earth oddity

It’s early in the morning and nobody will probably read this but I just had the greatest ‘humans are space orcs’ idea

Imagine if humans are the only species that experiences impatience.

Think about it. Most prey animals are extremely patient. Ever meet a deer or a rabbit in the woods and hold still to try and out-wait the thing? I can guarantee your brain starts sending bored bored bored messages very quickly, and your instincts start telling you to give up and find something else to do. Humans can do the patience thing- as evidenced by our endurance hunting methods- but our instincts tell us not to. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this feels like a predator development. I have the idea that if aliens are mostly prey-based, and we’re predator-based, then the aliens will be very patient and we just aren’t.

As an evolutionary development, being impatient can be brilliant. It means that we didn’t sit around and wait for the ice caps to warm up, we knew we didn’t have the technology to survive that level of cold, but we did it anyways. We were trying to send people into the sky and then into space before we had fully figured it all out, simply because we didn’t want to wait and think it out, we wanted SPACE and we wanted it NOW. And personally, I tend to be extremely productive and inventive when I’m feeling impatient. Mechanic is booked for a few days? I’ll figure out how to change my oil and tires and tint my car’s windows myself. Strawberry season is still 4 months away? I’ll get a heat lamp setup and grow them myself. Friends can’t visit and help move furniture for a week? I’ll build a trolley out of some toy cars, tape, a chessboard, and do all the lifting myself.

This impatience is what made us design faster cars, faster computers, faster internet, faster communication, methods of growing food faster, of processing food faster, we’re always looking for the quickest and most efficient thing simply because we are not patient. 

Impatience leads to a type of creativity and persistence that patience just doesn’t have.

Imagine aliens starting to realize this.

“You got to your moon before you had developed LED screens??? You didn’t even have computers that could do basic math?!”
“Well, what else were we gonna do, sit around and wait?”

“Your planes don’t have gravitational control? Don’t you experience discomfort from the acceleration and directional changes?”
“Sure. But we needed to get on the other side of the planet in a decent amount of time.”
“So… what you’re articulating is that you’d rather have physical distress than have to have a long journey?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Human____, our mechanical teams will be on site in several of your earth hours, so we won’t be going anywhere until then.”
“Screw that. Where’s the manual for this thing? I bet I can fix it.”
“But you don’t have any mechanical training.”
“I also don’t feel like sitting around on this rock for ages.”

“You’re back already? I thought your medical representative told you to not be walking on that limb for another of your weeks.”
“Ugh. I just can’t anymore. I’ve got to get up and move and do something, anything.”
“But doesn’t that hurt to walk on?”
“Absolutely.”
“…You would choose pain over waiting?”
“What can I say, I’m not a patient person.”

Like aliens just being baffled that humans would rather work hard or struggle with a problem or even experience pain and discomfort. They, as prey species, are used to just waiting it out. They don’t have the same impatience driving them to get up and go and to fight through things just because they can’t wait any longer.

Bonus: 
Human: Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Alien: Why don’t you have time? Is something scheduled soon?
Human: No, I just don’t feel like wasting time.
Alien: But… it’s not wasted. It’s time well spent. And you do technically have the time to spare for that. If there’s nothing scheduled, then you do ‘got time for that’.
Human: No. No, I don’t. It’s just… no.

Imagine aliens reacting to human eating habits.

For instance, taste. Like, one day an alien notices the human crew member dumping something bright orange on their midday ration.

Alien: Does your supplement not have the right nutrients/?
Human: No, it just tastes bad.
Alien: ????
Human: Well, not precisely bad, but bland. It’s boring. So I thought I’d spice it up a bit. *waves bottle of bright orange substance*
Alien: You add items to your food that provide no necessary sustenance???
Human: Oh, just wait ‘til you hear about junk food.

‘Cause humans eat stuff that is not good just for the sensation. Like really spicy foods, chewing gum, and all these spices. And the aliens don’t get it. You put that in your body? Doesn’t that mess up your digestive system? What purpose does it serve?

Or human eating rituals. If you eat with one group of humans there are all of these utensils, some of which look extremely similar, but each with it’s own unique purpose. And if you don’t use the right one at the right time it’s a social faux pas. Then another group mostly uses their hands and lick their fingers. Does this not introduce pathogens? And you’ll see the same human doing both behaviors.

And there’s the whole concept of a meal as a social endeavor. Humans will have a meal with those they are close with as a sign of affection. Humans don’t even spend the entire meal eating, no they use it to talk. Business is done, friends catch up, families share news. All over a meal.

Aliens considering food a necessity not to be discussed in public. Yet here are these humans, who post pictures of their food to social media, share recipes, use food as a social catalyst, and as comfort. Hell, comfort food as a completely human idea that aliens don’t understand.

Anyway, humans are weird.

Humanity is so beautiful

So I learned two cool things about humans: 
Humans have stripes!
Human skin is overlaid with what dermatologists call Blaschko’s Lines, a pattern of stripes covering the body from head to toe. The stripes run up and down your arms and legs and hug your torso. You cannot see them without special equipment as the difference between the stripe cells and the non-stripes are too subtle for human eyes to pick up. You will also notice them at if something irritates the skin, as rashes and moles can form along these invisible lines.

Humans are bio-luminescent!
We glow in the dark. Natural chemical reactions in our cells let out some energy in the form of visible light. Unfortunately this light is very weak, about 1000 times weaker than the eye can see. Scientists still don’t know if there are animals capable of seeing this light in humans. 

So, it gave me an idea, and I will be writing something on it, but I’m also eager to see where others would go with the idea: what if humans met a race that could see our stripes, or our glow, or both! 
My take on the idea will involve the aliens adoring these glowing stripy creatures. Humans, meanwhile, are really confused about why these aliens find us so much more attractive than the more colourful creatures out there. Their compliments would confuse us. We literally cannot see what makes us beautiful to them. 

Anyone who wants to write this, feel free to go other places; love, hate, disgust, confusion. Any reaction from the humans, or aliens, can make a good story. 

You know, a lot of the Space Orcs posts have humans as the not-as-technologically-advanced species in the galaxy who came into whatever intergalactic government exists, but in reality humans would probably be one of the first species to achieve interstellar travel due to the fact that we have absolutely no sense of safety.

Humans say they want to go to the moon? Yeah right, they don’t even have nuclear power under control. But instead they just stick themselves in an explosive powered tube that has a computer less powerful than today’s average calculator and LAUNCH THEMSELVES INTO SPACE

The humans wanted to build a giant particle collider? Sounds good, but wait! There’s a chance that it could create a black hole, LETS DO IT ANYWAYS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

And how about the hydrogen bomb? Scientists thought it could LIGHT THE ATMOSPHERE ON FIRE. Did they stop? NO, THEY TESTED IT ANYWAYS

Imagine aliens going through our scientific records and realizing how little we care what negative results happen, they do stuff just to satisfy their curiosity. They threaten their very existence in the universe to answer a simple question, a question that brings fear to any non-human ears that hear it, and that question is “But why?”

Humans are odd

To jump into the whole humans are space oddities, imagine an aliens reaction to contacts.

Human Kayla had recently joined the ships crew, who all felt rather prepared. They got her a hamster and everything. And so, they go on for a good two weeks until Human Kayla says her contacts were irritating her.

So, of course, everyone is super freaked out because, “Human Kayla! What are these contacts you speak of? Are they part of your body?” and etc.

But then they watch her reach to her face and shove her finger onto her eye. And peel a bit of it off.

And now, of course, the aliens are terrified, because humans can casually peel the top part of their eye off if it hurt them, and it was once again time to update the intergalactic human manual.

Human: *juggles*
Alien: !?
Human: Oh, yeah, it’s just a trick I picked up. Just for fun. I’m not, like, a real juggler
Alien: ‘Real’ In these contexts indicates a profession? There are people who do this for money?
Human: Oh yeah! I got a friend who’s a professional juggler *finds YouTube video*
Alien: !!
Human: Yeah, and also there’s combat juggling
Alien: This is a metaphorical combat, yes? For social dominance? You do not injure each other?
Human: Well, I mean, some injuries are gonna happen. That’s why my friend – the guy in that video – he can’t do combat juggling very much. He can’t risk injury, cuz he has to perform. it’s super fun, though. 
Alien: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??

This is inspired by the fact I can’t pay attention in my LA class. Enjoy!

Human’s can’t pay attention for shit, okay.

I’m not talking about ‘oh I zoned put for a minute whoopies daisy’ but forgetting what you are doing in the middle of doing the exact action. Human’s have such complicated brains, right? So, theoretically, we be able to concentrate for hours at a time. But nah. If our brain registers something as boring, it attempts to nope situation, because we need stimulus. If we don’t get it, our brain tries to force us to do other things - even if we can’t.

There was another post around here about how Aliens could hyper focus on certain tasks to get shit done (gotta hunt that down later for credit but its 12 am and im tired sorry) and how human’s being inpatient could confuse them. What about how human’s can think about multiple things at once? Like ‘No, Ari'ik, I’m not just making dinner at 7pm! Steven Universe comes on and I’m definitely not missing that. My nephew is being dropped off started. I need to have a play pen set up. My little sib is going to a sleep over and needs to be dropped off by 8. I have to pack eveyones lunches, clean the house, do the dishes, wash laundry, shower, and be in bed by 9.’ Don’t get me started on stuff like homework because I could probably rant until my lips fall off.

I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes my brain wants to procrastinate so badly my words literally run into each other. A quick example of this; ‘And so Franny Devut is the true heroine of the story despite WHOISTHEMAIDWITHTHE BUTTERCUPHAIR her questionable WHOSLEEPSONMOONBEAMSANDDANCESONAIR methods of WITHTEARSMAIDOFHONEYANDAHEARTFULLOFBUNNIES obtaining WHOSINFINATEDVIRTUESAREKNOWWIDE IN FAAAARRRRRRRR information! ITSMEWNISOWNDEARESTOURPRINCESSSTAR’ I could easily see aliens sending in their small, day-dreamer human friend for an infiltration mission. The human gets capture for interrogation, but the mind reader can’t tell if they’re telling the truth or not, because who the fuck thinks about chocolate cake when standing in front of two intergalactic tyrants.

Feel free to add on to this if you want, it’s pretty short!

Alien/Human Interactions

-Aliens seeing how many times humans declare war on each other throughout history and thinking that humans enjoy war as some sort of sport or spectacle

-Aliens coming into possession of human sci-fi horror films and being worried that their human companions are afraid of them

-Aliens coming into possession of positive human representations of aliens and forming huge crushes on Mr. Spock and ET

-Aliens first discovering humans through stray TV broadcasts of the Brady Bunch, Grease, and other vintage tv shows. Intergalactic fashion suddenly shifts to favor clothing similar to 50s greaser jackets and sweaters

-Aliens falling in love with human fashion and parading around in poorly applied makeup (the said aliens watched dozens of tutorials on YouTube), bonus points if the alien is traditionally masculine looking. “I look like your human goddess Beyonce and you cannot convince me otherwise, human Steve.”

-Aliens falling in love with human languages and printing human words all over their clothing like Americans do with French words. However, they often mix up the languages by picking and choosing which words they like the best, so the phrases turn out like “C'est good, nyet?”

-Aliens relating more to neurodivergent people because of how their brains work, bonding with humans over different strengths and weaknesses

-Aliens seeing all the ways humans go thrill-seeking (rollercoasters, skydiving, bungee-jumping, water slides) and scolding their humans for putting themselves in danger oN PURPOSE

-Aliens tasting spicy foods for the first time and and scolding their humans for eating FIRE

-Aliens being worried that their human love interests find them unattractive and trying different things to look more human

-Aliens being confused by human daydreaming and infant “pretending”. Why would humans want to be anything else? They are already perfect.

-Aliens having the same weird fantasy of being “abducted” and “probed” by humans that we have of them

-Aliens having weird 70s style videos on “Human Etiquette”, with incredibly inaccurate info on how humans actually act

-Aliens first coming into contact with dogs and animals because we sent those into space first, assuming that humans are the same and attempting to placate them with tummy rubs and rubs behind the ears

When do you sleep?!

Humans are (supposed to be) a daylight species. We have excellent colour definition, possibly some the best in the animal kingdom, depth perception which is second to none and excellent ability to detect movement and spot predators who are even camouflaged against their usual prey. Our circadian rhythms are tuned for daylight hours. We wake with the sunrise and get sleepy with the sunset. 

We have poor night vision and humans are, from birth, afraid of two things; the dark and snakes. 

However…. some people seem naturally night people, working at their best as the sun goes down and staying up all night to work or play. The rest of us can adjust our rhythms For some people it’s easy, others not so much but we can still do it and usually with only a couple of days to adjust fully. We can work night-shifts and sleep during the day; the exact opposite of what we’ve evolved for. And should our night jobs end and go back to day jobs, we adjust back even quicker. No other animal on the planet has the ability to adjust its natural rhythms as well as we do. Day creatures can be trained to work at night, night creatures can be active during the day, however they are known to be uncomfortable and not at their best during these times. 

It makes sense that spaceships would have some kind of day/night cycle to help people maintain normal circadian rhythms. with brighter lights during the day and dimmer lights coming on at night.  So, imagine aliens, either nocturnal, diurnal, or crepuscular (most active at twilight). Yet no matter when these aliens wake up, there’s always a human kicking around and doing stuff and they seem to be working at their best like this is their natural time. 

More Humans Are Weird

Okay, but this: we’ve established that humans have an odd perception of injuries. But what about how many are afraid of doctors? 

Alien: Human Alana, that is a lot of blood. Are you okay?

Human, with cut foot: It’s just a cut. Hardly feel anything. *looks closer* Oh, cool. Hey, is that my tendon?

Alien: By my knowledge, if you are able to see the bones or tendons, you need stitches. Should we not get you to the medical bay immediately?

Human *uncomfortable*: Or… what would happen if I just, you know… didn’t? I mean, I’m fine with a bigger scar. Scars are cool.

Alien: But does your species not get infected wounds??

Human: We do… but I really don’t want to get stitches.

Alien: Human Alana, I believe I must insist! It is for your well-being!

Human: *starts to panic*

Alien: *Freaks the fuck out because they don’t know what to do*

My contribution for the humans are weird: Deja Vu eddition

The concept of deja vu. Like it doesn’t happen that often to humans so it’s pretty normal if aliens didn’t know that can happen to a human. Maybe it only happens to humans and aliens misunderstand the entire concept.


One time on an away mission we encountered it first. It was with human-Chloe, our pilot. I and a few others were with her sent to explore an unknown asteroid belt. It was fairly dangerous but we had learned that human instinct, their so called ‘gut feeling’ was quite handy at times. So the captain assigned her with us. I still don’t know how the human gut is involved in their logical thinking, something that to known knowledge happens in their brains, but who knows with that species. 

We had mapped the outer rings and were busy with the inner parts of the belt, all went well. Human-Chloe cut some close edges, she calls it efficient manoeuvring, I call it nausiating, but we finished mapping the belt and were ready to fly back. I was watching human-Chloe closely, trying to brace myself for her ‘efficient manoeuvring’ when I noticed her shift uncomfertable in her chair. ‘Is everything okay human-Chloe?’ I asked. She turned around and brushed it off. ‘Oh, just deja vu.’ ‘What is that? Are you alright?’ I asked. Humans are know to be able to brush of major pain when they are busy. I looked outside anxiously. We were flying through a dense astroid field, human-Chloe needed to be in top condition for this and her frowning didn’t reasure me at all.

‘I just feel like I’ve experienced this before.’ Human-Chloe explained. She made a sharp turn, way to sharp if you ask me. ‘It’s nothing to worry about.’ I didn’t dare question her any further, instead held on for dear life as she nearly crashed into some astroids. I never knew humans were sensitive to the fourth dimension. But it would explain why human-Chloe wasn’t worried at all when cutting close edges. If she knew what was going to happend then that would explain why she was such a good pilot. This was great news, fourth dimentional sensitives on our crew! I knew there was more to that ‘gut-feeling’ of theirs.

When we got back I immediately went to update the system on our human knowledge. Weird they never mentioned it before, maybe humans think everyone has that. I can’t wait to ask human-Chloe how their 4D sensitivity works in detail!!

Humans are weird

So I’ve been seeing a bunch of these humans are weird space orcs from space Australia stories touching on different mental illnesses but haven’t seen any on DID so I thought I’d take a crack at it:


Zu'lak: Human Tera!

*seconds go bye*

Zu'lak: *starts moving closer* Human Tera!

Me *whispery scratchy voice*: Oh hey, uh Tera isn’t around at the moment, whaddya need?

Zu'lak: What do you mean Human Tera is not here? I can clearly see you standing in front of me. And what is wrong with your voice? Are you ill?

Me: *sighs* In a way yes. We have this disorder, dissociative identity disorder, it’s something our brain did as a coping mechanism as a result of trauma as a child. In layman’s terms we essentially have multiple people sharing a body.

Zu'lak: I do not understand. You have multiple sentient life forms all inhabiting one body? And you are still able to function? How many of you are there?

Me: More or less yeah, there are a LOT of other stuff that come along with it. And the amount of people can vary from system to system, some have just a few, some have dozens.

Zu'lak: Dozens?? *writes all this down in a notebook* So if you are not Human Tera what are you referred to as?

Me: Dawn.

Zu'lak: Very well Human Dawn–

Me: Just Dawn is fine.

Zu'lak: Very well Dawn. Come with me you must inform me of all you know of this disorder you have so we may accommodate you accordingly.

Humans are odd

Okay, I have been reading a bunch of the humans are weird/humans are space orcs and I just thought…

What about all those odd little phrases that we have? Like, the aliens have gotten used to the fact that there are multiple languages and dialects and such, but what about those little words or phrases just used within one family or friend group?

Like, another way to say ‘going to your room’ for me might be ‘going to death’ or ‘back to the dungeon’. Or my family might say ‘donkey’ as a play on danke for ‘thank you’. Or I’ll say ‘good niggit’ instead of ‘good night’

And just like??? the aliens being so confused like ‘??? is this??? part of your dialect??? wtf are you even saying’

A species of warlike creatures, the dryzal, were the first to notice the humans, to them we were nothing but a bunch of hairless rats with a collective ego big enough to power an entire empire for several generations.

They took great humor in crushing us, so much so that they gave us fair warning. And that was their biggest mistake.

When they made landfall they were not greeted by an army of any kind, instead they found a small team of politicians. The Dryzal were astonished, they had even warned these beings of their presence and all they sent were people tried to talk, not to fight!

The admiral decided to humor these beings and discuss their terms of surrender, but when the human negotiator walked in, he was smiling!

“Good morning Admiral, how are you today?”

“Ready to crush you beneath my boot you puny rodent! Now stop with your useless babbling and get to business before I command my fleet to bomb your planet into submission!”

“If you wish. To put it simply you believe that you are in a superior position to us, it is my job to correct this assumption and inform you about the true hellhole of a position you put yourself in.”

At this point the Admiral was more than enraged. He had been insulted by this species again and again, and this show of bravado was the last straw.

“HUMAN” he screamed “YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS TO GIVE ME A REASON I SHOULDN’T TURN THE SURFACE OF YOUR PLANET TO GLASS”

“For starters” the politician smiled “We have enough nuclear weapons stored on in this military base alone to wipe your species out of our system, but that would be too easy. While we’ve been talking, teams of commandos have infiltrated your command ships and have taken complete control.”

He continued with a type of angry calm unknown to the dryzal “From the information we gathered from the onboard computers, we know exactly where your homeworld is and with your ships it will be absolutely no issue getting there. If you harm a single occupant of this planet we will turn every one of your weapons against you and glass your planets.”

The dryzal laughed, after all there was no way these pasty beings could have accomplished any of these feats, right?

Just to prove that the human was mentally unstable, he pulled out his communicator “Admiral Joz to Planet Eater, respond” But the com stayed silent. “Humph” he said “your sun’s solar flares must be interfering with our communication systems”

“Perhaps” said the politician shrugged “or maybe I’m right.” At this he pulled out a radio of his own and said “two shots”

The Planet Eater fired off two wide bore lasers into space, easily noticeable from the window of the building.

NOW the Admiral was listening

“What are your terms?” He asked, clearly defeated

“Leave everything behind and pack all of your troops into unarmed transports, go back to your empire and never return.”

The legend of the Humans spread quickly, and they were quickly both feared and revered as the destroyer of worlds and the freer of species. They were warriors, and nobody dared test that again

Science

If there was a species that was super cooperative when it comes to science, how would they feel about the competition between scientists here? We developed space travel because 2 nations were racing to get to the moon first. When people were discovering elements, chemists rushed to find new elements to gain naming rights and make themselves well known. 

While we’re on the topic of chemistry, how would the aliens feel about our naming system? Basically, if you found it first you can name it anything you want, which leads to things like Curium and Berkelium after scientists, Americium and Europium after the places, or Plutonium and Neptunium after planets. Hell, there’s even weird scientific names in biology, like Aha Ha (a wasp) and Han Solo (a trilobite).

Tossing in my 2cents for humans are space orcs

For time immemorial, sector df-17 of the galaxy had been used as an industrial waste dump, for want of a better term. Gravity distortions had filled it with an exorbitant amount of random debris, choking clouds of toxic dust and the whole area was bathed in lethal radiation that rendered all forms of long distance communications uselessly scrambled . The common name of the area translated as dead zone, wasteland, or the boonies. A hundred different worlds would bring their derelict ships here, ships too worthless to bother with, or considered too dangerous to strip down and salvage. They brought them here and cast them into the wastes.

It should be noted, that “worthless” and “Too dangerous” are terms relative to the scale of an operation, as well as one’s rationality and desperation. What makes for a poor or pointless company’s bottom line, is more than enough to keep a small salvage ship running, with a crew that’s well fed. Salvaging ships from the wastes was not illegal per se, but was seen as distasteful, dirty, and a living for those with few to no other options.

Kurthar’s ship was weeks deeper into the wastes than they had ever been. Pickings had been slim this run, and xe was worried if they’d gather enough trade goods to even refuel. Ran-gee, the communications and sensor operator had shut down most of the ship in an attempt to reduce interference and extend their scanner range. Xis personal communicator crackled as Ran-gee called out.

“Hey, Kurthar. I think I’m picking something up. Come have a look.” Kurthar ran a clawed hand over his skull frill in a subconscious gesture of hiding his concerns. It was a short walk to the bridge where Ran-gee squinted into the glowing monitor. “It’s so distorted that I thought it was glitch, or interference of some kind… but its a hot reactor, that’s for sure. Really, insanely hot. I’d argue that someone peeled the shielding away and left it just on the edge of critical. Why anyone would do that is beyond me.”
“Someone laying a trap ship out here seems like a stretch, but it’s possible. Or it had some biological contamination that they left the core exposed with the hope of killing it off.”
“The radiation levels should do that nicely.” Ran-gee leaned forward, quickly making adjustments. “It’s moving.”
“Moving?”
“Moving moving. Like it’s under power moving.”
Kurthar paled, “Someone is flying it? Is there a distress beacon? Maybe they had a failure and are trying to limp to port.”
“This far out? It would be a damn desperate move.”
“I’d do it if I had no other choice. Hope they can treat the poisoning later.”
“I guess. But there’s no beacon. And…” Xe tried to resolve the scanner results. “The reactor signature looks like its Trath, but the drive reads N’gthy.”
“It must be interference. The N’gthy have no business with the Trath. Not in a million eons.”
“I’ve rechecked it twice. Also… there seems to be some dust haze around it that looks like its reflecting Gamma radiation.”
“Is it a weapon of some kind?”
“They’d be firing a Gamma beam of like 130 petawatts at nothing. And not just a burst, this is a continuous beam.”
“What in the great egg would do that?”
“ If we stay here too much longer, we’ll find out. It’s 4 causal seconds out, and approaching fast. I for one don’t think we should be anywhere near it’s back-end after it passes.”
“Spin up the engines, and move us to a safe distance.”
“I don’t think there’s a safe place in this sector.” Ran-gee said, swiftly moving to activate the drive systems.
The scanner unit chimed an alert.

They both turned in dawning horror to see that some kind of radio signal was suddenly focused on them. A quick repeating ping.
The strange ship was altering course toward them.
Their heads swung in unison as the Communications console on the other side of the bridge also chimed its own alert.
“it’s trying to contact us.” Ran-gee moved to the com panel. “The Identifier says its Iderant.”
“All of the Iderant died in the old wars ages ago.”
“Maybe there were some hiding out here?”
“I guess we are about to find out.” Kurthar said, as Xe opened the channel. The face that appeared on the screen was… disquieting. Snoutless, flat. Some raised, bulbus structure in the center of what must have been its face. It was scaleless, and a greyish pink color, as if it had been burned and had its skin removed. It sprouted some kind of growth from the crown of its skull, like a brown moss. It opened what must have been its thin, round, tiny mouth and bared its teeth in a show of aggression. The screen froze, and alarm klaxons began sounding from nearly every ship system. The drive system went into emergency shutdown, forcing the reactor into standby mode.
Ran-gee was trying to make sense of it. “The ship is outputting some kind of defense screen around it. It generating some kind of pulsing wave of gravity distortions, and a magnetic field that forcing our systems into triggering their safety protocols. Its scrambling the main processor, and radiation levels are high enough that the core thinks there has been a breach.”
A ship so wrong in so many ways, that even nearby vessels would lock up in panic. A ship that seemed to have been stitched together from trash, insanity, and nightmares. A ship filled with snarling, scaleless monsters.
Kurthar could only look on helplessly as it moved into position to dock with him, the door responding to a hail from what it believed to be one of its own kind.


This was how the Nuklan met what called its self the Human race. A race that after throwing itself into space atop giant explosions, had found the void riddled with relics and artifacts. They had taken everything they had found apart, and learned from it, or used it. Often repurposing simple devices with complex and insane new uses. One of these was how the E.S.S Clark, The ship which so confused, and frightened Kurthar, had repurposed simple gravity units into containment for its drive core. A small, artificially constructed quantum singularity.

The worlds had to be cautious. If a human even saw an image of some technology unknown to them, or worse yet got to touch it, the humans would have their own version of it in less than a cycle.

They had a nickname for the humans. These reckless, naïve beasts from the junkyard. Creatures that would build a black hole out of spare parts, strap it to a pile of trash, and take it out for a spin. They were named for a small pest animal that would frequently cause headaches by evading traps, and cleverly thwarting attempts to keep them away from refuse.

Roughly translated, Humans are the Trash Pandas of the galaxy.

Humans are weird

Another one for the ‘humans are strange’ tag.

We are an inherently lazy species. 

Most of our greatest inventions come from the desire to do less. And I can just see an alien being so confused by this like

Human: Hey, K’chatl, can you pass me the remote?

Alien: But… it’s right on the table. Can’t you get it? You’re closer?

Human: But I really just don’t wanna move. Please?

Alien: …??? *does it because xe is afraid of angering the human*

Humans are weird starvation

So I haven’t seen this mentioned anywhere, but our bodies will literally eat themselves if they don’t get enough nutrients to power themselves. Think about what will happen when an alien finds out about this and how they’ll react to it. (This is my first contribution to this tag, I hope you like it)


They said it was impossible for human Jesse to survive, but he still did. We were on a mission scouting CP12 when the cave mouth caved in and left human Jesse trapped. The other humans tried everything in their power do for days to try and get human Jesse out from the cave. When the 22nd day rolled around almost all hope was lost, but a large commotion was coming from the mouth of the cave. Curiosity took over Oskwauh’s 12 limbs and dragged him over there. To his astonishment human Jesse was found alive, but not in a good condition. Medics were everywhere, scrambling about seemingly dumbfounded by this situation except one. Oskwauh knew this medic by the name of human James and he was as calm as if somebody hadn’t just been found alive after perceived dead. Human James was barking orders at the others to transport human Jesse to the ship immediately and give him a hydroponic nutrient bag. Oskwauh turned yellow in worry. He knew if anyone could survive this, it would be a human and after working alongside human Jesse for such along time Oskwauh knew he could make it.
Later that day Oskwauh approached human James about the incident with many questions in his 2 minds.
“Human James I have a couple questions about what happened today”
“Ask away Oskwauh, I am aware that this is a strange situation”
“How is it even possible that this happened. Why did human Jesse look so ‘thin’?”
Human James seemed to contemplate this for a second before answering.
“Well when human don’t get enough nutrients the brain limits the production and energy use of our body. But if we are yet to get our nutrition levels back up our brain will make the decision for our body to eat ourselves, but once half our muscle mass has been 'eaten’ we die”
Oskwauh started at Human James. Was this another one of their practical jokes. Oskwauh turned purple in fear. There was no way humans ate themselves right? He had to be lying. This wasn’t real. Humans really are weird.