easy decisions

coming out of a dissociative period like, ah yes what a lovely pile of ignored messages and neglected obligations we have here these will be fun to deal with when i remember what emotions are

(Found on Facebook)
Oh man where do I even start.
Well first of all, grapes/raspberries are one of the most expensive fruit in the produce section. I don’t even buy them unless they’re on sale. You gotta go for things like bananas, frozen berries, and check to see what fruits are in season. Maybe pineapple wasn’t in season. Check online to see which fruits and veggies will be the least expensive.
Buy veggies and fruits NOT in a package. If you pick them out of the pile yourself and use your own bag they are less expensive.
Don’t get soda. The credibility of this post being “healthy food” was immediately shot down when I saw a friggin Sprite. Soda is not healthy. Soda is not cheap. Soda is a privilege. Soda is a once in a while special occasion.
And the nuts, you can get a box of oats for less than a dollar.
Considering none of what’s pictures above can make an actual meal, I gave suggestions of what can. Like mentioned, the bananas, frozen berries, and oats can make you awesome oatmeal all week for under $10.
If you want lunch and dinner, consider canned beans, tofu, potatoes, rice, frozen veggies, and kale (not from a package). You can make a good combination of stuff for, oh look, around $15.

Eating healthy doesn’t mean buying the most expensive thing in the store. You have to walk around and see what is best for your wallet, or google tips beforehand because yeah it’s easy to make dumb decisions. The person in this post obviously doesn’t grocery shop often. I grocery shop every other week, I NEVER break the bank and I always get a lot of stuff. You wanna buy junk food and McDonald’s and give your body unnecessary problems instead of eating healthy because you’re so fixated on the lie that you can’t afford it? Whatever. But don’t go around spreading this false rhetoric, because IT IS possible to eat healthy on a budget and you’re just hurting everyone around you by trying convincing them they can’t.

A Step-by-Step about contacting an artist about their prices being “Too High”

Step #1: Don’t.
Step #2: Repeat Step #1
Step #3: Support the artist in other ways, either by reblogging their art, donating if they have the option available, or simply save up the cash so you can pay them proper.

This has been your handy tutorial about Common Courtesy Towards Artists~!

archiveofourown.org
Homegrown
“It wasn’t an easy decision, if I’m honest,” Harry admits, shoulders sagging in on himself. “Moving is really difficult. My whole life was in Manchester. But Manchester didn’t want me. Leeds did.” “Well, Leeds is happy to have you,” Louis says, giving Harry a kind smile. Harry brightens a bit at that, undeniably pleased. “Yeah?” “Yeah,” Louis replies, expression soft and lips curved.
By Organization for Transformative Works

Title: Homegrown
Author: Anonymous
Rating: Explicit
Words:  51407
Pairing: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

Summary: 

“It wasn’t an easy decision, if I’m honest,” Harry admits, shoulders sagging in on himself. “Moving is really difficult. My whole life was in Manchester. But Manchester didn’t want me. Leeds did.”

“Well, Leeds is happy to have you,” Louis says, giving Harry a kind smile.

Harry brightens a bit at that, undeniably pleased. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, expression soft and lips curved.

Or, a gardening AU where Harry is new to town and the newest volunteer at the local gardening club, Louis is the attractive grandson of one of the members, and the nosy volunteers hatch a plan to get them together.

Written for allwaswell16 for the @hlsummerexchange2017

9

InuYasha Favourite Moments: The sacred tree…this is the tree on which InuYasha was sealed. Five hundred years ago…this is where I first met InuYasha. Why did I ever meet him? If it were going to hurt this much, I wish I had never met him! But…I want to see him. I want to see InuYasha once more. I…I’m in love with InuYasha.

  • FEHeroes: Lol, so players, we're having an in-game voting competition. Choose your favorite of these heroes to win the tournament!
  • Lucina: *is in the tournament against her dad and other unsuspecting fools*
  • Lucina: *won 2nd on the website favorite heroines competition*
  • Lucina: *appeared in Awakening, Fates, Smash 4, & other spin-offs*
  • Lucina: *literally one of the most popular characters in the series*
  • Me: Gee whiz. I wonder which team I should pick?

anonymous asked:

Your top 10 moments of our!Ciel?

Oh man! This wasn’t an easy decision, there are a lot of Ciel moments I love and a lot of them are silly ones, but I tried to balance them out. In no particular order and of my own subjective opinion… hit it boys:

1) This pose, that is all.

2) When he pulled an expression so terrible it shall never be forgotten.

3) The time he giggled, it’s adorable to see him acting like a normal kid. ; - ;

4) Ciel’s “market research”.

5) When he “flirted” with Nina to get her attention, I like this scene because he reminds me of Vincent!

6) His acting in the murder arc upon seeing Sebastian, I’ve always thought he was impressive here!

7) This is a two in one, but I enjoy seeing Ciel take charge of a team in such a sophisticated and clever manner. He’s really smart! It’s nice to see it.

8) Not that it’s a very nice moment, but I do enjoy seeing how convincing he was when lying to Snake. Our little manipulator… someone help him!

9) The sheer amount of bravery he demonstrated in the face of literal demon trying to eat him.

10) His expression of complete exhaustion in CH13; it feels like we’re seeing a rare glimpse under his “mask” at this moment and it’s heartbreaking.

my favorite fics [48/?]

Homegrown by @casuallyhl; 51k, read on ao3

Summary: “It wasn’t an easy decision, if I’m honest,” Harry admits, shoulders sagging in on himself. “Moving is really difficult. My whole life was in Manchester. But Manchester didn’t want me. Leeds did.”

“Well, Leeds is happy to have you,” Louis says, giving Harry a kind smile.

Harry brightens a bit at that, undeniably pleased. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies, expression soft and lips curved.

Or, a gardening AU where Harry is new to town and the newest volunteer at the local gardening club, Louis is the attractive grandson of one of the members, and the nosy volunteers hatch a plan to get them together.

ARTICLE: Yuzuru Hanyu: I am at 20% right now (Number 934-5)

In a rink reverberating with music and the sounds of blades against the ice, quiet surrounded Hanyu. 
–– Takaomi Matsubara

Despite still trolling with one single 3A, the brat (you’ll see) shows his tender side (you’ll also see) in his pursuit of figure skating mastery and ideals…This is quintessential Hanyu––calm, confident and thoughtful as he discusses the Olympics, his programs and the significance and meaning of skating itself. - gladi.

Translated by gladi. Please do not repost without permission. Images belong to Number.


From Number Issue 934-935. Published on 2017.08.24

Contending for successive Olympic victories, the champion––Yuzuru Hanyu. Programs for the season have been decided, preparation is steadily underway. At his training base in Toronto, Hanyu talked about his thoughts on the Pyeongchang Olympics, and the ideal skate he continues to seek.

Text by Takaomi Matsubara・Photography by Asami Enomoto

Keep reading

Parent Trap

Originally posted by lowmans

Originally posted by mrssadness3

Request: Imagine co-parenting with Happy after you break up from Happys infidelity.

“What do you mean you don’t have your schoolbag?” You demanded as you walked around the dining table, wiping the surface with a cloth as you went.
“I don’t have it mama.” Your daughter answered.
“Where is it?” You asked and turned to your daughter, a spitting image of her father and you laid your hands on your hips.
She shrugged, letting her dark brown curls fall off her shoulders.
“It’s at daddy’s.” She told you as she looked up at you through thick lashes.
You sighed and tossed the cloth towards the kitchen sink and wiped your hands on your jeans.
“How many times have I told you to bring it home, Harley?”
She smiled, almost smugly, and shrugged again.
You rolled your eyes and reached out, ruffling her soft hair before turning her towards the front door.
“Come on, we’ll have to grab it on the way or you’ll be late.”
You grabbed the car keys off the counter and shuffled your daughter towards the door.
You had never been a morning person, and lately you had been fighting to keep your cool as you got Harley ready for school. Especially because she had started to make a habit of leaving things at her dads house every time she stayed there.
She was only six, but she was smart and you couldn’t help but feel she did it on purpose.
Co-parenting had never been part of the plan. God, back then everything had been so perfect.
You were his old lady and he was your old man and he had been so happy when he found out he was going to be a dad. Even the rest of the boys had been in shock by how much Happy Lowman was smiling for almost your whole pregnancy, especially when he found out he was having a little girl.
He was a good father, he had spent all his spare time with her and he had even cut back on his involvement with the club.
But that hadn’t stopped things turning bad.
Harley was four years old when you broke up.
The ‘What happens on a run stays on a run’ rule had gone out the window when that blonde whore had turned up at the clubhouse and your heart had been left broken and shattered on the floor.
He had always been faithful to you, at least so you thought but he had admitted to sleeping with the girl when they had gone on a run the month before.
It hadn’t been an easy decision to walk away but you knew you couldn’t be with a man that couldn’t be faithful to you.
You had loved him, God how you had loved him. Deep down you still did, but your mother had raised you to know you deserved better than to be cheated on and so you had taken your daughter and left.
Of course you still let him see her. You had grown up without a father and you never wanted the same for your daughter.
You hadn’t bothered going through the courts, you knew Happy wouldn’t fight you and you didn’t want him to. He saw Harley every week, she’d stay with him on the weekends and you’d have her on the weeknights while she was at school so her routine wasn’t disturbed.
But Happy still came over at least once a week to have dinner with her and you loved watching the two of them together.
She had his eyes, and his smile and your heart melted every time you looked at the two of them giggling together.
Harley Lowman was definitely the love of Happy Lowmans life.

The lot was empty apart from the row of bikes when you pulled in.
It was still early and you silently prayed that there wouldn’t be crow-eaters scattered over the floor when you walked in.
You parked in your usual spot and jumped out before letting Harley out of the car.
She hopped out happily and practically dragged you to the clubhouse doors.
She was a daddys girl and she could never hide her excitement to see her father.
It used to make you jealous but now you were used to it and honestly you were happy they had such a good relationship.
“Hurry up ma!” She cried and you rolled your eyes and pulled the door open.
She dropped your hand and ran inside, heading straight for the dorms and you followed behind her slowly.
It was always a familiar sight and it always made you nostalgic when you walked into the clubhouse.
You had so many memories here and it would always feel like home to you, but that part of your life was behind you. Thats what you had to keep reminding yourself. You weren’t an old lady, not anymore. You were just the mother of a members child, simple as that.
The place was quiet but you were thankful you didn’t see the remains of another wild SAMCRO party.
As you entered the hallway you saw Harley banging on her fathers dorm room door and you couldn’t help but smirk at the excited grin on her face.
You walked closer and leant on the opposite wall.
After only a moment the door opened and your breath caught in your throat when you saw him.
Happy opened the door in only his boxers, his ripped stomach exposed and he wiped his eyes sleepily.
You gulped as your eyes ran down his toned muscles and his intricate tattoos. You could never deny that Happy was sexy as fuck.
“Daddy!” Harley cried and hugged his legs tightly.
Happy smiled and ruffled her hair before lifting her into his arms.
“Morning baby girl.” He said quietly, his voice husky.
He looked at you and nodded his greeting.
“She left her schoolbag.” You explained.
Happy stepped back and gestured for you to enter the room and you stepped past him.
The room was the same as it always was, everything in its place and the faint smell of leather.
Happy followed you into the room and walked to the desk, Harley still in his arms and he reached down and grabbed her pink school bag off the floor.
“This is becoming a habit.” Happy said to his daughter.
She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled into him.
Happy smirked and looked towards you.
“I’ll make sure she brings it home next time.”
“Thanks.” You smiled back. “We should get going.”
“No!” Harley yelled.
Happy raised his eyebrows and pulled back from his daughter so he could look at her.
“You gotta go to school,” He told her sternly.
Harley stuck her bottom lip out and fluttered her eyelashes.
You shook your head but couldn’t help the smirk from forming on your lips. She might be like her father but she definitely got the pouting techniques from you.
Happy put her down and ruffled her hair once more.
“C’mon. Listen to your mom.”
You held out your hand and reluctantly she took it.
Happy handed you the schoolbag and you smiled at him thankfully.
“See you tomorrow for dinner?” You asked.
“Wouldnt miss it.” Happy said.
Harley glared at both of you and tugged on your hand. She always got grumpy when she didnt get her way and you both laughed.
“Say bye to your dad.” You told her.
“Bye daddy.” She said grumpily and Happy waved back, a smile on his face as he watched you both walk out the door.

It was just after lunch and you had almost made it through the stack of paperwork your boss had left on your deck when you heard a knock on your office door.
You looked up and smiled at the receptionist as she poked her head through the door.
“Theres someone here to see you,” Lara told you.
“Send them in.” You said with a smile and took a sip of coffee.
The door opened wider and you almost spat the coffee back into the cup when Happy walked into the office.
He closed the door behind him and looked at you, an amused look on his face.
What are you doing here, Hap?!” You asked and stood.
“You weren’t answering your phone.” He said with a shrug.
“My battery died.” You told him and smoothed down the pencil skirt you were wearing and you stepped out from behind the desk. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“We gotta go to school.” He said casually and leant against the wall. A toothpick sat between his lips and he twirled it across them as he looked at you.
“Is Harley okay?” You asked as concern filled you.
“She got in a fight.” Happy told you and you could almost detect the pride in his voice.
What?!” You practically yelled.
She was six years old! What on earth could she be fighting over?!
You stepped behind your desk and grabbed your handbag and slung it over your shoulder hastily.
Happy watched you as you rushed around grabbing your things and although his face was blank his dark eyes were filled with amusement.
“Lets go!” You said and rushed towards the door.
Happy stood straight and followed you, strolling casually through your workplace while you practically ran.
“You wanna ride?” Happy called to you as you pushed through the doors to the car park.
You turned back to him, one eye brow raised.
“In this skirt? No way.” You rummaged in your handbag for your keys and Happy smirked as he walked to his bike.
Finally you reached your car and you quickly started it and wound down the window.
The roar of Happys bike filled the quiet street and for a moment you wished you had taken him up on his offer. You missed riding on the back of his bike, the wind blowing through your hair as you clung to him.
But that life was behind you now, you reminded yourself. Plus, it probably wasn’t a good look to turn up to your daughters school on the back of a bike.
Happy pulled into the street and you followed him, driving quickly to the school.

“You gonna tell me what that was all about?”
Harley ignored you and walked into her room, dragging her school bag behind her as she went.
You sighed and leant against the wall.
She had been sulking all afternoon, and she hadn’t said a word in the car on the way home.
The principal had told you and Happy that Harley had gotten into a fight with a girl in her class, and she had started it but neither of you were sure why.
She wasn’t hurt, neither of the girls involved were but you couldn’t help but be concerned.
Your daughter had never acted violent before and you couldn’t imagine what could cause her to react like this.
The familiar roar of a bike echoed through your street and you opened the front door, waiting for him to pull in.
You watched as he pulled into your drive, cut the engine and swung his leg over his bike before walking towards you.
“She say anything yet?” He asked you.
You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest.
Happy neared you and he reached out to squeeze your shoulder.
“Mind if I try?”
“Go for it.” You said and stepped aside so he could enter your house.
He walked softly across the carpet and headed straight for Harleys room.
You followed slowly but you didn’t enter. Instead you leant against the wall, deciding to let him speak to her alone.
Inside, Happy knelt next to the bed where his daughter was curled up and he stroked her hair gently.
“What happened?” He asked softly.
Harley sat up and grabbed her favourite soft toy and squeezed it to her chest, but she still didn’t say anything.
Happy continued to stroke her hair slowly.
“You wont be in trouble, but you need to tell us what happened.”
Harley turned to her father, her dark eyes filling with tears.
“She said we weren’t a real family.” Harley said. Her voice was quiet but you could still hear her and you bit your lip.
“She said we would never be a real family because you and mommy don’t love each other.”
Outside the room your heart broke as you heard the sadness in your daughters voice and you couldn’t help but feel tears fill your own eyes.
Happy wiped the tears from Harleys cheek before he spoke.
“Thats not true, baby girl.” Happy told her. “We will always be a family.”
“I love you, Harley and I love your mommy. I always will.”
Harley looked at her father.
“Do you promise?” She asked.
“I promise.” He told her and kissed her forehead.
Harley smiled and lay down on her pillows. It had been a big day for her and she was exhausted.
Happy sat with her, stroking her hair til she fell asleep before he stood quietly and left the room.
He closed the door quietly behind him and he stood in the hallway, opposite you.
“You hear all that?” He asked you quietly.
You nodded and met his gaze.
“(Y/n)..” Happy said, “Do you love me?”
You scoffed.
“Of course I love you, Hap. That was never the problem.”
His jaw clenched and he stepped closer to you.
You stared into his eyes, the same familiar darkness you had looked into so many times before and your heart began to beat faster as his hands reached towards you.
His fingers gently grabbed the fabric of your shirt and he lifted it up to show his crow you had had tattooed on your hip so many years ago.
His finger traced over the design and you gulped.
“Ive done a lot of things in my life, (y/n). A lot of bad things. But theres only one thing i regret.” His words echoed through you and you couldn’t help but place your hands on his chest, clutching at his leather.
“I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. But I want you, (y/n). I want you back.”
You couldn’t deny the way you felt about Happy. You had always loved him and as he stood before you, vulnerable and close enough to kiss that desire took over you.
His jaw clenched again and just like that you lost it.
You crashed your lips against his and his arms wrapped around your waist, holding him to you tightly.
A moan left your lips as he ran his tongue along your lower lips and you pulled him closer to you.
“Are you sure?” He asked you between kisses and you smiled against his lips.
You pulled back from him and grabbed his hand, dragging him as you walked backwards towards your bedroom.
“Im sure, daddy.”

I want to think
that you did this
for the both of us,
to help us,
because it was
the right thing
to do.

I’d like to believe
that it wasn’t
an easy decision
to come to,
that it wasn’t selfish
but selfless.

And I want to imagine
that you did this
not out of hate or spite,
but out of love.

And that
what we had
was wonderful,
but in the end
was only practice
for us both.

And that now,
what we have
that you
gave us both
was a chance
to grow apart,
for ourselves,
to find ourselves,

and that honestly,
it might have been
the most unselfish,
the most sincere,
the last great act
of love that you
could give to me,

not to have
or to belong,
but to just be.

And from the bottom
of my heart,
I want to say,
I’m sorry,
I miss you,
thank you,

and I hope
one day to
make you proud
of the man
I finally become.

—  the words still haven’t run out (6/27/17), thekaijusleeps

anonymous asked:

Ayy love, how are you? I'm just looking for some fluffy-kinda-slow-burn fics that are at max 20k to 25k. Thank you mucho if you can help me 😊

Inertia by apocryphal

The last thing Derek and Cora are expecting to find outside their motel room is a gaunt Stiles Stilinski, lacrosse bag on one shoulder and the weight of the world on the other.

Under Development by dr_girlfriend

Environmental lawyer Derek Hale is determined to stop the planned defacement of his beloved Beacon Hills Preserve by the mammoth Starr Development company. To do so, he makes a deal with the devil himself — Stiles Starr, the brash young scion of the Starr family and COO of Starr Development. Derek hates Stiles at first sight. Mieczysław Stilinski, on the other hand, is someone that Derek could grow to like…or even love.
_

Excerpt:

“I have a proposition for you, Derek Hale,” Stiles interrupted. He was lounging in the corner of the car, head lolled back to expose the smooth, pale line of his mole-dotted throat. The man had a werewolf bodyguard, there’s no way he didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

“I’m not sleeping with you,” Derek blurted out, not entirely sure which of them he was trying to convince.

Instead of taking offense, Stiles’ eyes crinkled in amusement. “That’s not what I was proposing,” he said evenly. “Not that I — or anyone with eyes — would turn you down. I mean, you’re hot like burning with this whole naughty librarian vibe you have going on, but I had a different…position in mind.”

show you what all that howl is for. by doctorkaitlyn

It’s been months since he first touched Derek, when he affirmed that he was real and not going anywhere, but the fact still hasn’t really set in. Truthfully, he doesn’t know if it ever will. He thinks (and hopes) that, for the rest of his life, he is going to be continually surprised (and thankful) that someone so wonderful is in his life, and all it took to find him was for his dog to run away.

(or the one with shameless domestic fluff, where everyone is happy and everybody owns a dog.)

Inevitable You by Red_City

“I’m Derek’s mate,” Stiles gets out, breathing hard. There is silence in the room.

As he looks around, he realizes that everyone else knew.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered by TheVoiceofWrath

Derek’s soul isn’t worth anything. Can’t be, right? Not after everything. It’s an easy decision for him, then, to offer it up in exchange for his sister’s life.

If only the demon he makes the deal with weren’t so intent on hanging around until Derek’s contract is up…

Hale & Co. Supernatural Consultancy by TheLoyalFriend

Welcome to Hale & Co. Supernatural Consultancy where we assist you with problems with the supernatural. We’re open Mon-Sun, seven thirty am to nine pm. No problems too big or too small.

Geno’s interview for Maxim (April 2017). 

Big thanks to @atsomnambulist for the help with the translation! 😇

-You live in the United States ten months in a year. What do you miss most about Russia?

- It used to be difficult, my parents did not visit that much. And now I’m comfortable, all who are close and dear to me often visit Pittsburgh. I don’t worry about food, I’m not fussy. What I miss the most is the Russian banya (sauna). Whenever I arrive in Moscow, I immediately go to “Sanduny”. I like to hang out with friends, sometimes in nightclubs too. You get tired of a year of matches and flights across the America, so you need some time to relax.

Keep reading

13 Reasons Why (Tape 5)

Characters: sister!reader, Dean, Sam, John, Mary, Ketch, Gabriel

Warnings: swearing, lying, discomfort, overall angst

Word count: 5535

Summary: as he begins to resolve things with Ketch, Dean realises that the tapes need to be kept safe and hidden. He continues on to listen to tape 5 and finds out more about why you decided to take your life.

Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

“I can’t let these tapes get out, it would be the end of me working for the Men of Letters,” Ketch snapped.

“You’re worried that these tapes will be the end of your job? They were the end of Y/N’s life!” Dean screamed. He didn’t care that so many guns were pointed towards him. He was tired of everyone making these tapes about them, they were about you! “Look, I don’t care about your damn job, OK? But those tapes aren’t going anywhere, no one you work for is going to find them and there’s not a chance in hell that you are burning them!”

“I have to,” Ketch replied with a calm voice. “I can not let these get out, your word means nothing to me. You Winchesters have screwed me over more times than I can count.”

“Right back at ya, buddy,” Dean replied. “How do we know you’re not gonna take them back to the Men of Letters for some weird analysation crap?!”

“We can burn them here if we must,” Ketch complained. He didn’t understand, Dean was not letting him take them.

He looked over at Sam, gave him the nod and just like that, all four of them had their guns out. Mary shot the man to her left, John shot forward at a woman and Sam chased someone into the library. Ketch ran to Dean and knocked his gun out of his hand. More people around Ketch and Dean just started dropping like flies. Sure, there were more Brits in that room, but the Winchesters were the best. They protected those tapes because they were important to you. You needed them to be heard by everyone on there, and Dean wasn’t done yet.

Dean had taken as many punches as he had thrown, yet Ketch still seemed to be becoming weaker a lot faster. The anger inside Dean must have been pushing him past whatever he was supposed to feel; he just felt numb and continued to go at Ketch, eventually knocking him to the floor.

Ketch picked up the gun he had kicked over and was about to point it in Dean’s face. That’s when Mary turned the safety off on hers while she pressed it against the back of Ketch’s head.

“Don’t move a damn muscle,” Mary growled as Ketch realised that everyone on his side was dead. They had killed them within minutes.

“Now, now Mary,” he said as he stood slowly with his hands up in defence. “Let’s not make any bad decisions.”

Sam walked over to the tapes that had been dropped. One of them had been crushed… Tape 5.

“You destroyed one of the tapes,” Sam snapped. His voice was dangerously low.

“What? Which tape?” Dean asked in worry as he stepped forward and noticed the number on the tape. “No, no no no,” he cried. “I hadn’t listened to that one yet, I can’t miss one out. I need to know what happened to her.”

“Dean,” Ketch tried to speak.

“Shut the fuck up!” Dean fumed. “You broke the fucking thing, now you are going to fix it.”

“And why would I ever do that?“ Ketch snarled as he spat some blood from his mouth on to the floor.

“Is it yours?” Dean asked calmly although the rage was still coursing through his veins.

“What?” Ketch asked, Dean looked at him as if it was obvious and once again, he was angry.

“Tape 5!” Dean screamed. “Is it yours?”

“No,” Ketch shook his head. He started to worry when he pieced together what Dean was planning. “You wouldn’t-”

“Oh, I would,” Dean snapped back as he held the broken tape in his hand. “You will fix this thing or I swear I will give your boss your tape. Don’t try me, Ketch.”

Ketch pressed his lips together and breathed heavily through his nose. He was more worried than angry, that tape would ruin his life. “These tapes aren’t going anywhere, your bosses aren’t going to find out about them,” Sam added. “Even if they do, they don’t have a chance against us. These tapes are Y/N’s legacy… And we protect our own.”

Ketch wasn’t left unattended. Someone had a gun at the back of his head at all times because he was the most untrustworthy person any of them had ever encountered.

When it was Dean’s turn, he sat opposite Ketch at the library table with his gun pointed towards him. “Why do you wanna be rid of it so bad?” Dean asked.

“When you hear it you’ll know,” Ketch replied as he kept his eyes on the tape. He was slowly but surely fixing tape number 5.

“So what you’re saying is you hurt her-”

“What I did wasn’t good. It wasn’t good for Y/N and it wasn’t good on my behalf,” Ketch admitted, his attention was still on the tape he was fixing. “If the Men of Letters find out about what I did, it wouldn’t only lose me my job, they would kill me.”

“Why?” Dean growled quietly. His grip on the gun in his hand tightened.

“Because it goes against orders, I lied to her about something they wanted her to do and then it led to everything that happened, you’ll see when you get to my tape.”

“Everyone talks about these tapes so simply, like they’re just so easy to listen to,” Dean snapped.

“I didn’t find them easy,” Ketch replied, his focus drawing away from the tape and his eyes looking at Dean. “I liked Y/N. Not in that way of course, she was very young, not really my type. But in my cold heart I found a soft spot for the girl… Knowing that I did something that affected her life so badly wasn’t easy for me to hear.”

“So why didn’t you just burn them after you heard your tape?” Dean asked with genuine curiosity.

“Y/N said in the first tape that I was being watched, so I listened to them all.” He returned to fixing the tape, it almost looked as good as new. “When I finished the last tape I was going to burn them, but Sam took them from me and passed them on. I was never able to track them again until they were back here… Every time I remembered who the next person on the tapes were, they had already finished them and passed them on to another,” Ketch finished explaining.

Dean was still angry, but at least now he understood why. He didn’t trust Ketch as far as he could throw him, but he knew that when he let him go there was no chance he would tell the Brits about what happened. He was too scared of them finding out about the tapes.

Once the tape was fixed, they let him go. Of course, not without a stern warning from each of them first. Coming after you was a mistake that Ketch would never make again. At least Dean knew now how careful he had to be with the tapes, he couldn’t just leave them lying around for someone to find easily.

This was a lesson that Dean needed.

Ketch was gone, the dead Brits were still left in the bunker but they all bagged up the bodies and prepared them to be salt and burned. Sam quietly suggested to Dean to go and listen to tape 5 while the rest of them took care of the bodies.

Another tape. Another sad story, another thing Dean may not be able to handle. This time he took the tape to the kitchen and sat in there to listen to it. Your voice played through the headphones.

“Bad decisions. We all make them, right? I mean, some worse than others… But we all make them. Sometimes even if we know it’s the wrong decision, we just want a sense of security. We want to feel safe and sometimes making the easy yet wrong decision is the only way.”

* * *

It was a Monday which meant your brothers wouldn’t be visiting you until tomorrow. Although you were mad every time they visited because they didn’t get you out, the loneliness of them not being there was slowly killing you. It was awful. A pain that was inexplainable.

You sat in your room on the small, uncomfortable bed. It squeaked every time you moved, the springs inside stabbed into your back. All your thoughts were on every negative thing you could come up with, but you were drawn away from those thoughts when a man suddenly appeared in your room, causing you to scream. His hand came over your mouth to stop the screams. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m a brother of Castiel.”

His confidence in his words made him feel trustworthy. You never trusted any of the Angels, but this one seemed different. Even after slowly losing faith in all the people around you, it felt like you could somehow trust this Angel. He moved his hand away from your mouth and you began to question him quietly, you couldn’t let the nurses hear you talking to someone.

“You’re an Angel?” You questioned. “Who are you?”

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m not just any Angel.”

* * *

“And it was him, the sweetest and cockiest Angel I had ever met in that moment. The Archangel… The trickster…”

“No!” Dean cursed.

“Welcome to your tape, Gabriel.”

* * *

“Why are you here?” You breathed out shakily. “What do you want from me?”

“Well, your brothers have been praying a lot and quite frankly it’s annoying me,” Gabriel admitted. “They’ve been praying to Castiel, but brother dearest is busy and will not stop asking me to do the job for him. I’m here to check on you, to ask how you’re doing.“

“To check on me?” You questioned with an aggressive tone. “I’m in a damn psychiatric institution, how do you think I’m feeling?”

“Ok, you’re right. Asking how you were was a stupid question,” he admitted. “Maybe I can just cheer you up? I have nothing better to do.”

“Cheer me up, how?” You asked with genuine curiosity. Any other Angel would have just came to see if you were still alive and then left. But this one, this Archangel that the boys had told you about before, the so called ‘trickster’, was kind. Why was he kind? It didn’t make sense to you, but you didn’t want to wish it away. You needed to know what would happen next.

“Well what do you want?” He asked. “Are you hungry?”

With a click of his fingers a bacon roll appeared in front of you. “I’m a vegetarian,” you snapped at him. You wanted to see how far he could be pushed.

“My apologies.” Once again, he clicked his fingers and it was gone. “You tell me what you want, Y/N.”

“My hair is a little tangled, I hate it like this,” you complained.

“No problem,” he smiled as he passed you a hairbrush that suddenly appeared in his hands. “And here, a cupcake. It’s vegetarian, I promise.”

Gabriel placed the cute cupcake on the table next to you and gave you his sweetest smile. He was so kind. You still didn’t understand why, but you didn’t seem to care. “You want me to help?” He questioned as he took the hairbrush from you and you turned around. He gently pushed your hair back behind you so he could start brushing it. He was careful over the knots to be sure he didn’t hurt you. Who knew that Angels could be kind?

After that day, he began visiting you every day. He would bring you presents and take care of you, he made you actually want to be alive rather than cry and moan all day about how bad it was. He made you feel happy, and even though the nurses had no idea about his regular visits, they all noticed a big change in your mood. They told your father, John, that it may be time for you to leave the hospital because you were showing signs of the medication working and that they were finally increasing your levels of happiness.

It was a few months before you were allowed to leave and you owed it all to him. To Gabriel.

So, on that last day when you were released, you kissed him. On his last visit to your room you grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him close and softly kissed him. His lips were smooth, they moved gently with yours as his hand moved to the back of your head to pull you closer to him. It lasted longer than you had expected before you pulled away and smiled at him. He was perfect… But you knew it wouldn’t last. So why did you let yourself get so close? What was he going to do to hurt you?

When you were discharged from the institute, Sam and Dean were the ones to pick you up. You spoke to them happily and didn’t bother to be angry with them anymore, it wasn’t their fault you were in there anyways… It was Charlie’s. But you had to forget about her now, just focus on the positives. The things like the kiss with Gabriel.

“What’s got you so happy?” Dean asked from the drivers seat while Sam rode shotgun.

“What’s there to be unhappy about? I’m coming home from the worst place in the world and I don’t ever have to go back. I’m with my brothers, I’m happy now,” you smiled.

“Well we’re happy to have you back,” Sam replied gleefully. “And we know how much you’ve missed it so we’re buying you lunch at-”

“Louie’s Pizza Parlour Extravaganza?!” You screamed excitedly.

Dean chuckled. “How’d you guess?”

“You guys know it’s my favourite!” You exclaimed as you clapped your hands together. “This day can’t get any better.”

The boys both loved your excitement in that moment. All they were doing was taking you for pizza, to them that’s all it was. But to you it was getting to spend time with your family once again and eating a pizza from your favourite pizza parlour in the world. It was a huge difference to the food they had given you in Serenity Grove. To them it was another day, to you it was perfect.

You spent hours at the pizza place just talking and messing around, it was one of your best memories with your brothers. It was a moment you appreciated so much but it didn’t last long. Nothing good ever did.

You knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it any easier having to hear it. “Y/N, on a more serious note, we need to know what’s happening between you and dad.”

You shook your head. “I don’t have a dad.”

And you wanted that to be the end of it. No more talking about the ass that was John Winchester. Of course it wasn’t the end, but you continued to look down and eat your fries.

“Dad misses you, Y/N,” Dean spoke. “He’s happy that you’re coming home.”

“Home,” you laughed ironically. “That’s a funny word, really, isn’t it? My home is with you guys, not John and his bitch wife.”

“Hey! That’s our mom you’re talking about,” Dean snapped.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you replied sarcastically. “John and your bitch mom. There, is that better?”

“Hey, come on,” Sam tried to speak reasonably. You had only just got out and he didn’t want to cause an argument. “You and dad may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but he’s really excited that you’re coming home. So is mom.”

“If they wanted me home so badly they wouldn’t have put me in there to start with,” you replied quietly, avoiding eye contact with both of them. “But sure, let’s go back to the bunker. I knew this wouldn’t last anyway.”

So there it was, the pain once again. Why did John and Mary have to even stay with you guys? They were adults that could get out on their own and take care of themselves.

The trip back to the bunker was silent. You didn’t understand how you could go from having the time of your life with your brothers to complete silence and awkwardness. It wasn’t a strange occurrence for things to go from good to bad within a matter of seconds, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Since the ride back was so long you began thinking that maybe you could take control of this, you could control whether you were happy or sad. Even though you hated him with every fibre of your being, John was happy that you were coming home. Maybe you shouldn’t get all angry with him when you return. You weren’t going to forgive him of course, but getting angry wouldn’t bring back lost time. You just had to hold on to your kiss with Gabriel and hope that it was enough to push you to be nice to John and Mary.

As Dean parked the car outside the bunker, they both looked back at you in the back seat and were about to ask you to not react badly to John. “You guys don’t have to say anything.”

You opened the car door and stepped outside before making your way towards the bunker. You stepped in casually just like you were heading back home once again, which was what you were doing but it had just been a long time. You made your way down the stairs, your expression unreadable as Sam and Dean followed behind you. John and Mary were in the war room just waiting for you to arrive back. They stood and soon as they saw you, no one knowing how to react.

You stared at John and just thought back to the times he had visited you. You knew he was thinking about it too, those times you had attacked him and kicked and punched and screamed that you hated him. “Y/N,” he spoke softly.

And in that second, just the sound of his voice angered you. You hated him, but at the same time, you loved him. You could feel holes being burned into you from the stares you were getting from Sam, Dean and Mary. As you dropped your backpack to the floor and stepped towards John, you thought that everyone would expect you to attack him. But you didn’t speak, you didn’t say a word. You reached out your arms and hugged him.

For a moment John didn’t react. He had no idea this is how you would react. Then he sighed with relief. His daughter was home and she wasn’t mad. Of course you were, but you had to put it behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close. “I’m happy you’re home.”

You smiled to yourself because his words felt real, like he really meant them. You didn’t believe them, but hearing them was going to have to be enough. You looked over at Mary after you pushed out of the hug with John. “It’s good to have you back, sweetheart. I made you something to eat,“ she smiled.

You could have just told her that the boy’s already took you for lunch, but of course you didn’t.

“What, did you poison it or something?” You snapped as you remembered her saying that you were better off dead. You realised what you had just done, and everyone stared at you just like they were waiting for you to fuck up. No, not anymore. You weren’t going to let that be who you were. “I’m kidding!” You giggled. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a normal place. Appropriate and inappropriate kinda merge together in that place…”

“It’s okay,” Mary smiled as she reached her hand our for you. Her smile seemed genuine. It confused you, why would she be kind to you now after what she said?

Regardless, you needed to start putting effort in to improve your own life. That’s why you took her hand and let her lead you to the kitchen. You had expected the boys to follow you but they stayed where they were which just left you and Mary alone in the kitchen. She gave you the tomato pasta she had made you and sat opposite you while pouring a glass of orange juice.

Even when everyone else wasn’t around, she was nice to you. If she hated you so much and thought you ruined her family why would she still be nice even when you were both alone? “If you need anything else, just let me know.”

The whole day felt a little weird now that you had a new attitude. You all seemed to get along ok, which made you think even more that you were the problem. You weren’t the problem, families just argued sometimes and that’s part of life- no ‘one person’ is the cause of all fights between a family.

You returned to your room and began thinking of Gabriel again. You wanted to see him, you couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. It was soft and tender, he was so sweet and slow. It was perfect, you wanted more. You needed more. When you prayed, he didn’t show. Why?

You thought that he must have been busy and decided to just head back to the library where everyone was. You sat at the table in the library and picked up a book, mindlessly flicking through the pages as your thoughts were back on Gabriel.

“You know-” you heard at the same time as a flutter of wings, “-I can hear you when you think about me.”

“Gabriel!” You exclaimed as you threw the book down. “What are you doing here?”

“I was about to ask him the same damn question,” John growled. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Dad, it’s okay,” you replied and everyone’s eyes shot to you. “What? He’s a good Angel, he was there for me in Serenity Grove.”

“Yeah, I was ‘there for her’,” he winked at the rest of your family. “You know, helped her out when she was in need.”

“You didn’t need to be there for her,” Dean snapped. “Sam and me visited her every week.”

“Well, if you helped her in the way I’m talking about, that would be kinda wrong, wouldn’t it?” Gabriel asked in a cocky tone. You thought he was talking about the kiss, but then he continued to lie. “Those nights we spent tangled up the sheets really were special to me, Y/N.”

“You son of a bitch!” John screamed as he jumped forward to grab Gabriel but he just disappeared and reappeared in a different place.

“Tangled in the sheets?” You questioned. “No! Nothing like that happened.”

“You can’t deny it when I have this to prove it,” Gabriel smiled as he pulled out his phone and pressed a single button before all of your phones went off. You pulled it out to see the picture that he had sent to every single person on his contacts and you knew that he got most of them from the boys and Castiel.

The picture was compelling. He must have taken if when you closed your eyes to kiss him. The photo was cropped so that it just showed above your shirt so it looked like you weren’t wearing one, the angle looked as if you were laying down. And of course, you were happily kissing him back and your hair was a mess.

You looked up and noticed the judging looks you were getting from everyone in your family… Even from your brothers. They were the only people you cared about the opinions of. “Ok, yes, we kissed but we didn’t-”

“Save it,” John snapped. Gabriel was going to ruin everything. “You stay the hell away from my daughter,” he growled at the Archangel.

“Whatever you say,” Gabriel smiled before clicking his fingers and disappearing from the room. How could he do that to you? After everything.

“I promise it’s not true!” You tried to explain.

“Out of everyone it could have been you chose him!” John shouted. “After everything he has put our family through, you just couldn’t help yourself could you?”

* * *

“Those words were heartbreaking. You said it as if I was just a common slut that sleeps with everyone, like some cheap whore. You called me easy… If I was so easy, why did everyone find me so hard to love? Why did you?”

* * *

You had stormed off to your room after they all failed to believe you. Why would your family not trust you that you would tell the truth? You expected Mary and John to not believe you but you had thought your brothers would support you. They didn’t. They said it wasn’t a problem but that you should have admitted to it rather than trying to hide it. It just resulted in you screaming at them all and then coming to your room to cry.

As you wiped the tears away, someone unexpected appeared in your room. Gabriel. “Y/N?” He asked as he noticed your tears. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” You growled. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” You slammed your fists against his chest but as you went to do it again he grabbed your wrists.

“Just calm down, we can talk about this.”

“Why did you lie?” You sobbed as you stopped trying to pull your wrists away from his hands. “You’re ruining what I have with my family. I hate you! I hate you!” You tried to hit him again but it was just a failure and the tears continued to stream down your face.

“Hey, talk to me,” he tried to calm you.

“You lied about us having sex,” you cried. “Why?”

“Me and some of the Angels had a bet that I could convince a bunch of your friends that we really did, it’s no big deal,” he chuckled.

“No big deal?” You asked as you yanked your hands away from him. “It’s a big deal to me you asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you? Is that all I am to you? A bet?”

“No! Y/N, I wanted to kiss you.” He brushed your hair away from your face but you slapped his hand away.

“Don’t touch me. You can lie about touching me, maybe that’s one thing you can take from me, but one thing you can’t take from me is my right to say no. Now get the fuck out of my room. Unless you tell the truth, I never want to see you again.”

You felt amazing after what you said. You felt strong and powerful. You told him what was what and he knew it. You knew that through the change on his face when you told him what he could never take from you. “I guess I won’t be seeing you ever again then, Y/N, unless you change your mind.”

You stood there with your arms crossed across your chest and scoffed at his words. “Not fucking likely.”

* * *

“People were right about you Gabriel. And when I say people, I mean everyone that ever had anything to say about you. Some said you were sweet, but others said you were a liar and a cheat. They were all right. You were one book with two covers, I guess I forgot to read the other one before getting involved in your story.”

Tape 5 was over. Dean, once again, was left with his feelings after the tape. A few minutes later, Sam came in to the kitchen to grab some food. “You alright, man?”

“Gabriel’s tape was just. Wow, I mean,” he sighed. “Shit, dude. Why didn’t we believe her?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“I mean, at the time the evidence was there, he made a damn compelling case. But now I’m thinking back to it and… Why? She was our sister. We didn’t believe her, worst of all we believed Gabriel over her! She knew how much we hated that guy, how much he hurt us,” Dean began to rant. “She must have felt so betrayed… Every single one of these tapes, we always seem to have something to do with it. It’s our fault more than anyone else’s.”

“We can’t afford to think like that,” Sam said as he took a seat opposite Dean at the kitchen table.

“Why not? Because it’s the truth?” Dean growled. “We need to take some damn responsibility.”

“Not for the tapes that aren’t ours,” Sam replied quickly.

“You don’t even have one!” Dean snapped back.

“And I’m still blaming myself!” Sam finished. “You think you’re the only person that feels all this pain and that you’re the only reason why? It kills me every day to even wake up, Dean. I have to push myself to get out of bed and face another one of these fucking days where she’s gone and we have to keep living. She was my sister too… I loved her. You’re not the only one that lost her.”

“You don’t think I know that, Sammy?” Dean questioned with a softer tone. “Look, I’m sorry that all I do is complain. But I just feel like we did something wrong, like we didn’t do enough. I’m sorry, I know that you miss her… I do too. But Sammy, we can’t let it pull us apart like this. We’re gonna all have to be there for each other if we’re going to get through this…”

Sam just looked down at the table before nodding. “I was thinking about what you said before about Jody, that we haven’t visited in a while. She called earlier and asked if we wanted to go visit, she might have found a case.”

Dean smiled with a nod. “Just me and you? What about mom and dad-”

“They’ve already found a hunt somewhere else,” Sam interrupted. Dean knew that it was because they didn’t want to go, but he just nodded at Sam’s lie. He couldn’t be bothered with even more arguing. “Ok, better get packing…”

They both headed off to their rooms to just grab a few shirts and everything they would need for the next few days. As Dean was about to put his wallet away, he realised that he still had the note in there that you had left Sam for the tapes. He thought about it for a few moments before taking it out and holding the folded piece of paper between his fingers. He sat there on his bed, took a deep breath and began to open up the letter.

His fingers brushed over it as he smiled at the fact it was your handwriting. He always remembered that when you were researching you would write things down that could be of importance later. Then, before he could stop himself, he began to read the letter.

Sam…
Sammy.
I know that this letter will be hard for you to read.
But I promise you, it can’t be as hard as it is writing it.
I need you to do me a favour with these tapes that I’m leaving you…
I need you to make sure that everyone on there listens to them…
And I want you to listen to them too.
These tapes are the only legacy I’m leaving.
When you read this letter it will already be too late, I’ll already be dead.
I love you and Dean so much, and I’m sorry for what I’m about to do to you.
Well, to you, it’s what I’ve already done.
It’s my time, I know it’s my time. I just can’t do it anymore.
You don’t need me, you’ll move on to the next problem that life gives you and forget.
I never wanted to hurt you and Dean, and I wish I didn’t have to do this,
But I do. It’s the only way for me to feel okay again.
I’m so lucky to have met such a amazing people like you and Dean. You’re my family.
I don’t deserve you guys, I never did. I would have destroyed you,
Just like how I destroyed my mom. It’s what I do, I ruin people’s lives.
I couldn’t live knowing that I could ever hurt you. I love you both too much.
I hope you can forgive me. I’m so sorry. I love you.
Love from, Y/N

Dean’s tear dripped on to the paper; that was how he eventually realised at he was even crying. The letter was powerful, it was so full of love for them but hatred for yourself.

“You ready to go man?” Sam asked as he knocked at Dean’s bedroom door.

“Yeah,” Dean hid the rest of the tapes in the safe in his room and put tape 6 in the player, ready for when he was at Jody’s. He finished the letter, and now he’d finished tape 5. He was ready for tape 6. “Let’s get this show on the road.”