say yet if I think it will ultimately give the cautionary tale payoff that I’m wanting. Still, even through to Episode 23, I can say that it’s not afraid to at least be critical of the situation it’s portraying, perhaps feeling more freedom to do so given that one half of the characters involved is without question a villain rather than a brainwashed hero. Whatever the underlying reason(s), I think it’s at least interesting to consider the parallels between the two and how the narrative frames what are, essentially, the same ideas to create two very different supported viewpoints.

Keep reading

LJ Server Maintenance, the interactive game

You are in cluster 7.  It is pitch black.

>inventory

In your pockets is a box of matches and a 500 Internal Server Error.

>examine server error

You can’t see that.  It’s dark.

>examine matches

You can’t see that.  It’s dark.

>go to fail_fandomanon

It’s too dark to walk there.  You may be eaten by a grue.

>post to LiveJournal

Your post begins to move through the series of tubes, and then comes to a halt with a clunk.

>post to LiveJournal

Your post begins to move through the series of tubes, and then comes to a halt with a clunk.

>examine LiveJournal

You can’t see that.  It’s dark.

>light a match

In front of you is the series of tubes that allows you to post to LiveJournal.  Or, at least, it would, if there weren’t a goat chewing on the wires.  

>examine wires

They have been chewed by a goat.  

>examine tubes

They won’t work with the wires in this state.

>examine goat

Its eyes glow a demonic yellow.  

>repair wires

The goat waves its horns threateningly when you approach the wires.

>use matches on goat

Setting the goat on fire won’t help matters.

>examine server error

The server error is a picture of a goat.

>use server error on goat

The goat waves its horns threateningly at the picture.  But at least it’s distracted from the wires.

>repair wires

You don’t know how to repair the wires.  Maybe maintenance will fix it if you wait long enough.

>wait

Your match has burned out.  It is pitch black.  

>wait

You hear footsteps, followed by angry bleating, and a loud clunking in the series of tubes.  After a while, the clunking stops and the lights turn on.  Light!

>examine tubes

The series of tubes is now back in working order.

>examine goat

You don’t see any goat here.

>post to LiveJournal

Your post whizzes merrily away from you through the series of tubes.

>go to fail_fandomanon

You enter cluster 9.  It is pitch black.

>oh, not again

I don’t understand what you want to do.

>give up and go outside

You enter a big, blue room.  It seems a little familiar, as if you’ve been here before.  There is no series of tubes here.  You’re not entirely sure what to do without them.  But at least you won’t be eaten by a grue.

THE END … OR IS IT?

anonymous asked:

So how about them lapbars?

BOY HOWDY, LEMME TELL YA ABOUT LAP BARS

^^^LOOK AT THOSE THINGS THAT WILL KEEP YOU SAFE AND SECURE

LAP BARS ARE ONE OF MANKIND’S GREATEST INVENTIONS.  CREATED TO COVER HUMAN EVOLUTION’S GLARING ERROR OF THE LACK OF THE DUCT TAPE BUTT, LAP BARS HOLD PEOPLE IN (mostly) ONE PLACE WHILE IN THE COMPANY OF THEME PARK RIDE THINGYS.

Some rides don’t know about lap bars.  It’s okay, they just haven’t transcended yet.

^^^NOTE THE LACK OF LAP BARS.  YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE

THERE IS A VERY SOPHISTICATED AND TECHNICAL PROCESS WITH WHICH TO USE LAP BARS!  FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN POSSIBLE INJURY (and you might be eaten by a grue)

—steps to ensure safe lap bar performance—

STEP 1:  PLACE YOURSELF INSIDE THE RIDE VEHICLE, PRESSING YOUR NON-DUCT TAPE BUTT TO THE SEAT

STEP 2:  GRASP THE LAP BAR FIRMLY AND PULL IT DOWN to a comfortably safe distance.  Don’t hurt yourself in the name of safety!

STEP 3:  JIGGLE THE LAP BAR SLIGHTLY TO SHOW IT YOU APPRECIATE IT (and to make sure it’s secure)

———————————-STEP 4————————————–

THIS STEP IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART AND MUST BE PRACTICED WITH EXTREME CAUTION AND CARE.  FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN YOUR PARTY MEMBERS NEVER FORGETTING ABOUT IT.

STEP 4:  PULL UP ON THE LAP BAR WHEN PROMPTED BY A HIGHLY-TRAINED EMPLOYEE

———————-END OF THE HOLY STEP 4————————–

YOU ARE NOW STRAPPED IN AND ARE PREPARED TO ENJOY YOUR LAP BAR IN TANDEM WITH WHATEVER THEME PARK RIDE IT HAPPENS TO BE IN A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH.

Note: There are several spoilers for eons-old plot twists in this article. May anyone who does not realize and accept this be eaten by a grue.

4 Beloved Pop Culture Icons Hollywood Will Be Ruining Next

#4. Twin Peaks

Why It Should Never Return: Twin Peaks was always destined to be a short and beautiful thing. Its appeal lies in atmosphere and carefully balanced contradiction – the coziness of a beautiful, all-American small town contrasted with the sins hiding underneath the surface and the absolute evil that lurks at the edges. The fun came from peeling all those layers of wickedness and absurdity one by one, and it worked like a dream … as long as there were layers left. Once Laura Palmer’s killer was revealed midway through the second season, the final layer was gone, and the core turned out to be a mystical potluck of lodges, spheres, hirsute chaos spirits, and tiny, overdressed arm-deities.

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