earthworms

me, giving the babadook his daily bucket of worms from 7 feet away in my basement: h-h-h-here y-you go m-m-mr. babadook i-i hope… i hope they’re to you’re l-liking…. 

the babadook, screeching inhumanly for a moment before stopping abruptly: ellie should i have stayed in the closet?

me, shocked at his forwardness to show his emotions, letting my guard down as my inevitable need to comfort others overwhelms me: b-baba, no… sweetheart don’t you ever think that… you are loved. you are valid. you are an inspiration to all of us. please tell me you’re not rethinking coming to pride?

the babadook, clicking his long, spindly fingers together and gently kicking the bucket of earthworms with his toe: i dunno… everyone just has this predisposed idea about me that i’m just like. a stereotypical gay guy, not that there’s anything wrong with that but it’s like… idk. i just wanna be accepted y’know? like i just love men a lot and it took me a long time to be able to say that… you know what i mean?

me, sitting down next to him and offering him a worm as we chill on the basement floor: yeah dude i feel you. tell you what… you think over it for the next day or two, and if you don’t wanna go i wont force you. but, those people who think those things of you are such a small minority that they hardly matter in the grand scheme of things. you’re important and loved and valid and you’re gay! and there’s no right or wrong way to BE gay, no matter what straight people say.

the babadook, slurping some worms: ur right ellie, thanks… ur a real one…

me, touching my hand to my chest in quiet contemplation, shaking my head gently: no i… thank You baba. really. thank You.

The signs as WTNV proverbs

Aries: “There’s a difference between your, you’re, and yarn. Yarn isn’t even pronounced the same way. It’s a completely different word.”

Taurus: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say your mother’s in the hospital? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen, I’ll drive you over there. We’ll leave right now. Grab a coat, it’s a little cold out. I’m so sorry.”

Cancer: “You won’t sleep when you’re dead, either.”

Leo: “At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire.”

Virgo: “You can’t get blood from a turnip. Listen you need some blood? I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and follow me to the blood. There’s a lot of blood.”

Sagittarius: “Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn’t a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich.”

Aquarius: “Feeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like you’re covered in dirt and wet leaves? Like you’re an earthworm? Are you an earthworm? Kinda sounds like you’re an earthworm, actually.“

Capricorn: “Soccer is also commonly known as football, Canadian baseball, American football, violent jogging, and World War II.”

Gemini: “Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Except ostriches. What the hell, man?

Libra:  “Please keep all arms and legs inside the car at all times. Also, you are under arrest. Why is your car full of limbs? Whose are these?”

Pisces:  “Listen, I’m not a hero. The real heroes are the people that point out to us when protesters have smart phones, thus invalidating all concerns.”

Scorpio: “Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…”

Bug smells

Mealworms: dry grainy farts. Dad farts
Superworms: dry smooth boys
Crickets: hell, corpses and trash milkshake
Locusts: tiny coffee beans
Dubia roaches: mild cat piss and sweat
Waxworms: bark and nuts
Silkworms: mulberry sewage
Butterworms: oranges, nice! Good boys
Calciworms: compost
Blue bottle fly larvae: powdered milk and death
Fruit beetle larvae: soil, sin and vomit
Earthworms: organic. Natural. Healthy.
Springtails: bro how do you even
Isopods: eat all the bad smells, good boys

Sonic the Hedgehog is basically some sort of freaky cryptid, isn’t he?

No, I don’t mean because he’s an electric blue hedgehog, though there is that.

I mean… like, back in the day when 2D platformers were all the rage, everybody wanted to be the next Mario. There were about a billion different attempts to manufacture a mascot-driven platformer franchise by corporate decree; some flew high and crashed hard (e.g., Earthworm Jim); some were bad jokes right from the get-go (e.g., Bubsy); and some have just bumbled along doing their thing, no gushing headlines but no hysterical laughter (e.g., Rayman) - and then there’s Sonic.

Sonic is the one mascot-by-committee who’s managed to make good. He has a goofy design, a self-consciously “edgy” personality, and basically nothing to distinguish him from any of dozens of failed efforts, yet everybody loves him. And on top of all that:

a. Most of his output has ranged from mediocre to terrible for longer than the bulk of his current fanbase has been alive - there are literally kids who love Sonic in spite of the fact that his last standout game came out before they were born; and

b.  He’s a console mascot for a defunct console.

… and yet he’s coasted on pure name recognition for decades, and is routinely mentioned in the same breath as mascots like, well, Mario.

Like, I’m not saying it was aliens, but…

MBTI types as Night Vale proverbs

istj: “There’s a difference between your, you’re, and yarn. Yarn isn’t even pronounced the same way. It’s a completely different word.”

isfj: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say your mother’s in the hospital? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen, I’ll drive you over there. We’ll leave right now. Grab a coat, it’s a little cold out. I’m so sorry.”

infj: “You won’t sleep when you’re dead, either.”

intj: “At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire.”

istp: “You can’t get blood from a turnip. Listen you need some blood? I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and follow me to the blood. There’s a lot of blood.”

isfp: “Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn’t a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich.”

infp: "Feeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like you’re covered in dirt and wet leaves? Like you’re an earthworm? Are you an earthworm? Kinda sounds like you’re an earthworm, actually.“

intp: "Soccer is also commonly known as football, Canadian baseball, American football, violent jogging, and World War II.”

estp: “You can lead a horse to water, and you can lead a horse into water, and you can swim around with the horse and have fun.”

esfp: “On this day in history: mundanity, and terror, and food, and love, and trees.”

enfp: “If you love something, set it free. If it starts flying around and chirping, it was probably a bird.”

entp: “Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Except ostriches. What the hell, man?”

estj:  “Please keep all arms and legs inside the car at all times. Also, you are under arrest. Why is your car full of limbs? Whose are these?”

esfj:  “Listen, I’m not a hero. The real heroes are the people that point out to us when protesters have smart phones, thus invalidating all concerns.”

enfj: “Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We are not accepting applications at this time. Please try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…”

entj: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single command from a satellite-activated mind control chip.”

4

WORMS !! Recently started vermicomposting, and it’s been going ok so far… I’m worried it’s too hot (although these are tropical blue worms) but so far there hasn’t been mass escapes or deaths so I guess things are ok ! They do eat aggressively, but I only started out with 20 worms so I don’t feed them much for now! Been reading a lot about permaculture and edible gardening, which I’m going to try out on a little plot of pavement space I have.. will be tagging these non-succulent posts with #diamond-dust so you can block the tag if you’re not interested !