eat drink

Please remember that today Jin is ALSO graduating.  He’s graduating from having to wake up at ass o’clock in the morning to drive a grumpy, half-asleep Kookie to school.  

How Dan and Phil probably broke up #24
  • Dan: I love you
  • Phil: *dabs*
How to feel like a mermaid

- collect seashells

- wear hair pearls

- drink coconut milk

- use seaweed soap

- wash your face with mineral water

- sing to yourself

- apply aloe vera gel on your face

- watch the moon at nights

- apply shimmery pale eyeshadows

- wear silk dresses 

- start your day with a swim

- wear seaweed face masks

- eat spirulina and/or chlorella

- learn to play an instrument 

- listen to soft and relaxing songs

- fill a spray bottle with natural spring water and a teaspoon of sea salt add a few drops of rose oil and voilà! your mermaid hair spray is ready 

Not fake news. Just the facts.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN AMERICAN


Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.


He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.


Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.


Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer pays these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.


If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.


It’s noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.


Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans. The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to.


Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.


Joe agrees: “We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have.”

They Would Rather...

Eat all day: Gemini, Aries, Taurus, Sagittarius, Scorpio

Sleep all day: Virgo, Capricorn, Leo, Pisces, Cancer, Libra, Aquarius

I can not stress it enough:

IT IS NOT A DIET, IT IS A LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!! I absolutely hate when people are like “oh yeah you can’t have that because you’re on a diet”. No. I can have whatever I want, I don’t want that unhealthy food because I’m changing my life by loving my body and fuelling it with what it needs. Okay? Okay.

3

Vegan Pink Unicorn Hot Chocolate

Ring in the new year with this pretty warming drink!

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of soy or hemp milk (You need a thicker non dairy milk)
  • 100 grams shredded vegan white chocolate
  • 1 cup of froze strawberries
  • 1 tbsp red food coloring
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • Vegan whipped cream
  • Pretty sprinkles

Directions:

  1. In a small pot heat up the milk, do not boil. Then add shredded white chocolate and constantly stir on low heat. 
  2. Microwave the strawberries or 2 minutes. You will find that the berries have lost a lot of juice.
  3. Strain the strawberries and the juice into the pot and stir. 
  4. Add the vanilla and the food coloring. Stir until combined. 
  5. Pour the hot chocolate into glasses and decorate with whipped cream and pretty sprinkles (this makes the drink more magical). 
  6. Enjoy and have a safe and happy new year!