eat you away

If you don't have BPD...

You have no idea what it’s like to PHYSICALLY feel your thoughts eating away at you. My head literally aches all the time because I have zero control over my thoughts or my mood swings.

It takes everything in me not to lash out at those I love. Those I know who would be better off without me in their lives, but my fear of abandonment has made me so selfish and I cannot bare the thought of them not being around, so my mask is always on. I can never fully be my true self. And it hurts, it hurts so much and I’m so fucking tired. I’m so tired of the extreme thinking. I’m tired of never being enough. I’m tired of being ecstatic one minute and suicidal the next. I’m tired of overthinking and overanalysing EVERYTHING. I’m tired of the unpredictability and impulsiveness that comes with this shitty disorder. I’m tired of not actually being vacant for pockets of time in my day.

I hate being so dependent and I hate that I know I am? I hate that I’m incredibly self aware and I can see what my illness does to those around me.
I hate being a burden.

I did not ask for this. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. And I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I am in chronic pain. The nightmare is constant and it’s never ending.

artrmeblog  asked:

How would you imagine each daddy acting when they are extremely jealous?

i live for this. i love putting characters through angst guESS IM evil ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   -dad alex

Robert- He has a habit of falling in love too easily and getting carried away with the feeling. Robert can’t express his emotions all too well, either. So when he sees you hang out with another dad one day, and watches you through the window as you hug him goodbye, he immediately hits your phone up and asks you to come over. When you do, he’s already a little drunk, and he goes through the same destructive habits he’s had for years. He throws you against the wall and bites your neck until the skin beneath his teeth burns with angry red. He leaves several bruises like that on you, and when he decides he’s done, he tries to go down on you. You’ve known him long enough to know when he’s upset, and you grab his shoulders to stop him from going any further. By the end of the night he’s shaking in your arms, sobbing into your chest and saying the same words over and over again: “I don’t want to lose you. Please. Don’t leave me.

Damien- He doesn’t realize what that twisted feeling in his gut is till it’s in too deep. Guilt mixes with his jealousy, and he can’t find it in his heart to tell you. It eats away at him slowly, and over time, he starts throwing more and more subtle hints at you. It started with a bouquet of I love you flowers with a lone, purple I’m sorry hyacinth buried in there, and ended with a bouquet of yellow at your doorstep one night. Yellow hyacinths, christmas roses with long, yellow centers, and a single yellow rose. The overwhelming joy of the color contrasted sharply with the meaning of the flowers themselves. Damien laid in his bed when he arrived home, believing you wouldn’t pick up on the meaning of the bouquet for a while- but to his surprise, you show up at his door and envelope him in a soft embrace. Damien feels embarrassed because he’s only wearing PJs and his hair is messy, but you tell him you don’t mind, laying in his bed and reassuring him that he’s the one you love.

Craig- He did increasingly stupid things to get your attention , like taking fast U turns and giving you bad whiplash. The dumbest thing he did happened on a late night after the girls won a big softball game. Most of the people in the stands were gone, and only a few members of the team were still there. Craig was… talking to the moms? Talking to them? You feel a lump form in your throat as you watch a mom feel Craig’s bicep, and he… doesn’t shake her off. Your jaw tightens. The moms make increasingly flirty advances and, after five minutes of him ignoring you, you take off and drive home. Craig shows up at your door exactly a minute after you walked through it. You get in an argument right there at your doorstep. All he can do is say, “How does it feel to be the jealous one this time?” Your heart aches when you hear his voice crack. He steps inside and he holds on to you like you’re a rock and he’s trying not to be swept away. You lay in your bed with him just like that, pressing kisses to his forehead, calling him an idiot, and reassuringly massaging his head.

Joseph- Not really a jealous person, or… at least that’s what he thought. He remembers the day he dumped you vividly in his mind- he said he wanted to work on his marriage. In all honesty, nothing had changed since then except you. After a week or so of hiding yourself in your house, you started to go out again. You started seeing one of the other Dads. Joseph didn’t realize how much it bothered him until he saw you kiss him- open armed, trusting- trust that you could never give Joseph again. You moved on. He hasn’t.

Mat- He tries very, very, very hard not to be aggressive or assertive when people hit on you at concerts. Mat tries to be understanding. It happens. People get drunk, see someone attractive, and try to pry them away from their boyfriend that they are holding hands with. They flirt with people even though they are totally, completely taken. Very obviously taken. Up until this point, he’s been passive enough to calmly walk away and take you home. But this? He can’t take it anymore. This has to be the third person that’s hit on you today. You’re helping him out at the Coffee Spoon because Pablo couldn’t make it. As soon as the person you’re taking orders from asks for your phone number, Mat walks up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. You turn around and kiss his forehead. As small as the gesture was, it made his heart leap.

Hugo- It happens at a wrestling match. By some kind of black magic coincidence, you end up on the kiss cam. Again. It happens almost every time you go, because every time you go, you end up buying the same seats in the same section. This time, though, Hugo looks up to the camera and sees… you… and the girl sitting next to you. His heart drops when he sees the girl smile and look at you, then it promptly explodes when you lean over your arm rest and kiss him on the cheek instead. For the entire rest of the match, Hugo’s face is bright red. You’re walking outside the venue and into the mostly empty parking lot now. When you get to the car, Hugo pulls you into an embrace. He tells you how upset that made him feel, seeing you and the girl like that, but you reassure him- he’s not just any genuine wrestle boy. He’s your genuine wrestle boy.

Brian- There aren’t very many cases where people flirt with you. Brian is almost always by your side, arm slung around your shoulders or your waist. He’s a very outgoing person, and because of that, he tends to intimidate people enough to ward them off. One night, though, you’re at a barbecue at Joseph’s place. There’s several women there that you don’t recognize. Once they get shot down by Craig, a few of them make their way over to you. You have no idea they’re flirting until Brian comes up next to you and places his hand on your back. He starts talking in the way that he does, except he’s talking about you. How good you are at fishing. How your brownie recipe is the best in the world. How much Maxwell, his dog, loves you. You’ve never seen people excuse themselves so fast before.

I Miss You (One Shot)

I Miss You: After weeks of being apart from your boyfriend, Bucky, the distance become a bit too much for you to handle.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Phone sex. Dirty talk. Mentions of past injuries. Graphic details of sex. Porn gifs are used. Super NSFW. (If you’re not comfy with phone sex or anything else listed, keep scrolling.)

A/N: I have no idea where this idea came from, but just know that it’s for a good cause! ;)

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Zodiac Checklist: Libra
  • ☑: Strangers open up to you, people approach you with ease
  • ☑: It may have taken you a long time, if ever, to self amuse, such as getting lunch or seeing a movie alone
  • ☑: Your intelligence can be overlooked or undervalued by many because it surprises others. You are naturally gifted with words and can learn easily
  • ☑: You empathise with your intellect
  • ☑: Many many people tell you how brilliant you are, and how they think the world of you, but on the inside your self consciousness eats away at you
  • ☑: The mere threat of confrontation unnerves you
  • ☑: Because you mean what you say, you think other people do too
12 | You’ll Never Walk Alone

BTS + GOT7 X READER [GANG!AU]

WORD COUNT: 5,987

series warnings: mature themes, strong language, violence, substance abuse, eventual smut. this chapter contains graphic content such as violence, torture, death, light smut

Originally posted by younas

masterlist | ask | prev | next

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anonymous asked:

Isak eats really unhealthy! While his friends are all eating sandwiches at school he'll eat a bun or a Norwegian waffle. Like boy should not be living by himself, lol. I'm glad even makes him eggs for breakfast. And I wonder if even is good at cooking in general. At least he seems to be taking charge in the kitchen so far. I have a feeling Isak is the kind to just grab a handful of cereal out of the box before

FO’ REAL!! I doubt Isak has had a balanced meal since he ran away from home! And he may very well grab cereal from the box, assuming he has any at home, either way he’s probably forgotten to buy milk.

Even is definitely more interested in cooking than Isak, and given that he has some seasoning tricks to make the food taste better, I imagine he has some culinary talents as well. Isak however, I doubt could cook to save his own life! At least this is what empiric data tells me…

Because of course me being the weirdo I am, I’m physically incapable of speculating about stuff like this without researching and getting all the facts™ first, so I’ve gone through all the times (that I could remember) we’ve seen Isak eating and compiled some data.

In the words of Isak: NU KÖR VI~


We don’t really know anything about Isak’s eating habits at home (in S1). And aside from Even, the only one who’s made food for Isak is Eva. When they were at Jonas’ cabin she made them pasta and tomato sauce

She also treated him to a coffee at one point (not food but still!).

I didn’t remember seeing Isak eat anything in particular in S2, so let’s skip onto S3….

First time we see Isak eating in S3, is the bun you mentioned. We see him tearing the raisin out of the bun, which tells me this is one of those semi-sweet raisin buns. They are delicious but not exactly healthy. (somewhat related: after close inspection I’m 95% sure these are raisin buns with CARDAMOM ❤︎).

Next time we see him eating it’s the cheese toast with ALL THE SPICES and ketchup that Even made him. Not exactly balanced food, but alright for a midday snack imo?

Unfortunately I doubt Isak finished it… when their datehangout got interrupted by guests, you see Isak look down dejectedly at his toasts and tap his thumb against his leg. :( Once Sonja is introduced I imagine Isak made himself scarce.

When Even spends the weekend at Isak’s after Halloween, they must have eaten something. The flatmates didn’t see either of them until Sunday, supposedly, but the mug Even puts ash in suggests to me that Isak probably sneaked out and made them sandwiches & cocoa or smth (that or the mug was already in his room… but one entire day, they’d have to eat) at some point.

Isak isn’t really great at getting breakfast either. That Sunday he literally opens the door, gets asked about Even by Noora and Eskild, and then closes the door again. Wonder how long it took for him to dare venture out… boy must have been starving!

After the painful ‘breakup’ when Isak wasn’t sleeping well, I can’t imagine he was eating so great either. Especially not if you consider the sad sad toast he got from the canteen. One toast with only cheese, it seriously looks just as tired as Isak does!

Of all the foods Isak has bought, the kebab he ate with Jonas is definitely among the healthiest. I imagine he spends most of his allowance/the money his dad sends on snapbacks (he can’t have borrowed all of them!), beer and eating fast food.

Luckily, if it’s down to Even Isak gets to eat a sturdy breakfast. And that’s good considering how Isak hardly seems to be able to get himself breakfast at the flat. (does he even have any food there?) I imagine that Even realized this when he stayed over the previous time, and simply decided to take matters into his own hands, with a little help from the Noora (and Eskild), making Isak scrambled eggs after staying over the second time.

Isak doesn’t join the guys for pizza… but on Friday, Isak waits for Even at the KB. I only saw a coffee cup though, so who knows if he had anything to eat there? Once again Even makes sure they get some food, ordering burgers and champagne (and what looks like cakes? fancy smørbrød?) at the hotel. Isak doesn’t exactly lack appetite at that point ;)

We don’t know what or how he ate the days after… but on Tuesday, we’re back to Isak’s classic diet. He gets a waffle. The guy doesn’t even put jam or anything tasty on it (except whipped cream?). idk what is up with Nissen’s canteen, but stuff looks plain af. (I feel for norwegianall kids who are forced to pay for or bring their own school lunches….)

Now last food Isak prepared (as I am writing this) was a ready-made frozen Grandiosa pizza, which can hardly be considered cooking. And it wasn’t even his (he doesn’t have any food at the flat does he…).

In conclusion (TL;DR):

I doubt Isak knows how to cook. I’m CERTAIN he maintains a horribly unhealthy diet ever since he ran away from home. And I’m hoping that Even’s cooking skills extend beyond breakfast and sandwiches, but honestly I’m fairly certain it does? Even seems comfortable enough in a kitchen to figure it out and make them some healthy food. So with Even in his life…

Hallelujah Isak is saved!!

A Lesson in Love (The Confrontation)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,036

A/N: The tag list for this story is officially CLOSED. Also, this one is for Matt, the most fabulous resident I know, and all the other amazing residents who might be reading this.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - thank you for everything, always

Originally posted by sebjpeg

You sit in silence, nibbling on your bottom lip and tapping your foot against the carpeted floor. You’ve taken your fair share of difficult classes throughout the years, but nothing compares to the discomfort that comes with someone reading something that you’ve written. It’s as if all of your thoughts have been placed under a microscope, leaving every single imperfection out in the open for anyone to see. After taking this writing class, you have a newfound respect for all the authors who are willing to put their work out there.

“I must admit, I was a little apprehensive when you said that you were planning to scrap your initial idea and start afresh,” T’Challa says, carefully lowering your laptop onto the coffee table. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his chin in his hand.

“And?”

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The Arrangement (pt 1)

A/N: I’ve always kind of liked reading these arranged marriage scenarios cuz they can get to be a little angsty, and y’all know I’m a sucker for angst. Let me know if you want a part 2, or I’m not going to write it hehe. I don’t think this will end up being 10 parts like IDMI, but ya never know. 


You never thought it would happen to you, but it did. You always imagined falling in love with a boy, dating for a year or two, and finally get married to someone you were sure about. 

But instead, your parents pushed you into a marriage all because of some promise your grandparents had made way back in the past. You didn’t even know about said promise until you were quite literally forced to get engaged to some stranger. 

Your parents tried to ease your way into the marriage, saying you could date this man while you two were engaged. And since you weren’t exactly the best at scoring a date, you thought that maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe it would be one of those fateful connections. You thought that maybe you would just happen to fall in love with him while you were engaged.

But if anything, you grew to dislike him. Park Jimin didn’t like you, and he made sure to let you know. Like you, he also didn’t know of the promise between the grandparents. And he was fuming. 

So there were no happy dates. No hand holding, no hugs, and definitely no sweet kisses. You were engaged, exchanged a few short words, and before you knew it, you were getting changed into your white wedding gown. Your friend had to constantly tell you to stop crying because it was going to ruin your makeup. 

You always dreamed of this day. To be the happiest day of your life. But instead, you felt like you were being sentenced to life in hell. Because what else is living with a man who despises you?


A day passes into a week and a week eventually turns into a month. You wished it went by quickly, but each day was incredibly slow. You didn’t even know if the days were passing as each day was the same.

You would wake up, get ready for work, and quickly make a breakfast for you and your “hubby”. He would eat without a word and quickly retreat back to his room. Hell, you didn’t even share a room. Thankfully, the parents bought you a house with a few rooms, allowing you and Jimin to sleep in rooms in completely opposite ends of the house. 

You would leave for work after cleaning up breakfast and after a long day at work, you would come home to an empty house. You don’t really know when Jimin would come home from work, but you made it a habit to always a have a meal waiting for him if and when he came home. 

You rarely talked to each other and the silence was slowly eating you away. You had managed to convince your parents that this was, in fact, a happy marriage to keep them at peace at least. And apparently, Jimin had told his parents the same. 

Some nights, you had to cry yourself to sleep, cursing your fate. But little did you know, that this fateful encounter was one that was going to change your life, more than it had already done so already.


A/N: I know this was kinda vague, but I intended it to be. I promise the next part will be more in detail…if you want a second part that is. Let me know, or I won’t write one! 

June 24th/25th, 2017 Horoscope
  • Aries: The home bustles with more than busy bodies, Aries. You're likely at odds with the head of the household, letting ego rule over the mind, body and soul, and at this especially sensitive time, it can wreck havoc.
  • Taurus: The current is slow and steady, and the foreboding feeling of something being just beyond the horizon gnaws at you. What awaits?
  • Gemini: Materialism gnaws at you more than usual. The feeling of having to own everything goes against your more minimalistic nature. However, these consumerist craves won't die down until you've made a crazy impulse buy. Just remember - the experiences soon to be knocking on your doorstep are much more valuable than the item that'll sit on your nightstand collecting dust.
  • Cancer: I can sum up your day in a single word: Overwhelming. Try to refrain from letting the busyness of life and the dramas that await bog you down.
  • Leo: You, too, are overwhelmed. Feelings of confusion and deceit are at prime time, let alone obsession. Unhealthy partners, especially in sex-based relationships, are seeking you out as prey - don't fall victim to their nasty tricks, and always use protection (and/or contraception, depending on personal beliefs).
  • Virgo: Your love life has been shaken up, however, it's quite dreamy. You're finding more than friends at parties, and the people in your life seem to just... bring benefits. But, dear Virgo, remember: not all of those who promise will deliver.
  • Libra: Your emotions bring up feelings of pain and worthlessness, pushing against reality and bringing you down when it comes to the fun that happens around you. Feelings of lonliness may strive today, and sadly, may have been for a while.
  • Scorpio: You finally feel like committing and staying committed, and this is a big deal for you. However, with so much going on in your life bringing attention to politics, religion, and other metaphysical desires, you may want to use some of that introspection to think about who you're involved with, how they'll help you grow, and most importantly: is this person going to help you by supporting you, or by teaching you a lesson?
  • Sagittarius: The movements you make, despite them being against what you typically dabble in, will prove to be more useful that you have thought, Sag. Your efforts aren't going unnoticed, but don't forget - not all attention is positive, and not all good news benefits you in the end - especially when dealing with people, contacts, and legality.
  • Capricorn: Love, lust and pixie dust. Commitment is on the mind, but with the confusion twirling around your head, you may make some negligent romantic choices. Before getting involved with someone, really assess their character, because without such thought, it's almost promised it'll hurt you.
  • Aquarius: Anxiety has been eating away at you, and it isn't about to ease up. The news you got recently will finally hit you, or you'll get yours today. Feelings of confusion, loss, and worry are all common, and quite detrimental. Taking the day to do something relaxing, and avoiding others may be in your best interest, despite how unlikely it is you'll do so.
  • Pisces: You're having fun! This weekend is all about the best and the brightest star, and you want to be there and be involved. You'll meet new people, take up new passions, and find new pleasures. However, there may be feelings of paranoia that you aren't dealing with, and thoughts of doubt. You're especially flirty, which, while beneficial, may come off a little stronger than intended, and land you in some not-so-savory situations.
BTS reaction to them dirty talking to you

Anon said: Can you do a got7 or bts scenario of them dirty talking to their girlfriend?

- I am so sorry if this is so fucking bad. But ANYWAY I hope you enjoy ^^


Jungkook:

His hand would go teasingly up and down your thigh, you would start to breathe heavy a bit. 

“Baby, I want you… On top of me so fucking bad” gets closer to your ear, you feel his warm breath against your neck. 
“I wanna grab you by your hips, to make you faster, make you scream and moan my name” kisses lightly your neck

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

Jimin:

As he was on his way home. FInally gets to see you after a while. Both of you knew what will go down soon as he walks through taht door. 

“I can’t wait to come home. Strip you naked, throw you on the bed and fuck you until you leave scratches on my back, and the sheets are soaking wet.”
“Oh and btw my tongue can do a better job of teasing you than my words can ;)”
“See you later baby” 

Originally posted by kpopidolaegyooo

Taehyung

Your whole family was home, having a gathering party. You walked upstairs to the bathroom, not knowing Taehyung followed you and he pushes you slightly, closing the door. Pushing you against the door. 
His hand slides down your skirt, and lifts it up touching you. 

“You better be fucking quiet, because your parents are near by babygirl.” 

Taking off your panties, he unbuckles his belt and slides his pants, boxers all together and lifts you off the ground. 
You want it slowly or harder, huh babygirl?” he smirks 
“Be quiet or they will all hear you moan my name” kisses your neck as he pounds into you

Originally posted by gwiyongie

J-Hope:

He would start to kiss neck, collarbone, suck on your boobs, kiss down your body. 
You are already moaning, and he can feel your heat. He smirks and kisses your thighs. He’ll start eating your out, you hand reached down on his hair and you tugged on it, he loved making you feel good. He slides two fingers inside of you and continues to eat you out.
He moves away and looks up at you.

“How bad you want it baby? Tell how bad?”
he’ll tease 

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

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a stroke of fuck | four

pairing: sehun x reader, jongin x reader, yixing x reader, baekhyun x reader
genre: fuckboy!au, college!au, smut, angst, fluff, series
summary: there was good in the world to balance the bad, but when it comes to boys are they good for anything except breaking hearts and causing trouble?

pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4 / pt.5

A/N: she’s here and she’s pt.3′s wilder sister + all teams are iN THIS !!!! sit comfortably and get a lil drink and snack cos its reaaaaaaaaaalllly long the smut isnt that good btw

Originally posted by blondejongin

The number you are calling cannot take your call ri-

You let out an extended groan of surrender after your fifth attempt to call Sehun. Your countless texts over the previous two hours left unanswered, left on read. It was ridiculous, why were you so caught up in hoping some man-whore didn’t have his feelings hurt over you letting his friend shove his dick in you? 

Pulling your left arm off the bed, you let your body fall. The mattress bounced your body up a few times giving you involuntary vivid memories of Jongin holding your legs in place while his thick dick ripped you apart. You licked your lips and closed your eyes over his lewd action of spitting in your mouth and pulling your hair, a sexual act of dominance that you weren’t ashamed of loving.

How did Sehun find out any way? Unless Jongin told him, no, he couldn’t have. You rolled around on the bed trying to simultaneously forget about Sehun’s anger, that was currently scaring you enough to drain you of energy, but also figure out how he even knew. 

He fucked your friend, you fucked his. Who knew? Maybe his dick had been in everyone except you. You rolled your eyes, he didn’t own you, you could do whatever and whoever you wanted. Just like he can.

As you rolled onto your stomach, you lifted your left leg up to give you more comfort. Your skirt lifted up and exposed your bare skin to the warm, summer air filling your room. 

That’s when your eyes widened.

Your panties.

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Friendly PSA:

Do not keep people in your life who don’t allow you to be yourself. This is something that kept me from loving who I am for years. I would feel bad about every single aspect of myself. They made fun of my sexuality, my goals, my interest, etc. Don’t date them. Don’t keep them as friends. Their words bury into your mind and eat away at you overtime. You deserve people in your life who love you. My life has improved so much from cutting people like that out. If you have to block them do it. Do whatever you need to free yourself from that abusive situation.