earth banding

I have all these headcanons about young Papas being forced by Sister Imperator to go to church just like anyone because they grew up in Pretty Conservative Eras and they didn’t want a hoard of pious villagers chasing them with lanterns and shotguns :

  • Young Papa I blurting out the wrong words during collective prayers, ending up praising Satan instead
  • Him shamelessly accusing Sister Imperator of teaching him wrong
  • All the young Papas trying to find excuses not to perform their ablutions because Holy Water is. a. goddamn. poison to them

  • Young Papa III nearly dying because he’s been dared by a choir boy to drink Holy Water and the huge dork did it

  • Young Papas seeing random appiritions of the Devil, but always hiding their eyes when they talk to him because they can’t bear to look at Him

  • Papa III being the most obvious about it and trying to shoo him away loudly during masses

  • “look father i’m busy rn but brb so we can chill lmao”

  • Priests suspecting something is up with these Odd Faeries Children, but ending up blaming Sister Imperator because she’s a lonely, old woman and lonely old women are always up to no good someone told me

  • Papa II once almost getting exorcised because the suspictions were too strong, but Daddy Who Art In Hell coming to save his son’s ass and scare the priests away

  • The ENTIRE Ghost Church moving out every two years or so after this incident for as long as their heir is still a child, so people don’t recognize him in the streets
a temporary family addition.

Omega: *wakes up from a nap* mmmngrgg…

Omega: *walks across the living* *trying to get to the kitchen*

Earth: morning sleepy head, you sleep long enough?

Omega: mmnn…I feel like I got hit by a truck.

Earth: *finger guns* reason why I don’t take naps.

Omega: yeah I- ooph, sorry Baal I di-

Earth: that’s not Baal.

Omega: sure it is, I’d recognize his pudgy ass anywher-

Omega: *rubs eyes* ……..WHAT THE FUCK.

Earth: *looks over at Papa* you didn’t tell him???

Papa: *takes off headphones* hmn? OH. Omega. we are babysitting one of Nergal Darski’s lion cubs. okay. now he has been told!

Omega: and again I ask- WHAT THE FUCK. Papa!!!

Earth: hey don’t get mad at him! you know Papa is never one to say no to a friend.


Papa: about my friend’s pet of course. please, calm yourself. it is just a really big cat. felines are adored by me in all of their variations! you know this.

Omega: I do know that, and I also know that these things KILL PEOPLE. they’re not cute little kittens!

Earth: why does Nergal have a pet lion anyway?

Papa: correction- a pet lion CUB. it is just a baby. he adopted it. the man does a lot of good work, you see. had he not taken it into his own hands, it would have died in the wild. it was while he was traveling in Africa.

Earth: what about it’s parents?

Papa: killed by poachers.

Earth: *gasp* oh my god it’s just like The Lion King!!

Omega: *rolls eyes* alright, well when you’re trying to cuddle that thing and it “accidentally” rips open your jugular, I’m not gonna call 911. I guess that’ll be a good segway into Papa IV hmn? death by lion?

Alpha: *sticks his head in from the kitchen* OMEGA. WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE.

Omega: he invited a wild animal into the goddamn house!!!

Papa: *shrugs*

Alpha: aw c'mon. she’s such a cute little girl isn’t she?

Omega: she?

Papa: yes, she is a little lioness! she wil put the rest of our cats in their places for sure.

Omega: if she doesn’t kill them all first!

Alpha: *picks up lion cub* I’m gonna name her Simba!

Omega: Simba was male.


Omega: *groans*


Omega: *turns to go back upstairs* the things I do for love….

Alpha: *continues singing* AWEEMBOWEH. AWUUMBOWEH. AWEEMBOWEH. AWUUMBOWEH!! come on little Simba. imma show you the garden!

Earth: NO!!!

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.