eat-the-weeds

  • thin girl: all i do is eat pizza and smoke weed and play video games
  • everyone: god... she is The Dream Girl... so cute and Unique... shes not like the other girls who only eat salads, shes Real
  • fat girl: i like pizza too
  • everyone: wow... consider being healthy maybe? disgusting

Things to do instead of eating

Things to Do Instead Of Eating:
- read 50 pages of a book
- Binge watch a TV series or a new movie
- Organize even more
- Write down rewards for each goal weight
- Paint nails
- Shower
- Take a relaxing bath
-Shave
- Find a game to play
- Learn something new
-Plan your outfits
-Do homework
-Study
-Create a journal
-Exercise
-Walk around
-Paint
-Draw
-Lay in bed
-Play with a cat
-Plan your meals and when you can eat
-Shop online
-Look at thinspo
-Work on that fanfic
-Text someone
Give someone a phone call
-Work on calligraphy
-Plan ways to make money
-Make a collage
-Make punishments for eating
-Make a list
-Look at hairstyles
-Listen to music
-Watch YouTube
-Get into a new fandom
-Create a bucket list
-Create a new project
-Rewrite school notes
-Sign up for something new
-Find a new hobby
-Work on a hobby
-Work on your dream
-Look at your dream home
-Plan a trip
-Create a new music playlist
-Run somewhere
-Pet a dog
-Watch funny videos
-Go shopping
-Go to a friend’s house
-Plan a party
-Go on omegle
(If you have a s.o.) have sex
-Watch DIY videos and actually try it
-Throw away food DONT EAT IT
smoke weed
-Smoke cigarettes
-Drink coffee
-Drink green tea
-Make some memes
- Go somewhere you’ve never been. It could be a shop down the road or a different city, just avoid restaurants!
Redecorate your room
- Dye your hair
- Cut your hair
- Paint your room
- Put posters up
- Repaint your door
- Start saving up for something
- Paint your mailbox (if you own it)

8

Hobo Stove Pakoras with Backyard Foraged Dandelions

Our backyard has exploded with dandelions, and I’ve been keen to try out a camping recipe.

Hobo stove.

Upcycled from its previous life as a giant can of chickpeas, this simple device was also begging for a test drive.

Tinder. Twigs. Light.

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Dandeliiiiiiiions.

I plucked these golden nuggets straight from the yard and gave them a quick rinse. The moisture trapped in the petals hold the perfect amount to adhere the flour and spices - no need to add more. My take on the pakora mix consists of chickpea flour, coconut flour, fine cornmeal flour - a 3:1:1 ratio. For seasoning, add a pinch of garam masala, turmeric, salt, and chili powder.

Toss in bag. Coat.

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Fry.

Let the pakoras slide around the pan. Careful to turn and not burn. The hobo stove can pack a lot of heat. 

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Serve with a chutney or your favorite condiment. Can’t get more seasonal, local, homecooked, and energy-efficient than this!

BACKYARD FORAGED DANDELION PAKORA POPPERS….DONE~

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Everyone just read that in the voice of Gordon Ramsay from FWord right? Right…? Because otherwise I just wasted 30min of my life concocting this.

Surprising things about the houses

Ravenclaws: You think they read all the time and ace every class … but really they haven’t read a book in a while because they can’t find an interesting new one, and always procrastinate their work with Netflix and conspiracy theories. They’re not boring snobs, they’re perhaps the most interesting and least judgemental people you can find.

Hufflepuffs: You think they just sit around eating cookies, smoking weed and napping … but really they’re very proactive and get shit done. They work now, play later. Go ahead, ask them how much homework they’ve done this week. But don’t be too rude, because they may be patient but they could break you.

Slytherins: You think they’re quite arrogant and think everything is about them … but really they just want people to appreciate them. They take pride in what they do and will often do their best because otherwise what’s the point? They don’t want the world for themselves but they’ll give it to their loved ones.

Gryffindors: You think they’re just rude and loud and all about being the coolest or the toughest … but really they’re the kindest and sweetest and most generous. They will stand up for those in need and fight their corner, but being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.

6

Backyard Foraging: Chickweed

Who says you can’t farm in the winter? I just grew a crop of chickweed! Ok, for real tho - this was not intentional. I eat for chickweed from my backyard throughout the year to keep the population down. I don’t feel the need to exterminate this nutrition powerhouse with any “-cide”. This past winter, some seeds made under the garden box covering and exploded in growth. We can’t eat all of this, so instead, the weed honorably fulfilled its namesake as fodder for the flock. Coming out of the winter blues, the hens feasted like maniacs. They cleaned out the box and left the overwintered garlic bulbs unscathed. Commander Comet seems pleased by the efforts of her flock and I am delighted they saved me time from manual weeding and money on feed.

How much land do you really need to be self sufficient?

With a world food crisis, drought and civil unrest over escalating food prices, around the world, we all have concerns about food security and the ability to feed our own families.  An info-graphic is circulating the internet that tells us that we need a full 2 acres to be self sufficient in food on a omnivore diet, implying less land if one is vegan.  The problem with a graphic like this is that it discourages experimentation, and assumes a one-size-fits all family eating style.  It uses yield estimates taken from mono-cultural commercial agriculture and imposes them on the homestead.  This discourages people who want to attempt to be self sufficient and live a more sustainable life.  2 acres is a substantial investment in a highly productive agricultural belt or near an urban area. And this info-graphic assumes highly productive land — expensive land.

So is 2 acres a reasonable estimate?  That depends where you live and what you mean by “self-sufficiency”.  When Canada was being divided up in homesteading grids — it was assumed that on the Prairies an average family would need a section of land (over 1,000 acres) to be self-sufficient.  In those days, self-sufficient meant to survive to the next year, without grocery stores to fall back on.  In Ontario and B.C. the amount of land necessary to feed and cloth a family was considered a ¼ section — 160 acres.  That area provided water, food, energy, and a livelihood.  Along the St. Laurence and in the Maritimes the amount of land needed was less — due to the proximity of fishing and water.  The closer one is to fresh water, whether a stream or through rainfall, the less land that is necessary to sustain  a family.

Those in the North or at higher elevations need more land to be self-sufficient.  Its hard to grow food — other than livestock and hay — in a growing season that’s shortened by intermittent summer frost.  But it can be done.  Land in these areas is cheaper, too.  You will need 5 to 15 acres to be productive in a Northern area and you will have more land dedicated to raising livestock and hay and less land dedicated to vegetables and fruit.

How much land do you need?

So what’s a reasonable estimate for how much land you really need to sustain your family?

Skip the 2,000 square foot house.  Its unnecessary.  A smaller footprint that builds upward  is a better use of space, and is easier to heat and clean.  Solar panels?  Possibly if you are far enough south and have a good exposure.   Wind? Micro-hydro?  Methane?  Wood?  All are possibilities to explore for energy efficiency.  Each property has to be assessed individually.  There is no one-size-fits-all solution — except the grid.  Cut the house footprint in half.

Livestock?  Skip the pigs — they produce only meat and take up valuable space.  Skip the corn unless you live in the South, where your summer has the heat value to ripen corn easily.  The livestock doesn’t need it and its low on food value — 2 goats and 5 chickens can live on garden surplus, grass and weeds.  5 chickens will feed a family 2 dozen eggs a week in the peak laying season.  They don’t need their own dedicated space.  Put them in a movable chicken tractor and let them till the garden, eating bugs and weeds.  Move them every morning during the growing season and it will improve your soil quality, too.

Goats can be housed in a shed near the house, a lean to onto the house or even the back of the garage.  They only need a small bedding area and can be taken for walks in the hedgerows of your neighbourhood to feed on browse.  They can be given a loafing area or be tethered in different spots around the yard to help keep down weeds.  Protect them from stray dogs and predators and they will give you 8 to 10 years of the highest quality raw milk for drinking, cheese, yogourt and ice-cream.  They can be fed with garden waste.  Or share your field peas and produce with them, in exchange for their milk.  Their manure will increase the fertility of the garden space.  2 full size dairy goats will give your family a gallon of milk a day and 3 kids for 90 lbs. of meat every fall. Live in an urban area? Invest in Nigerian Dwarf goats and half the production rates, as well as the food inputs.

Instead of corn in cooler regions, grow potatoes.  They offer more calories and can be grown in more climates and take up less space.  You can follow a crop of potatoes with kale for a longer harvest season, even in a colder climate.

Don’t forget the orchard

Fruit and nut trees are a must. Nut trees take a while to mature but the increase in protein is beneficial to you, and your livestock — plant them if you have the space.  Dwarf fruit trees will grow on a 6 foot centre and can be trellised along a fence to increase yields per space. If space is at a premium, do consider trellising them — planting 6 feet apart in a one foot wide row.  One dwarf tree will yield 75 lbs. of fruit, once it is mature.  10 trees trellised along a fence with a Southern exposure, blossom sooner in spring and have an extended growing season, and will give you enough fruit for a family for jamming, canning and preserving.

Berries and small fruits take up little space and can offer high vitamins and antioxidants to your diet.  If wild roses and wild strawberries grow in your area than other berries will as well.

Sunflowers are an annual crop that provide an increase in protein for your diet, and can grow on the borders of the garden, taking up very little space.

Raised beds for vegetables

Vegetables, grown in raised beds or containers, give high yields and can be rotated for 3 season gardening — greens from spinach to lettuce to kale can rotate through the growing season to keep your plate full for daily salads and vegetables.  We grow all the greens we need in about 20 square feet this way.  Other vegetables, like cabbage, beans, carrots and beets, need a full growing season but can be inter-cropped with flowers and herbs to feed bees, and provide medicinal plants for the family first aid kit.  With raised bed gardening you could cut down the vegetable area square footage by ½ to 2/3rds   Add a greenhouse and train vines to grow up instead of out and you can increase the growing season and the yields in the available space.

Community is essential

This chart fails to take into account the sharing that inevitably happens between gardeners — zucchinis, squash, lettuces and other prolific growers provide a bountiful harvest that many families can share, at the peak of the growing season.

Rabbits?  Chickens? Ducks?

Put in some rabbit hutches – Each rabbit needs 2 feet by 3 ft. space.  You can give them a grass run and build rabbit condos that offer them a wonderful, natural lifestyle.   3 female french angora rabbits and 1 male will provide your family with a meal of rabbit meat once a week and enough angora to keep your family in mittens and hats for the winter.  They will eat your garden surplus, and grass hay.  In Europe, during WWII, families with back yard rabbits would make hay by harvesting the grass from vacant lots and roadsides all summer.  And they make affectionate pets, too.  Are we eating our pets? No, as a farmer you make pets out of the breeding animals and give the best possible life and respect to the young that end up on your plate.

You don’t need meat every day, but you do need high quality protein every day and this kind of gardening will give you that.

Consider planting field peas for increased protein.  Field peas increase the fertility of the soil and the crop is ready to harvest in August when the ground can be cleared and a second crop can be planted of either peas or a winter vegetables.  The straw from peas is relished by goats and rabbits.

Aquaponics

Consider the addition of an aquaponics greenhouse in the vegetable growing area.  This will yield fish fertilizer, vegetables, and fish for a well rounded diet for you and your garden — along with year round vegetables.  Add a methane digester and you can supply some of your own energy needs as well.  If you can grow meat and vegetables year round, you reduce your dependence on a freezer, which lowers your electrical needs.

My estimate is that in a highly productive area with adequate rainfall, the average family could raise all their food needs on 1 acre of land.  Many did just this during WWII with just a large city lot, by walking their goats and moving their chickens around the vegetable garden.  The key to making this work is to eat what you can grow in your climate — using heritage seeds that are adapted to your growing conditions. With more land — 5 acres — you can move from subsistence farming to commercial agriculture and begin to make some money from your productivity.

If you have more land, grow more food and expand your self sufficiency. But if you only have a balcony in a city apartment, grow where you are planted.  And start in a small way to be more sufficient now.  On the Joybilee Farm Facebook Page, I post periodic links to urban agricultural projects to inspire your urban efforts for self sufficiency.

One of my favorite resources for urban farm is the Urban Farm Guys. Their videos are practical step-by-step guidelines to help you harvest more food from a small amount of land. –joybileefarm.com

Man, maybe I was a bit too harsh on Markiplier for respecting Nazis. He’s been through so much, getting beat up by the LA gangs, getting caught in Category 6 hurricanes, eating twizzlers with weed poisoning, and on top of all that he has to bear the responsibility of being literally everyone in the future.


Stay safe Markimoo uwu

The Outsiders As Things My Friends Have Said

Ponyboy: *Points at copy of To Kill A Mockingbird* This is why I am such an intellectual, highly smart, very- *proceeds to fall off chair*

Sodapop: Sucks for all of you, I can’t go to college so I don’t have to pay student loans! Wait..

Darry: My brother never shuts up, I swear! He’s always doing something- OH MY GOD JONATHAN STOP THAT !!! (His brother tried to swing from the ceiling fan)

Steve: If I had a choice between shooting Hitler, and shooting Stalin, I’d still shoot myself in the head. 

Two Bit: Can I get high if I eat weed? I don’t like how smoking it makes me smell.

Johnny: We, as a society, must protect the superior race. The superior race is…kittens. 

Dallas: Honestly, everyone in this room has disappointed me in some way, and I’m disappointed to say that. 

Tim: *The room is virtually quiet while everyone is taking a test* I can’t concentrate with the amount of assholes in the room *proceeds glare at everyone and then walk out with his test*

Curly: *Shows everyone his jammed finger* I got this while fingering some super tight pussy !!!

Angela: You are a pig, you are trash, and you make me want to die. You mUST be 10 feet away from me at ALL times xx (: