eat all the mangoes

no one ever says anything about stretchmarks that aren’t small, white and thin and on butts and hips and thighs (”lightning bolt tattoos”) so here’s a post for the people who have stretchmarks that are huge, my girls/boys/non binary peeps who have stretchmarks that are angry red and purple and gaping, my babes who have stretchmarks on their backs, their boobs, under their arms, etc. I’m here for the cuties with stretchmarks that aren’t typical and are never talked about. They’re cute!!! Y’all are beautiful and so are your stretchmarks!!! idk how to end this bye nya’ll 

Should You Start a Fist Fight with the Spriggans?

Brandish: I mean… if you gotta. Why do you want to fight her? All she does is eat mangoes. If at all possible, set up a time beforehand and give the address of the nearest florist. 

Invel: buddy I know you have a grudge after that Gruvia death match. plus he weighs 120 pounds soaking wet. noodle arms. destroy him. 

DiMaria: you’re gonna die because there’s no way in hell DiMaria Chronos Yesta fights fair but if you’re masochistic enough go for it I guess.

Ajeel: dude Ajeel’s only 5′2″, tops, but rage gets hyper-concentrated in the tiny bodies of the vertically challenged. plus he could lift Erza Scarlet, in armor, off the ground, with one fully extended arm. you will lose. 

August: why. why would want to beat up Resident Grandpa. why. 

Serena: do it for the entertainment value alone. do it. God Bye-Bye to you, but it’ll have been worth it.

Wahl: how far do you think you’re going to get punching a robot? think about it for a second. consider: broken fingers.

Bradman: he’s… intangible? made up of tiny particles that kill you? gajevy is like… in the bottom half of the big 4 anyway. it’s not worth it. 

Jacob: he’s a martial arts expert. you’re going to get your ass whipped, but I understand if you need to fight for Lucy’s honor that badly. a worthy cause indeed. 

Neinhart: this one is tough just because we haven’t seen enough of him? he’s a smug bastard, so fight him, but know that it could swing either way. from first glance, he doesn’t look like that much of a threat, but he actually has pretty broad shoulders and we have no idea what those weapons on his ship were. 

Irene: you’re either gonna be fist fighting a woman with claws for fists or a fucking dragon. there’s no way you can win this. fight her anyway. 

Larcade: punch him once for every person that he sexually assaulted in the orgasm chapter (plus an additional five times for Yukino), then find Zeref and punch him twice as many times. find Larcade again. apologize for his shit parent. educate him on sexual harassment because Zeref sure as hell never gave him The Talk. pat him on the head. your work here is done. 

4
Mango Mint Freeze!

Mango season often comes twice a year on Maui. Seasonality is confused in the islands—what fruits when, when the weather is sweet and constant like a faithful lover? But in the heat of July, mangos are usually dripping off trees all over the island, infusing the air around them with the heady scent of golden flesh.

Some of my favorite mango moments were mango pies and cobblers, which my friend Maria’s mother made with enthusiastic abandon, and mango chutney, which my friend Tara’s mother made as a remembrance of her Indian heritage. Of course there were pickled mangos and li hing mui mango and dried mango, too. And, obviously, the old eat-the-mango-whole-over-your-sink trick. We all knew to wash our faces well after that, so we wouldn’t get a rash from the sticky juice.

This freeze is excellent right out of the blender, like a thick smoothie—or modified as a granita or popsicle.

Click through to read more and for a mango-cutting tutorial! Start here.

witch apples

i am craving the most specific thing rn

okay so four years ago they had local apples at the grocery store because our fancy chain keeps a locally grown corner

anyway up in the mountains of nc there are lots of apple orchards and stuff and i fucking love apples but i am also hella picky about apples like i hate gala and fuji and all the deliciouses and most granny smiths are suss af

i have so many fruit opinions like how i got into that argument ages ago about how d’anjou pears are the only true pears and bartletts taste like sand and kinda like how i will only eat actual haitian mangoes in haiti otherwise i will not eat whole mangoes at all because fuck all other mangoes they taste fake and i want to punch anyone who tries to feed me a melon i just seriously have such strong fruit opinions

oh except that one time the MUTANT PINEAPPLE FROM HELL came by on my dash and everyone was like “tf is that” and i was like, ‘GIVE ME THE HELL PINEAPPLE PUT IT INTO MY MOUTH” because i am always a slut for pineapples like i have burned my mouth and hands eating pineapples from stem to stern even the cores like i do not care i will fuck up a pineapple and try to chew the flesh from the rind it is fucking crazy those things are delicious

anyways like these local-ish (3hrs away) apples were nicknamed “witch apples” because they were lopsided and crooked and dark yellow with black freckles on them and they tasted like perfection and i ate ten of them in three days and then i never saw them again

i just think everyone needs to be aware that i am currently sad because it is quarter past three and there are no apples, witch or otherwise, in my house and it’s february ffs Z go to bed it’s not even apple season

4

Dope Spaceships

You ever feel like you’re on a really dope spaceship? No? Then you clearly haven’t been to the new Dimes. It’s not all that different from the old Dimes, it’s just across the street and in a bigger space, thus NEW DIMES. They play a mix of jams that’s just unparalleled. No fucking way is this some Pandora playlist. This is a heavily and professional curated playlist by a very East Bushwick barista that really only appreciates vinyl. They’ve got some Brian Eno from like 30 years ago playing then hit you with some very current vibey shiz. It’s a very hipster spaceship though. I feel like if Dimes blasted off into space with me inside, I’d be cool with that. We would all create a dope urban and sustainable farm on Saturn or something and eat dope mango pitaya bowls all day.

Dimes

Tip: The coffee is amazing. It’s counter culture so you know you winning

Tip: all bowls, acai and pity make you feel like ok that all your money goes to rent.

Tip: the hot sauce is made in house. It’s better than yo mamas

Tip: egg anything is fire. breakfast sandwiches or tacos all fire.

Tip: wheatgrass margarita 🍸

Pricing: breakfast sandwich ($6.50), mango pitaya bowl ($10), quinoa bowl ($13)

When to come here: when u have that fire vintage alphet on, for food that makes you feel amazing, girls lunch, lunch, catching up with a friend, brunch, breakfast, snack, all day.

Where: 49 Canal St, New York

Times

Monday8:00 am – 11:00 pm

Tuesday8:00 am – 11:00 pm

Wednesday8:00 am – 11:00 pm

Thursday8:00 am – 11:00 pm

Friday8:00 am – 12:00 am

Saturday9:00 am – 12:00 am

Sunday9:00 am – 10:30 pm

Phn: (212) 925-1300

sunblocks  asked:

i hope torbjorn forever has those stringy parts in his bananas when he opens them

i hope he lets all his mangoes get a little bit too ripe so the part right under the skin is all stringy and nasty and really just ruins the experience of the whole mango but he still has another mango left and if he leaves it it’ll only get grosser but he doesnt want another nasty mango so he decides to make a smoothie out of it and he goes to all the work of making a smoothie and even has to walk to the store to get yogurt to make it with and he blends the smoothie and takes a sip but it turns out the blender didnt break up the stringy bits from the mango at all and it’s just as nasty as eating the mango plain so now he’s wasted a lot of effort and fruit and also eaten two entire overripe mangoes and it bums him out a lot because he was really excited to eat those mangoes but he let them go a couple days too long and now he’s gonna have to go to the store and then wait for them to ripen if he wants good mangoes when he should have just eaten them yesterday and it was the only fruit in the house besides the stuff in the smoothie so he cant even just eat a different fruit and it just makes his day really not as good as it would have otherwise been because he cant stop being bummed about the mangoes

If losing weight is your goal:

  • Eat healthier
  • Swap out those daily cupcakes for an all natural mango banana smoothie
  • Drink plenty of water!
  • Choose the stairs not the elevator
  • Get off your bum on go for a walk (or a run) and listen to your favorite tunes
  • Laugh more
  • Smile more
  • Take it one step at a time
This summer is about……
Kissing and holding hands,
And new lovers
And sunshine,
And love beaming from within
And not waiting
And not withholding.
And allowing myself to dream and live in that dream.
This summer is about trying new foods,
And traveling on foot and in cars and in groups.
This summer is about playing like kids.
This summer is about eating icecream and waffle cones and dancing and singing songs really loudly.
And new and old friendships.
This summer is about dream girls.
Dream experiences.
This summer is about dancing from that healed place.
This summer is about abundance and enjoyment.
And allowing losses to be lost.
Allowing in more sunlight.
Going to places where I can see the stars.
This summer is about frozen fruit and water and kissing at sunrise.
Going on dates.
Eating kiwi and melons and mangos and being all chocolaty and perfect.
This summer is about Goddesses.
Goddesses finding other Goddesses.
It’s about hair being down and out and wild.
Saying Yes to fun and love and adventure.
This summer is about being pretty and feeling Free.
And so it is
Here’s to Summer 2015
—  Cree Joy
A thing that just happened

Me: *gets out a chipotle burrito I have been waiting all day to eat*

Mango: I want that burrito.

Me: I don’t think so. Here, you can have a little bit of a chip.

Mango: Fuck your chip. *literally throws the chip on the ground* Give me the burrito.

Me: … I dunno Mango. I’m not sure you can have everything in it. *goes to take Pepper out of the cage*

Mango: *somehow in the like two seconds my back is turned she makes her way to my plate and stuffs her bird face in my burrito*

So I let her have some bird-safe burrito bits and now she’s pissed off that I won’t let her wipe her burrito face on my shirt.

These boys be lying to y'all

Y'all be thinking he eat mangos and pineapple and cranberry .. But nah he on that black and mild .. Smoking penises with three other guys eating that dollar Mc chicken, washing it down with a four loko .. He bout to drop that acid on you your face, your face is ruined girl,wake up the next day with zits , she bout to do a claymask to see if that makes up for it but its a little to late,Tragic