eat those words

Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman

Requested. [I feel like this was awful, because I struggle with comedy. But I tried]

Song or Quote : “I’m not a damsel, not tonight at least.” & “ Do you even watch the news? Come on, I’m Spider-Man. You know, stringing up criminals and saving damsels?“

“What’s a pretty girl like you doin’ all by yourself in these mean ole streets, huh?” 

[Y/N]’s head swiveled to her left, stepping sideways off the sidewalk to get out of reach. She narrowed her eyes, this guy looked like trouble and reeked of cheap booze and menthol. “Going home.” 

The way his eyes raked over her, made [Y/N] feel uneasy. She knew her time was coming to cross paths with the crooks of the city. It had only been a little less than a month since she had moved here. But, [Y/N] could bet that walking home alone in the dark was the sure way to come across one. 

He smirked towards her, his teeth oddly glistening in the flickering street light. “Takin’ some late night pilate classes?” The man’s eyes skimmed over her gym bag that was slung over her body, “What kind of goods you got in there, hon?”  

If asked what her worst trait would be, it would be that she was extremely outspoken. She always struggled to keep her mouth shut in situations that called for it to stay closed. This was one of those times that she blatantly ignored her better judgement. Squinting her eyes, she cocked a brow. “I don’t know what I’m more shocked about. The fact that you believe that you’ll be able to mug me or the fact that you know what pilates is.” Taking a step back when he stepped forward, she narrowed her eyes. “And if you must know, I take mixed martial arts, so believe me when I say despite the vast height and weight difference between us, I could kick your ass with my eyes closed.” 

“You a bit ballsy, ain’t you?” He growled while he cracked his fingers, “I’m going to make you eat those words that’s been comin’ out that pretty little mouth.” 

[Y/N], you should probably stop while you’re ahead. Gasping like she was scared, her hands flew to her mouth. Pretending to shake, she squealed out. “Oh no, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Please, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. Oh, please don’t hurt me.” Or not

Before the mugger could respond, the sound of laughing made them both jump. Searching in the dark to find the source of laughter, they finally looked up to the fire escape of the closest building. Standing on the railing, with one hand propped up against the bricked building, the other was placed on his stomach while he was bent over still laughing. 

“Oh man, I just love sarcasm.” He laughed, “It’s like punching someone in the face but with words.” 

[Y/N] squinted her eyes, who the fuck

Before she could get the chance to ask, the mugger growled out in anger. “And just what the hell are you supposed to be?” 

“Ditto,” she muttered. 

Jumping from the fire escape, he landed gracefully in front of them. Shrugging his shoulders, “Do you even watch the news?” Whoever the masked man was, sounded incredibly insulted. Groaning, he shook his head. “Come on, I’m Spiderman. You know stringing up criminals and saving damsels?” Leaning against the mugger, [Y/N] could only assume he winked in her direction while he clicked his tongue and pointed towards her.

"I’m not a damsel, not tonight at least.” She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, “This guy’s a joke, I could take him with or without you.” Seriously, [Y/N]? Do you ever think before you speak? It’s called a goddamn filter.

Spiderman shook his head, “Man, she’s a little feisty.” Looking up at the mugger, he snickered. “Isn’t she?” 

“Get your damn hands off me.” The guy yelled, slinging Spiderman off his shoulder, he pulled a knife out from his jacket. “Come on Spiderman let’s see what you got kid.” 

Spiderman chuckled, “Funny you mention the whole kid thing because this kid is going to kick your ass, dude.” Flicking his wrist, a web shot out and landed onto the mugger’s hand with the knife. Flicking his wrist again, he webbed the knife out his hand. “Oh shame you don’t have that anymore.” 

[Y/N] yelped slightly, “Yo, is that stuff coming out of you?!”

“What? No! Ugh, I made it.” He groaned, looking down at his hands, he started moving them towards the device on his wrist. “I engineered it to-” Getting cut off by the mugger yanking back on the web, Spiderman flew forward. Before he made it close enough for the mugger to grab him, he shot out another web and stopped himself. Chuckling, “You’re going to have to do better than that if you want to get me.” 

“You some piece of work kid.” The mugger growled. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He snorted. 

[Y/N] felt sort of freaked out. Biting her lip, she tried to process what was going on. First, she decides to walk home alone, in the dark from the gym. Then, a creepy man stops her when she passes an alley. Next, she decides to be mouthy because she’s always been that way. And now, a man kid person in a spandex suit was trying to save her. “Is this? Is this,” moving her hand in their direction, she raised a brow, “normal?” 

Spiderman glanced in her direction before webbing the guy up against the building, pointing at him, he scolded. “Don’t steal, the Government doesn’t like competition.” Turning towards [Y/N], he casually walked towards her. “Is what normal?” 

“That….this whole thing? I mean is this normal?” She motioned towards his suit and then the web. “Is it normal for a kid vigilante to be running the streets at night in spandex?” 

“Don’t insult the suit, man.” Spiderman ran his hand down his torso, “This is a one of a kind.” 

Squinting her eyes, she muttered, “I don’t doubt that.” 

He tossed his head, shaking his head. Looking back towards her, he fake gasped. “I’m sorry, did I just roll my eyes out loud?”

“I can’t even see your eyes!” 

“Stop insulting me.”

Feeling frustrated, “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you!” 

Before Spiderman could have a chance to respond, the sound of heavy footsteps and chains rattling interrupted their small argument. Instinctively, he stepped protectively in front of [Y/N]. 

“What the hell is going on out there?” A voice yelled from the alley.

Tony, get your ass out here and get me down!” The mugger yelled.

“Hey, I know a Tony.” He looked over towards [Y/N] nodding. “He’s a good friend-” stopping short, they both gulped at the sight of the stacked guy emerging from the alley with heavy artillery. “That….that um, that is not the same Tony I know.” Turning around, he shot webbing towards [Y/N], pulling her in close, he whispered, “Hold on.” 

“I’m sorry, do what?”

With no response, they were both zipping through the air. [Y/N] could feel her heart leaping out of her mouth when her eyes adjusted to the height at which they were flying at. Yelping, she held on tight and closed her eyes. She felt like they were in the air for hours but that was due to the fact that she was incredibly terrified of heights. 

Once she felt solid ground on under her feet, she retracted herself from the kid and fell to the ground. Her chest was heaving from her adrenaline coursing through her body. “Why did you think that was a good idea?” 

“I mean it was either run away or be shot and I’ve got a lot of life to live so I ran with option B.” Sitting on the ground in front of her, he chuckled, “And normally my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas.” 

Clutching her chest to try to slow down her heart rate, she flickered him a look. “Like dressing up in spandex and looking for trouble?” Taking a deep breath, she sighed. “Shouldn’t you be playing video games or hooking up with girls after curfew?” 

Spiderman reached up to the scratch the back of his head, wanting to laugh at how ridiculous the last part sounded. If only this girl knew who he was under his mask. “Yeah the thing about that is I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this age before.” 

Standing up, she dusted herself off. “Right.” Looking around her to make sure nothing fell out of her bag, she looked at the masked hero. “I guess I should thank you for saving me.” 

Standing up, he shook his head. “It’s not really a problem. It’s what I do.” 

“I suppose so.” Chewing on her lip, “Who are you? I mean I know your Spiderman, but you’ve got have a face under that mask.” 

Stepping backwards, he chuckled. “I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.” Slinging a web, he saluted. “I’ll see you around.” And then he was off, leaving [Y/N] staring after him. Maybe moving to this city wasn’t so bad. 

Kink: Cumming in pants

Summary: Bucky get’s off watching you train..

Warnings: Pretty self explanatory don’t you think?

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Originally posted by marvelmania15

(This gif has nothing to do with the story, I just really like it lol!)

When I got to the gym today for my daily practice sessions, I wasn’t expecting to see Bucky, my boyfriend, in there as well. Bucky usually waits till the gym is empty to make an appearance there. Today he must have made a different call. I am however, apparently not ready for what he has in store.

“Hey, (Y/N)! You ready to train? Buck won’t be a distraction will he? We can go somewhere else if he is.” I roll my eyes, Steve treats us like we’re a bunch of horny teenagers.

“I’m fine, Rogers. I think I can practise with my boyfriend in the distance, he’s not THAT gorgeous you know.” I throw a wink to Buck for the added effect. Buck rolls his eyes while Steve laughs.

Keep reading

glorydollx  asked:

Hello candy cane, I've been meaning to start eating healty. Do you have any tips to eat healty and feel as pure as milk? And may I ask you what do you usually eat in a day?

hello lilac
eating healthy is such a vague concept and each body functions slightly differently according to the foods it consumes. as well, I am not a dietitian (though I do like to read about nutrition). however, I find a simple vegetarian diet consisting high in carbs (fruits and vegetables) and low in fat works best for me…

♡ breakfast: greek yogurt and fruit; a scone and a cup of tea; blueberry pancakes or crepes (on special occasions)
♡ lunch: broccoli/spinach, rice/potatoes, apple, berries (sometimes I include a yogurt or fruit tart)
♡ dinner: rice and fruit (pomegranates, cherries, strawberries…mango in the summer); avocado sushi and edamame; rice and guacamole tacos; neapolitan pizza (on special occasions)
♡ “midnight” snack: ginger candy; lemon tart; carmel chocolates; tea with milk & honey

  • Mickey: Hey that's...!
  • Oswald: That black mouse again, of all places...
  • Mickey: I found you!
  • Mickey: FAKER
  • Oswald: Faker?? I think you're the fake toon around here. You're comparing yourself to me!?
  • Oswald: hA H
  • Oswald: You're not even good enough to be my fa-
  • Mickey: I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS

like before hannibal actually released any episodes and I found out they swapped starling (btw when I have children, and maybe a daughter, I am going to name her Clarice because I love love love clarice starling THAT much) for graham I made a joke like “lol…okay so they swapped a strong female lead for some homoerotic subtext” (a la sherlock style) and like BOY HOWDY did they ever just forget subtext and just go full speed ahead and I do not regret eating those words because Hannibal is refreshing and well represents lgbt characters where the original author initially failed catastrophically?? Hannibal is amazing and I love it so much?

anonymous asked:

when you piss off 😤😤😤one 👆hawks fan you piss off 😡😡😡all the hawks fans 🖐🖐beware 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️we got the two✌️ headed monster 😫😫kane 🤑and toews 🏒🏒and we're gonna make you eat those words 👎👎👎we have multiple ✌️stanley cups🍾🍾 in multiple🖐🖐years unlike any other team 😂😂😂we're that good 😇😇 why 🤔🤔🤔would u even try to deny 🚫that our team and organization is the best 💯💯💯in the league 🏒🏒stop 🛑🛑🛑spreading lies and slander 😤😤😤ur just jealous😉

watch your mouth🙊 because us preds 🐯🏒 are gonna kick your asses😤👊🏻 and eliminate🚫🚫 you from the playoffs 🏒🏒 and we’re gonna win 🎉🎉 the Stanley Cup🏆and delete❌🗑 your asses entirely 😤 from the world🌍 of hockey🏒and that’s gonna be the end 🙅🏻❌ of the shitcago💩blackhawks’s 🐥story so say goodbye 👋🏻👋🏻 to your trashcans 💩🗑

Tell it to the Marines - Swan Maiden/Soulmate AU

[A hope-you-feel-better short AU for @tsume-yuki, hope you enjoy it!]

Ace had the mantle for as long as he could remember.

It always appeared in his possession if he traveled too far, materializing out of the air like magic. Falling across his shoulders like he’d never left it behind, nailed down deep in the chest at the end of his bed. The strange looks he’d received while walking into town with a collar of feathers around his neck were too much, so he tried getting rid of it.

Selling it was pointless because it would always come back.

Burying it did nothing.

Throwing it into the ocean, again, did nothing.

Burning it had no effect either, though it was gone longer than usual and he’d fallen into a deep depression during that entire span so he never tried it again.

Sabo had been fascinated, wondering if it had any other powers and overall had been the reason he came to accept the mysterious coat. Luffy just became all starry-eyed and asked where he could get one too. He’d been disappointed when Ace couldn’t give him a direct answer.

It wasn’t until after he left Dawn Island and became a pirate that part of the mystery was solved.

“That’s a Valkyrie’s cloak ,” Marco murmured in surprise, when the cape faded into existence around his person. The black and red feathers were all ruffled in an agitated manner, reflecting Ace’s mood as he sat glowering on the Moby Dick’s deck. “How did you come across something like that?”

It turned out that Marco was much older than he appeared. Much, much older. And knew what the mantle signified.

He’d been chosen, by some divine providence, to be the husband of a Swan Maiden.

A Swan Maiden or otherwise known as a Valkyrie, a mythical female warrior that served as protectors of the King of their choosing.

What the hell?

Ace laughed in the man’s face once he’d gotten over the shock of his explanation, because it was just that ridiculous. Who in their right mind would choose him of all people to marry such a powerful figure? He was the demon child of the late Pirate King. There was no way a woman (or any woman for that matter) would find it beneficial to be burdened with him as a husband. He wanted nothing to do with it.

Or so he thought.

He very much wanted to eat those bitter words the first moment he laid eyes on her.

She was on Luffy’s crew, his little brother her chosen King (because of course Luffy was that lucky, why wouldn’t he be). Riskua was her name, hair the color of a crimson dawn and eyes so startlingly yellow they could have very well been plucked right from a beast’s skull. She was a warrior, fierce and loyal. Vicious as a hurricane in the heat of battle.

And to him, she was as radiant as the sun.

It was no wonder he was tongue tied, the moment she strode up to him and gave a beauteous smile, her yellow eyes melting into warm amber.

“I see my favor has guarded you well. It’s good to finally meet you, I’ve been waiting,” she says, and Ace nearly faints.

He returns her mantle, and the red and black wings that burst from her back only add to her feral beauty. The Straw Hats crew give the appropriate applause, ‘oohing’ and 'aahing’ as she flaps the wings experimentally. Ace smiles as she takes to the sky, her wings beating powerfully through the air, her form shifting to that of a black swan, the crown of her avian head as red as her hair.

His heart soars with her and he knows now that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

They later sit beneath the stars, huddled among the feathers of the mantle, two hearts beating as one at last.

Dialogue I will never forget as long as I live
  • sonic: hey that's!
  • shadow: that blue hedgehog again of all places
  • sonic: i found you!!
  • sonic: faker!!
  • shadow: faker??
  • shadow: i think youre the fake hedgehog around here
  • shadow: youre comparing yourself to me??
  • shadow: HA
  • shadow: you're not even good enough to be my f
  • sonic: ilL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS
Cell Block Tango (1/?)

Summary- Where Tony needs more people on his side, so he brings a convicted murderer, and ex-assassin/acrobat onto his side, and Peter takes more of an interest in Velma Kelly than he’d like to admit.

Warnings- Descriptions of violence, blood and murder, and strong language.

AN- Enjoy! can’t wait to fully write this story! Also, I see Velma Kelly as Ariana Grande or someone like that, and then another character later on (Mona Faye) would be Rihanna

Originally posted by gryffinclaw-in-wilde-times

VELMA KELLY had her claim to fame when she was charged and found guilty of the murder of her sister, Veronica and boyfriend Charlie. Not that played innocent for a second, she never denied she did the crime just stated she blacked out, and had no memory of the event.

It took fifteen minutes for jury to agree that Velma Kelly was indeed a murderer, at the age of seventeen.

She wasn’t ashamed of her crime, it wasn’t something she backed down from. Instead she reasoned with the judge, telling him he would’ve done the same if he walked in on his wife doing a spread eagle with the neighbour.

She was sentenced with life in prison and a tariff of twenty-five years. Not to breathe proper air or feel the sun on her skin until she was  forty-two.

Just before she walked out of the courtroom, and to the car that would take her to her home for god knows how long, the judge asked her for any final words.

She spoke, loudly and clearly, making sure the journalists at the back would be able to hear her.

“How come I am sentenced to life, when the people you call ‘Earths mightiest heroes’ are no better-”

Taking one look around she noticed the man dressed exceptionally better than those surrounding him, tinted glasses covering his eyes, as if they would dramatically change his appearance.

But Velma was far too smart, also his iconic facial hair was recognisable even from the stands.

“Take your golden boy and best science experiment. Captain America, the man who would save us all, yes?”

She heard multiple murmurs, but all she cared about was the man in the Tom Ford suit, who leaned forward.

“Then how come he’s protecting one of the most wanted men in the whole world. Shouldn’t you be after the Winter Soldier rather then me? Or do you really put that much trust into your 'heroes’?”

Tony watched her leave, no sign of regret or fright, instead a smirk. Because she knew she made everyone in the room question who they thought was protecting their country and world.

Including Tony.

So it didn’t surprise Velma much when she was escorted down the hallways of the prison, that had been her home for six months, towards a very impatient Tony Stark and  a cautious Thunderbolt Ross.

“Well, are we going to stand around all day. Or are you going to explain to me why the golden boy is now a fugitive?”


Keep reading

Kiss My Ass

Anon asked:  How about Fem Reader is Ben’s older sister who was sent to the island for some reason and she comes back in a relationship with Evie or Mal (or both😏). Baby you’re writing lights up my tumblr.

I’m very sorry this is short and it sucks hahahaaa…….*cries*

@zacktxylor

Warning: Polyamory


Your name: submit What is this?

Keep reading